How do you get a man to do situps?
Put the remote control between his toes
What do men consider housecleaning?
Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head
What do men consider a 7 course meal?
A hotdog and a six pack of beer
How does a man change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows - we've never seen it done!
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a) 1 - men will screw just about anything
b) 5 - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it
Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions
How can you tell if a man is excited?
He's breathing
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime a bikini goes by
What do men consider foreplay?
Half an hour of begging
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares???
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
If men got pregnant....
Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".