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Don't Make Me Run the Mile

My friend, Susan, and I were running the mile. There was this cute, furry dog chasing after us. We named him Rover and struggled to stay ahead of him.

Suddenly, we heard the gym teacher yell something. “What’d she say?” I asked Susan. Susan turned pale.

“She said… that dog has rabies!!!”

“Aaah!!”

We ran faster and faster. Rover was going faster and faster, too. I was getting out of breath, but I knew that if I slowd down, Rover would catch me and bite me. Then I’d have to get a shot, or go to the hospital, or both, or…

I stopped, thinking terrifying thought. Too late I remembered why I was running. Too late I began running again. Right on time, Rover pounced on me. I was pinned face down on the ground, sstill damp with morning dew. “Get offa me you big lout!!!” I screamed. “Help!”

Rover licked my face. I swatted at him and tried to stand up. Rover was too heavy. “Go on a diet, you oaf!!” I finally managed to throw Rover to the ground and rushed across the playground to my gym teacher. She was standing there looking disappointed.

“What is it? I nearly got bitten by a rabid dog, I got away in time, and all you can do is stand there and look disappointed?!”

The gym teacher smiled sadly. “You just ruined the best mile time you’ll probably ever get. You cut across the playgroun.”

I gawked at her. “Whaddya mean?”

“That dog sure made you run fast.

“Well, of course!”

“Don’t you get it? It was a lie. It wasn’t rabid!!!”

“WHAT!!!”

“Well, it sure made you run fast!”

-MWE