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Dentist Humor

Dentist Humor

 Laugh your head off with these funny dentist jokes. :)


| You might be a Redneck Dentist if.... | Top 10 Stupidest Things to do While Having Your Teeth Cleaned | Top 10 Signs Your Dentist is Crazy | Things That Sound Dirty in a Dentists Office, but arn't | A Dinner Speaker | No Frills Dentist Appointment | Dental Hygienist on Halloween | The Elderly Lady | Tooth Fairy Form Letter | Your First Time | Cavity Filling | Small Jokes | One Liners |


You might be a Redneck Dentist if.....


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Top 10 Stupidest Things to do While Having Your Teeth Cleaned

  1. Fart quietly and see how long it takes the hygentist to noitce.
  2. Kindly inform your dentist that he/she has a piece of food stuck in their mouth.
  3. Ask if your dentist will get you a discount on the taco-flavored dental floss.
  4. Tell your dentist that your pet monkey recieved a dental hygiene scholarship.
  5. Vomit uncontrollably.
  6. Pee in your pants.
  7. Ask for beer-flavored toothpaste.
  8. Suck on their fingers while they are in your mouth.
  9. Pick your nose.
  10. Whistle.


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Top 10 Signs Your Dentist is Crazy

  1. Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
  2. His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders".
  3. Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
  4. Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
  5. He... umm...licks his tools clean.
  6. Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
  7. When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
  8. Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
  9. Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
  10. Insists that a Novcaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.


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Things That Sound Dirty in a Dentists Office, but arn't


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A Dinner Speaker

A dinner speaker arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." And with that, he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is you office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I"m not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."


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No frills dentist appointment

The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife, Sue, "Show him, honey."


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Dental Hygienist on Halloween

At 5pm one Halloween afternoon, a dental hygienist realized that she wouldn't make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.

Avoid the toothbrushes and other yucky stuff on the PDS Game.


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The Elderly Lady

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No?"
"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The older woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"


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Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear _______:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
( ) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was recieved
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth
( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
[ ] string
[ ] pliers
[ ] gunpowder
[ ] hammer marks
[ ] chisel
[ ] part of skull attached to tooth
[ ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy


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Your First Time

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slightest trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist.

After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.


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Cavity Filling

A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was dicovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.


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Small Jokes

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $70
Patient: $70 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

What time was the Vampire's dentist appointment?


What does the dentist of the year get?
  • A little plaque

What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
  • He braces himself

What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
  • A molar bear

How didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?
  • He was already taking out a tooth.

How did the dentist break his mirror?
  • Acci-DENTALly


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One Liners

Dentist can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and they say, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.

Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum. The fifth one recommends taffy and Karo syrup, because he has some rather large gambling debts.


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