1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3) You know stuff about tanks.

4) A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5) Monday Night Football.

6) You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

7) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8) You can open all your own jars.

9) Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

10) Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

11) When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

12) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.

13) All your orgasms are real.

14) A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15) Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).

16) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

17) You understand why Stripes is funny.

18) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19) Your last name stays put.

20) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

21) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

22) You can kill your own food.

23) The garage is all yours.

24) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25) You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

26) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

27) You never have to clean a toilet.

28) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

29) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30) Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

32) your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

33) The National College Cheerleading Championship.

34) You don't have to shave below your neck.

35) None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

36) You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

37) If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

38) You can write your name in the snow

39) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

41) Chocolate is just another snack.

42) You can be president. (In this lifetime.)

43) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

44) Flowers fix everything.

45) You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46) You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47) You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

49) You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50) You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.

51) Foreplay is optional.

52) Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

54) You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

56) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57) Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58) You don't give care if anyone notices your new haircut.

59) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.

60) The world is your urinal.

61) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.

62) You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64) One mood, all the time

65) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66) You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too "skeevy".

67) you know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68) You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

69) Same work...more pay!

70) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

71) You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72) Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

73) You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.

74) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75) You don't mooch off others' desserts.

76) If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77) The remote control is yours and yours alone.

78) People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79) ESPN's SportsCenter.

80) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

81) Bachelor parties reign over bridal showers.

82) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83) You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84) You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

86) Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87) You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F_ck it."

88) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

89) Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90) The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.

94) New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.

95) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and

97) Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.

98) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"

99) Baywatch

100) There's always a game on somewhere.

1) You have to take out the garbage.

2) The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.

3) No sofas in your restrooms, and toilet lids on household commodes.

4) External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.

5) Even if you get you head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you're not allowed to cry.

6) James Bond movies only come out every 2 years.

7) Paying for most date activities.

8) You have to wear ties.

9) you can't flirt you way out of a jam.

10) "Women and children first."

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster
trucks.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, It's just like
every other cat.

9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides.
Let it be.

11. Shopping is not sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your
Dad probably is too.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.

19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from
point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?

21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.

26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.

29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know
how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done - not both.

35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we

37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.

38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter
us from reading the magazines.

40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.

41. Anyone can buy condoms.

I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my
breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't
get wasted after only 2 beers,

I'm glad I'm a woman,
yes
I am,
yes I am. I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and
Spam.

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't
drive
to
Hell before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at
parties,
and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned
toilet
seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your
butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I
don't
go
around "re-adjusting" my crotch, or yell like Tarzan when
my
headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't
scratch
my behind. I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm
glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have
body
hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or
cover my
back. When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb. I'll
never buy
a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from

over
the side. I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much
pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me, to have these

two
boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and
shoot
basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I
won't tell you my wife just does not understand, or stick
my
hand
in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story
to
make
you sigh and weep, then screw you, roll over and fall
sound
asleep! Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.

Forget
all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male
bonding, I
don't cruise for chicks. Join the Hair Club For Men, or
think
with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's

true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
Send this to 3 people in 24 hours
and you
will have great sex this weekend with the person of your

dreams.
If you do not you will have bad luck and terrible sex
for
the
rest of your life!

TOP TEN REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN