Chasin' D'Lil Ball
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh. . .you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! Now you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.
A woman was so upset about her husband's bad language she took him to the local priest to try and make him stop. "So, when did you start swearing?" said the priest.
"Well it all started on the golf course, I played a screaming drive straight down the middle, it hit a bird and flew into the woods" "So that's when you started swearing," said the priest.
"No, I played a lovely low shot out of the trees only to find it in a divot." "So, thats when you started swearing."
"No I put it in the back of my stance and hit a splendid shot, but it hit a squirrel and rolled behind a bunker." "So, that's when you started swearing," replied the priest.
"No, I played a lovely lob to within 6 inches," says the fellow.
The priest replied, "Don't tell me - you went and missed the F****** putt!"
The old boy comes into the clubhouse after playing 18 with his wife. The pro asks "whats wrong, pal?" the distraught hacker says, "my wife got stung by a wasp between the first and second hole." The pro responds, "Boy, pal, your wife must have a very wide stance!"
While playing a round of golf one day, Bill hit a shot into the middle of a field of buttercups. As he was preparing to hit his next shot (probably uprooting most of the buttercups) a voice out of nowhere said, "Please don't hurt my buttercups." Bill, not sure he heard correctly, prepared to hit his shot anyway. Again a voice asked him not to hurt the buttercups. Bill placed his ball back on the fairway to make his shot and instantly MOTHER NATURE appeared. "Thank you for not hurting my buttercups, as a reward I will give you a year's supply of butter!" Bill was momentarily surprised and then he became angry ..... "Thanks a lot lady, but where were you when I was stuck in the PUSSY WILLOWS !!!"
A man and his golf-ignorant girlfriend are driving along in their car after the couple left the golf club. Because of his movements, the tees in his pocket fall out.
His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving."
"Oh well. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer," she says.
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