Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in Spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! they spelled MACYS wrong."
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally
reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other
two girls used their arms."
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses. Then she
waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
reciting the letters, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and
said, as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?" The man answered "S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."
A woman went to see her doctor complaining of pain all over her body. The
doctor said to her "Can you be more specific?".
The woman then began to show the doctor where her pain was by touching
herself with her left index finger. She first touched her right ear.
"Ouch!!" she said. She then touched her left thigh. "Ouch!!" she said
again. Then she touched her forehead and again cried "Ouch!!!".
The doctor, after observing her continue to touch other areas on her body and then saying "Ouch" after each touch, asked the woman "Are you a real blond?"
To which the somewhat startled woman replied "Why, yes I am". The doctor then said "I thought so...you have a broken finger."
1. What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.
2. Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
3. Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so ... they turned around and went home.
4. What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear
about them but you never see them.
5. What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? "Oh
look, daddy ... doughnut seeds."
6. Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
7. Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think
their picture is being taken.
8. How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a
stamp on it.
9. Why can't Blondes dial 911? They cannot find the eleven on the phone!
10. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run like crazy, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
11. How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is Whiteout all over the monitor.
12. How do you get a Blonde on the roof? Tell her the drinks are
on the house
13. Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
14. A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the
brunette said, "Oh, look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked
skyward and said "Where, where?"
15. A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail
to rail saying, "21" "21" "21". A Blonde walks up, sees her and
decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail
saying, "21" "21" "21". Suddenly, the brunette hears a train
whistle, and she jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is
splattered all over the place. The brunette goes back to jumping
from rail to rail, counting, "22" "22" "22".
16. How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at
the bottom of the pool
17. Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to
a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
18. How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
19. Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit
8 cups of water in the little packet.
20. Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
21. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
