Facts about Domestic Violence, Rape and 'Date Rape'
Domestic Violence:
Spouse abuse is one of the most common and least reported crimes in the United States. Many people who abuse their spouses also abuse their children. Abused spouses often stay in the situation hoping that it will change. They love their spouse or companion and think the abuse is temporary or possibly their own fault. They often feel powerless, and fear public humiliation. Abuse often follows a cycle which begins with tension building. During this time, there is irritability, threats and minor assaults. The cycle moves to the explosive stage, during which the worst battering takes place - slapping, shoving, kicking, punching, hitting with objects. This may be followed by a loving stage in which the abuser may be apologetic, promising never to do it again and seek help. Sometimes they may only excuse their behavior and blame the spouse for the abuse. These situations do not change by themselves. Over time, violence usually becomes more severe. The cycle repeats itself. It Does Not Go Away ! Report Domestic Violence involving children or Sexual Assault to NUSI; Domestic Violence should be reported to Local or State Police. See "Important phone numbers".
Sexual Assault :
In Vermont, Sexual assault is the legal term for the crime more commonly known as rape. An individual commits Sexual Assault if that person compels another to participate in a sexual act without consent, or by threat or coercion, or by threatening that another will be harmed. An individual commits sexual assault if that person engages in a sexual act knowing that the other is:
Mentally incapable of understanding, or for any reason is unaware of, the sexual act;
Physically incapable of resisting or of communicating an unwillingness to participate.
An individual commits sexual assault if that person engages in a sexual act with another whose ability to appraise or control conduct has been substantially impaired through drugs or intoxicants administered without consent.
An individual commits sexual assault if that person engages in a sexual act with an individual under the age of 16, except where they are married to each other and the sexual act is consensual.
Many studies show that 50% of all reported sexual assaults are between acquaintances and occur in the woman's home.
Rape is not a sexual crime, it is a crime of violence in which sex is used as a weapon to control or humiliate another person.
'Date Rape'
Sex should always be positive and mutual for both people involved. Each person must be a truly consenting partner. It is never "OK" to pressure or force someone. Forcing someone to have sex is a crime, even if you think they have been teasing and leading you on.
Miscommunication, mixed signals or an expectation of a physical "repayment" can lead to acquaintance and date rape. Primarily this occurs because there is a lack of respect for the victim's rights and wishes. Discuss with your partner what each of you want and how each of you feel. Do not ignore messages or body language which say "stop". If you are confused, ask your partner directly what they want and respect their response.
Tell your partner what you want. Don't assume they can read your mind. Say "yes" when you mean "yes". Stay in touch with your feelings to know the difference. If you feel that you are being pressured or intimidated, then you are. Learn to act immediately with responses that express your feelings clearly.
Be firm and direct, partners may interpret passivity as permission. If someone does something to you that you don't like and you ignore it, they may continue. If you take advantage of a person's indecision by forcing or coercing them into having sex, then you have sexually assaulted them.
Sexual partnership is tender, gentle and caring.