Secrets


by
Edibbea



  2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16




Part One ~ Secrets



"Xaaanderrr..."  A soft voice, murmuring in his ear.  "Time to wake up now."

Xander tried to bat the annoying voice away, but his arms wouldn't move.

"What the... Spike?  What?"  Xander was now very awake, and aware that he couldn't move - he appeared to be tied, spreadeagled, to the bed.  And he was naked.  Spike was sitting next to him on the bed, lightly stroking his chest.

"Spike!  You...  What the fuck are you doing?  I'm gonna stake your ass so fast..." 

"I know a secret," said Spike, in a sing-song voice.  "I could smell it on, you know.  But no-one else knows, do they?  Did you really think I wouldn't smell the blood - or were you counting on me doing just that?"  Spike continued stroking Xander's chest, his fingers circling his nipples again and again.   Xander started struggling, pulling hard against the ropes that held him down.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  And anyway, fangless, you can't do anything to me.  Try anything and that chip will so fry your brain - so game over - you might as well untie me.  The girls will come to find me if I don't show..."

"Shhh, pet."  Spike put a finger on Xander's lips to stem the flow of words.  His fingers moved to Xander's arm, and traced the many silvery lines there.  One or two scars were still fresh.  "At first, I thought you were just one of those sad fucks who cut themselves when they can't cope.  But that's not it, is it?"  He stared into Xander's eyes.  Xander flinched and shut his eyes, shaking his head slightly as fear flooded through him.  God, if he tells the girls...

"No!  I mean no, I don't know what you're talking about."  Don't panic, keep calm - he can't know anything, really.  Just...his touch... "And get your filthy hands off me!"  Spike continued talking, as though Xander hadn't said a word.

"I figured it out, you see.  You get off on it, don't you?  The blood, and the pain - it really does it for you, eh whelp?  But that's not all you want, is it?"  Spike pressed hard on a partially-healed wound, splitting it open again, and Xander groaned.  He felt his cock start to stir. 'Oh fuck no, not now...'

"See now, that should have hurt me a lot more that it would have hurt you - but you know what?  Not a twinge.  I knew it was only a matter of time before the Watcher dumped me on you, 'cos they all dump on you sooner or later, eh?  So I waited, and planned my move.  'Cos I know what you want."  Spike brought his lips to the wound, and sucked gently.  Xander threw his head back, 'oh fuck, fuck...'  His cock was growing hard.  This can't be happening...  As Spike continued to suck on the wound, he worried the edges gently with his teeth to keep the blood flowing.  Xander felt like he was losing his mind.  He was now painfully hard, and his cock was dripping onto his stomach.  Spike lifted his head to look at Xander again, licking the blood from his lips.  He bent his head again and licked the wound, this time to close it.

"I could smell the arousal coming off you in waves when the Watcher explained how Masters feed - how I feed.  I could feel your eyes on me.  Seduction."  He drew the word out, savouring it.  "It's an art form, Xander, a seduction.  To make them want you so much they'll beg you to take them, in any way you want.  To discover their deepest, darkest desires..."  Spike brought his mouth to Xander's ear, and whispered, "Do you want me to feed from you as I fuck you, Xander?"

A groan escaped Xander's lips as a bolt of pure arousal shot throught him, causing him to buck again the restraints.

"Oh yes, you do, don't you?  To feel my mouth around your cock; to feel my cock deep inside you.  And the pain and the pleasure of my fangs in your neck..."  The whispered words were driving Xander into a frenzy.

"Oh Jesus, Spike... Please..."  Spike looked thoughtfully at Xander, then stood up and picked up a small, sharp knife he'd placed on the side-table.  'Oh fuck,' thought Xander, 'if he touches me with that I'm gonna come.'  Spike walked around the bed and cut the ropes that were holding him.  Xander lay there in shock, unmoving.  Spike leant down and whispered in his ear again, "Oh I will, Xander, I will.  But I don't think you want it enough yet.  I want you to think about this.  And next time I won't need to tie you down, will I?" He spun round, grabbed his duster and headed for the door.

"Well, I've got to go.  You know how it is, places to go, people to see."  He looked Xander square in the eye.  "And I will be back."  With a grin, he opened the door and disappeared into the night.





Part Two ~ Secrets and Lies



As the door slammed shut behind Spike, Xander groaned and slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  The rope loops were still tight around his ankles and wrists, and as he looked at them he felt his flagging erection start to throb to life again.  The feel of the rough restraints was...  He worked them off, desperately trying to ignore what he was feeling, to keep his mind blank. He flung the four cut pieces of rope across the room with a sob.  Grabbing the quilt from where Spike had thrown it to the floor, he wrapped it around himself, and lay curled up on the bed.  "Don't think about it, don't think about it," he chanted like a mantra.  But his last thought as he drifted into an exhausted sleep was, "What the fuck am I gonna do?"

The next few days passed in a feverish blur.  Xander was certain that he could feel Spike watching him, even in broad daylight.  He felt like he was losing his mind.  And he couldn't stop thinking about what Spike had said, and what he had done.  Spike hadn't returned to the basement, and Xander found himself lying to the girls and Giles, telling them that the vampire was securely locked in, and that there was no need for them to bother about him.  What else could he say?  'Hey, yeah, Spike tied me up, offered me every fantasy I've ever had, and then walked out - haven't seen him since.'  Yeah, that'd go down real well.

By the afternoon of the fourth day since Spike took off, when he met up with the gang at Giles' place as arranged, Xander felt as strung out as a junkie desperate for the next fix. 

"So how's it going, Xander?  The evil-undead bothering you too much?" Buffy asked with a smile.  Xander forced a smile onto his face.  "No, no problems, Buff.  Just keep him tied him to the chair and ignore him, you know."  'And how the fuck had he managed to get the ropes untied?  Spike hadn't cut them because he'd used those same ropes to tie Xander to the bed when he... don't think about it, not now...' 
 
 

"Hey, Xan - you OK?  You've gone really pale," said Willow, a look of concern crossing her face. 

"Yeah, Wills - I'm fine, really.  Just a little tired is all, not sleeping well."

"Spike being a pain, huh?  Never mind, only a few more days and then you can give him back to Giles."

"If he'll take him," said Buffy.  "I think he's quite relieved to get rid of him.  Oh, do you have enough blood?"  Xander stared at Buffy blankly as the image of lips and teeth and a cool mouth sucking and sucking hit him like a sledgehammer. 

"Whoa, Xander!"  Buffy caught him as he started to fall, and half-carried him to the couch.  "Here, put your head down and try to breathe slowly..." Buffy caught Willow's eye with a questioning look, but Willow shrugged and shook her head slightly - she had no idea what was up with Xandeer.  Giles walked out of the kitchen, carrying the cans of soda the children had requested. 

"Yes, Xander, thank you for taking Spike at such short notice, I...  Goodness, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," mumbled Xander.  "Just a bit tired, and I think I probably need something to eat."

"I can make you a sandwich.  Just drink your soda - won't take a minute."  Despite Xander's protests, Giles quickly made him a sandwich and watched him eat it.  Xander was growing desperate - he had to get out of here, away from the scrutiny of his friends. He'd been avoiding them - barely spoken to them for days now.  They were watching him with concern, and Xander tried to soothe everyone. 

"Thanks, G-man, feeling much better now," he said with a smile.  "I think I'll just head off and get some rest."

"I think you should.  And don't bother about patrol tonight."  Giles cleared his throat, "Um, if Spike is causing you problems, Xander..."

"The bleached menace?  Hell no, no problems at all - everything's fine."  'Please let me pull this off...'

"Well, that's good.  I must confess to being relieved not to have to listen to his continual complaints.  Oh, I'll give you some more blood.  Let me just pack it into a cooler for you."  Giles headed off into the kitchen again.  Willow sat next to Xander, and tucked her arm through his.  "Are you sure you're OK, Xan?  Want me and Buffy to walk you home - make sure you get there OK?"  'Good, no...'

"Nah, I'll be fine."  Xander grabbed the cooler and headed for the door.  "I'll catch up with you guys later, OK?" he said, and made good his escape.

*****

The sun was just starting to set as Xander opened his front door.  He walked in slowly, searching for some evidence that Spike had come back, as he had every evening for the past 3 days, but the place was just as he'd left it.  He was going to have to come up with some story to explain Spike's disappearance soon.  He dumped the blood into the fridge, straightened up the bed, and then decided to take a shower.

The hot water cascaded over him as he soaped himself leisurely.  As he washed his arms, he saw that the scar where Spike had... anyway, it was completely  healed.  He tried to blank his mind again, but his treacherous thoughts rebelled.  He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against the cool tiles, willing his thoughts to still.  But his hand strayed to his cock as the events of that night began a slow-motion replay in his head, as they had every night since it happened.  The thing was... the thing was that Spike was right.  He did want it.  And the fact that Spike had been able to hurt him and feed from him without getting zapped was the final proof - if Xander hadn't wanted it, it couldn't have happened.  And that scared the shit out of him, even as the thought brought him to orgasm.

He'd tried so hard to be what Buffy and Willow and Giles expected him to be. The Xan-man, the clown, lousy choice in girlfriends, butt of many jokes, bringer of donuts.   He'd denied himself the pleasure he got from looking at other men - stomped it down hard and locked it in the box marked 'repress this'.  This same box held his gut-wrenching desire for Spike.  The shock of wanton lust he had felt on learning about how master vampires seduced and dominated their victims had almost pushed him over the edge.  But the thought of the others looking at him with disgust was just... So he sniped at Spike and kept his distance, and used the handcuffs and the bright, shiny and above all sharp knife when it threatened to overwhelm him... 

Fuck, he couldn't take it anymore.  He was living a lie, and it was driving him insane.  He felt torn in two.  He couldn't bear to lose the friendship and respect of his friends, but how long could he continue denying who he was?  And as he stood under the rapidly cooling water, he finally reached a decision.  With crystal clarity, he suddenly just knew.   Enough was enough.  He would take everything Spike would give him,  if he would just come back.

*****

He woke to find that candles had been scattered around the surfaces of his room. And Spike was standing there, watching him in the flickering gloom.

"No ropes this time?" asked Xander.

"No need this time," answered Spike, softly.  "unless you want them."  He didn't miss the blast of arousal that came from Xander as he uttered the words.  So, bondage as well?  Spike added this to the list of things that would make up the unique form of seduction he would use on Xander tonight.

"Look at me, Xander," he said, and Xander lifted his eyes to Spike's.  "Have you been thinking about this, pet?" he asked.  Xander nodded, mutely.  "Do you want this?"  As Xander stared at him, Spike raised his hand.  "There's no going back.  You will belong to me - you will be mine, completely.  Do you understand?  If I take you, you stay taken."

A small war broke out in Xander's head:

'Tell him to fuck off.  Just throw him out now, and my life is back to normal.  No more lying to the girls and Giles.' 

'Just lying to myself instead.  And I've already made my decision.' 

'No.  I'll lose my friends, and my life as it is now will be over, ruined.' 

'But I don't think I can live like that anymore, not for anyone.  And how do I know they'll reject me?'

'Who am I kidding?  The gay thing, yeah maybe.  The domination-y thing - let's not go there.  The lusting after a vampire thing, with the fangs and the blood - we're talking stakes at sunset, recriminations, shouting and screaming...'

'I could keep it a secret.'

'Yeah, 'cos I'm so good at that... look at what happened this afternoon.  And I haven't even done anything yet.'

'And isn't that the story of my life.'

'But suppose this is just some evil plan to turn me, and use me against the others.'

'He could have done that the first night.... I wouldn't have stopped him, and he knew it... and... Jeez, I want this.  And I want him... I've wanted him for so long...' 

Suddenly something in Xander shattered, and everything he'd repressed for like, forever, came spilling out.  And then there was no decision to be made.  He smiled weakly, swallowed hard and said, "Yes, I want you."

Spike had waited patiently while the internal Xander-babble resolved itself.  He nodded, not missing the slip Xander had made in his reply, and said,  "Then take your clothes off, pet, I want to see you."

Without further thought, Xander found himself standing up and stripping off his t-shirt and drawstring pants, so that he stood naked in the flickering candlelight in front of Spike.  Spike walked around him, touching his belly, his cock, his arm, sliding his hand down his back.  "You are so beautiful naked, pet.  I knew you would be.  I will enjoy you very much," he said in a soft, low voice that vibrated through Xander like a tuning fork.

"Now come here and kneel at my feet, pet," Spike said, silkily.  'Fuck, no!' said a small annoying voice, but still Xander found himself on his knees, his arms hanging loosely by his sides.  Xander told the voice to fuck off, and not come back.  After all, this was what he wanted, what he needed, so why the hell fight it anymore. 

Spike's voice broke into Xander's thoughts.  "You want to please me, don't you, pet."  It was a statement, not a question, and Xander found himself nodding.  He did want to please Spike.  Because then he would get what he had denied himself.  And because it was Spike.  Spike's soft words seemed to envelop Xander, and he found himself wanting to sink into the silken voice.  Spike reached down and gently stroked his cheek.  "I know you haven't done anything like this before.  It pleases me that I'll be the first one you've ever sucked off, and that I'll be the first one to fuck that pretty arse of yours.  And pet, I will be the only one, ever."  Xander's mouth grew suddenly dry, and he swallowed hard.  His heart was hammering in his chest.

"Unbutton me and take out my cock," said Spike, his voice still soft, but with a note of steel behind it that hadn't been there before.  Xander reached up with trembling hands and carefully did as he was bid.  Spike helped him push the jeans down his thighs, as his shaking hands couldn't quite seem to manage.  Spike was hard - and big...  He'd seen pictures, of course, in magazines, of men doing... that.  'You can't even say the words in your head, can you?' his thoughts mocked him.  'Fucking, they were fucking.  How are you going to do it if you can't even think it?'  Xander had to concede that point, but surely something that big couldn't fit...  His thoughts were interrupted again by Spike's soothing tones.  "You're looking worried, pet.  There's nothing to be worried about.  When the time comes, you'll want it, and you'll be ready.  Now, take me in one hand and lick me."

Xander took a deep breath, wrapped his hand around Spike's cool cock, and moved his lips to the head.  He brought his tongue out and licked gently at the tip.  The clear fluid he licked off was salty and...something else he couldn't quite place.  "Now open your mouth and take me in.  I want to see what you can do."  Xander opened his mouth, and Spike pushed a little way in. 'Finally!' said an irreverent voice in Xander's head, and Xander could only agree. 

He started to suck, and Spike said, "Put your hands on my hips, pet, and leave them there.  Don't touch yourself."  Spike placed his hands on Xander's shoulders, then started to thrust gently into his mouth.  Xander opened his mouth wider, and swirled his tongue around experimentally.  "Yeah, that's nice pet.  Do that again."  Xander sucked, and swirled his tongue, and moved his head around, trying to find the best angle.  Then Spike stopped moving, and stepped closer to Xander, who had to move his head back slightly to avoid being choked.  "Now, you move your head, forwards and backwards, and try to get me in as deep as you can.  I want to feel your lips at the base of my cock, and you swallowing around me.  Can you do that for me?"  Spike smiled to himself as Xander complied.  He knew the boy wanted him, but he hadn't realised how strong his need to be dominated was - the wave of arousal that hit him when he used his 'Master' voice had almost knocked him over.

Xander bobbed his head up and down, taking Spike in a little further each time,  swallowing as he did, until he felt Spike's wiry curls brush his chin.  He found it hard to open his throat to the hard cock without choking, but he pushed his head further and further down, wanting to swallow Spike completely.  Spike's hands on his head stopped his movements, and then Spike began to thrust into his mouth again.  "I'm gonna come soon, pet," he said in a gravelly voice, "and I want you to swallow it all."  Xander groaned as a bolt of lust shot through him, and Spike shuddered - so he did it again.  His own cock was hard now, and he wished he could touch himself, but Spike had been quite specific about not doing so.  Suddenly Spike was groaning and spurting down his throat.  Xander swallowed reflexively, mildly surprised to feel his cock throbbing in sympathy - this whole thing was arousing him in a way he'd never felt before.

