Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
JESUS SAVES . . . They Pass It To Gretzky . . . He Shoots ... He .. Scores!
Jesus is coming! Look busy!
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
* BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
* I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
* So you're a feminist....Isn't that cute!
* I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
* Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.
* Prevent inbreeding: ban country music.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* God must love stupid people, he made so many.
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* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better..
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Always remember, you're unique, just like everyone else.
*Ted Kennedy has killed more people with his car than I've killed with my gun.
* Ass, Gas, or Grass ... nobody rides for free!
