New York

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN ...

* you only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup

* you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit

* the mosquitoes have landing lights

* you have more miles on your snowblower than your car

* you have 10 favorite recipes for venison

* TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas

* you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground

* you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard

* driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow

* you think everyone from the city has an accent

* you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons

* you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car

* the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports

* at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant

* the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun

* your snowblower gets stuck on the roof

* you think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday

* you head South to go to your cottage

* you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck

* you know which leaves make good toilet paper

* the Mayor greets you on the street by your first name

* there is only one shopping plaza in town

* the major parish fundraiser isn't bingo - its sausage making

* you find -20F a little chilly

* the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer



* you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots

* you can play road hockey on skates

* shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout

* you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction

* the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus

* you define summer as three months of bad sledding

* your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack of Genny Light and a bucket of Buffalo wings

* you have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week

* half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.

* half the television channels you get are Canadian, eh.

* you actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your Northern friends

Return to the HUMOR SCOPE