Falwell - the Gay Blade
The Top 13 Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay
besides the fact that he is an idiot!
13> Fonzie: has an "office" in the men's room and always tells guys to "sit on it."
12> If you're drunk enough, "Homer Simpson" sounds kinda like "homosexual."
11> Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. "Girlfriend" has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.
10> Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and... Okay, maybe Falwell's got something here.
9> Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway Musicals and potpourri.
8> "Shhhh, be vewy vewy wightous! I'm hunting a naked opewa-wuving wabbit!"
7> Will from "Will & Grace": Not because the character is openly gay, but because if he were straight, he'd go by "Bill" and smoke cigars.
6> That Peter Jennings character on "ABC World News Tonight" is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.
5> Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C'mon!
4> Check the reruns closely: Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.
3> The letters in "The Teletubbies" can be rearranged to read, "He bites butt eel."
2> "Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman"
and the Number 1 Reason Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay...
1> David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of "Baywatch" with nary an erection.
This list copyright 1999 by Chris White
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's having".
Since Reverend Jerry Falwell has labeled Tinky Winky, a Teletubby character who wears purple and carries a shoulder bag, a homosexual role model and a symbol for gay pride....
Bitsy Entertainment Company, the makers of Teletubbies, will begin marketing a white, balding, potbellied, sexually repressed character they've named Televangelist Tubby.
It could have been even worse, I suppose ....
Aides to Falwell say they barely were able to talk him out of labeling Woody Woodpecker a subtle but unmistakable symbol of the president.
If Tinky Winky is gay, how come he is not anatomically correct?
He must be one frustrated gay.
Rumor has it Jerry Falwell isn't anatomically correct either...
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