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Sam and Bessie were in their 80s. While shopping one day, Sam noticed a beautiful pair of alligator shoes in the department store. Sam had always wanted to own a pair of these magnificent shoes and so he purchased them and rushed home to show them to Bessie.
He stood in front of his wife and proudly asked her did she notice anything different. Bessie looked him up and down and sideways, but said nothing. Sam became very frustrated and said, "Wait here one minute." He went into the bedroom where he removed all his clothes except for his alligator shoes. He marched back into the room where Bessie was waiting and said "Do you notice anything now"?
She said, "It's hanging down, it's always hanging down." He said, "It's looking at my new alligator shoes."
Bessie said, "You should have bought a new hat."
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:
Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my Mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bill came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my Mom's house! There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Bill went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I though the hen looked real cute. When Bill saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.
Sunday:
Today Bill's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. There must be a problem with the oven, because it still came out a hamburger.
Monday:
I was going to bake bread today. The recipe said, "Mix well and knead well. Then stand in a warm place until double in bulk." I just won't bake bread if I have to double in bulk!
Goodnight Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week.
I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bill.
Joe was trying to lead a horse in the street, but was having much trouble getting the horse's cooperation. A passerby stopped and asked if he could help. Joe was grateful and gladly accepted.
After much pushing and shoving, they finally got the horse to the front door of Joe's place. Joe indicated that the horse was to go through the door. More pushing and shoving.
Once inside, Joe and the passerby managed to work the horse up the steps and into Joe's apartment on the third floor, then through the living room and into the bathtub.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the good samaritan said, "I don't want to be nosy, but this is most unusual..."
Joe said, "When my wife comes home, she'll look in the bathroom and say, 'There's a horse in there!' Hey, how many times in my life will I get the chance to say. "I know! I know!"
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