Title: Trying
Author: Kata
Rating: PG
Disclaimers: Roswell belongs to the WB, song belongs to Savage Garden, story belongs to me. (Yay! Something belongs to me!)
Summery: A coda to "Crazy." Michael writes a letter to Maria, explaining things... or not.
Feedback: Why, but, of course I want feedback!
Distribution: Just give me the URL.

******

Hey,
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this
Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defenses
And secret hiding places
I might need you to hold me tonight
I might need you to make the first stand
Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man

-Savage Garden, "Hold Me"

Dear Maria,

Don't be sorry for pushing me. I need it. I'm sorry I haven't been the perfect guy. I guess all girls want the flowers and hugging, and romance, but it doesn't come easy to me. I can't even talk to you about this face-to-face. I wish I could be more like Max, and give you want you want. I really am working at it. I haven't had a good example before me. Hank wasn't entirely bad, but he was no romantic. I don't think he ever even dated, except maybe some girl he picked up at a bar. I didn't have anyone to teach me that girls want romance. I didn't even think I wanted a girl, after all, who would want me? I'm trying so hard to live up to your expectations, but I don't have it right yet. I know that. Maybe we should really talk about this, but I can't do that. I'm not Max, and I can't talk about my feelings, not even to you. Even writing this letter is hard for me.

I don't have a lot of money. I can't take you on picture perfect dates, or send you flowers every day. I just want to be with you, Maria, is that to much to ask? Because, I do care about you. Because I don't want to lose you! I can't send you flowers, but I can be there for you, when you need me. Maybe we should just forget it, but I can't, not anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want someone for me, too. I want to be loved.

Deep down inside, maybe I want what Max and Liz have, too. They have it all, don't they? Parents who care about them, self confidence, a soulmate... I don't know if we'll ever be as great together as they are, but we can try. And I will try, I'll try to get you flowers every once in a while, and I'll try to buy you the right brand of shampoo. I'm not going to lose you again.

Yours,
Michael

Michael looked over what he had just written. "I can't send her this!" he mumbled to himself. He crumbled the paper into a little ball, and threw it into the trash can. He walked over to the refridgerator to grab something and noticed his paints.

"Maybe I can paint it instead..."

Michael spent the next two hours pouring himself and his feelings for Maria into his painting.

******

The next day at school, Maria opened her locker to find the most beautiful painting she had ever seen. It was abstract, but somehow made her think of Michael, and their relationship. With the paiting was a note. "I care about you, too.--Michael"

Maria grinned to herself. He really was trying, he really was.

End

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