Drivers and Motor Vehicles
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Tips to make you a better driver...
If there are already three cars stopped at a four way stop, accelerate immediately. Otherwise, one of those cars might go ahead of you!
Never Carpool.
In case of rain, immediately pull over. You can not drive in any sort of precipitation.
Always set the alarm to its most sensitive setting before leaving your car in a parking ramp.
While driving on the freeway and talking on your cell phone, alternate between 45 and 100 MPH.
This is especially effective if driving in the fast lane.
If you paid more than $60,000.00 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation.
This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
English cars are some of the most incredible cars to drive when they're running great. Unfortunately there's the other 364 days of the year.
Do you know why the English don't make computers? They can't get it to leak oil.
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
The SAT test for high school students has been revised. The new SAT, called SAT I, isn't all that different from the old SAT. Here is an actual sample question: The odemeter of a new automobile functions improperly and registers only 2 mile for every 3 miles driven. The odometer now indicates 48 miles. This means, read top to bottom
a) you've driven 64 miles
b) you've driven 72 miles
c) you've just purchased a new Yugo
Motorists afraid of driving alone can put a dummy in the car. Safe-T-Man is 5-foot-10 and resembles a 175-pound man, although its real weight is only 4 pounds. (A 175-pound man who actually weighs four pounds, talk about a Jenny Craig success story!) (Actually, if I remember correctly Al Gore worked his way through college as a Safe T Man.)
Only in California!
The California Highway Patrol has released a new report that lists odd activities of drivers. The report found people actually nursed babies, put in contact lenses, grommed the dog and read books while driving. Here's a few other activities they may have missed:
1) Line dancing
2) Sheep sheering
3) Playing Hide-and-go-seek
4) Mulching
5) Removing delicate surgury
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
I recently took my driving test, I'll tell ya these tests are getting tougher! The entire back side was in Spanish!
Five signs the cab you are in could be dangerous:
1) The driver is wearing prison clothes
2) The side of the cab has mutiple pedestrians crossed off
3) The cabbie has a picture of himself with Ted Bundy
4) Speaks 7 languages fluently, none however English
5) The driver side airbag is already inflated
A recent article in USA Today said that used car prices are soaring! Buyers paid about 9% more in September for a used car vs. a year ago. I have a hard time believing this, I took my beater down to the car dealership and asked the salesman what I can I get for my car? The wise ass said, "How about a tow truck?"
A New York law, makes driving with 10 or more license suspensions a felony punishable by a 5000 dollar fine and 4 years in jail. (Only in New York can 10 driving license suspensions be a felony, and 9 license suspensions are no problem.)
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
A friend of mine was one of the best drivers I've ever seen. Unfortunately, he wasn't blessed with a high IQ He did, however, finally make it to the Indianapolis 500. During the race, he made
five pit stops - twice for fuel, once for tires and twice for directions.
