Title: Through Maria's Eyes
Author: Kata
Disclaimer: Roswell belongs to the WB.
Rating: PG
Summery: A look at the M/M relationship through Maria's eyes. Feedback: Please!
Distribution: Just tell me where.

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"I hate you."

Is that what he really means? He stole my heart without my knowing, and I will never, ever be the same. I wasn't expecting it, I didn't even want it. He was just another guy I didn't talk to.

Then Liz dragged me into this whole mess, and I met the aliens. Max, who couldn't keep his eyes off Liz, Isabel, the seemingly cold-hearted beauty of the sophomore class, and Michael... Michael, who always hid his true feelings behind a mask, just as I did, and who hardly ever came to school.

He stole my car. I guess that's when he started being more than just "that guy." I'm not sure we even went through the friends stage. We just skipped ahead to something else, something more. He dragged me into that cheap hotel, and I was so mad at him, yet somehow I knew I was safe with him. I even told him about making up stories about my dad-- not even Liz knows about that. We went to bed and he even let me have the bed. When the others came in, and I fell on top of him, I knew what they were thinking, and somehow, I couldn't help but wish it were true. We still denied that anything happened between us. "Not if you were the last women on earth," he said, and I answered with, "Not if you were the last alien on earth."

When Max and Liz went to talk with River Dog, I started spazzing out, like I always do, and Michael kissed me, "to calm me down." That was all I was allowing it to be, all I was hoping for it to be.

Another cheap hotel, and I found that we do work well together, although we're both too stubborn to admit it.

Then came our... whatever, whirlwind romance, I guess. Making out whenever we got a chance, and I've never been happier, and I don't think he was exactly sad himself. And then he broke up with me, saying he had to be alone. After that, he got so sick... he almost died. Of course, I helped him, I couldn't live without him, even if we're not together. Later he told me to never help him again, but I know, and he knows, that I'll always be there for him, no matter what.

My mom lost her wrestling star for the big match she was counting on, and Michael stepped in. Cold hearted, "leave me alone," Michael, who never does anything for anyone, did something for my mom. We nearly kissed, but Michael stopped it, and inexplicably said, "mud."

Michael's foster father beat him, and he ran to me. I wasn't going to let him in, but I couldn't help it. He cried, and I just held him... I wonder how many people have seen Michael cry. He normally guards his emotions so closely. I didn't even know what he was crying about. My mom found us, and didn't understand. It wasn't about sex. I think I was somehow the only one who could comfort him. I understood him in a way that even Max and Isabel couldn't.

Michael got his emancipation, and I started visiting him in his new place. Right after he moved in, Liz and Max's whole vision thing started. Michael and I started kissing, in hopes of getting out own visions. I faked it. I didn't care about the visions, I just didn't want to lose him again. Later I admitted my fakery to him. Why? I don't know, but I didn't want anything between us. He left, of course, but later, we talked. He really had seen stuff about me, stuff no one else knew. No, we didn't kiss, but something was happening between us, something good. He still says, "I hate you," and so do I. Neither one of us can say what we really mean. Maybe we just don't want it to come between us. Someday, maybe we'll be able to say it, but for now, it's enough. I know what he really means, and he knows what I mean. For us, "I hate you" really means "I love you."

End

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