Definitions of Job Ad Phrases
Job Ad Phrases Defined
Advancement opportunity:
Crap job.
Entry level:
Really crap job.
No experience necessary:
The mother of all crap jobs.
Administrative assistant:
Crap job with a title.
Ground floor opportunity:
Crap job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a
year.
Progressive company:
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.
Team player:
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities.
Upbeat personality:
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.
Word processing skills essential:
There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.
Public relations:
Receptionist
Professional appearance important:
$20K/yr job that requires a $100K/yr wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner:
Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME
Salary range $24,000 to $32,000:
The salary is $24,000
Jeans job!
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions.
Will train:
Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem.
B.A. required, Master's preferred:
Must be an M.A. willing to work on a B.A.'s salary
Civil service:
This job was filled from the inside six months ago.
Women & minorities encouraged to apply:
White males need not waste the stamp.
Outstanding benefits package:
Health insurance.
Going, Going, Gone ... A-to-zShops at Amazon.com
Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation NetQuiz
For New Books and Videos ... CLICK HERE
Drop by the Tavern ... TAVERN GAMES
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
Tons of variety!
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do
& rolled them into one job.
Top-notch communication skills:
Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive location:
Brand new ticky-tacky
windowless building where the picture frames all match the
carpeting.
Secretary:
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management &
wages of a migrant worker.
Executive secretary:
The most powerful position in the company
Dedicated:
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we force you into early retirement.
Salary commensurate:
We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like.
Salary negotiable:
We'll take the lowest bidder.
Competitive salary:
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not
one penny more.
Competitive starting salary:
Ten cents above minimum wage.
Pleasant atmosphere:
A staff of pod people.
Professional atmosphere:
Zombie pod people.
Fun, creative atmosphere:
Pod people from hell.
Dynamic atmosphere:
Zombie pod people from hell.
Gal Friday:
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it.
Self-starter:
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really
knows what this means.
RETURN TO THE HUMOR SCOPE