i called Stephen at lyke 8:o3 =]. and woke him up. i called and started to talk to him but than lyke i couldn't hear anything because everyone was talking all at once & my friend wanted to use my cell so i sayd i have to go. and he sayd why? and something else but i couldn't hear him. so i sayd that i was going to call someone else. and i think that he got mad when i sayd that. & he asked me " what about me?!" i didn't know what to say. and i was kind of sick this morning. so i think i sayd that i have to go and i'll call him back laters. and i sayd i was sorry though. and i told him that i would call him back around 9 something. and he told me not to call him then. and i was lyke why?.. and so on.. i felt so bad about not having tyme to talk to him. but i did talk to him last night though. until i was too sleepy. but i promised i would call him todai and i did. i kept my promise to him. i don't think he understands me. but oh wells. no one understands me anyways. when i got back which was lyke at 4 something, i tried calling him again but than i think his sister picked up and she told me he wasn't home. and i forgot that he was in school. until i remembered! i felt so SAD =[. not being able to talk to him after i pissed him off. i may have done something which i did not want to do. but i just wanted to call him again and apologize to him for this morning. i know he's still mad at me and shit! and i do feel BAD for hanging up without saying "I LOVE YOU" to him.. now i regret it so much! god! why did i just have to hang-up and leave him disappointed. im not so happy about myself either. i realli wanted to tell him that i love him.. but i don't think i have the chance anymore. now i don't even know what to do. either tell him that i love him or just be a good friend to him =/. even if i had sayd I LOVE YOU to him.. he may think that im lying to him.. since the day i started to talk with Stephen online. i was lyke he's such a nice person and this and that! than two days later i was so bored and didn't have anything to do.. so i called him up and started to talk to him.. he was such a nice guy! i don't know why but i always feel so happy when i talk to him on the phone. he just makes me so happy. we started talking about things and started to know each other a little better. which was really nice. than yesterday 1.21.o4 he asked me if i can go to LiON PLAZA and meet him. i realli wanted to go but than i was realli sleepy. and i also have to wake up early in the morning too. it was lyke 12 something and if i asked my parents if can leave to go somewhere than they would ask me this and that. which i realli hate and i knew that they would say NO anyways, so why bother asking?!. so i had to lie to him and say that i was realli sleepy and didn't want to go anywhere. so we continued to talk until my cell ran out of battery. and my stupid cell shut off cuz it ran out of battery. and i didn't even to say bie to him. so than i just went to sleep afterwards. right now i just want to call him up and say I LOVE YOU to him. but im scared he might not say it back. which im really scared. i don't know if he takes relationships seriously or its just a game to him. im not sure. if he thinks that a relationship is just a game to him than im sorry but i don't think thats the kind of guy that i want to be my boyfriend. if he can go slow on a relationship than i would be willing to be with him. even if i don't even get to see him once. IM STiLL WiLLiNG TO BE STEPHEN! im so fuckin` sad and mad at myself. i fuckin` hate my life right now. all i wanted to say is I LOVE YOU STEPHEN, just to say those little tiny words.. but i can't say it... i just hope that STEPHEN understand how i feel about him.. im waiting online just to talk to him but he's not on.. I LOVE YOU WiTH ALL MY HEART STEPHEN!
Posted by vt2/nhungy
at 6:05 PM PST
Updated: Thursday, 22 January 2004 6:08 PM PST
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Updated: Thursday, 22 January 2004 6:08 PM PST
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