Between Iraq and a Hard Place
An Iranian, Pakistani, and Iraqi are sent to jail and their sentence is the death penalty. They are given two choices. Die by the bullet or an AIDS injection.
The Iranian says, "Just shoot me, I don't give a damn." So they shoot him.
Then the Pakistani says, "Shoot me, I do not want to suffer from AIDS." So they shoot him too.
The Iraqi asks them to inject him with AIDS. After they are done, he says, "Haha! I tricked you! I cannot get AIDS because I was wearing a condom!"
What's the difference between a gorilla and a Iraqi girl?
One Hair.
Q:Three Iraqis in a car. Who's driving?
A:The Hostage.
There was an Iraqi washing windows on the 20th floor of the Saddam Hotel. A fellow in a car on the street below gets out of his car and yells up to the window washer, "Hey, Hassan your wife and kids died in a car crash!" The Iraqi got so upset that he jumped off the scaffold. While he was falling, however, he realized that not only was his name not Hassan, he didn't have a wife or any kids.
YOUR IRAQI HOROSCOPE:
Conditions are excellent today for bombing. Staying cooped up in a little tiny office building and doing repetitive, boring tasks is not among the things to do today as it may be your last. If that's what you are involved with, perhaps you need to start giving your life some serious thought.
Today is also a good time to launch an attack on Israel. If you're an Iraqi, odds are good that you're a self-starter, and very creative, too. Try camouflaging your house so the missiles will not hit it.
Your camel can get kind of nasty when you haven't bathed it, so you really should give it a bath since it may be your only transportation and it makes it a lot easier on you and on everybody around you.
If you don't have enough weapons to get the one you want, you're not very smart.
Also, today may be a good day to use your vacation days if you work at an Iraqi Chemical Warhead Plant.
Avoid taking that family vaction to Saddam's Magic Pleasure Palace.
Your Lucky Numbers are 666.
Your Lucky phrase is 'Duck and Cover'.
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How many holes on Iraqi golf course?
THOUSANDS!
What's the last number called at Iraqi bingo games?
B-52
Iraqi weather forcast:
"Bomby" with a chance of missles.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi
fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud
Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?
A: He elected to receive.
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
TOP TELEVISION SHOWS IN IRAQ:
10. "Husseinfeld"
9. "Mad About Everything"
8. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
7. "Suddenly Sanctions"
6. "Allah McBeal"
5. "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
4. "Achmed's Creek"
3. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
2. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
... And The Number One Iraqi Television Show Is:
1. "Just Shoot Me"
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