My name is Denise and I have been hiding,
Staying hidden out of fear and worry.
Fear of the past and worry about the future.
Something inside has changed though and I am ready
To break out and see the world again.
She gave me this name, the one who writes these words.
She is whom I grew into, the one who's been protecting me.
She hid me so well all her life
I know she had forgotten I was even there.
So I had to remind her and tell her I want out now.
It was really hard to get her attention.
She thought I didn't know what I was asking for.
How weird now to think she's the one who is afraid.
Who could be afraid to let a child have her voice?
I didn't understand at first and so like a child
I pestered her a lot in the beginning.
I made her uncomfortable. I wouldn't hush ? smile.
I had to make her understand, show her somehow
What my hiding had done to us, her and me.
That is when I found out what she was afraid of,
She was afraid of me and of what I would think.
Loving person that she is, she never blamed me
For what happened that dark scary night.
She was blaming herself for what's happened since
For not getting us the help we needed.
Child that I am, I thought she was a control freak!
That she didn't want to give up control of me.
That if she did I would somehow make things worse
For the two of us.
But thank heavens she listened and trusted.
She's letting me out now to grow and see
That she can protect us now from almost anything.
Pain from the past and fear of the future.
I want to yell hooray! She's letting me free!
There is so much I want to do again.
So much I want to see, hear, and feel.
I want to run on the beach
Play in the waves and collect shells
I want to draw and see colors again
I want to laugh out loud and know it's okay
I want to sing and be silly whenever I choose
I want to feel time moving again
I want to be safe.
She's making me stop a minute ? pause and look ?
That is some list of I wants.
What I want most is to be able to grow and join her.
Become the part of her that was missing and for her
To become the part of me that is missing.
Maybe I am not breaking out so much as breaking through.
Maybe she's just as excited about me coming out as I am.
Maybe we are breaking out together and letting go
Letting our voices merge into one, loud and clear echo.
The sound of me growing older
Echoed by the sound of her growing younger.
I feel one of her smiles starting as I think
It's about time.
