A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

Maria is a devoted, religious girl. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies..
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, 'At least they're finally together.'
A guy sitting in the front row says, 'Excuse me father, but you do mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?'
The priest says, 'I mean her legs...'

****Roger agir sartlar altinda calisan bir iscidir.Bos zamanlarini hep bowling ve voleybol oynayarak gecirmektedir. Karisi bu duruma uzulur ve bir hafta sonu onu striptiz kulubune goturmeye karar verir. O aksam beraberce kulubun kapisina gelirler.
Kapidaki bodyguard, "Hey Roger .. seni gormek ne guzel !" der..
Karisi Daha once buraya gelmismiydin
Roger..? Roger: "Hayir hayir o adami bowlingten taniyorum..."
Iceri girerler ve bir masaya otururlar..
Garson gelir.. "Iyi aksamlar Roger...Herzamanki gibi Cin tonik di mi?.. "
Karisi: "Roger bana bak sen buraya daha once geldin degil mi?
Hafif hafif ofkelenmeye baslayan karisini sakinlestirmek zordur..
Roger: "Ne alakasi var..Voleyboldan tanirim onu bir ikitek icmisligimiz var ordan yani... "
Karisi pek tatmin olmamistir ama neyse..
Derken stiriptizci hatunlardan biri masaya gelir..
Striptizci: "Selam Roger...Yine ozel masa sovundan mi istersin..?
Karisi hisimla yerinden kalkar ve kulubu terk eder..Roger pesinden kosar.. Kadin bir taksiye biner ve taksi kalkmadan Roger da biner... Kadin ofkeden patlayacakmis gibidir... ve korkunc sinirlidir..
Sofor: "Bu geceki cok suratsizmis Roger.."

Dear Tech Support , Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. There was no mention of this phenomenon on the product's website or on its packaging at the time of purchase. In addition, Wife 1.0 has installed itself into all my other programs,launching during system initialization and causing it monitor all my other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 4.5 and Beerbash 2.2.1 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I really enjoyed playing with Girlfriend 1.0 and I thought that upgrading would result in even greater enjoyment of the program. Now I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work. Can you help me?
Concerned User

Dear Sir- This is a very common problem men complain about but it is mostly due to the end user's product misconception. Wife 1.0 is a great product but it is very high maintenance. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. In actuality, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 any more than you can go back to a 386 and DOS. Some have tried to override the system by installing Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0, but they inevitably end up with greater problems than the ones they were trying to cure. (Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / ChildSupport/Garnished Earnings). Having inadvertently installed Wife 1.0 myself some time ago,I recommend that you do what most users do, which is to keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I also suggest that you read the entire manual section on General Protection Faults (GPFs). Basically, it tells you that you must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. In most situations, the best course of action is to push Shift-Apologize-Reset as soon as lock-up occurs. Generally, the system will run smoothly for continued periods of time as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Good Luck!
Tech Support

Comprehending Engineers-Take One
*********************************
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."