barb(8:00:41 AM): Billy got a D on his Geometry test.?

slapsomeone (8:00:51 AM): Good! Glad to hear he's finally passing.

barb(8:00:51 AM): and Diane is upset because she has zits.

barb(8:00:55 AM):

slapsomeone (8:01:30 AM): Well you just tell her zits are the Lord's protectorate from unwanted advances from randy young men.

barb(8:02:58 AM): I did. She threw her crucifix at me. Guess who's going to mass every morning next week. That'll teach her to disrespect the Lord.

slapsomeone (8:03:21 AM):

slapsomeone (8:03:40 AM): I hate to use it, but seriously, I'm LOL

barb (8:04:05 AM): Tacky, tacky, tacky.

barb(8:04:10 AM): using IM shortcuts.

barb(8:04:21 AM): Were you born in a barn? Raised by wolves?

slapsomeone (8:04:21 AM): called in sick today.

Already, I've been to the grocery store, and now I'm microwaving chimichangas.

barb(8:04:31 AM): Mmmm...

slapsomeone (8:04:32 AM): Are you drunk this early?

barb(8:04:51 AM): Me? No. Only on my 2nd martini of the day.

slapsomeone (8:05:01 AM): Oh yeah< I forget the time difference....

barb (8:05:16 AM): S'alright, baby.

barb(8:05:30 AM): and may I say your eyes are the lovliest shade of jade..

slapsomeone (8:05:37 AM): You can paypal me a few bucks to make it up to me.

barb(8:05:43 AM): slapsomeone (8:05:45 AM): barb(8:05:50 AM): I sent you a CD!

slapsomeone (8:05:54 AM): I know.

barb(8:06:05 AM): that buys me at least 2 weeks of snarky comments.

slapsomeone (8:06:09 AM): And I'm busy copying Dvid Sedaris CDs for you, so what of it????

barb(8:06:17 AM): YOU ARE????

barb(8:06:20 AM): Jill, you

slapsomeone (8:06:21 AM): yes I am

barb(8:06:34 AM): re the best friend a depressed and lonely girl in Chicago ever had!

slapsomeone (8:07:50 AM): I know.

slapsomeone (8:08:10 AM): Just listened to his thing on vachettes (angry French cows)

barb(8:08:27 AM): Why do French cows have to be angry?

slapsomeone (8:08:57 AM): They're specially bred to be agressive, then paraded around to country festivals where they interfere in soccer games. It's a scream.

slapsomeone (8:09:13 AM): Well, his description of it is.

barb(8:10:53 AM): ???

barb(8:11:01 AM): The French are weird, dude.

slapsomeone (8:11:04 AM): yeah

slapsomeone (8:11:41 AM): He was saying the girl at the gate of the festival offered to waive his and Hugh's entry fee if they participated in the angry cow games.

slapsomeone (8:11:44 AM): He refused.

barb(8:12:33 AM): How does one participate in "Angry Cow Games"??

slapsomeone (8:12:50 AM): Try to play soccer while being chased by vachettes.

barb(8:13:13 AM): And WHY hasn't this glorious idea made it to the US?

slapsomeone (8:13:27 AM): I don't know, but I'm sure it would make all of our sports more interesting.

slapsomeone (8:13:38 AM): Can you see a baseball game plagued by vachettes??

slapsomeone (8:13:44 AM): THat would be HILARIOUS

barb(8:14:46 AM): It would definitely make Bears games more entertaining.

barb(8:15:00 AM): And they could justify turf instead of astroturf now.

barb(8:15:04 AM): fun, fun, fun

slapsomeone (8:15:07 AM): ahahahha

barb(8:15:43 AM): "and it's line drive to left field, it's going, going... and it's been eated by Bessie. the crowd goes wild!!!!"

slapsomeone (8:15:48 AM): maybe produce some sports stars we could respect

barb(8:16:21 AM): Every child in America has pictures of Betsy and Clarabelle on their wall.

slapsomeone (8:16:36 AM): I'm looking up vachette on the net

barb(8:16:39 AM): Dude, do you think they'd get arrested for dating calfs?

slapsomeone (8:16:46 AM): ohmy god

barb(8:16:52 AM): Live in million dollar barns?

slapsomeone (8:17:05 AM): And water their fields with Evian

barb(8:17:05 AM): Hire someone to graze for them?

barb(8:17:10 AM): There you go.

barb(8:17:32 AM): "This week on MTV's Barns...."

barb(8:17:39 AM): Wait, I'm sending you something.

slapsomeone (8:17:45 AM): ha

slapsomeone (8:18:48 AM): Oh my god the French are weirder than we cold have imagined. I found a personal site where someone took a picture of a "Vachette en Vacances"

slapsomeone (8:19:05 AM): link

barb(8:19:18 AM): (I forgot about the firewall. I'll email it to you.)