I'm on my knees in front of Spike.  I've just sucked his cock, and swallowed his cum.  And I enjoyed it.  Xander tried out these new and alien thoughts.  I want more, he decided, as Spike's cock softened a little and slipped from his lips.  As though he had been privy to these thoughts, Spike said, "So you enjoyed sucking me, pet?"  Xander nodded, "Yes, I..." he stopped, his language skills failing him.  Spike smiled at him. "Hush, pet, no talking.  Go and lie on the bed, there's a good boy." 

Xander got up from his knees, and laid on his back on the bed, arms by his side.  He watched Spike as he went to the side table and picked up some of the items there.  Spike was naked, and Xander wondered how the hell he'd managed to get undressed so quickly.  Spike walked over to the bed and looked down at Xander.  He ran his finger up Xander's hard cock, swirling the precum around the tip.  Xander groaned.

"You'd like to cum, wouldn't you pet?" said Spike.  Xander merely nodded.  "You will, but not just yet."  He slipped a leather band around the base of Xander's cock, and secured it tightly.  "This is a cock-ring.   It'll keep you hard until I'm ready for you to cum.  Like I said, you're mine now, pet, and you'll cum only when I say you can."  Xander groaned again, and another blast of pheromones hit Spike.  Definitely on the right track here, he thought.  He then tied Xander's hands to the headboard with a silken rope, and told him to open his legs.  Xander was so aroused he thought he'd die.  He'd imagined this, sure, but this was so much better than his fantasies.  This was real.  This was happening.

Spike tossed a tube of lube onto the bed next to Xander, making sure he could see it, and walked around the bed.  Xander's breathing became ragged as he focused on the tube.  'I'm not ready for this yet' he thought to himself.  He raised panic-stricken eyes to Spike, who was kneeling between his legs.  "Shhh, pet," said Spike, stroking his thigh, "no need to panic.  I told you that when the time came you'd be ready, and you will.  Bend your knees up, and put your feet flat on the bed." 

Xander's back arched off the bed as he felt Spike's cool tongue lick up the length of his hot, aching cock, before plunging his mouth down, swallowing Xander in one stroke.  "Fuck," hissed Xander through gritted teeth, as all coherent thought flew out of his head.  The feeling of Spike licking and sucking his throbbing cock was overwhelming his senses, so it was a while before he noticed that something warm and wet was flowing over his balls and down his crack.  "Wha..." He looked over, and saw the tube of lube was gone.  Then he felt a cool finger, sliding down and circling his hole, rubbing across it, but not pressing in - yet.

Spike heard Xander's heartrate jump, and his breathing became even more ragged - felt me rubbing him and noticed the lube's gone, he thought.  Might as well make a start, then.  He swirled his finger around Xander's hole once more, and then plunged his finger inside.  Xander arched off the bed again, groaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain.  Spike stilled, and waited with bated breath for the chip to kick in - nothing.  So far, so good.

"You OK, pet?" Spike asked.  Xander just groaned and nodded slightly.  "Hurts," he whispered, "hurts, but it's good."  "Yeah, pet, I know.  Makes the pleasure more intense, doesn't it," said Spike, as he began to pump his finger in and out.  Xander nodded weakly as he gazed into Spike's eyes.   After a minute or two, Spike removed his finger, added more lube, and then pushed two in as he deep-throated Xander again, pumping them slowly as the boy arched and moaned beneath him.  Xander was sweating freely now, and thrashed his head from side to side.  "Need to cum, Spike," he said, his voice hoarse and needy, "need to cum now..."

"Shhh, pet.  Soon, very soon.  You're almost ready for me."  Spike withdrew his fingers again, added more lube, and this time thrust three in, hard, and then pumped them slowly while he licked and sucked Xander's dripping cock.  Xander tensed all over at the burning pain he felt as his sphincter was forced open wider, as Spike spread his fingers out while he pumped.   He groaned deeply.  The pain/pleasure was driving him crazy; he was finding it hard to separate them now, and every now and then Spike seemed to hit something deep inside him that caused sparks to go off in his head.

Suddenly everything stopped, and Spike was untying him.  "What... what's happening?  Don't stop now, please.  I need..."

"Not stopping pet.  Getting ready to start, and I don't want you tied up when I fuck you for the first time.  You will lie here and let me fuck you because you want to please me, not because you can't get away.  There'll be other times when I'll tie you down to fuck you, but not tonight.  The first time's always hard, pet. There's always pain when you break in a virgin.  It'd be easier for you on your knees, but I need you on your back tonight.  I think you can take it."

Spike's words made Xander shiver, and not simply because he'd used 'that' voice again.  He licked his lips and swallowed.  "I... I don't... please, I'm not..." His voice cracked, and he sounded so - desperate.   The smell of fear mixed with arousal was a powerful aphrodisiac to Spike, who smiled, and stroked Xander's hair. "You really have no choice," he whispered, "it's what I want."  He picked up one of the pillows that had fallen to the floor, and tucked it under Xander's hips.  He spread Xander's thighs, moving his legs as far to each side as they would go.  Somewhere in his head, Xander felt vaguely ridiculous, like a Thanksgiving turkey waiting to be stuffed.  He could feel hysterical laughter bubbling up.  Getting up and walking away never once crossed his mind.

Spike knelt between Xander's spread thighs, slowly lubricating his cock as Xander watched him, his eyes wide, panting in a mix of fear and lust.  Spike wanted to draw this moment out, savour it.  Taking Xander for the first time was something to be savoured.  And if he was wrong about how far this fucking chip would let him go, well, he'd soon find out. 

Spike placed the head of his cock at Xander's entrance.  He pushed forward slightly, slipped the head into Xander's hole and stopped at his pained groan, letting him adjust.  Spike knew he was big, and that he'd have to take this slowly. Taking his weight on his hands, Spike began to slowly rock forwards and backwards, watching Xander's face carefully.  As he sank into the silken fire of his boy, he could see Xander biting his lip hard, muffling his sobs and groans as the pain of Spike's thick cock forcing its way inside him grew harder to take.  Spike leant forward and licked Xander's chest, nibbling and sucking on his nipples as he continued to sink deeper and deeper into him.  Suddenly, it seemed, he felt his balls press against Xander's arse.  "You're inside me - you're right inside me," Xander croaked, gasping and panting against the pain as his muscles fought to adjust to the intrusion.  It felt like a baseball bat had been driven into him.  Spike sighed with relief.  Not even a spark from the chip. "Yeah, pet, I'm inside you.  And now I'm going to fuck you."  He put his lips to Xander's ear and whispered, "Do you want me to feed from you as I fuck you, Xander?"  Xander gasped as the words sparked through him like an electric shock - those words has haunted him, teasing and taunting him in his dreams.  He groaned, and admitted what he couldn't the first time Spike had asked.  "Yes.  Please."

Spike felt a shudder run through him upon hearing Xander's words.  Placing his  hands on either side of Xander's head, he pulled out, and thrust in hard.  Xander was shaking and moaning beneath him, drowning in the sensations wracking his body; the stretching, burning pain and the desperate need to cum.  Spike continued to thrust, changing the angle several times until Xander arched and cried out as Spike hit his sweet spot.  Found it, thought Spike to himself, as he began to thrust against it again and again.  Xander was thrusting back against Spike now, tossing his head from side to side and moaning constantly.  Spike slammed his cock deeply into Xander, faster and harder, as he felt his climax approaching.   Xander was muttering incoherently now, but Spike could make out the pleas and the begging to be allowed to cum. 

Spike leant further forward, still thrusting, to nuzzle at Xander's neck, nipping and licking, then he reached down to loosen the cock-ring, and pulled it off.  Spike was very close now, and knew that Xander would cum any second.  It was time.  He wrapped his hand firmly around Xander's cock and, changing into game face, he sank his fangs into Xander's neck, just above where it met his shoulder.  At the same time he slammed himself deeply into Xander as Xander thrust hard into his hand.

Xander howled and arched himself against Spike; the rock hard cock slamming into him, the sharp fangs deep in his flesh and the feel of Spike sucking as he fed from him drove him over the edge, and his orgasm hit him with the force of a hurricane.  Waves of pleasure washed over him again and again, and he felt his hot cum pumping onto his stomach as Spike continued to slam into him.  Suddenly he felt Spike spasming above him, and pulses of cool cum bathed and cooled his burning insides.   After a minute or two, Spike gently withdrew his fangs, licking at his mark, soothing and healing it.  His softening cock slipped out of Xander's hole, and he fell onto his side next to the boy, who was still panting and gasping for air.  As Xander's breathing quietened, Spike pulled him into his arms and kissed him softly.  He licked away his tears, nibbled gently at his lips, licking until Xander parted them, and then kissed him again, slowly and deeply, swirling his tongue around, exploring.  Xander could taste his own blood, and found himself responding, kissing Spike with every bit of passion he'd repressed for so long.  Spike drew his head back to gaze into Xander's eyes.  Then he pulled him close, resting Xander's head on his chest, gently stroking his hair.  The look he had seen in Xander's eyes was one of contentment and happiness.  Xander lay quietly in Spike's arms, gradually drifting off to sleep.  Spike could have sworn he heard Xander mumble 'love you' as he nuzzled his chest.  Spike's last thought as he drifted off, still petting Xander's hair was, "Mine."





Part Three ~ Secrets and Revelations



Xander woke slowly.  He felt - good.  Better than good, in fact - he felt great.  He gradually became aware of a deep ache low in his body, and another ache in his neck.  And there were arms wrapped around him.  Someone was lying behind him...  And suddenly his head was full of images: on his knees, swallowing Spike's cock; on his back, Spike sucking him; ropes and a cockring; lube and stretching and burning; Spike fucking him...  Spike's cock slamming into him and Spike's fangs sinking into his neck, and the incredible sucking sensation that pushed him over the edge into the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced in his entire life.  Xander gasped as the images hit him with a physical force.  He felt shattered into tiny bits.  Pieces of him were going into total denial; other pieces were wondering what the fuck he'd done, and the rest just wanted to do it again and again and...  He felt the arms around him tighten, and he could feel Spike's lips moving against his neck as he said, "Awake are we, pet?"

"Spike, I..."  Xander was lost for words.  He felt panic sweep over him.  His heart was pounding; he had to get out, now.  Get away from... everything. He was losing his mind.  He had to think.  He began to struggle, but Spike held him firmly, and he couldn't move an inch.

"Spike, let me go.  I have to go."

"No, pet, you don't.  Just lie quietly and calm down.  Panic is rolling off you in waves, Xan.  It's so strong I can taste it.  If you leave now, you'll do something stupid.  So I'm not letting you go."  Spike had that tone to his voice again, and somehow the actual words didn't really matter.  Spike asserted his authority, and Xander found himself lying still in acquiescence.

"How do you do that, Spike?  How do you do that, that... voice thingy?  It makes me just... I can't think when you use it, and..."  Xander gave up in exasperation at having degenerated into Xander-babble.  Spike's lips were still on Xander's neck, and he felt them curve into a smile.

"That's the voice of a Master Vampire, pet.  We use it to train fledges.  We use it to control our court, and sometimes we use it to seduce humans that we want."

"And you used it with me, because..."  Xander's voice faltered.  He felt Spike's lips on his ear.  The Master Vampire spoke softly, in a voice with steel behind it. "I used it on you because I wanted you, Xander.  I wanted you, and I took you, and now you're mine."  And the voice brooked no argument.  As it was stated, so it was.  And even as his panic screamed at him in the recesses of his mind, Xander heard himself groan, felt himself push back against Spike, felt his cock begin to harden.  Felt the hard cock against his ass, and wanted... just wanted.

Spike felt the panic recede, to be replaced by a rush of arousal.  He began to tease Xander's nipples with one hand, and slipped the other down to his cock.  "Fuck, Spike.  How do you make me feel like this?"  asked Xander.  Spike flipped Xander over so they were facing each other and pulled him close, their cocks sliding together sensuously.  Xander closed his eyes and swallowed hard at the rush of lust and other feelings that flooded over him.  "Look at me, pet," said Spike.  Xander opened his eyes again, and found himself falling into crystal blue depths.  "You've wanted me for a long time, and you've wanted this for even longer, haven't you?  And you know why I can make you feel this way."  And yes, he knew.   "Tell me," said Spike.  "I..." Xander's voice cracked.  He swallowed again.  Their locked gaze never faltered.  He took a deep breath, and tried again.  "I've wanted you, wanted this for a very long time.  And I know why you can make me feel this way.  It's because I... I lo- care for you."  The last three words were whispered on an exhalation, and there was that almost-word from Xander again.  Spike's eyes kept him pinned in place.  "And?"  he prompted.  "And..."  Xander suddenly smiled.  "And you care for me, don't you?  In a dominant-y Master Vampire-y kinda way."

"Now you're getting it," said Spike.  "Make no mistake, you're mine.  And I care about and protect what's mine.  And I don't let it go, Xan, not ever."  Spike crushed his boy to him in a bruising kiss as his hands roaming the muscled body, stroking here, pinching there, and Xander swore he could feel his brain oozing out of his ears.  "You don't need to go anywhere.  You belong with me.  Gonna fuck you again, Xan.  Gonna bury my cock in your arse and feel you clench around me and writhe under me.  That's where you belong, Xander.  Under me as I fuck you, or on your knees as you suck me.  I can make it hurt so good, pet.  I can give you everything you need.  And I want to give you everything you need."

And what do you do when you get an offer like that?  You take it.  You grab it with both hands and you hang on tight.  Except...

"What about Buffy, Spike?  And Wills, and Giles and - what about the rest of my life?"

Spike sighed and rolled onto his back, leaving Xander feeling bereft.  He snuggled closer, and the vampire wrapped an arm around him. 

"Yeah, Slayer could be a bit of a problem.  Obviously you can keep your friends, pet, but the rest of your life belongs to me.  And the first thing we're gonna do is move out of this shit-hole of a basement.  We'll worry about the Slayer and the rest of her minions later."  Xander was stunned.  "Move out?  Well - actually I'd love to, but the green folding stuff is in short supply, Spike.  How do I pay for this up and moving-ey type activity?"

"You don't.  I do.  I told you, I take care of what's mine.  And I already have a place.  It's all sorted.  We'll be in there tonight."

"Er, I really don't want to move into a crypt, Spike..." 

Spike snorted.  "Don't be bloody stupid, pet.  You don't live as long as I have without accumulating a few quid, and acquiring a few things here and there.  Just 'cos you lot don't know about it, doesn't mean it isn't there, you know."

"But what about Buffy paying you for information?"

"Think I'd give it away for free?  Anyway, doesn't pay to let your enemies know how strong you are.  And I'm sure as hell not telling the Slayer that I've got more dosh than she'll ever see in her lifetime!"

Common sense suddenly reasserted itself, and Xander blurted out, "But how do I explain to them that I'm moving, and I'm taking you with me, and you're not tied to a chair any more?"

"Let's take things one at a time, eh pet?  We'll get some of your stuff packed up; all you need is a few personal things, I've taken care of everything else.  If it looks like you're still living here, that's not a bad thing for now.  Oh, and you can quit that crappy job today as well.  Just let the others believe you were fired again.  You were only on morning shift today, yes?"

Xander was stunned.  Spike seemed to know every facet of his life.  "Um, yeah but, quit?  I..."  He was silenced with a kiss.  "Xander, don't argue with me.  Go to your job.  Quit.  Go to the Scooby meeting; tell them everything is fine.  Come back here, pack, and when it's dark we'll go.  Got that?"

Xander nodded, feeling very confused.  Spike wrapped his arms around him tightly, and kissed him gently.  "I know you're feeling confused, pet.  And once we're settling in tonight, we will be having a long talk about how things are going to be.  But for now stop worrying, OK?  Go and have a shower.  You've got things to do and I need to catch up on my sleep.  I'll see you tonight, pet."  And with that, Spike rolled over, closed his eyes, and appeared to fall asleep instantly.  Xander sighed and got out of bed.  He had no idea why he was letting Spike tell him what to do - but he had no intention of doing anything but what he'd been told.

Spike lay quietly, listening to his human getting ready for the day.  He was fairly certain that Xander would do as he had said, and Spike was feeling the quiet triumph of someone whose plans had finally come to fruition.  He was determined to get Xander away from this basement.  Dealing with the Slayer was something he had already given considerable thought to, but there was no need for Xander to know about that just yet.

