Gift Giving Ideas
* Perfume -- But only if you remember her scent. Nothing's worse than showing up with the wrong perfume, especially if it's the scent only your secretary wears.
* Handy leather fashion accessories. Think "Coach" or "Mark Cross", not "Ted's World o' Discipline".
* Sweaters. Think "cashmere", not "acrylic". Think "comfortable" and/or "elegant", not "official souvenir of the NFL". Don't know her size? No problem. Get size 6. Even if she's big enough to
start at defensive tackle for the Vikings, missing low on size is always better than missing high (unless your secretary is a perfect size 6).
* Sleepwear. Flannel nightgowns (Lanz makes nice ones) are almost
always appreciated. They're soft, warm and comfortable. A thick,
over-sized terrycloth bathrobe is usually a hit, too. Get either
in the "Sleepwear" section of your local department store. Don't
even think about going to Frederick's of Hollywood or Victoria's
Secret for something skimpy in satin and lace. Those places really sell presents for men, not women. Women know this.
* Tickets -- to almost anything or anywhere. If you're thinking
"events", then go for high-brow stuff she likes and avoid tickets
to tractor pulls, professional wrestling, or the local high
school's winter musical. If you're thinking "places", I'd
suggest London, Cote d'Azur, Hawaii, or the Caribbean. Avoid
places like Newark, Oklahoma City and Saskatoon, okay?
* A "day at the spa". Think "Elizabeth Arden", not "Bubba's Gym".
* Small crystal or china figurines. Mentally picture the curio shelf at home. She likes frogs? Angels? Geometric shapes? Cute children at play? Hit the china and crystal section at the local department store. Avoid: nudes, Remington reproductions,
Elvis memorabilia. Especially avoid: A nude Elvis swinging a lasso while on a bucking bronco.
Now, everybody's different. If I haven't hit upon a winner with at
least one of those suggestions, you'll surely get the drift and,
with a little luck, also just the right gift. But, you should know
that for every gift suggestion list with your best gal as the
target, there's also a don't-even-think-about-it list, too.
Here's the basic don't-even-think-about-it list:
* Firearms and/or ammo
* Automobile accessories
* Power tools
* Sexual toys
* Magazine subscriptions
* Electronics, especially any with a remote
* Anything having to do with preparing food, cleaning the house, or doing laundry
* Cosmetics other than perfume. Especially bad idea? Body paint
* Gift certificates for oil-changes, tattoos or weight-reduction
* Cash
Return to the HUMOR SCOPE
