Blink once. Twice. Are you for real? That's what I would ask if I didn't already know. But I do, you're too real for me.
"I love you...like wind beneath my wings kind of crap and...yeah. That's why I didn't come sooner...and why I probably shouldn't be here now."
As your words jumble together and trail off I remind myself of my role in this game and blink again, nod, then think that you probably should just go then...and spare us both.
Everything is such a foggy haze now. Like it had been before, when all I cared about were the fixes and you were just something I did to pass the time between them. But I'm not on anything anymore and the psycho-tremors stopped about a week ago. So I'm pretty sure it's your eyes that are doing this to me.
For a brief moment I wish I had known about this option before I buried myself thousands of dollars in debt and threw away my entire college fund on coke and PCP.
I look down at my feet and mutter obscenities under my breath to from you. But you call me on it anyway. "Want me to go?" I laugh in response to that because, who would say "Yes" to that question? Do you own a mirror? I know everyone is staring at us now. And this is probably the first time It's not because of me.
I stand up and step towards you but you just. You just. Just don't want to be here, do you? Don't want to love right?! Yeah, some wind beneath my wings you are. You step away from my touch so, instead of kissing your soft lips, as I had intended, I scream diatribes at you, watching when you flinch as each one nails you to that wall you've been leaning against so righteously since nine this morning.
It's one o'clock now and I haven't said a word this entire time. But hold your breath cause I'm about to make up for it.
"I wish you hadn't come"
"I was only with you so the downs wouldn't hurt so much"
"I never loved you." That one hurts you the most. Probably because it's the only one you think could be true.
Everything is foggy haze but, as I watch you leave, one thing is clear; this isn't over. Tonight, in my dreams...and tomorrow, in my reality, when they ask me to apologize to everyone my addiction enabled me to hurt I will blink twice and only dare to hope you can forgive me.