*****

Nightfall found them walking into an apartment building in the older part of Sunnydale.  At the end of the corridor was a door marked 'Utility'.  Spike walked towards it and got out a keyring.  Xander followed, carrying the few bags that held the things he couldn't bear to leave behind.

"We're gonna be living in a utility room?" asked Xander, thinking he'd be better off in his basement.  Except he wouldn't have Spike there, and the thought of being parted from the vampire made him feel cold all over.

"Idiot," muttered Spike, as he opened the door.  It was, indeed, a utility room.  But Spike walked to the back shelf and motioned to Xander.  "See this?" he said, pointing to what looked like a light switch.  It slid out of the way as he pushed down on it, and there was a keyhole behind it.  Spike used his key, and the back section of the wall swung open.  "This is the front door.  Come on, pet.  Follow me."

Xander could see nothing.  The bare bulb in the utility closet provided very little light, and he blindly followed Spike.  Suddenly light flooded the room they had walked into.  Xander gasped.  It was an apartment.  They were standing in a hallway, leading to a large living area.  "I'll give you the guided tour, pet," said Spike.  Xander was speechless as Spike led him from one beautifully furnished room to another. There were 2 bedrooms.  One was a double, and one was - well absolutely humungous, with an ensuite bathroom that included an enormous spa tub.  Spike told Xander to leave his bags in that one, and continued the tour.  He showed him the study, another bathroom, the kitchen, a dining room and the enormous lounge room.  There was one more door, but Spike walked past it and said nothing.  Xander made a mental note to ask him about it later.  There were no windows anywhere, but there was an abundance of lighting.  Spike demonstrated, with the aid of a bank of switches on the wall, how to adjust the lighting to get anything from a full daylight effect to a subtle soft glow, 'romantic,' thought Xander, and giggled to himself.

They finished up back in the kitchen.  "So, what d'ya think of the place, pet?"

"It's unbelievable!  Not at all what I expected."

Spike chuckled.  "What did you expect?"

"I... I'm not sure, but it sure as hell wasn't something as great as this place."  Xander stopped as a thought struck him.  "You have got cable, haven't you, Spike?"

"Yeah, I've got cable.  You won't miss yer shows, Xan."

"If this is yours, Spike, why weren't you living here?  I mean, this place is great!"

"I had other uses for it, pet.  But it's home now.  Anyway, eat, then we'll get you settled."

Spike had taken a pizza out of the freezer and microwaved it. While it was heating he got out a couple of cold beers. They shared the pizza, and then sat drinking their beers in companionable silence.  As Xander sat there, he found himself contemplating the events of the past few days with something akin to shellshock.  It had all happened so fast...  Spike's voice broke into his thoughts.  "I can hear the wheels turning, pet.  What's on your mind?"  Xander found himself blushing.  How the hell did Spike do that.  "Um, I was just thinking, y'know, how fast this has all happened."  He looked surprised when Spike burst out laughing.  "Fast?  I've been planning this since Angelus gave you to me at the High School!"

Xander was stunned.  "You've wanted me that long?  That was before you were chipped, Spike."  Xander was silent for a moment, thinking. " Were you planning on turning me?"  he asked, not sure he was going to like the answer.

Spike looked at him carefully.  "At first, yes.  But once I started to find out more about you, that changed.  What happened last night would have happened even if the chip was gone."

Xander looked uncomfortable again.  "Yeah, about last night.  I..."

"You have questions," stated Spike.

"Yeah, I do.  I mean, I've read some stuff, y'know, there's..." Xander was stumbling over his words, knowing what he wanted to say, but not wanting to upset Spike and lose what he'd gained.  The vampire reached across the table and took his hand.  "Xander, listen to me.  You have a right to ask any questions you want.  I'm not going to get angry with you and throw you out, understand?"  Xander nodded.  "OK then, pet.  Take a deep breath and spit it out."

"The stuff I've read.  These guys, they're like slave and master, y'know, and..." his voice faltered again.  "Right.  You want that?" asked Spike.

"Hell no!  I mean, no.  I don't want to live my whole life like that.  It's just, y'know, in bed and stuff."  Xander was bright red by this time, and staring at the floor, tabletop, anywhere but at Spike.

"Thank god for that." 

Xander looked up in surprise.  "I thought maybe you were, like, y'know wanting that," he managed to say.

"No, Xan," explained Spike.  "That's more an S and M thing, and that's really not where we're going here.  Look, you've been filling your head with all sorts of things, a fair bit of which will have nothing to do with how we'll live.  But you also need more than a bit of role-play from time to time.  You're pretty directionless, Xander, and you're swayed by the dominant personality in any given situation.  Don't forget, I've been observing you closely for a long time, pet.  I know you better than you know yourself.  You'll buck against things every now and then, but mostly you just go with the flow and do as you're told.  I told you we were going to talk tonight, and we are.  But not in the kitchen.  We'll take this somewhere more comfortable."

*****

Spike led Xander into the master bedroom.  There were two comfortable armchairs pulled in front of a fireplace, which held a gas-fired faux open fire.  He gestured for Xander to sit down, and went to a small bar that was set up in the alcove next to the fireplace.  He took out a bottle of JD and two glasses, and poured them a hefty drink each.  He then turned on the fire, and switched off almost all the lights in the room, leaving only electric candle-light flickering from fixtures set on the wall on either side of the bed.

He gave Xander his drink, then sat in the other chair and stared into the flickering flames.  "I've been watching you for a long time, pet.  At first it was simply the challenge.  How dare Angelus offer me something and then think it doesn't count.  And make no mistake, pet.  It wasn't Angel who offered you.  It was the demon.  The soul may not have meant anything by it, but the demon certainly bloody did.  He saw something in you that he knew I would want.  Bastard was always pulling shit like that.  That's what drew my attention to you, and so I observed you, and I saw what Angelus saw, and I wanted it."  Spike took a long swallow of his whiskey, then continued, "At first, I really couldn't see any way I could get you willingly.  That was what I meant when I said I was going to turn you.  But then I started to see things. The way you looked at other men when you thought no one would notice.  Magazines you'd buy and then throw out in case anyone found them.  Those were particularly illuminating, pet." 

Spike looked up at Xander, who was halfway through his glass of whiskey and studiously avoiding looking in his direction.  "Then those soldier bastards chipped me.  And suddenly I had up close and personal contact with you.  So who says there's no silver lining, eh?"  Spike drained his glass and fetched the bottle from the bar, filling his glass again and topping up Xander's.  "And there it was, everything I needed to know.  I could smell the arousal coming from you, Xan, whenever I was around.  And the blast that hit me when you were talking to the Watcher about the habits of Master Vampires that time almost knocked me over.  And the clincher - the arousal seemed to build in you for days, then suddenly it was almost gone again.  But you smelled of fresh blood each time.  So I watched you, and discovered what you did with the knife. Did you know that you called my name every time you came?"  He looked up at Xander, who was staring into his glass.  Xander shook his head slowly.  "No... No I didn't," he whispered, not raising his eyes from the amber liquid he was gazing into as though it held the meaning of life.

Spike took another long swallow of his whiskey.  "So I knew you wanted me.  And I knew what you wanted me to be for you.  So I made my plans, and then I made my move.  I'd slipped you a mild sleeping potion - that's why you didn't wake up when I stripped you and tied you to the bed.  I left you to think about it for a few days, and then last night I came back.  To take you."  Spike's voice had become low and husky, and his words felt like a velvet glove to Xander, wrapping themselves around him, stroking his cock into a throbbing hardness.  He groaned, and swallowed the rest of his whiskey in one swallow, trying to soothe his suddenly too-dry throat.  But Spike hadn't finished speaking yet.  "This isn't play acting, Xan.  This isn't about playing with a few ropes from time to time.  You are submissive in your whole life, not just the bedroom, and you need a dominant master to give you direction.  You've freely given yourself to me, Xander Harris, and I have freely taken you.  And that is not a responsibility I will take lightly.  And I will expect the same from you.  So there it is, Xan, now you know.  You can pick up your bags and leave now, and that will be the end of it.  If you stay, you stay for good.  I can't... I won't keep you against your will."

Xander put his glass down, and stood up.  He walked across to Spike, and stood looking at him in the flickering firelight for a long time.  Neither spoke.  Then he slowly sank to his knees, and stared into Spike's eyes.  "I want to stay, Spike.  Last night, I decided that I would take whatever you were willing to give, if you would just come back.  And you did."  Xander sighed.  "This is hard for me, Spike.  I've hidden this for so long, even from myself when I could.  I've tried so hard to really be the 'me' that I've projected to my friends.  It's hard to admit what you want - what you need, when it's not what your friends would consider 'normal', y'know?  But I felt things last night I've never felt before, and not just the sex.  I mean I felt safe, and happy, and loved."   Spike saw Xander's eyes widen in shock as he realised what he had just said.  He smiled, and stroked Xander's cheek, cupping his chin to stop him averting his eyes again.  "That's good, pet.  I want you to feel safe, happy and loved.  Because you are."  Then he leant forward and kissed his boy gently on the lips.

Xander was stunned.  'Pinch me', he thought.  I don't get this lucky.  My life is not this good.  But he felt Spike's arms enfolding him, and his tongue seeking entrance to his mouth.  He parted his lips, and the kiss deepened.  I'm home, he thought to himself.

Spike slowly broke the passionate kiss, and leaned back in his chair, taking in the sight before him.  Xander on his knees, his hair dishevelled, his lips swollen from the kiss.  He was a breathtaking sight, and Spike wanted to see more of his boy.  He stood up, and began stripping the vision kneeling before him, slowly uncovering the bronzed skin.  Xander attempted to rise, but Spike pressed down on his shoulders, and he stayed on his knees, lifting them one at a time to help remove his pants.  When Xander was naked, Spike sat back down in the chair and just gazed at him.  His eyes travelled down his muscular shoulders and chest, down to his navel, and then settled on his cock, which was hard, the tip shiny as the precum slowly oozed out.

"It would please me to watch you cum, pet.  I want you to touch yourself.  Show me."

Xander flushed under the intent gaze.  He'd never done this for an audience before, but he wanted to do this for Spike.  His hands drifted down to his cock, and he grasped himself firmly, his thumb swirling the precum over the head.  He began pinching and stroking his nipples with his other hand, teasing them into hard pebbles.  That hand then drifted down, and began playing with his balls, rolling them and squeezing them as he began to pump his cock.  He moved his knees further apart, and raised himself up so that Spike had a good view.  He alternated pumping his cock with rubbing his thumb firmly over the head, spreading the precum around to add more lubrication.  Suddenly Spike's hand was on his arm, and he wordlessly handed him a tube of lube.  Xander opened it, and poured some into his hand.  He put the tube down and changed position, lying on his back with his knees bent and his legs spread as wide as they would go, opening himself up for Spike's viewing - for Spike's pleasure.  He spread the lube over his cock and balls, feeling it run down his crack as it began to warm.  He started pumping his cock harder, relishing the hot, slippery feeling.  With his other hand, he massaged his balls again, and then moved his fingers down his crack, circling his anus the way Spike had the previous night.  He dipped into it lightly, and then pushed in gently.  He started to pump his finger in and out of himself with the same rhythm he pumped his cock.

"Two."  The voice startled him for a moment, and then he realised Spike wanted him to open himself up, the way he had last night.  Xander reached for the lube, poured some more over his balls, and then made sure all his fingers were covered in it.  He pushed two fingers into himself, hissing at the burning sensation.  He gritted his teeth and began pumping, and soon the burning eased and he could push further in.  Suddenly he grazed something inside himself that made him see stars.  "That's your prostate, pet.  Now you've found it, rub it with your fingers a little."  Xander arched off the floor as he rubbed against the smooth nub - the sensations were overwhelming.  "Three," said Spike, dragging Xander away from his introspective discovery time.  He withdrew his fingers, slathered them in the lube, and started to push three in.  He hissed at the burn and stopped for a moment, catching his breath.  He slowly pushed them all the way in, breathing through the pain.  Once they were as far in as he could get them, he stopped, leaving them there as he began to pump his cock again.  He felt the tight grip on his fingers ease slightly, and began pumping them in and out.  The sensation of impaling himself on his fingers as he fucked his hand was amazing, and his movements became faster and more erratic as he felt his orgasm building.  He opened his eyes, not remembering exactly when he'd closed them, and saw Spike watching him avidly.  He'd pushed his pants down his thighs, and was stroking his cock as he watched Xander perform on the floor in front of him.  The sight made him groan, and he pumped harder, feeling his orgasm rapidly approaching.  He closed his eyes, but heard Spike demand, "Look at me, pet."  He opened his eyes and focussed on the face above him as the first waves of orgasm hit him.  He fought to keep his eyes open as he convulsed, his cum spurting onto his chest.

Suddenly Spike was there, pulling Xander's fingers out of his body, replacing them with something thicker and cooler in one hard thrust.  Xander arched up, the pain dampened by the tremors of pleasure still wracking his body.  The cool length was slamming into him, somehow hitting that magic spot every time, and impossibly, Xander felt his cock hardening again.  He grasped his cock with a still-lubricated hand.  Spike stopped his movements for a moment as brown eyes met his, seeking permission.  He nodded, and then lowered his gaze to Xander's neck.  Xander understood, and as he pumped himself, he turned his head to one side, baring his throat to his master.  Spike sank his fangs into the soft flesh, and Xander howled as he came for the second time, the delicious sucking at his throat pushing him over the edge.  Spike's thrusting became harder and more erratic as he fed, and then Xander was flooded with cool cum.  He wrapped his arms around Spike as he convulsed above him, and held him tightly.  Spike gently removed his fangs from Xander's neck, and licked soothingly at his mark.  He had deliberately bitten the same spot again.  But this time he remained in game face.  He sliced his tongue open on his fang as his pet watched, and then pressed his lips against Xander's, his bleeding tongue demanding entrance.  For a second Xander froze, then he parted his lips and allowed access, submitting to the vampire's wishes.  As Spike's tongue entered his mouth, he began sucking on it, swallowing the blood.  After a few seconds Spike gently pulled away, and smiled.  "I am very pleased with you, pet."

Spike raised himself up on his knees, and then stood up.  He stripped off the rest of his clothes and walked into the ensuite, washing himself quickly and then bringing out a washcloth and towel a moment later.  He cleaned Xander up, then threw the towels into the bathroom.  He picked Xander up and carried him to the bed, pulling the quilt over them.  He took Xander into his arms, and kissed him tenderly.  Then Spike drew his head back slightly, looked carefully at the beautiful boy who shared his bed, and asked him,  "Who are you?"  Xander was taken aback for a moment, and then, he just knew...  "I'm yours.  I belong to you."

"That's right, pet.  You're mine.  You belong to me."

"I love you, Spike."

"Yeah, pet.  I know.  Get some sleep now."

"G'night Spike."

"Sleep well, pet."





Part Four ~ Secrets and Locked Doors



Xander woke slowly.  The bedroom was very dark, lit only by the flickering firelight.  He was momentarily disoriented, until the memories began flooding in again.  Recalling his awakening yesterday morning, he waited for the panic to overtake him.  But he felt only calm and peaceful.  Spike was lying spooned against him, and somehow Xander knew that he, too was awake - had been awake for some time, waiting.  Spike pulled him closer and whispered, "How did you sleep, pet?"

"I feel great, I slept really well," said Xander, a note of wonder in his voice.  He never slept well.  He couldn't remember feeling this well rested before.  He turned to face his vampire.  "How long was I asleep?" he asked.  "A couple of hours," replied Spike, as he started to nuzzle Xander's throat. He licked the scar, and Xander groaned - it felt like a direct 'on' switch to his cock.  "Sensitive, pet?" asked Spike, although he was fully aware of how a vampire bite affected humans.  "God, yeah," groaned Xander, grinding himself against the smooth body next to him, his cock getting harder by the second as the nibbling and sucking on the scar continued.  He felt Spike's hand on his cock, stroking it, teasing the head with a fingernail and then lightly running his fingers down the length to cup his balls.  It felt So. Fucking. Good.  Xander couldn't believe he'd denied himself this pleasure for so long.  Spike pushed him onto his back, threw the quilt out of the way and turned the lights up a little. Xander stared into glittering blue eyes.  "You don't cum, pet.  And you watch me.  Understand?"  Xander nodded as his cock jerked in anticipation. 