slapsomeone (8:19:21 AM): ok

slapsomeone (8:21:54 AM): Once again, LOL!

slapsomeone (8:21:58 AM): That's fucking hilarious

barb(8:22:10 AM): isn't it great?

slapsomeone (8:22:15 AM): yes, it is.

slapsomeone (8:24:49 AM): Just sent the vachette site to wholeass

slapsomeone (8:25:11 AM): Let's see if any of them speak enough French to get how fucked it is!

barb(8:26:03 AM): Maybe, but enough of them know enough to send it to Babelfish to get a rough translation.

slapsomeone (8:26:11 AM): okay

slapsomeone (8:26:25 AM): Did you see the pic of the vachette surrounded by cigarettes?

slapsomeone (8:26:45 AM): Someone went on a bender....

barb(8:26:48 AM): Yeah... i still have the French warning from my pack of Canadian cigarettes.

slapsomeone (8:26:54 AM): excellent

barb(8:27:09 AM): Cigarettes cree une dependance.

slapsomeone (8:27:16 AM): I still have an empty pack of "Gauloises" cigarettes I bought on the left bank

slapsomeone (8:27:31 AM): I think it's great that they name their destructive products "Frenchmen"

slapsomeone (8:27:52 AM): or "Li'l Frenchies," if you want a better translation

slapsomeone (8:28:19 AM): HEY BARB, GOT ANY LI'L FRENCHIES?

slapsomeone (8:28:24 AM): CAN I BUM ONE?

barb(8:28:28 AM): Better than Nazi Stormtroopers.

slapsomeone (8:28:39 AM): That made beer shoot out my nose

barb(8:28:39 AM): No, but I have some Nazi Stormtroopers.

slapsomeone (8:28:55 AM): Oh my god, we need to go into European marketing

barb(8:29:19 AM): Cigarettes for ALL hate groups.

slapsomeone (8:30:43 AM): slapsomeone (8:30:59 AM): Do you mind if I post this chat on my website? I'll use a fake name if you want

barb(8:31:00 AM): I also want to market the Nova in Spain.

slapsomeone (8:31:05 AM): Why's that?

barb(8:31:08 AM): Just cut it down to Barb

slapsomeone (8:31:12 AM): ok

barb(8:31:21 AM): in Spanish, No Va means 'Doesn't go"

barb(8:31:24 AM): The Nova is a car.

slapsomeone (8:31:26 AM): That's great

slapsomeone (8:31:59 AM): I think we should create a car called the "Harvey" for Norway and Sweden

slapsomeone (8:32:11 AM): Then they could get in and say "Harvey, go"

barb8:32:13 AM): It's one of the great stories of American marketing... acutally happened in the early 80's or 70's or something.

slapsomeone (8:32:28 AM): hee hee stupid Americans

barb(8:32:43 AM): That would be fun. Can I name my Corolla?

slapsomeone (8:32:48 AM): yes

slapsomeone (8:32:54 AM): What do you want to name it?

barb(8:33:19 AM): ??? I don't know.

What do you name a silver/gold Corolla.

barb(8:33:25 AM): There are a million of them out there.

slapsomeone (8:33:38 AM): Squeaky Lobster 2

barb(8:33:47 AM): Works.

barb(8:33:50 AM): Why 2?

slapsomeone (8:33:59 AM): The first one is an actual squeaky lobster in my display cabinet

barb(8:34:17 AM): Ah...

barb(8:34:31 AM): are you saying that you'd also like my Corolla in your display cabinet?

slapsomeone (8:34:52 AM): No, I was just looking around for ideas, and the lobster was the first thing I saw.

barb(8:36:57 AM): aHH...

HMMM...How 'bout "squeaky money pit".

slapsomeone (8:37:07 AM): Heay, that's good

barb(8:37:10 AM): I used to have money, then I got a car.

barb(8:37:19 AM): slapsomeone (8:37:24 AM): National Bank of Barb

slapsomeone (8:37:29 AM): or "N-BOB"

barb(8:37:33 AM): Bank of Dad, more like it.

slapsomeone (8:38:55 AM): Have I mentioned lately how insanely I love my dogs?

barb(8:40:05 AM): Well, they are cool.

slapsomeone (8:40:28 AM): Yes they are. I'm going back to bed so I can cuddle them, but I'll likely catch you later.

slapsomeone (8:40:37 AM): If you're lucky, you'll catch me

slapsomeone (8:40:41 AM): like a diseeeease

barb(8:41:04 AM): Ewww... at least I have something to look forward to. Okay... sleep tight babycakes.

slapsomeone (8:41:12 AM): ok

slapsomeone (8:41:15 AM): bye

barb(8:41:28 AM): Bye.

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