underwater breathing chap 5
Here I was, back again. It was especially hot tonight. The large building was sweltering, no windows. No ventilation. I felt like I was suffocating. I was looking for him, pushing past people, searching, searching…and searching. I started dancing with some boy. His hands were all over me, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was still searching, I couldn’t let go. He had to be here. Why hadn’t I left with him the other night? I was deluded. Where had he gone? Why wasn’t he here tonight? I kept dancing mindlessly, getting more and more disturbed by the minute when I saw him. Across the room. Standing there. Looking around. For me? I thought. I dragged myself away from the boy I was with and shoved through the crowd. It was so loud, I could barely think. Everything was getting fuzzy. What had I taken? I couldn’t remember anymore. I couldn’t remember anything as I walked towards him but the way his breath had felt on my skin, the way his hands had felt. I finally reached him, afraid I would throw up all over him, I screamed. I used the rest of my strength and I screamed at him, desperate to be heard over all the noise. He looked sharply at me and he grabbed me, for I was falling…falling away from it all. In the last second I was still able to see, I saw him wink. I was puzzled. Then all I saw was black.
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