Spike began to lick and nibble at the scar again, his fingers twisting and pinching Xander's nipples until they were so sensitive he swore he'd come from that alone.  Xander felt a cool tongue lick its way across his chest, then down to tease his navel.  Hands swept down his sides, down his legs, up the insides of his thighs to tease his balls.  Then Spike was between his legs, licking and sucking on his cock, and Xander felt a groan start deep in his throat.  Precum was dripping steadily now, and Xander was chanting "don't cum, don't cum" in his head, trying to keep control.  Spike was sucking him hard now, deep throating him and swallowing around him,  then bobbing up and down rapidly, swirling his tongue around, finding the sensitive places and concentrating on them again and again. 

It felt like Spike had been sucking him for hours, and Xander was growing frantic, thrashing on the bed, desperately trying to hold his orgasm at bay.  "Please... I can't take it... Please stop, or I'm gonna cum, please," he croaked, his voice harsh and dry from panting and moaning.  Spike gave a final lick to Xander's cock, and then crawled up his body, until they were face to face, their bodies pressed together.  Spike kissed him hard, plundering his mouth, and then pulled his head back to look at his boy.  "I'm very pleased with you, pet.  I know how desperately you want to cum, but you asked me to stop so that you wouldn't disobey me.  I think you deserve a reward.  You may cum when I tell you." 

And Spike started all over again.  Licking, nibbling, teasing, sucking until Xander thought he would go out of his mind.  He was moaning and muttering incoherently, "please, now, please, need to cum, please..."  Spike gave a final hard suck to Xander's cock, and lifted his head.  Xander was absolutely beautiful like this.  Shaking with need, gasping and writhing, begging for release.  "Look at me, Xander," he commanded, and held Xander's eyes as he slowly slipped his index and middle finger into his mouth and fellated them enthusiastically until they were dripping wet.  Xander was mesmerised; this was sooo hot.  Spike grinned at him, and then wrapped his other hand around Xander's cock and began pumping him.  Much as he enjoyed blowing the boy, he wanted to watch him come.  Xander felt the wet fingers circling his anus as Spike watched him.  His control was fraying rapidly.  Spike was pumping him harder and faster, and just when Xander thought he couldn't hold out for a second more, said, "You may come, pet."  Spike then slipped the wet fingers into Xander in one hard thrust.  The delicious pain pushed him over the edge, and Xander cried out his release.

He must have passed out, he thought, as he opened his eyes to find Spike kneeling next to him on the bed, watching him.  "Did I..." he croaked.  Spike held out a glass of water, and Xander sat up and took it, drinking it gratefully.  "You were out for a good ten minutes, pet.  Thought I was gonna have to turn you after all!"

"I've never passed out like that before."

"You've never had me blow you before."  They both burst out laughing.  Spike reached out to stroke Xander's cheek.  "Getting off quickly has its charms, pet, but I intend to teach you about delayed gratification.  When you want it so badly you can taste it, and you feel as if you'll die if the pleasure doesn't stop... it's all about intensity, pet.  And endurance.  And we're going to be working on both."  He leaned forward and kissed Xander gently.

Xander noticed that Spike was still hard.  He hesitantly reached out, and then looked to Spike for permission.  "Yeah, pet.  You can touch me."  He ran his hand up and down the silken hardness, and found his mouth watering.  He remembered the feel of the cool cock in his mouth, and wanted it again.  "Can I... I want to suck you."  Blue eyes caught his, and Xander swallowed.  "Please, may I suck you?"

"Yes, pet.  You may."  Spike leant back on the bed, propped up on a pillow so he could watch his boy pleasure him.  Xander began by licking and sucking Spike's nipples, and then licked his way down his body, moving himself until he was between the vampire's legs.  He took the cock between his lips, licking the end with his tongue, before opening his mouth wider and lowering his head, sucking and swallowing around the throbbing length.  Something he remembered reading a long time ago drifted through his mind, and he thought he might give it a try.  He wanted to make this really good.  He released the dripping cock and sat back on his heels.  He bent Spike's legs up, and began licking his balls, taking them into his mouth and sucking gently.  A deep groan told him he was doing it right.  Xander then moved lower, licking the skin under the balls, and then lower still.  The 'eww' factor tried to kick in, but Xander ruthlessly suppressed it.  Vampires don't breathe, or use the bathroom, he told himself fiercely. 

He licked down and around Spike's hole, and a deeper moan and a muttered 'fuck, yeah'  told him to keep going.  Spike dug his feet in and raised himself up slightly to give Xander better access.  Xander used his hands to spread the cheeks, and then licked and teased Spike's anus, pushing his tongue in, just a little.  Spike arched up and gasped, so he did it again, pushing in a bit further.  He began to slowly fuck Spike with his tongue.  He found he could get his tongue further and further in as the muscles loosened a little.  He started to tire after a few minutes, and regretfully pulled out, giving the hole a kiss before licking his way back up, sucking on the balls again and then deep throating Spike.  He sucked hard, swirling his tongue on the places he liked himself, and bobbing his head up and down, faster and faster.  He slipped a finger into the loosened hole, and stroked the silken lining, looking for the magic spot.  He felt Spike stiffen and arch off the bed, so he kept rubbing at the same place.  Suddenly he felt hands on his head, pushing him down.  Xander tried to open his throat and sink as far down on the pulsing cock as he could as Spike began to pump his cum down his throat.  He swallowed every drop, and then licked Spike clean.  He crawled up the bed and lay beside Spike, who rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply, his tongue roaming in Xander's mouth as though trying to taste everything that Xander had.  "That was fucking fantastic, pet.  Where the hell did you find out about rimming?"

"Just something I read, Spike."

"Did some useful research, eh, pet?" chuckled Spike.  Xander was hard again from sucking Spike, but sleep was a more pressing need.  Spike pulled the quilt over them, and they drifted off to sleep again.

When Xander next awoke, it was to a room flooded with daylight, which confused him for a moment until he remembered the complex lighting system.  He found his watch, and saw that it was 9.15 a.m.   Spike was gone, but he heard noises that sounded like plates and cups rattling around.  "Go and have a shower, pet, and then come and have breakfast," called Spike.  Xander had given up wondering how the vampire seemed to know exactly what he was doing at any given time, and went to have a very welcome shower.

*****

He walked into the kitchen to find Spike dishing up bacon and eggs.  He stood gaping, watching the vampire pour coffee, and butter toast.

"You catching flies or something?" said Spike with a grin.  Xander snapped his mouth shut and sat down at the kitchen table.

"This looks great, Spike.  I didn't know you could cook."

"It's only bacon and eggs, pet.  Not exactly Cordon Bleu now, is it?  Anyway, eat up before it goes cold."  Spike sat opposite Xander, dunking his toast in his blood.  He saw Xander watching him with a grimace of distaste on his face.

"Get used to it, pet.  This is how I like it."  Xander looked back down and concentrated on his own breakfast.  When they'd finished eating, he helped Spike load up the dishwasher, and then they sat down again with another cup of coffee.

"OK pet, time for more talking.  I'm sure there's things you want to know, and there's some things I have to say."  Xander sighed on hearing Spike's words, and Spike looked at him sharply.

"The rest of the world hasn't gone away, and we're gonna have to leave the apartment sooner or later, pet."

"Yeah, I know.  It's just...  This is like a dream, Spike, and I'm afraid it'll all fall to pieces, y'know?"

"It's not a dream, Xan.  But yeah, there are things we're going to have to deal with, and some of them aren't gonna be easy.  No need to jump in the deep end straight off though, is there?  Come with me."  Spike stood up and walked into the bedroom, and Xander followed.  Spike walked over to the large walk in closet, and gestured to the left.

"All the clothes here will fit you.  They were bought for you, and you will wear them from now on.  If I see another Hawaiian shirt on your back, I will set fire to it, whether you have time to get out of it or not."  Xander saw hangers full of shirts, trousers, jeans, jackets, a couple of suits, a black leather duster, and more shoes and boots than he had ever owned in his entire life.  Spike opened drawers, one after the other, showing Xander socks, t-shirts and shorts.  Xander turned to Spike and said, "Um... all the clothes are really great, Spike, thank you.  I've never had so many things in my life.  But there's no, um, boxers, or briefs, y'know."

"I know, pet.  Like I said, there are things I need to tell you about how our life together will be.  It's still very early days yet, and I want to take things slowly.  There will be rules, and this is one of them.  You will not wear anything under your pants.  At all.  Ever.  I have no intention of wrestling my way through layers of clothes when I want you.  OK?"

Xander swallowed hard, and said, "Er, fine by me, yeah."  Thoughts of Spike taking him, at any time, in any place, dancing through his brain and doing sparky things to his cock.

Spike pointed to the top drawer, which had a lock on it.  He produced a small key-ring, unlocked the drawer then handed the keys to Xander.

"These are your keys.  There's one for the apartment building, one for the utility cupboard and one for the apartment.  There's also a key to this drawer."  Spike opened the drawer, and Xander gasped.

"There must be thousands of dollars in there, Spike!"  he said in shock.

"Yeah, that's yours.  I have a key to this drawer.  As you run low, I'll top it up.  I know you want to do something useful with your life, and you will, but no more shit jobs just to scrape together a few bob, understand?"

"Er, yeah, but - what's a few bob?"  Spike burst out laughing, and wrapped his arm around Xander's shoulder.  "Money, love,"  he said, "something I don't want you to ever have to worry about again, got it?"  Spike turned, and placed his hands on Xander's shoulders so he could stare into his eyes.  "You're not stupid, pet.  You're not weak.  You're not the Zeppo or the donut boy.  You've let other people dictate what you are, and that's going to stop.  And no," he said, seeing Xander opening his mouth as though to interrupt, "that doesn't include me.  I've made you an offer and you accepted it.  What we do is consensual.  I'm talking about others that use you for their own benefit.  I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I am going to help you find out what you want, and do everything I can to enable you to achieve it.  Buried under all the crap that's been heaped on you, pet, is a strong, independent person.  I'm gonna give you a hand digging him out, that's all."

Xander stared, and slowly shook his head.  "I don't understand, Spike.  I'm just a...  You said it yourself, you said I was submissive all the time.  I'm not what you think I am..." his voice trailed away miserably.  Spike felt a lump forming in his throat.  He wanted to personally drain every bastard who'd ever mistreated his boy.  He wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him.  He then led him to the bed, and sat them both down, still holding Xander.

"Xander, listen to me.  Are you listening?"  Xander nodded, but kept his face buried in Spike's neck.  "When I said that, I was talking about the way you'd been dismissed by so many people that you automatically submitted to their wishes, hoping they'd accept you.  That is what will change.  As far as our relationship is concerned, yes, you are submissive.  Yes, you need a strong master.  But recognising that, and choosing to act on it is a very hard thing to do.  Only a strong person can make that sort of decision.  You had plenty of opportunities to back out, but you stuck by your choice.  That shows inner strength.  Even though you know this decision is gonna cause a world of problems, you still stuck by it.  Choosing to submit to someone else is something only a strong person can do.  Surviving all the shit that's happened in your life shows me just how strong you are.  And if you were only a weak, waste of human flesh, there's no way Angelus would have gone near you, let alone offered you to me.  There's no pleasure in dominating the weak, Xander.  The whole point is that a strong person submits to your will, by choice."  By this time, Xander was sitting up straighter, and he caught Spike's eye.  "You really think I'm a strong person?"

"I don't think it, pet.  I know it.  And seeing you on your knees before me is mindblowingly erotic because of it."  Xander smiled, really smiled, and Spike sighed in relief.  Getting Xander to believe in himself was the first obstacle to be overcome, and the most important.  There was no way he would cope with the rest of the problems facing them if he didn't have a strong sense of his own self-worth.

"Now, you must have some questions, pet, so fire away," said Spike, releasing his hold on Xander and sitting round on the bed so he was facing him.

"Yeah.  Um, I can really do anything I want?  About work and stuff, I mean."

"There's no rush, pet.  I'd rather you didn't get involved in anything for a while yet, as we still have so much to sort out here, but I've got the Internet hooked up on the computer in the study.  You can start exploring, y'know, find out about things that have always interested you.  Like I said, you're not stupid, and you might want to go to college, or do some courses or training or something.  OK?" 

"Wow, nobody's ever..."  Xander shook his head, his smile absolutely dazzling the vampire.

Xander then took a deep breath, and looked Spike in the eye.  "OK, I wanted to ask you about last night.  You wanted me to drink your blood, and I did.  Why?"

"Why did you drink it, or why did I want you to?"

"You know what I mean, Spike."

"How do you feel today, pet?"

"What?  I feel fine."  Xander looked confused at the seeming change of subject.

"No aches and pains?  No soreness anywhere, feeling tired, drained?"  Light began to dawn on Xander.

"Your blood.  It does something to me."  Statement.

"Yes, pet.  Master's blood is very powerful stuff.  Remember, I only let you drink a very small amount.  It helps to heal you, makes you stronger, faster.  It also strengthens the link between us.  So I will feed you my blood from time to time, particularly if I've fed from you, and you will drink it, Xander."  Xander nodded absently.  Drinking the blood hadn't particularly bothered him, and he did feel really good this morning, only...  "Does it do anything else, Spike?"

"No, not in the small quantities you'll have."  And the tone of voice said 'end of conversation', so Xander searched for a change of subject, suddenly remembering the locked door he'd noticed on first looking around the apartment.

"What's behind the locked door, Spike?  When you showed me around, you didn't mention it, and when I tried the handle, it was locked.  Is it something I'm not supposed to know about?"

Spike looked at Xander carefully, then said, "It's a... playroom, I suppose.  There are some things in there that we will use.  I'd intended to tell you about it later on today, but I should have known your curiosity would get the better of you.  I can show it to you now, if you want, or you can get any other questions you have off your chest.  Your choice."  Xander was totally intrigued by the room now, but they needed to talk about Buffy and the others, so he ploughed on.

"Spike, I'm... I'm happier that I can ever remember being - you do know that, don't you?"  Spike nodded, a small grin curving his lips.  "But I can't help worrying about what's gonna happen with Buffy and Wills and stuff, y'know?"

"When are you supposed to be meeting them again?"

"Not until Monday.  The girls are busy at college and Giles is doing something and..."

"...and nobody needed the donut boy while they were having fun, eh?"  Spike could have kicked himself when he saw Xander's face fall at his words.  He shuffled forwards on the bed and wrapped his arms around his boy.  "Sorry, Xan, that didn't come out quite right.  They've just started college, and they must have lots of things they need to do.  I'm sure they'll want to see you..."  But Xander cut him off.  "No.  No, you were right the first time, Spike.  I love them, they're my friends.  And I know they love me - it's just that I'm sorta left behind while they're off doing the new exciting study-type stuff.  And I do understand.  They don't mean to hurt me.  But they do..."  His last words were whispered, and Spike hugged him harder.  Thoughtless, selfish, fucking humans!

"Yeah, well it suits us at the moment, so perhaps we should both be grateful they've got something new to occupy themselves while we sort things out, eh?"  Xander visibly cheered, Spike was right - it did suit him.

"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, it is good isn't it?"  And the smile was back, thank Christ.

"Today's Friday, so we've got the weekend to think about how we're gonna handle the Slayer.  For now, let's not worry about it.  That alright with you?"  Xander nodded.  He wasn't looking forward to what would probably be a very nasty confrontation,  so he was happy to shelve it for the time being.  "OK, then.  Wanna go see the dun... playroom?"

*****

They stood outside the locked door, and Spike produced a key.  "I'll unlock the room, and I will leave it unlocked from now on.  There's a door in here that leads outside - a sort of emergency exit, should we need one.  You use the apartment key you already have - it fits both doors."  Spike walked in, and Xander followed.  Soft lights illuminated the room, their entry obviously triggering some sort of automatic lighting system.  As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he looked around.  He swallowed hard.  "Whoa..." escaped his lips.  Spike looked at him with concern.  Fuck, he though, maybe it's too soon.  "You OK, pet?  We can leave it for now and lock it back up if you want..."  And suddenly the blast of arousal hit him.  Locking the room back up was not an option.

"Oh wow, Spike.  This is..."  Words failed Xander as his glance swept the room again.  It was vast, and every bit of equipment he'd ever seen in - those - magazines seemed to be in the room.  There were glass-fronted cabinets lining one of the walls holding all sorts of - things which Xander felt needed further investigation quite soon.  There was a large four-poster bed in one corner, and an open door leading to a bathroom in the other. 

