Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all.
Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. "Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! Goldblum! The ashtrays in your temple so My people could smoke while the Torah was being read???" Goldblum shuddered.
God went on. "I can live with that. Men are weak, but the Word is strong!"
Goldblum sighed with relief.
"Bauman! Really, I can accept My people need to eat, but
really: serving Ham Sandwiches to the devout at the temple during Yom Kippur?"
Bauman hung his head in shame.
"Even that I can allow to pass, even with the eating of that which is not Kosher. I'm not pleased at all with the playing fast and loose with my people, but I can accept these indiscretions."
Bauman also heaved a sigh of relief.
Finally, He turns to the third rabbi and says, "You, Rabinowitz, have gone too far! Am I asking too much? No, you flaunt the world at Me, even on the holiest days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur by putting out a sign saying.... "Closed for the Holiday !!!"
A Tax Official has come to a rural synagogue for an inspection.
The rabbi is accompanying him. "So rabbi, tell me, please,
after you have distributed all your unleavened bread, what do you do with the crumbs?"
"Why, we gather them carefully and send them to the city and then they make bread of them again and send it to us."
"Ah. So what about candles after they are burnt? What do you do with the ends?" "We send them to the city as well, and they make new candles from them and send them to us."
"And what about circumcision? What do you do with those leftover pieces?"
The rabbi, wearily, replies, "We send them to the city as well." "To the city!? And what do they send to you?"
"Today they have sent you to us."
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