Out to Sea
A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace.
There were only two survivors: the boat's owner Dr. Eskin and its steward, Benny, who managed to swim to the closest island.
After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. The other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.
"Dr. Eskin, Dr. Eskin, how can you be so calm?" cried Benny.
"We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."
"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Benny," began the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago I gave the United Way $500,000. I gave another $500,000 to the United Jewish Appeal. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And three years ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year business was good, so the two
charities got a million dollars each from me."
"So what?" shouted Benny.
"Well, it's time for their annual fund drives, and I know they're going to find me," smiled Dr. Eskin.
In the mid 80's a cruiser of the U.S. navy put in to port in Catahegna, Spain for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from an upper-class Spanish lady:
Dear Captain,
On Thursday, it will be my daughter's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, rich, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. One last point: No Jews---We don't like Jews.
Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door, which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, wealthy BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she got out, "There must be some mistake."
"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you."
She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?"
He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."
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A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting seasick.
The doctor says, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." The guy says, "Will that keep me from getting sick, Doc?"
The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
There are some beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere. On these islands the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
This is the situation one month later:
One Italian man has killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men have looked at the endless ocean, taken one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity for fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer
and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
And finally ...
The 2 Irish began by dividing the island into north and south. Then setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut
whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
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