"This room has been set up as a dungeon, albeit a very comfortable and discreet one," said Spike. "Very nice little earner this has been.  But it's ours, yours if you want it, pet.  Neither of us are into the really heavy stuff, but there are lots of other things we can do in here."

Xander turned to Spike, grinning.  "It's perfect, Spike, thank you."  And kissed him soundly, looking like a kid on Xmas morning.

"There'll be rules in here, pet.  As soon as you enter this room, you'll use the bathroom to clean and prepare yourself, and then you'll kneel here, in the centre of the room, and wait for me.  You do not wear clothing of any description in this room unless it is something I choose for you.  You will address me as Master or Master Spike, and you will not look at me, or speak, until given permission.  Is that understood?"  Xander was so hard he was surprised his zipper hadn't given way under the pressure.  He nodded, swallowing to try and moisten his suddenly too-dry mouth. 

"There's more, but that's the basics, pet."  Spike headed towards the bathroom at the back of the room, and Xander followed.  "This is where you'll get yourself ready for me.  This room was specially designed, just for this purpose.  There are nozzles there for cleaning yourself."  Spike indicated a red tube with a nozzle at the end.  "You use that one first, it dispenses warm, soapy water, and then the blue one, with warm, clean water."  He turned to face Xander, who was staring at the nozzles, his face bright red.  "You do know what I'm talking about, don't you, pet?"

"Er, yeah.  It's just really embarrassing, y'know?"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Xan.  It's part of preparing yourself for your master's pleasure, and it's for your comfort too.  Look at it that way, and you'll feel better about it, I promise you.  You'll also need to get rid of some of your excess body hair.  You get that caught in something, and you'll know all about it!"  Spike had opened a large cupboard, in which were wax strips for hair removal, new tubes of lubricant, and several cockrings, made of different materials, from leather to metal.

"We'll do some waxing this afternoon, and when we first use the dungeon, I'll help you with everything else.  After that, you should be able to manage on your own.  You alright with that, pet?"

Xander stood gaping.  He mouth opened and closed a few times, but words failed him.

"Xander, answer me," said Spike, in a tone that brooked no argument.

"Um... yeah.  Sorry, Spike, just a lot to take in, y'know.  Yeah, it's fine," he said, as he shook his head a little, trying to clear his fuzzy thoughts.

"This is why we're taking things slowly, Xan.  You've read a lot about this stuff, but reading about it and living it are two entirely different things.  You sure you're fine with all this?"

Xander put his hands on Spike's shoulders, and gazed into his eyes.  "I want this, Spike.  I want to please you.  I love you.  And just walking into the dungeon made me hard!  Just going into overload a bit, that's all.  Need to process, y'know?  I kinda expected the cleaning out thing, but the waxing sort of threw me a bit, and then it just hit me...  This is real, isn't it?"

So that was it - reality check time.  Xander wanted, needed to be told.

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander's waist, keeping their gazes locked.  "Yeah, pet, this is real.  This is part of your life now.  The things I will tie you down to are real.  The chains, and the rope and leather restraints are real.  The sling is real.  The dildos and the clamps, the floggers and the whips - all  real.  The pain will be very real.  The blood will be real.  And the pleasure will be totally and completely real when I tie you down and fuck you til you scream."  Xander shuddered, and ground his aching cock against Spike's equally hard erection.

"Oh fuck, Spike," he breathed.  Spike could hear his heart pounding, his breathing was ragged, and his pupils dilated so far his eyes look like black pools.  Spike slammed Xander against the wall, hard, and plundered his mouth.  They ground against each other, pillaging each other's mouths until Xander cried out and came in his pants.  Spike came shortly afterwards, and they collapsed against each other, leaning weakly against the wall.

"Wow," said Xander, breathlessly, "and that was just talking about it."  Spike grinned sheepishly.  "Yeah.  I think we need to go take a shower.  Good opportunity to show you how the waxing works, too."  He picked up a couple of boxes of strips, and led the way out.  "You can come back and explore later, if you want.  But after today, you'll need to go through the whole preparation routine whenever you enter this room, even if it's only to do some cleaning and tidying, understand?"

Spike spun around suddenly and headed for the door again.  "C'mon, pet. Let's have shower."  Xander grinned and followed Spike to their bedroom, feeling distinctly uncomfortable in his sticky pants. 

"Spike," he said, "can we..."

"Tonight, if you want, pet."

"It's a date," grinned Xander, stripping off his clothes and heading for the shower.





Part Five ~ Secrets and Discoveries



After their shower, Spike showed Xander how to clip the hair short and then use the depilatory wax strips on himself, having first rubbed in a herbal gel that deadened the stinging somewhat.  Xander kept giggling as Spike carefully depilated him, feeling absolutely ridiculous, but had to admit that the sensation of smoothness around his normally very hairy nether regions was extremely sensual.  His chest and underarm hair went as well, but Spike felt that was as far as it needed to go, for which Xander was extremely grateful.

"We've done the hard bit now, pet.  It's easy to keep yourself this way now you've done it once."  Xander didn't look convinced, but Spike just grinned and announced that it was lunchtime.

The rest of Friday afternoon was spent sprawled on the couch idly channel surfing, cuddling and chatting.  About 6 in the evening, Spike headed to the kitchen, brought out some lasagne and salad for Xander, and a mug of blood for himself.  He then poured them each a glass of red wine, and raised his glass, inviting Xander to do the same.  They clinked glasses, and Spike said, "To us."  Xander repeated his words, and they sipped the wine, Xander a little uncertainly, but enjoying it after a while as a warm glow suffused him.  He really wasn't a wine drinker, but the second glass was doing pleasant things to his body, making him feel relaxed.  Xander's attention was caught by something on the TV, and he didn't notice Spike leave the room.

Suddenly the TV was turned off.  Xander turned his head to see Spike standing just behind him.  "It's time," he said.  Xander got up from the couch, fighting down the cloud of butterflies that had apparently taken up residence in his stomach, and followed Spike to their bedroom.

"Strip."  Xander started taking his clothes off, wondering why he had a hand full of thumbs now when they worked perfectly well earlier on.  He finally managed to get all his clothes off, and jammed them into the clothes hamper.  Spike walked up to him, and ran his hand down his back, leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips.  "It's OK to be nervous, pet.  Big step.  But there's nothing to be worried about.  I won't do anything you don't want.  Well, I can't do anything you don't want, but I wouldn't anyway, you do know that, don't you?"

Xander nodded.  "I know that, Spike.  I'm not worried about that, wiggy as that sounds, 'cos I should be, shouldn't I?  But I'm not.  Can we... can we run over the rules and, like stuff, 'cos I'm sort of blanking out here."  Spike smiled at him.

"Tonight's a sort of trial run, Xan.  I'll walk and talk you through everything, just so you feel comfortable in there."  Seeing Xander's face fall a little, he continued, "We will play tonight, but there'll be no punishment for failure to obey the rules, OK?"  Xander's turn to smile.

"Right then, let's get started.  OK, Xan.  You'll strip in here, and put on this robe.  When you enter the dungeon, you'll take it off immediately and hang it by the door."   Spike led the way, and they walked into the room.  Xander slipped off the robe and hung it on one of the brass hooks that hung in the tiny hall.  He then following Spike, through the dungeon, to the bathroom at the far end.  The lights came on automatically here, too.  Xander knew that Spike must have been in here earlier.  There was a number of leather... things on the bathroom cabinet, and a large bottle of lube.  Xander spent the next half an hour feeling extremely embarrassed as Spike gave him a practical demonstration on how to clean and lubricate himself in preparation for his lover.

"You'll do this as soon as you enter the room, Xan, don't forget.  And make sure you lubricate yourself well.  Once you're ready, you need to stroke yourself until you're hard, then put on this cock ring.  I'll show you how to do that now, but it's not difficult."  Spike stroked Xander until he was fully erect, and then slipped one leather band around his balls, and the other around the base of his cock, and demonstrated how to fit it tightly enough to prevent ejaculation.  He then removed it, and Xander replaced it himself, getting it right on his second try.  "That's good, pet.  Now loosen it off a little.  It's only for decoration at the moment.  You can't wear it tightly for too long without causing some damage.  I'll tighten it myself when the time comes."

Spike then indicated five sturdy leather bands, 4 quite wide, and one fairly narrow, that were lying on the bathroom cabinet.  "You'll put these on, too.  Two around your ankles, two around your wrists, and the thin one around your neck.  I'll do it tonight, but they shouldn't be any harder to put on yourself than a watch band."  The leather cuffs were padded, and were very sturdily fastened with 3 buckles each, and each cuff had a large 'D' ring set in it.  Xander felt his heart begin to race when he realised why.  The leather collar only had the one buckle, but it, too, had a 'D' ring set in it.  Spike stood back and looked at Xander.  "Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful," he said.  Xander smiled shyly, and then gasped in surprise when he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror.  "Something special, eh, pet?" said Spike, noticing Xander gazing at himself.  Words totally failed Xander at this point, so Spike simply stood and watched him watching himself in the mirror.  Xander smiled, and turned to Spike.  "Ready?" asked Spike.  "Yeah, ready," answered Xander, taking a deep, calming breath.  "Let's go, then."

Spike led the way out of the bathroom, and into the dungeon.  He indicated the square marked out in the centre of the floor, and Xander knelt down, facing the dungeon's main entrance.  "You kneel up, pet, not resting on your heels.  Keep your knees apart, and cross your wrists behind you, like so," he said, as he positioned Xander.  "Lower your eyes, and wait in this position for me.  When I come back, we will begin.  You will kiss my boots at the beginning of our session here, and at the end.  That is the first and last act of our session.  I have to go and get ready.  I won't be long."  And with that, Spike left Xander kneeling in the centre of the room.

Spike stripped as he entered the bedroom, and roughly pumped at his erection.  It only took a minute or two before he came.  Helping Xander prepare for him, and then seeing him take up the submissive position in the middle of the dungeon, had pushed Spike to the edge of orgasm.  He quickly showered, and then rubbed baby oil over his chest and arms.  Spike then slipped into his black leather pants and boots, and put on heavy black leather and steel bracelets.   Have to look the part, he thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Xander was growing more and more nervous, kneeling in the middle of the dungeon.  Despite Spike's instructions, he had sneaked peeks around him, and his gaze settled on the whipping posts, clamps, leather whips and dildos displayed around the room.  His imagination was running riot, and he was desperately aroused, whilst at the same time feeling really, really apprehensive.  He wished Spike would just come in and get it over with - whatever it was.  Luckily, he was gazing down at the floor when he heard the door open.  He stiffened, and waited.  He heard Spike walking towards him, closer and closer.  Then...  "Look at me, pet."  Xander raised his eyes.  Guh!  Spike in tight leather, his carved chest and biceps glistening in the flickering electric candlelight that lit the room.  What was that phrase?  Oh, yeah - sex on a stick.  Xander's arousal ratcheted up another notch.

"Close your mouth, pet.  We're not ready for that yet," said Spike in amusement.  Xander snapped his mouth shut.  Spike walked around him slowly, as though he hadn't seen him just ten minutes before.

"I will check to make sure that you have obeyed my instructions when I first enter this room, Xander.  I know you have this evening, because I supervised you.  And next time you disobey me by taking your eyes off the floor once you are in position, you will be punished, understand?"

Xander nodded, not even questioning how Spike knew.  Spike stood directly in front of Xander, who leaned forward and placed a kiss on the toe of each boot.   "Good boy.  Now stand up, pet.  We're going on a little sight-seeing tour."  Spike had smelled the tang of fear as he entered the room, and figured that Xander had knelt there staring at the various items and working himself up.  As much as Xander wanted this, it was completely unknown territory to him.  So apprehension was to be expected.  Having a look at everything might take that edge away a little.  But only a little - Spike liked the slight edge of fear.  He just didn't want Xander going over the top and possibly triggering the chip. 

As they walked around the room, Spike explained what the various pieces of equipment were, and what they could be used for.  He felt Xander's nervousness begin to dissipate a little, and instructed Xander to say no to any piece of equipment or item that he definitely had no interest in.  The whips were a no, so was anything but the softest flogger.  Any sort of hood, blindfold and the ballgag - in fact, any type of gag were given a definite veto.  Everything else was viewed in verbal silence, although Xander's body was speaking volumes to Spike.  He picked up Xander's wave of fear at the thought of sensory deprivation, and felt he could live with that.  But even though Xander had said no to the whips, his body had screamed yes.  And when Spike had talked about the sling, Xander's hasty dismissal of one of its uses also sounded a false note.  But Spike put his thoughts away for later consideration.  Now it was time for his boy.

Spike walked Xander back to the centre of the room and stood in front of him, kissing him gently.  "OK, pet.  You ready for a trial run?"  Xander swallowed hard and nodded.  "You have to speak when I ask you a direct question, pet," he said.  Xander licked his lips, then said, "Yes, Spi... Master Spike."  Spike smiled.  "Good boy."  He walked over to a bank of switches set in a wooden plinth just off the centre of the room.  He pressed a button, and a trapeze lowered from the ceiling, stopping at waist height.  He walked back to Xander.

"Spread your arms out in front of you."  Spike attached the clips on either end of the bar to the rings set in Xander's cuffs.  He then walked back to the plinth and raised the bar until Xander's arms were hanging loosely above his head.  He then walked back to Xander.  "Spread your legs, pet," he said, and as Xander complied, he attached the leg cuffs to chains set in the floor.  Xander was now spread-eagled, and Spike raised the bar further, just high enough to give the muscles a little burn and stretch.  "Beautiful," he said softly.  He could smell the arousal pouring from Xander at simply being restrained.  Just try out one or two things, fuck his boy senseless; that would be enough for tonight, Spike thought.

Spike opened the cupboard that held the nipple clamps, picked up two of the wooden screw-clamps, and returned to his pet.  He began to suck and lick at Xander's nipples, making the man groan in pleasure.  As Xander's nipples hardened, Spike began to pinch and roll them.  He then pinched one between his thumb and forefinger, and put on the nipple clamp.  Xander groaned as Spike tightened it.  He groaned even louder as Spike repeated the operation on the other nipple.  Spike then flicked the clamps, causing Xander to bite down hard on his bottom lip.  Spike began to lightly stroke Xander's cock and balls as he toyed with the clamps, so that Xander was hissing with pain and groaning with pleasure simultaneously.  After a few minutes, Spike stopped.  Can't leave the clamps on for too long, especially the first time, he thought.  He unscrewed the left nipple clamp, and removed it.  Xander gasped at the pain as the circulation returned.  Spike licked and sucked at the nipple, and then removed the other clamp, licking and sucking that nipple too, as Xander moaned in pain.  "Sore, pet?" asked Spike.  Xander nodded, and swallowed hard.  Spike walked over to the bar and brought back a sipper bottle of water, giving Xander a drink of water.  "Better, pet?"  "Yeah, thanks," croaked Xander.   Spike nodded, and put down the water bottle.

Spike returned to the cupboard, and took out a soft, suede flogger.  It wouldn't hurt much at all, to begin with, but the burn gradually built up.  It was the ideal way to start.  He walked back to Xander, and trailed the soft suede tails slowly over his chest and his cock.  Xander moaned; Spike reached down and tightened his cock ring, then he walked around behind Xander.  Spike trailed the flogger lightly over Xander's back, and then swung it at this butt, fairly lightly, establishing a good rhythm.  After a couple of minutes of this, Xander had begun groaning again, and his butt cheeks were turning pink. 

Spike stopped to admire his handiwork, then he turned his attention to the shoulders, flogging Xander at a steady, easy pace.  The skin there began to redden, and Xander's breathing grew harsh as he panted through the burning sensation that was slowly building. 

Spike returned to flogging his backside, not stopping until the cheeks were quite red.  Xander was now gasping and moaning steadily.  Spike walked to the cupboard, and put the flogger back on the shelf.  He picked up the tube of lube he'd put next to the flogger and tucked it in his pocket.  Spike gazed at Xander; he was a vision - his eyes closed, his breathing ragged, his cock an angry purple and steadily dripping.  Spike couldn't remember ever seeing anything as beautiful in his life. 

