The Top 12 Differences Between the New $20 Bill and the Old $20 Bill
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12> Andrew Jackson now wearing a single glove and accompanied by his sister, Latoya.
11> Special counterfeit-proof "watermark" contains actual sample of Alan Greenspan's DNA.
10> Look, it's rip-proof! Oh, hell....
9> Radically improved scratch-n-sniff technology allows holder of bill to smell the rotting corpse of Andrew Jackson.
8> WooHoo! The new one is 2-ply!!
7> Thanks to new "StripperStick" coating, they adhere directly to the skin of exotic dancers.
6> New $20: Tiny watermark depicting Joe Q. Taxpayer taking it in the butt again.
5> Federal Reserve now referred to as "The Notorious F.E.D."
4> To deter counterfeiters, all new bills feature a watermark of a naked Janet Reno.
3> Less smoke and new, springtime fresh aroma when used to heat Bill Gates's home.
2> Old bill: Produced by U.S. Treasury. New bill: Produced by Sean "Puffy" Combs.
1> New bill buys even less than old bill.
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