I Will Obey!

I will not play tag around the dining room table after I have found a "treasure" (underwear, socks, tissues or other "stuff" from the trash, kitchen towels, school projects, money, etc.), when my human is trying to catch me.

I will not put my front paws in the sink in order to "do the dishes."

I will not race my human to the telephone when it rings, causing her to trip over me, and swear when she answers. It's rarely for me anyway, and I don't have thumbs, so I couldn't hold it even if it was.

I will not shift the car into neutral while my human is driving 65 mph in a blizzard.

I will not smear dog snot on my human's black pants when she's late for work.

I will not sneak into the garden and dig up the shrubs my human has just planted.

I will not sneak up and steal napkins off the laps of humans while they are eating.

I will not steal the dishes from the dishwasher and hide them in my kennel.

I will not steal the neighbor's underwear off of their laundry line.

I will not sulk by trying to sleep under my human's feet while she is making breakfast, washing, going to the toilet, etc. just because she slept late, is in a hurry and can't take me for walkies.

I will not wait for my human to start down the cellar stairs with the dirty laundry and then rush down to keep from being left upstairs. She says those words all the way down when I cause her to fall.

I will not walk through the open newspaper to gain my human's undivided attention as she is reading it!

I will not whine and give my human my best pout face when she goes out to paint the fence. Its too hot outside, and I can't help her anyway.

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I will quit trying to drive the car and will stay down on the floor board.

I will stay out of the garden. My human does not need help weeding or planting new plants. (It's OK to help with pruning, though. I can grab the branches and take them all over the yard!)

If the human in the wheelchair falls out, I should go and get help and not view it as an opportunity to clean her ears.

If the people move all their furniture to keep us in one room, we will respect the barrier rather than try every possible way of getting through it.

My humans' checkbook is not a chew toy. They get really mad when they have to chase us around the back yard to get it back.

My human doesn't have to hold me in her arms so I can see, too, when she is talking to someone/cleaning the aquarium/doing the ironing/working on the computer.

We will not pin my human to the bed when she needs to go potty.

When my human is putting on socks in the morning, I will not take this as a sign to start a game of tug-of-war.

When my human picks up the sticks and carries them out of the yard, she is not playing a very slow game of fetch with me. I am not supposed to bring each and every stick back where it came from before the Big Human arrives with the mower.

When my human is digging in the dirt to plant spring plants it is NOT an invitation to dig up any spot that I may want to dig up!

When my human is working at home, I will not lay down all over the expense reports.

Jumping the fence and landing in the arms of my new neighbor is not a good way to introduce myself.

Just because my human is on the floor does not mean she wants to play with me.

Licking the Judge in the face is not a good way to earn points or win a Dog Show.

My human's brother-in-law is not the Antichrist.

My human's toes should not be in the socks I choose to chew on.

Not every human I see is a long lost friend. I will stop trying to invite them to live with me.

The carolers outside do not need my help to sing their songs.

The human's friends have the right to live. They aren't hurting anyone.

The mailman is NOT a chew toy.

The UPS man is bringing us a package, not trying to steal the baby.

There are certain places on my human that are not okay to nibble when we are rough-housing. This endangers my life.

When my human's stomach growls in the middle of the night, it is not necessarily directly at me, and I do not need to respond by attacking her/his midsection.

When I am being blessed on the Feast of St. Francis, I will not snap at the priest as he is anointing me.

When I am on the bed with my human, his head, stomach, and crotch are not lookout points from which to survey the room.

When my friend comes over to wrestle with me ... if we find my human sleeping in a lawn chair ... it can be safely assumed that he/she does NOT want to be included in the game.

When my human rises early from the bed, I will not play a trick on him by kissing him so he rolls over and gives me a tongue-kiss, too. He makes a loud noise when he finds out it's me.

When my humans are kissing and making out, I will not whine jealously and try to force myself between them.

When my humans are making whoopee, I am welcome to watch, but not to participate. If evicted, I will not howl, whine, claw the bedroom door, or try to break it down. Regardless of any sounds I might hear, I will try to remember that my humans are NOT being hurt and I do NOT need to rescue them.

When the humans leave without me, attacking the front window is not the way to get them to notice I'm upset.

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