He knelt in front of Xander, and delicately licked at the glistening cock, swirling his tongue around the head, and running his fingers over the smooth balls and further back, to tease his hole.  Xander was trembling now, broken pleas falling from his lips.  Spike stood, and then walked behind him.  He unzipped his pants, pushed them down slightly, and lubricated his cock.  He threw the tube to the floor, and pressed himself against Xander's back, wrapping his arms around his waist.  "You've been a very good boy, pet, and now I'm going to fuck you.  Because you've been so good, you get to come when I do.  But not before.  Understand?"  Xander nodded, and Spike could hear his heart stutter at the words.

Spike spread Xander's hot, red cheeks open with his hands, placed the head of his cock at the puckered entrance, and buried himself into the prepared hole in one, hard thrust.  Xander cried out, and Spike gripped his hips firmly, holding him still for a moment.  Holding firmly onto Xander's hips, Spike began thrusting in a punishing rhythm, angling himself to hit Xander's prostate as often as possible.  Xander was shuddering and gasping now and Spike felt himself getting close.  Just before his climax hit, he reached around with one hand and began fisting Xander's cock.  Spike slipped into game face; taking Xander like this was making him lose control, and as his orgasm hit, he sank his fangs into Xander's neck.  He slipped his hand around to loosen the cock ring, and immediately Xander howled, spasmed, and spurted his climax over Spike's hand. 

They stayed locked together for several minutes, but Spike only drank a little.  He just wanted Xander to feel his fangs in his throat.  Finally he withdrew them, and drew a sharp fang across his wrist, which he then pressed to Xander's mouth.  "Drink, pet," he ordered, and Xander sucked at the wound for a minute or two. 

Spike felt his cock hardening again inside his pet's body as the blood was sucked from his wrist.  He slowly pulled his arm away from Xander's mouth as he began to leisurely fuck his sweet pet again.  The sensation of the slow push and pull against his prostate soon had Xander erect.  Spike started to speed his thrusts, fucking him hard but refusing to touch his cock.  By the time Spike came for the second time, Xander was babbling and begging.

Spike pulled out of his pet, grabbed a wet washcloth from the pile of linen placed discreetly behind the plinth, and wiped himself carefully.  He then lowered the bar and released Xander, who slipped to his knees. 

Spike unchained Xander's hands, and then told him to cross his wrists behind him again.  Spike then clipped the cuffs together.  Xander's feet were still chained so that he was spread open, his knees wide apart. 

Spike stood in front of Xander and said, "Open your mouth.  I want you to suck me."  Xander faltered a little - Spike had just been fucking him up the...

Spike grabbed a handful of Xander's hair and pulled his head back roughly, to look into his eyes. "You're clean inside, pet.  And don't ever hesitate when I tell you to do something again.  Understand?" 

Xander swallowed hard, and said "Y... yes, Master Spike."  "Good, pet.  Now suck me.  Make me nice and hard, and maybe we'll do something about that,"  he said, gesturing towards Xander's hard cock. 

Xander opened his mouth and began to lave the cock in front of him, which had already begun to harden again.  He sucked hard on the head, swirled his tongue around, and bobbed his head up and down, until Spike was satisfied with the results.  He then reached down and unchained Xander's legs.  "Stay in position, pet.  We haven't finished yet," he ordered. 

Spike then walked around Xander and knelt between his spread legs.  He positioned the head of his cock at Xander's entrance, and said, "Take me in, pet."  Xander pushed down until the head popped in, and then let gravity assist as he sank down until he was sitting on Spike's lap, with the hard cock buried in him up to the hilt.  He leant back against the cool chest, and Spike could feel his heart racing. 

"Fuck yourself on me, Xander."  Xander began to raise and lower his body, impaling himself over and over.  Spike moved slightly, and suddenly Xander was seeing stars as the new angle allowed Spike's cock to hit his prostate on each stroke. Xander was growing frantic with need.  Spike wrapped an arm around Xander and began fisting his cock.  "Spike, please, Master, I need to come now, please..."  "Come for me, pet," whispered Spike, and Xander slammed down hard, pulsing and clenching around Spike's cock as he came. 

He was still shuddering and sparks were still flying through him as Spike pushed him forwards, onto his chest, grabbed his shoulders and pounded into him until he came, grunting and flooding Xander once again with his cool essence. 

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled them both back into a sitting position, Spike still buried inside his boy.  They sat there panting for a minute or two, and then Spike released Xander's wrists.  "Kneel up, pet," said Spike, and once he slipped out of the warm passage, he reached over and grabbed a couple of towels, roughly wiping them both off.

Xander was totally wiped out.  Spike picked him up and carried him back to their bedroom.  He took off the cuffs and collar, and tucked Xander into bed.  He was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.  Spike kissed him gently, smoothing his hair off his forehead, then headed back to clean up the dungeon.  Their first scene had gone better than Spike had expected, and this time he would clean up.

*****

Once Spike had finished tidying up, and checked that Xander was still sleeping, he headed for the study and turned on the computer.  He knew that he cared about the boy, well, been obsessed by him was probably closer to the mark, but he'd never expected to fall so hard for him.  Seduce him, take him, make him his pet - all these things were in the plan. 

Falling in love with him hadn't crossed his mind.  But it bloody well should have.  All the signs were there.  Ah well, no use crying over spilt milk.  The boy was also in love with him, so that made things easier, in some ways.  And a lot harder in others... Spike sniggered to himself at the double entendre.  The Slayer and her minions were going to cause a lot of grief when they found out about this.  And Spike had no doubt that they would, one way or another.

He had one major advantage, however.  The Slayer saw him as a defanged demon, essentially harmless and useless.  The term 'Master Vampire" meant little more to her than a vamp who'd been around a long time.  Rupert should have known better, but he tended to take Spike on face value, and Spike had been very careful to present the face he wanted them to see.  A Master in the House of Aurelius was a very powerful thing to be.  He already had a network of demons and vampires working on the chip problem, even if it was purely out of self interest on the part of some of them.  An electro-magnetic pulse seemed to be the best option they had come up with so far, and he was going on-line to see what the latest information was.  And then he was going back to bed.  To Xander.

Xander.  Spike really didn't want to think too hard about what had happened in the dungeon, when Xander had indicated what he did and didn't want.  But his demon knew what the problem was, and it was screaming with rage.  He could bite and feed from Xan, but only at the point of climax.  And Spike had a feeling that he was already skirting the limits of the amount of pain he could inflict on Xander as far as the chip was concerned.  Xander's willingness would only take them so far.  His boy wanted to explore his limits, that much was obvious from his unconscious reactions.  But he had denied that, knowing that Spike couldn't do it.  Spike was pacing the office by this time, and slammed his fist into the wall, smashing a hole in the panelling.  Damn this fucking chip!  He hadn't been in too much of a hurry about getting it out, prepared to wait and see what his minions came up with.  But he'd waited long enough.  He sat back down at the computer and began to type.

*****

Several very productive hours later, Spike quietly entered the bedroom, stripped, and climbed in bed next to his boy.  Xander stirred, and snuggled closer to the cool body next to him.

"Hey, Spike," he said, sleepily, and laid a gentle kiss on the vampire's lips.

"Back on solid ground again, pet?" asked Spike.

"Yeah.  Wow, Spike.  That was just..."  Xander shook his head, as he couldn't find the words he wanted.  Mindblowing was a good word.  "It was mindblowing, Spike.  When you chained me up, and I couldn't move... You could do anything you wanted to me, and I knew I should have been freaking but... I felt safe.  And I felt free."  There was a note of wonder in Xander's voice.

"That's what it's all about, pet," said Spike, softly.

"I can't describe it, Spike, but when you... y'know, with the clamps and the whip thing and then, when you... I sorta... I started to zone out.  And it was really, really good."

"And it gets better, Xan.  You'll be flying before long."  Spike noticed Xander trying to hide a yawn.  "C'mon, pet, let's get some sleep.  It's been a busy day."  He cradled Xander in his arms, revelling in the warmth as they both drifted off to sleep.
 

*****
 
 

Spike woke to the very pleasant feeling of something warm and wet wrapped around his cock.  He looked down to see Xander's head bobbing up and down at his crotch.  Xander looked up, and let the cock slip out of his mouth with a soft 'pop'.  He crawled up Spike's body, and kissed him.  "Good morning, sleepy vampire."

"Good morning to you, horny human."

"Not the only one horny here, Spike."

"Well not now, no."

"Think I should do something about that, 'cos I caused it in the first place?"

"Hmmm, yeah, I definitely think you should," said Spike, and he wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled him in for a kiss.  The kiss deepened, and they began thrusting against each other.  But Xander had other ideas.  He pulled away from Spike, and began to kiss his way back down to his cock.  He began sucking it again, making it as wet with saliva as he could.  He then straddled Spike, and placed the head at his entrance.

Xander began bearing down, and the head of Spike's cock popped through the ring of muscle.  Xander held still for a moment, and then gradually slid down until Spike was completely buried inside him.  He then began to raise and lower his body, gradually getting faster and faster.  Spike tried to stay still, but found himself thrusting upwards helplessly.

"Good, Spike?" Xander gasped.

"God yeah, ride me, pet.  Oh, fuck, yeah!" Spike exclaimed as Xander began to slam himself down on Spike's cock.  "Pull yourself, pet.  I wanna see you come," gasped Spike, feeling his climax thundering down on him.  He grabbed Xander's hips and slammed into him erratically before pouring his orgasm into the tight, warm passage.  As he lay there shuddering, he felt Xander's muscles spasm around him tightly as warm semen spurted over his belly and chest.  Xander collapsed forward onto Spike, gasping and panting.  They lay quietly in each other's arms for a few minutes, until Xander was sufficiently recovered to suggest a nice, hot shower.

"Good idea, pet.  Then breakfast, I think.  I have a feeling we're going to need the energy today," said Spike, grinning.





Part Six ~ Secrets and Deceptions



After breakfast Spike took himself off to the study, telling Xander that he had to work for a couple of hours.  Xander couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that rose within him when Spike told him firmly that he needed some privacy. Having spent little time on his own since moving in, he found himself feeling a little lost.  There was housework to do, of course, so he decided he might as well get on with it.  He started a load of laundry, changed the bed and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.  With only the two of them in the apartment, however, it didn't take long to do the chores, and Spike was still firmly ensconced behind the closed door of the study when Xander had finished.

Xander sighed, and decided to amuse himself by looking through the CD and DVD collections in the living room.  He really hadn't had time for more than a cursory glance before.  He was pleased to discover a really good mix of comedies, action movies and pornography, 'something for every occasion', he thought to himself.  The cover of one of the porno DVD's caught his eye - a blond was leaning against a wall while a dark-haired guy was blowing him.  Mental images of sucking Spike off caught Xander by surprise, and before he really thought about what he was doing, the DVD was playing and he was slouched on the couch, remote in hand, watching it.

It was obviously an expensive movie.  There wasn't any of the cheesy dialogue and lousy photography that usually characterised these things.  This one looked like it had been professionally made.  The music and lighting were good, and the guys starring in the movie were gorgeous.  Xander found himself mesmerised as he watched the dark haired man licking and sucking the blond, remembering how Spike's cock felt in his mouth, down his throat as he swallowed around it.  He felt himself growing hard, and he wanted his lover, now.  But Spike had made it clear he needed to be undisturbed; that he was doing something important for both of them, though Xander had no idea what that could be.

Xander's train of thought was totally derailed as the images on the screen drew his attention again.  The brunet was still kneeling in front of the blond, but he now had his hands tied behind his back.  The blond's cock was almost as big as Spike's, and Xander watched avidly as the blond held the dark head firmly and slowly pushed his cock in, deeper and deeper, until the brunet's face was pressed hard against the blond curls at his crotch.  He slowly withdrew, and the brunet gasped for breath before the cock was pushed back down his throat again.  After a couple of minutes of this, the brunet was struggling and gasping for air, the cock that was cutting off his breathing being held down his throat for longer and longer.  By now, Xander had his cock out and was stroking it firmly, his eyes never leaving the screen.  An image of himself, bound and on his knees, with Spike's cock thrust down his throat, struggling vainly for air rose unbidden before his eyes and he came, gasping and shuddering, pumping himself.  Xander slumped bonelessly, panting hard.  After a minute or two he grabbed some tissues to clean himself up.  I am one sick puppy, he thought, thinking about how much the idea of Spike doing that to him had excited him.  In fact it was still exciting him, and so he thought, what the hell, I'm gonna get Spike.

He got up and went to the study.  Something made him knock rather than just walk straight in, and he opened the door when he heard Spike call out, "Yeah, come on in, Xan."  Spike hit a button on the computer and then swivelled around in his chair to face Xander.  Spike sniffed the air delicately, and a lascivious smile crept across his face.  "So, what have you been up to, pet?" he said.  Xander walked slowly towards Spike, saying, "I did some housework, y'know, and when I'd finished, I thought I'd watch a movie."  When he reached Spike, he dropped to his knees and Spike spread his legs.  Xander placed his hands on Spike's thighs and leaned forward, using his teeth to pull open the button on Spike's jeans and then to pull down the zipper, very slowly, making sure he licked the now turgid flesh that was oh so gradually being released.  Gotta love those vamp reflexes.  "Fuck, Xan," gasped Spike, "good movie, was it?"

"Uh huh," breathed Xander, as he finally eased the zip all the way down.  Spike raised himself up off the chair slightly as Xander pulled his jeans down further.  "I was watching this movie," said Xander in between long licks up the length of Spike's cock, "where this guy was blowing his lover," more long licks, "and it reminded me of us.  Especially when he did this..." and then he deep throated Spike, who groaned loudly and thrust upwards helplessly into the hot wetness.  Xander swallowed around the hard length, then slowly pulled his mouth away.  "Then what happened, Xan?" asked Spike, hoarsely.  Xander nudged Spike, making him stand up.  "Lean against the desk, Spike, you need to be standing up for the next part," he said. 

Once Spike was standing, Xander took Spike's hands and placed them on his head.  Spike ran his fingers through Xander's soft brown waves and looked down at him questioningly.   "Then," he said huskily, "his lover began to fuck his face, really slowly, going as deep as he could."  Xander took hold of Spike's cock and opened his mouth, placing the tip between his lips.  He then wrapped his arms around Spike's ass and slowly sank down, taking as much of his lover down his throat as he could.  Spike's hands tightened in his hair, and he growled deep in his throat.  He tightened his grip on Xander's head and pulled almost all the way out, leaving just the tip of his cock between Xander's lips.  He tilted Xander's head back, and pushed down on his head.  Xander spread his legs wider, lowering himself a little.  Spike wanted the angle to be just right.  Holding Xander's head still, he slowly thrust back in, further and further.  He saw Xander fight his gag reflex and held still for a moment.  Then he said, "Take a deep breath, love," and pushed in further, pulling Xander's head towards him until his face was buried in Spike's groin, and Spike's cock was deep in Xander's throat.  Xander swallowed reflexively, and Spike groaned.  He then began to slowly pull out again.  Xander gasped for breath.  Spike looked at him seriously.  "I know what you've been watching.  It's not just about taking me in deep, Xan.  It's about trust.  I'm big, I know that, and when I thrust right into you, you can't breathe.  I'm stronger than you, so you have to trust that I'll pull out again.  Is this what you really want to do?  You can just blow me - no bones broken."  Spike didn't really need to hear Xander's answer.  The flood of pheromones and the wildly dilated pupils gave him all the clues he needed.  Pushing at limits, indeed.  Spike opened one of the desk drawers and pulled out a roll of duct tape.  "Put your hands behind your back, pet," he said, and as Xander complied, taped his wrists together.  "This is how it went, yeah?" he said, and indeed, Xander's heart rate was shooting through the roof as he nodded.

