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Chapter 1
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Orlandu and Friends
The Ties that Bind and Eventually Hang You or Family Ties that Look Ridiculous
 

Ramza sat out on the front lawn relaxing in his small rubber pool, eating his ice cream.
Dressed in a tee-shirt and shorts. The cold January wind nipped at his body.

“D-damn J-Jack F-Frost.” He said. “D-damn hi-him strai-straight t-to h-hell. Let his
b-body m-melt.”

Melusine, Jay, and Flux sat in Melusine’s house a little down the street watching him.

“Sadly he’s the smartest member of thier family.” Melusine informed

They watched Ramza’s house long enough to watch Mustadio run screaming from the
house, his pants on fire.

“MY PANTS!! MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!!!” He screamed

“H-how i-in the t-the h-heck d-did you a-ac-acom-acomplish th-this?”

Mustadio rolled around in the snow.

“They started on fire when I took them out of the microwave!!”

“AND YOU STILL PUT THEM ON?”

Mustadio stopped rolling, and stared at Ramza as if he were an idiot.

“You were dropped when you were little were’nt you?”

“Repeatedly.” Ramza hung his head

“That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard in all my many years.”

Ramza finished his Ice cream and walked back into the house for another cone.

Ramza opened up the Ice cream container

“That’s odd, there was some in it when I left..Orlandu! Where is the ice cream?”

“I’m eating it.” Orlandu yelled from the computer room

“Oh.... well... stop it” Ramza said “I’m going to the store to buy some more.”

Ramza go into his car and drove away.

***

“They are an odd bunch.” Melusine said
“Odd, indeed.” Flux nodded his head in agreement.
“I hate you two.” Jay muttered in a threating tone.
“What?” Melusine asked.
“Uh, nothing, I keep forgetting to keep my thoughts in my head.” Jay quickly answered
“Yeesh, what are these loser’s staring at?”
“Jay?” Flux clenched his fist.
“Quit getting mad at me!I didn’t mean to!” Jay defended himself “I hate you all.”
Jay ran out of the house crying

***

“You have mail” The computer’s mechanical voice said.

“Yes! YES! One whole EMAIL! FOR MYSELF!!!” Orlandu cheered, and did some
victory poses.

“Shouldn’t you read it?” A voice echoed from the vents.

“God?” Orlandu looked happy

“Nah, but close, it’s me Malak, Rafa locked me in here for destroying a CD of hers.”
Malak’s voice echoed “Uh oh! Here comes the heat!”

The furnace turned on.

“No! No! Argh! My skin is burning! I want to rip it off! The pain!” Malak screamed from
the vent, the stench of burning flesh filled the computer room.

“Ha ha. Malak burnt up.” Orlandu giggled. “Oh yes, my BRAND NEW EMAIL!”

From: orlandi321@ultima.net
To: orlandu_66@zalmonet.com
Subject: Hello

Message:
Hey, Orlandu! It’s me, Orlandi, your brother.

At Limberry, there having a family reunion, do you want to come?

Orlandu replies:

I can’t, I’m forbidden to leave the house, why don’t you come here? How many are there?

Orlandu get’s a reply:

Sure. There is:
Orlandeh
Orlandhofendiemer
and I

Oh yeah, and, Orlandevil *shudder*

“I gotta tell Ramza I’m having a family reunion.” Orlandu got up and started to leave.

“Can I come?” Malak’s voice echoed again from the vent.

“No, your not family.” Orlandu started to walk out

“Yeah? Well, Ramza adopted you!” Malak laughed.

“W-what? R-really?” Orlandu held back a sob, then turned the heat to 50o celcius.

“Nuts, the heats coming again.” Malak said “ARGH! NO NO! NOOOOOOO!”

***

“They hate me.” Jay hugged his knee’s and rocked back and forth in melusine’s garage.

“They hate me.” Jay eyed a double bladed axe, he took it down and walked back into the
house.

TV: We now return to “The Worlds Most Horrific Deaths”, The grand prize death will
come up at the end of the show

Bill Sega: This next clip is so funny, the way the head blow’s off, watch this clip now...

Suddenly Jay breaks through the window and jams the axe into Flux’s back.

“Bwa ha ha!” Melusine bursted out in laughter, “THAT should win the 10,000 dollar
prize, oh, Jay, you always crack me up.”

“c-crap” Flux sputtered “Jay you madman.”

Jay swung the axe back at Flux, and cut him, in half.

“Good thing I have this all on tape.” Melusine held out a movie camera. “This has to win
the Grand prize.”

***
Ramza walked into the house with bags of groceries.

“Ramza, Malak said I was adopted, is that true?” Orlandu sniffled.

“Yup.” Ramza said casually and walked into the kitchen and started to put away the ice
cream.

“Oh, good, I just wanted to clear things up. Oh yeah, my siblings, one girl, one demon, the
rest boys, are coming here.” Orlandu said

“Oh, crapanogi, Orlandu, I’m getting promoted at work, I’m having a ceremony, why
didn’t you go there?” Ramza asked

“I told him I was forbidden to leave the house, but I was just lazy.” Orlandu said “But on
that night, we’ll leave and go to Zalmo Cheeze’s.”

Orlandu went to his room.

“Ramza.” Malak’s voice echoed from the vent.

“God?” Ramza looked up happily.

***

“Ding-Dong” The doorbell rang.

“Who could that be, at, 3:00 PM?” Orlandu wondered.

“Ding-Dong” The doorbell rang.

“Who could that be, at, 3:00 PM?” Orlandu wondered.

“Shouldn’t you answer it?” Malak’s voice came from the vent.

“Oh, yeah.” Orlandu got up and answered the door, a bunch people of people that looked
like Orlandu came in “Siblings!” Orlandu hugged them all, but spit on the one with red
eyes.

“This is Orlandevil, Orlandeh, Orlando, I forgot about him, Orlandhoffendiemer, and
Orlandi, me.” Orlandi introduced them, when there name’s were called out, they did poses

“Don’t Worry!” Mustadio jumped into the room with a gun “I’ll kill the clone’s for you
Orlandu!” A red dot went up from the gun to Orlando’s forehead, then he pulled the
trigger, and Orlando’s head exploded

melusine rolled out from under the couch “Good thing I got that on tape!” melusine held
out a movie camera.

“Oh no, Mustadio, those where my brothers, this is Orlandi, Orlandeh, Orlandevil,
Orlandhoffendiemer, and that was Orlando.” Orlandu introduced them, and again they did
poses as there name’s were called.

***

“Lede, get me more Chocolate Pudding, no other kind, if it is, I blow your head clear off
your shoulders.” Elmdor told his secretary, thne threw the empty pudding cup in the
garbage.

“WHAT! It say’s here the Orland family is having a reunion!!” Elmdor screamed at the
newspaper “Wait, but now I can get rid of them ALL! In one BIIIIIIIG
*BOOM**BOOM* EXPLOSION!”

Oh no! What Evil Plot is Elmdor coming up with now? Judging from the last sentence he
said, it’s probably going to be a bomb.

Next Chapter:

“NO I”M DYING!” Orlandu screamed as his head exploded.
--
“What was that clicking sound?” Orlandi said, stepping on a landmine, and the obvious
happened
--
“There’s something metallic in the burger, eh?” Orlandeh’s face exploded