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links og mere. Jokes: The REAL Santa Claus So, you think you've got problems... All night long, soot in the chimneys, smelly socks, nasty dogs, shot at, mistaken for a stork, driving all night in the snow, damn near get killed by a 747, Mrs. Claus pissed off cause I got in too late. AND THAT ISN'T ALL Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph got the shits over Albuquerque and you should see my suit. The damn elves won't clean the sleigh unless I pay them double time. I am so SICK of cookies and milk I could vomit. The only highball I had all night was when I slipped getting out of the sleigh. My prostate is giving me hell. I pissed my pants at 20,000 feet and froze to the seat, I'm allergic to pine needles and itch all over, and I think my hemorrhoids are back. HO! HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas, my ass!!! --- * *

* * A lady was looking in her bedroom mirror when a genie appeared. He told her she could have one wish. Immediately she said she would like to be amply endowed. Boom, 44D's. When she walked downstairs, her husband said, "Wow, how did you do that?" when the wife explained about the genie he immediately ran upstairs to the mirror. The genie appeared and told him he could have one wish. His wish was for his endowment to reach the floor. Boom, his legs were gone! --- * * * * A young man explained to his new girlfriend he was built like a baby below the belt. She replied sympathetically that it didn't matter. Later that night, they went back to his place. As he undressed, his girlfriend's mouth fell open in surprise. 'But I thought you said you were built like a baby,' she gasped. 'That's right,' he said. 'A foot long and weighing eight pounds.' --- * * * * A guy goes to see a doctor and, after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him: "There's is good news and bad news. The good news is that your penis is growing and I expect it to grow 3 or 4 inches within a few weeks". "Wow!", says the guy, "And what is the bad news?" "It's malignant", replies the doctor.--- An elephant was walking through the jungle when it came upon a man lying on the ground completely naked. The elephant looked him up and down and said: "Not too bad, but can you pick up peanuts with it?" --- * * * * A man was stung on his privates by a wasp. 'Please can you remove the sting, Doctor?' he said. 'But don't do anything about the swelling. --- * * * * Q. How can you tell if a man is dead? A. He stays stiff for longer than 2 minutes!!! --- * * * * Q. Why is it physically impossible for a woman (blonde or A. otherwise)to have a brain?A. They don't have a penis to carry it in. --- * * En side til psx(playstation)
* * A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple martini. Thirty seconds later a lady walks in and ordered a triple martini. The bartender says "Wow! Two back-to-back triple martini's!! Are you celebrating anything??" She says "Yes, for ten years, I've been trying to get pregnant and this morning I left the doctors office and he said I was pregnant!" The bartender looks at the guy and says "Are you celebrating anything?" And the guy says "Yes. I breed peacocks. And for ten years, I've been trying to breed a peacock with blue eyes. I walked out from the birdhouse this morning and there was a beautiful, blue-eyed peacock!!" The bartender says "Congratulations!! How'd ja do it??" He said "I changed cocks."She said, "Me, too!!" --- * * * * Q. What do a condom and a woman have in commom? A. They both spend a lot of time in your wallet and not enough time on your dick. --- * * * * Q. What are the difference between a microwave and a woman? A. The Microwave does not scream when you stick your meat in it. --- * * * * Q. What's the difference between light and hard? A. You can get to sleep with a light on. --- * * * * The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn." "What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband. "In bed," she explained, "You've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn." --- * * * * Looking at her paycheck, Rhonda said to her co-worker, "Nowadays my paycheck is like a handful of hard cock.""What do you mean?" asked her friend. "Well," she said "It gives you a good feeling, but it seems like the more you work, the less you have to hold on to!" --- * * * * Q. What's worse than a piano out of tune? A. An organ that goes flat in the middle of the night --- * * * * As Joe got Megan into bed he told her "Don't worry, I'll be gentle." "I wouldn't worry about that if I were you," Megan said as she looked him over. "How much damage could you do with that

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