Spike knelt down in front of Xander, reached across and tore his t-shirt open, pushing it back over his shoulders so his neck and chest were bare.  He then reached down and unzipped his jeans, pushing them down his thighs.  He pumped Xander's erection a few times while he licked and bit at Xander's nipples.  Spike then stood, and surveyed the sight of the debauched human kneeling at his feet.  "Fuck, pet, you look so..." He shook his head.  Words were so inadequate at times.  Spike grasped Xander's head and began to push his cock back into Xander's mouth, and Xander took a quick gulp of air before the thick cock slid down his throat again, strong hands holding his face pressed into Spike's curly pubic hair.  Then Spike began pulling out again.  Each time Spike pushed down Xander's throat, he stayed there a little longer, and Xander found himself beginning to struggle for air as Spike gave him less and less time to catch his breath in between thrusts.  Xander felt his cock throbbing, and desperately wished he could touch himself.  Spike pulled out again, but this time he plunged straight back in, not giving Xander any time to catch his breath.  Spike held him firmly as Xander began to struggle, tugging helplessly on his bound wrists, desperate for air, feeling his lungs screaming for oxygen.  Just as Xander was convinced he was going to black out, he was blindsided by a mindnumbing orgasm.  As he began to convulse, Spike let go of Xander's head, clutching his own, and fell back against the desk as Xander slumped to the floor, his body wracked with spasms as his orgasm swept over him.  Spike then dropped to his knees next to him, still clutching his head.  Neither moved, both panting hard.  Spike recovered first, and said, "Xan, you OK?"  He reached around and tore the duct tape from Xander's wrists, rubbing them, trying to soothe the reddened skin.

"Hmm, what... um, wow, yeah."  Xander felt totally shattered with the intensity of the experience.  Picking up an odd note to Spike's voice, he tried to reassure him.  "Shit, Spike, that was totally awesome!" Xander panted.  "I had no idea it was like that.  Much more intense than I expected."

Spike zipped himself back up and helped Xander into the bedroom, placing him gently on the bed.  He stripped off Xander's clothes and got a wet washcloth from the bathroom to clean up his lover.

"Why don't you have a bit of a nap, love?  I'll finish up what I'm doing and join you, OK?"  But Xander was already asleep.  Spike wrapped the comforter around him and went to make the final arrangements.  The bastard, fucking chip had fired just before Xander had come.  Soon, though, it would not be a problem.

*****

Xander woke up absolutely starving.  He glanced at the clock.  It was almost 4pm.  Wow, I've slept for hours, he thought, no wonder I'm hungry - I missed lunch.  He threw the comforter off, discovering that he was naked.  As he remembered why, a wave of lust shot through him.  He'd never experienced anything like that before.  Spike holding him down, forcing his cock deep down his throat, struggling to breathe... a shudder of pleasure ran through him.  Fuck, I am so warped, he thought to himself with a grin.  Then he sobered; he remembered something else - remembered Spike clutching his head, falling backwards.  Shit, the chip.  The chip must have gone off.  God, I shouldn't have asked him to do that. He leapt up, grabbed a pair of sweats and slipped them on, and headed off to find Spike, make sure he was OK.

The study door was open, and Xander walked in expecting to find Spike sitting at the desk, but the room was empty.  The roll of duct tape was still lying on the floor where Spike had tossed it, so Xander picked it up and put it back in the drawer.  As he shoved the stiff drawer shut, the computer monitor flared back to life.  The vibration through the desk had nudged the mouse, and woken the computer from its hibernation.  Xander glanced at the screen, and then looked more closely.  An email was open.  Xander's mouth fell open as he read it.  Fuuuck...  the mail was confirming an appointment, next Saturday night, where the sender confidently expected Spike's 'little problem' to be taken care of, permanently, with the aid of a demon who could manipulate electrical energy.  Xander backed slowly away from the computer and headed, in a daze, for the bedroom.

Xander picked up the bottle of whiskey from the bar with a shaking hand and headed into the bathroom, locking the door.  Desperately trying to stem the rising tide of panic.  He felt as though there was a tornado in his head - his thoughts were whirling around and he wasn't able to pin any of them down to examine them.  Xander closed the lid on the toilet and sat down.  He opened the whiskey and took a long swallow, coughing as it burnt his throat; he hoped it would steady his nerves.  Of course Spike was going to get the chip out.  It was only a matter of time before he did, Xander knew that; had known that when he moved in.  Just didn't think about it, that's all.  Another swallow of whiskey.  He should leave.  He should just get up and leave, now.  Go and tell Buffy, and then she'd... Xander gasped; he felt like he'd been hit in the stomach.  The thought of leaving, and losing Spike to the Slayer, was too much.  OK, cross that off the list of things I can do.  Three more long swallows, and the pain eased a little.  His thoughts were still chasing around in his head, but the whirling sensation had slowed down a bit, although it had grown a little fuzzy around the edges.  OK, Xan, think.  This is what Spike has been working on, obviously.  He said it was something for both of us.  What, he's going to kill all my friends as a 'thank you for letting me fuck you' present?  He giggled at the thought, and took another long drink of whiskey.  No, he wouldn't do that, he loves me.  And he knows I love my friends.  Another drink.  Ha, yeah - hello, vampire?  Not known for warm and fuzzy feelings.  Slaughtering your lover's nearest and dearest is probably the most romantic thing you can do if you're a vampire.  Another drink.  Whoops, the toilet seems to be tilting a little...  Xander started giggling again.  He'll probably want to turn me.  Don't want to be a vampire.  I'm gonna have to leave.  Can't leave.  Love my Spike.   If I leave I'll have to tell Buffy, and then she'll...not gonna leave.  Another drink.  Wish that banging would stop, giving me a headache, and I'm trying to *think* in here...  Another drink - hey, this bottle is nearly empty, must have spilled some somewhere...  Lots of feet - why are there lots of feet on the floor?

"Xan, pet, what's going on?"  Xander looked up to see Spike standing in front of him.

"Spike." said Xander as he straightened up to look up at Spike and began to fall backwards.  Strong arms caught him, picked him up and carried him out to the bedroom.  Spike lay Xander on the bed and sat next to him.  "What's going on, pet?" he asked gently.

Xander squinted owlishly at Spike.  "Don't wanna be a vampire, Spike."

"Um, OK, Xan.  You don't have to be a vampire if you don't want to," said a clearly puzzled Spike.

"Oh, OK then - 's good.  Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"I hate you, Spike."

"Why's that, pet?" asked Spike, getting more perplexed by the second.

"Cos I love you, that's why.  I love you sooo, sooo much," said Xander in a sing-song voice.

"OK...?" said Spike, hoping this was heading somewhere that would give him a clue as to what was going on in Xander's head.

"I love you too much, Spike, 'n I can't live without you.  But if you try and eat everybody Buffy will come and get you, with a biiig stake...  But I won't let her get you, Spike," said Xander, patting Spike's arm and nodding his head slowly, "cos I'd have to do it, 'm the only one who should...'n then I'll die too, won't I, cos I need you too much..." Tears began rolling down Xander's cheeks as he finally passed out, three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey generally having that effect, eventually.

Light finally dawned on Spike.  Oh, fuck.  How the hell did he find out about...  Spike covered Xander with the quilt and went to the study.  The computer appeared to be off, but when he moved the mouse, the monitor once again sprang to life, with the incriminating email there for all to see.  The drawer he'd left open was now closed.  Fuck!  All right, first things first.  Need to sober Xander up and talk to him about this.  Judging by the boy's drunken ramblings, he had convinced himself that Spike was about to unleash the Big Bad on Sunnyhell again.  And while the idea was not without its charms, it was not the primary reason for getting the chip neutralised.  Spike went to the fridge and removed three bags of blood.  He heated them and then drank them down quickly.  The quickest way to sober him up is to drain some of his blood, and then feed him some of mine, thought Spike.  Also wouldn't hurt to strengthen the bond a fair bit either.  Probably going to need it.   He knew the boy loved him, needed him, but they'd only been together a short time.  The last thing Spike wanted was Xander walking out, and if he had to use the bond to make sure he didn't, then he would.  He walked back into the bedroom, stripped himself and Xander and then lay down next to him.
 

*****

Xander was floating just beneath full consciousness.  His cock was aching, and he began to thrust against the cool body lying on top of him.  It was So. Fucking. Hot when Spike fed from him, and fed him his blood.  Something tugged at his mind, but immediately soothing thoughts filled his head; love, concern, warmth...  His orgasm washed over him, and he drifted off to sleep again.  Spike gently withdrew his fangs from Xander's neck, and slowly pulled his still-bleeding wrist away, as Xander's suckling slowed, and then stopped.

Xander drifted to consciousness again.  He felt peaceful and content.  The cool body of his lover was pressed against his back, one of Spike's legs between his.  Pressure at his entrance, then a slick hand stroking his cock as the cool length slid easily inside him.  Spike's other wrist was pressed against Xander's mouth, and he suckled greedily, the blood filling him with warmth.  Long, hard thrusts, and soon Xander was thrusting back, impaling himself, then forward into the hand.  The blood filling his mouth sang of love and dark desires, and as Spike sank his fangs into his neck, Xander howled out his orgasm.  Again, feelings of love and concern surrounded him, and he drifted once more to sleep.

*****

The next time Xander awoke, it was to the smell of bacon and eggs.  His stomach rumbled.  Spike was sitting on the bed next to him, a tray of food in his hands.  He put the tray down on the bedside table and stroked Xander's hair off his forehead.

"Hey there, sleepyhead.  How are you feeling?"  Xander did a mental survey of his body, and found he felt great.  Something was nagging at him, but he dismissed it and sat up, feeling absolutely starving.

"I feel great.  And I'm starving - that for me?"  Spike nodded, then watched Xander closely as he sat up and reached for the tray.  He seemed to inhale the food it was eaten so quickly, and he enthusiastically accepted the offer of more orange juice.

"Wow, that's better.  Thanks, Spike.  Shower next, I think," said Xander, feeling sticky and sweaty.  He threw back the covers and headed to the bathroom, stopping abruptly when the saw the smashed door lock.  "Spike?"  And suddenly a feeling of sick dread assailed Xander.  He faltered, blood draining to his feet.  Spike was up in a flash, catching him before he hit the floor and carrying him back to the bed.  Xander lay on the bed feeling sick.  The jumble of images in his head was slowly resolving itself into an approximation of what had happened... today? Yesterday?  "Spike, what day is it?"

"Sunday morning, Xan," said Spike.  Yesterday, then.  "Spike, we need..."  "...to talk, yeah, I know, pet.  Sobering you up and fixing up the damage you'd done to your body with that much whiskey came first, though.  You go have your shower.  I'll be in the living room.  Waiting."

*****

Xander took his time in the shower, trying to order his thoughts.  He had a sketchy idea of what had happened yesterday, but his recollections seemed jumbled.  He did, however, have a very clear grasp of one thing - Spike had arranged to deactivate the chip, somehow.  He knew he should be feeling panic-stricken by this, but every time his thoughts turned to his lover, a feeling of calm, contentment and love washed through him, drowning out the panicky voice screaming at him at the back of his mind.  Xander sighed and turned off the water.  Can't put this off, he thought.

Ten minutes later, shaved and dressed, he walked into the living room.  Spike was sitting on the couch, listening to music that Xander hadn't heard before.  Classical music, he guessed, judging by the violins and stuff.  Not what he'd normally listen to.  This was soothing, though, in the way the music he normally listened to couldn't match.

Spike patted the seat next to him on the couch.  "Sit down, pet."  When Xander was seated, Spike turned to look at him.  "How much do you remember of what happened yesterday?"

Xander thought for a moment.  "I remember you putting me to bed.  When I woke up, I came to look for you - make sure you were OK.  The chip went off, didn't it?"  Spike nodded.  "Just a warning spark, nothing to be concerned about.  What happened then?"

"I went into the study.  Looking for you, but you weren't there.  The duct tape was still on the floor, so I put it away.  Banging the drawer shut jogged the computer and it turned on again, and I saw... on the screen, there was an email..." Xander closed his eyes, feeling the panic rising again.

"I've found a way to get the chip neutralised, permanently," said Spike, slowly and deliberately.  He saw Xander flinch at his words and sighed.  "I was going to tell you, but you seem to have pre-empted that."  Xander sat, head bowed, fists clenched, listening.

"Xander, look at me."  As Xander opened his eyes, Spike caught his gaze and held it. "The chip is the only thing that stops me draining you, hurting you, turning you.  It's the only thing that stops me killing the Slayer and your friends, and feeding indiscriminately on the general populace.  Is that what you think?"  Spike's voice was soft and serious.  "Do you seriously believe I have so little self-control?" 

"I don't know... I just... Is the chip the only thing that stops you, Spike?  If the chip was gone, would you turn me?  Would you kill Buffy and Willow and Giles?"  Xander could hear the note of desperation in his own voice.

"What do you think, Xan?"

"I don't fucking know!  That's why I'm asking, Spike.  Damnit..." Xander took a deep breath.  Let it out slowly.  What did he think, really?  What was his gut reaction?  He caught his lover's eyes again, stared into them.  "Maybe you would have done before, but I don't think you would now."

"Oh?  And why is that?" asked Spike.

"Because you weren't in love with me before."

Spike quirked a smile at Xander, and said, "And what makes you think I'm in love with you, pet?" 

"When you feed me your blood, Spike.  Your blood tells me."  Xander didn't know any other way to describe the sensations that flowed over him as he suckled at Spike's wrist or tongue.  The blood whispered to him, and Spike's thoughts and emotions were there, in his head.  "In fact, if I think about it, think about you, all I can feel is your love, and caring, and desire." 

Spike smiled and nodded.  "Good.  If you look inside yourself, you'll know how I feel about you.  And you'll know that I'm telling you the truth when I say I'm not gonna drain your friends.  Sharing blood is sharing ourselves.  It's all part of strengthening our bond.  And you can feel the bond, can't you?  Feel how strong it is?"  Spike was speaking softly, carefully, as though trying to calm a particularly flighty horse.  No mention was made of the fact that Spike had fed Xander a great deal of blood in the past twelve hours.

Xander whispered,  "You know I can.  It's like I can feel you, inside, like you're a part of me." 

Spike studied Xander for a moment, then nodded, slowly and deliberately.  "I am, in a way.  We're mated.  You are my Consort.  Married, I suppose, is the human equivalent, but it's a whole lot more than that.  We've shared blood every day we've been together.  And that will continue; in fact, you will need it to continue, pet.  We're bound together, Xander.  This is permanent - the only way one of us leaves is through death."

Xander sat staring at Spike as the realisation of what he was saying sank in.  "I need you now, don't I; I mean, *really* need you, like in 'can't ever leave you'?" said Xander, feeling himself shaking as he said the words.  He needed Spike, needed his blood, to survive.  It was a primal thing... just the thought of getting up and walking out the door and never coming back filled Xander with such dread that he felt sick.  "So can I assume that you won't drain me when the chip comes out, then?" Xander said, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt.

"That wouldn't be the first thing on the agenda, no," said Spike, looking at Xander with an odd expression on his face. "There are lots of things I want to do to you, but killing you isn't among them.  At least, not permanently.  Anyway, I like you hot, and breathing."  Spike's voice was low and seductive, and his gaze skewered Xander so he couldn't look away.  Xander shivered at Spike's words, and wished that the panicky, screaming voice in his head would just shut the fuck up.  Spike was just coming on to him, in a vampy way, that's all.  And anyway, this was home.  This was where he belonged, here with Spike.  There would never be any running, could never be any running now, according to Spike.  He didn't want to be turned, at least he didn't think so... He couldn't think. Why couldn't he fucking think?  Spike seemed to surround him, and his mind was fogging up.

Spike pushed Xander back, and spread himself on top of him.  He unzipped him and wrapped his hand around Xander's cock as he nuzzled at his throat.  Spike was speaking again, his voice so low it seemed to vibrate through Xander's body.  "When the chip comes out, pet, we can do anything we want.  No worrying about it going off if we want to... experiment.  And I can protect you, properly, the way I should."  Xander found himself panting, so close now as Spike pumped him and licked at his claim mark.  As Spike bit down hard on Xander's throat, he cried out and came, his warm semen pumping over Spike's hand.  Spike nibbled his way up to Xander's ear and whispered,  "You're mine, pet, forever.  Never forget that."





Part Seven ~ Secrets and Confessions 1

Xander sat on the bed, thinking.  He'd needed to shower and change again after he and Spike had come all over each other on the couch.  Spike had fallen asleep, so Xander had thrown a blanket over him and left him there.

Xander sighed.  The fuzziness in his head was clearing a little, and he was able to think again.  He wasn't stupid.  He knew that somehow Spike had been flooding him with emotions so he wouldn't... so he wouldn't what?  Wouldn't panic, grab a stake, run away, get the Slayer, all of the above?  Stupid vampire, Xander thought, if any of that had been an option I'd have done it, not got blind drunk in the bathroom.  So why make with the fuzzy, no-thinking Xander?

