The Pissants are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body which ails you, and I will heal you."
Mrs. Pissant has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown Mrs. Pissant says, "George, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."
Staggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, Mr. Pissant collapsed in a chair and let out an enormous belch.
"That's it George! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever."
"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it.
After years of his wife's pleading, Mr. Pissant finally goes with her to her little local church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did
hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd
appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
George said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Mr. Pissant, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"
George then said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate."
And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?"
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