Xander thought about Spike's words.  He felt the truth of them deep in his being.  He felt his mate as almost a physical part of him.  The need for Spike was so strong - much stronger than it had been even yesterday.  He would kill for his mate, or die for him.  He would protect him, even if that meant he went against his best friends.  He loved them, but he would sacrifice any of them before he allowed his mate to come to harm. 

Xander began to feel uneasy.  He loved Spike with everything that he was,  but he shouldn't be pleased about the chip being deactivated.  His best friend had been killed by a vamp.  He went out with the Slayer and killed vamps on a regular basis, for God's sake.  He lay back on the bed, his arm over his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts.  What disturbed Xander most was that the argument with himself was occurring on a purely intellectual level.  His mind, his moral sense, knew that it was wrong to treat people as prey, but everything else in him was arguing that it was Spike's nature and that his mate needed to hunt.   Xander felt bone weary, his whirling thoughts exhausting him. He closed his eyes for a moment to rest.

Xander's eyes flew open; he was instantly awake and alert.  He sat on the edge of the bed and checked his watch.  He'd slept for an hour or so, and his dreams had been full of blood.  Spike's blood, with Xander drinking mouthful after mouthful as Spike made love to him and fed from him again and again.  Xander sat there, shaken.  He knew it wasn't just a dream - he was remembering what had happened.  Just how much blood had he been fed?  Before, Spike had been giving him very little, but all that had changed last night, apparently.  He'd told Xander he'd only get small quantities, so it wouldn't do anything to him.  But suddenly he felt... different.  And Spike was standing in the doorway.  Xander didn't even have to look up to know he was there.  He could feel him.

"What did you do to me, Spike?"  Xander asked in a low voice.

"Only what needed to be done, Xander."

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I completed the mating bond.  That's part of what you felt earlier, feeling me as part of you.  I was going to do it gradually over the next few days, but you forced my hand.  I had no choice."

"*I* forced your hand?  And there's always a choice. The 'not feeding Xander gallons of blood while he's out of it' option sounds good to me.  Would have got *my* vote if anyone had bothered to ask."

"So, you remember," said Spike.  He walked around the bed and stood in front of Xander.  "Look at me."  As Xander raised his head, the golden eyes of a Master Vampire stared into his, and held his gaze as he intoned, "I had the right under Lore to do what I did, and your permission to do it.  Kneel before me, Alexander Harris, Consort of Master William the Bloody of the Line of Aurelius."  Xander found himself slipping off the bed onto his knees, unable to tear his eyes from the face above him as the voice that resonated with something ancient and powerful continued:  "'You have freely given yourself to me', remember those words?  I asked you if you accepted my claim three times, and three times you gave your assent.  You fed from me willingly.  I asked who you were, Alexander, and you told me you were mine.  The timing between initiation and completion of the mating bond is at my discretion, not yours.  I treat you as my equal because I choose to do so, because I love you.  By freely giving your assent to the blood bond you have placed yourself under the rule of Lore, under my rule, and you will abide by it, Alexander Harris.  Stand."  Xander stood and bared his throat, not understanding why he was doing it, but knowing that he must.  Spike sank his fangs into the claim mark, drank shallowly for a second or two, then licked the wound to stop the bleeding.  He then cut his wrist with a sharp claw and offered it to Xander, who latched onto it and suckled desperately, suddenly needing the intimacy of his mate's blood. 

As the wrist was gently pulled away, Xander looked up into sparkling blue eyes, and it was Spike again.  He sat on the bed, pulled Xander down next to him and took his hands.  "You're mine now, fully claimed. This would have happened anyway, pet, just not quite so soon.  There will be changes, because you share my demon now, but nothing bad will happen to you.  You'll be physically stronger, and your reactions will be much faster, so, good for patrolling, right?  You'll heal far more quickly from injuries, and you'll age much more slowly than other humans.  And the bond goes both ways - you're part of me, too.  I hadn't meant to fall asleep and let you discover this on your own, but I didn't get too much rest last night."

Xander was stunned.  His anger had totally dissipated as the meaning of the ritual words, and the reality of everything Spike had said to him today came crashing down on him.  He didn't notice Spike get up and go to the bar.  A glass was pressed into his hand.   "Drink it, Xan."  Xander took a swallow, and coughed as the liquid burnt his throat.  "Brandy, it's good for shock," said Spike.

Spike sat quietly next to his mate as he sipped his drink.  Sensing Xander's confusion, he very gently sent feelings of love and reassurance through their bond, and was relieved to feel Xander begin to calm down.

"You can stop with the warm fuzzies, Spike.  I'm not going to start screaming hysterically or hunting for a stake," said Xander.  Spike looked up and saw Xander staring at him, an odd expression on his face.

"Why the rush to complete the bond, Spike?"

Spike sighed.  "I need you to understand, really understand, why I need that fucking chip gone, Xan.  And without the bond, without the demon's perspective, you couldn't.  You found out before we were fully bonded and you panicked.  Human reaction, only natural.  But you know what the chip does to me now, don't you?"

Xander nodded slowly.  "Yeah, I do.  And I want it gone too, Spike.  You need to be whole again, and I want that for you.  But my friends, and... Spike, it's going to tear me apart knowing that you're killing again.  I sound crazy, I know.  I want you to be able to do anything you want again, but it's going to be hard for me to live with this.  I don't know how I'm gonna do it."

"I know, and that's why I'm not going to."  As Xander looked at Spike in shock, Spike continued, "I will hunt, Xan.  I need it.  But I won't prey on the innocent, or kill indiscriminately, unless it's to defend us.  I can feed without killing.   And I can bag it some of the time.  Remember I said the bond goes both ways?  I have some of your soul, too, Xan, and that will make it far easier for me to rein in the demon's urges.  Consider it my wedding present."

"Oh, Spike, thank you," said Xander, pouring as much love and gratitude through their bond as possible.  He knew this was a huge concession from the vampire, and he didn't intend to treat it lightly.  Then he grinned.  "Wedding present, huh?  I'm a married man.  Shit!  Kinda feel like I've missed out on the dating and the engagement and stuff here."

"Want, take, have, pet.  Vampires don't date.  And anyway, I gave you a ring - several rings in fact."  At Xander's quizzical glance, Spike began to enumerate.  "Key ring, leather cock ring, metal cock ring..."  Xander reached up and grabbed the vampire, pulling him down on top of him.

Spike kissed his consort gently.  "You OK, pet?"

Xander thought for a moment, sifting through and examining his feelings.  He felt... complete, like he belonged.  Like he was home.  He smiled.  A genuine, wide smile.  "Yeah.  Actually I'm more than OK.  It just all hit me at once, y'know?  Just needed to process.  This is what I wanted, Spike, to belong to you. I just wish you'd told me before doing it, that's all."  Spike kissed Xander again, and rolled off him, getting off the bed and heading to the tallboy in the walk in closet.  He opened the top drawer and came back with a small box in his hand.  He sat on the bed next to Xander, opened the box, took Xander's left hand and slipped a heavy gold ring onto the third finger.  "You didn't let me finish my list of rings, Xander," Spike said, "I was going to finish with wedding ring.  There's an inscription."  Xander slipped the ring off, and read the words, 'Eternally yours' engraved on the inner surface.

"Fuck, Spike," said Xander, slipping the ring reverently back on his finger, and swallowing as his throat suddenly felt tight with emotion.  Spike reached down and began unbuttoning Xander's shirt.  "Let me show you just how much you mean to me, Xan," he said huskily.

*****

The rest of the day and the night that followed were spent in each other's arms, talking, making love, simply being with each other.  Xander couldn't seem to stop touching Spike, and the vampire explained that this was common in the newly bonded, and that the desperate need for physical contact would abate as Xander grew used to the bond.

As they sat in bed eating breakfast the next morning, Spike raised the topic he knew was causing the uneasiness he could feel lurking in his mate's mind.  "Meeting your friends this afternoon, pet."

"Yeah, Spike, I know," sighed Xander.  "I'm gonna have to tell them, aren't I?"

"Kinda hard to hide the fact from the Slayer, love.  She'll pick up your bond with me.  Well, obviously she won't know that's what it is, but you'll set all her warning bells off, just like a vamp does.  D'you want me to come with you?  I should be there."

"Fuck, no, Spike!  It's gonna be hard enough without me having to worry about Buffy staking you.  Look, she doesn't know where you are, so for the moment let's keep it that way.  Once the chip is out, and you can defend yourself against her, I won't have to worry...  And I cannot believe I just said that," said Xander, shaking his head at himself.  "Look, the last thing I want is a showdown between the two of you.  I love you both, Spike, and I don't want to see either of you hurt.  And the thing that scares me is I'd kill her if she tried to touch you."

Spike shoved the trays out of the way and drew his mate into a tight embrace, feeling his distress clearly.  "Shh, love.  That's just the demon rattling the bars a bit.  You won't hurt your friends, and I'll stay out of the Slayer's way for a while, I mean, she can't stay mad for ever, right?"

Xander took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself.  He was shaken at the violence of his protective feelings towards Spike.  "Spike, the demon... is that how you feel..."

"Is that how I feel about you?  Christ, Xander.  I'd tear anyone limb from limb if they even looked sideways at you.  The Watchers think that demons can't love.  They have no fucking idea, Xan.  No idea at all."

*****

Xander had decided that it might be a good idea to get to Giles' apartment early.  Giles was expecting them all to meet there at three, so Xander got there an hour earlier.  He hoped he could explain it to Giles, then at least he wouldn't have to deal with all three of them at once.  He could sense Spike's reassuring presence at the edges of his thoughts as he knocked on the door.  Spike had been very unhappy about Xander going on his own, but eventually had to agree that it was the only sensible decision.

"Xander, you're early.  Not working today?"  Giles stood aside, letting Xander into the apartment.  "I was just having some lunch.  Would you like anything?"

"Um, just a drink thanks, Giles."

Giles brought Xander a can of soda, and sat down next to him on the couch to finish his sandwich.  "So, work?"

"No, I er, quit, last week."

"Why?  Did you get a better offer?"

Xander smiled.  "Yeah, you could say that."  Xander took a long swallow of his drink.  The palms of his hands were clammy, and he could feel the butterflies churning in his stomach.  He had no idea how to tell Giles what had happened.  He could feel Spike sending calming, loving feelings to him, and he felt the butterflies settle a little.

"Giles, I need to tell you something, and I have no idea how to go about it, but I have a pretty good idea of how you're gonna react.  So just hear me out, OK?"

Giles gave him an appraising look, then nodded.  "All right, Xander.  I'm listening."

"I, er, that is, Spike and me, well, we er..."  Xander worried his bottom lip with his teeth, groping for words.  He saw Giles stiffen in his seat at the mention of Spike.  "You and Spike what, Xander?"

"Spike and I are... I mean, we've..."  Xander took a deep breath.  Jeez, why couldn't he just say the words?  "Giles, I'm fairly certain that I'm gay, or bi, maybe."  OK, ease into it, good move.

Giles' face softened a little.  "That's not a total surprise to me, Xander.  I've noticed that you..."  Giles' voice trailed away as Xander's babbled words began to sink in.

"No.  Oh, no," said Giles.  "Xander, please tell me that Spike is still tied to a chair, or that you've dusted him and don't know how to tell me."

"Um, no, and hell no.  What I'm trying to say is that Spike and I are... we're sleeping together,"  Xander blurted out.  Giles closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, dislodging his glasses slightly.

"God, this is all my fault.  How could I have been so blind, so stupid?  I should never have left you alone with Spike.  I should have known he'd prey on you, find some way around that damn chip.  Where is he, Xander?  Forget Buffy, I'll bloody well stake him myself."

"Giles, please.  It's not what you think.  Spike didn't attack me.  It was...what I wanted."

Giles looked at Xander incredulously.  "I find that very difficult to believe, Xander.  Spike is a dangerous vampire, chip or no chip.  You will remain here until Buffy and I have dealt with him.  At least the chip stopped him from feeding, or you'd doubtless be drained or turned by now."  Something in Xander's expression made Giles' blood run cold.  "Xander, he didn't..." 

Xander sat motionless as Giles leaned towards him suddenly.  With shaking hands, Giles unbuttoned the collar of an unresisting Xander's shirt, pushing it back, looking for and finding what he had desperately hoped wouldn't be there.  His hands fell away.   Xander buttoned his shirt up, pulling it forward, making sure his claim mark was covered again.  Show and tell seemed to work well, a vaguely hysterical voice giggled at the back of his thoughts.

"How could he have bitten you?  The chip is obviously not as effective as we thought."  Giles seemed to be almost talking to himself as he absently took off his glasses and began polishing them.  Xander reached across and laid his hand across Giles', stilling the jerky movements.  "Giles, please.  It's not like that."   Giles looked down, seeing the ring on Xander's finger for the first time.  He took Xander's hand in his, rubbing the ring between his thumb and index finger.  "This is new?" he queried.  "Yeah, Spike gave it to me," said Xander, feeling himself choking up at the distress that was obvious in the older man as all the pieces finally clicked into place.

"Dear lord, he didn't just feed from you, did he?  He claimed you.  When did this happen, Xander?  There may still be time to-"

"No, Giles.  The bond's complete," interrupted Xander, knowing that Giles would know exactly what that meant.  And gradually it seemed to sink in to Giles that Xander hadn't been attacked, or claimed against his will.

Giles slumped back, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose as though trying to stem the headache he could feel coming on fast.  "Do you have any idea what you've done, Xander?  Do you have any conception of how serious this is?  You have bound yourself to a demon for the rest of your existence."

"Yes, Giles.  I know, I was there," said Xander.

"Xander, this is serious!" Giles snapped at him.

Xander sighed.  "I know that, Giles.  It is my life, you know.  Look.  I'm in love with Spike.  He's in love with me.  We're bonded.  And now I have to tell my friends.  I know you can't be happy for me, but please try to at least understand.  If you can't accept it, then what chance do I have with Willow and Buffy?"  They sat in silence for some time, then Giles sighed, put on his glasses and turned to look at Xander.

"To say I'm unhappy about this is to grossly understate my feelings on the matter, Xander, but it's too late to do anything about it.  And obviously we can't stake Spike, given your blood bond to him."

"I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear that, Giles."

Giles look at Xander, hard.  "He knows that already, Xander.  Didn't he explain to you what would happen to you if he was dusted?"

"Um, he said something about that, but..."  Xander's voice trailed off.

"I have a book you should read.  It will interest you.  It was written by a vampire of the Aurelius Line, which you would have a particular interest in, now.  There is a very detailed section on the claiming of consorts."  Giles walked over to the bookshelf and removed a slim volume.   Leafing through the pages, he found the relevant section and handed the open book to Xander.  "You should read it now.  It won't take you long; it's not a very large section.  I think I need to make some tea.  Some very strong, sweet tea," said Giles.  "Good for shock, so I've heard," he added dryly.

Twenty minutes later, a rather pale looking Xander closed the book.  He sent as much reassurance as he could through the bond as he felt his mate becoming frantic at the edges of his mind.  Giles took in the pale face, eyes closed in concentration, and said, "Xander, are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah.  Sorry, Giles.  Just trying to calm Spike down.  He was getting a bit edgy there."

Giles' eyes widened.  "You can talk to him?"

"Huh?  Oh, no, no.  I can feel him, his emotions, y'know?  And he could feel me getting a little anxious, I just had to let him know I was OK."

"Oh, I see.  And are you?  OK, I mean?"

Xander leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands over his face.  "Yeah, pretty much.  Just... some of the stuff in there threw me a bit, is all.  Giles, can I, can I borrow this?  I'll take good care of it, just... There's some things in there I need to ask Spike about, y'know?"

"Yes, I imagine there are.  Of course you may, Xander.  Is there anything you would like to ask me?"

"Am I still welcome here, Giles?"

The question threw Giles for a second.  The thought of rejecting the child had never crossed his mind.  "Oh, my dear boy," said Giles, reaching over and gently rubbing Xander's back.  "Of course you are.  We can't help who we fall in love with, Xander.  I know that better than anyone.  I may not be terribly happy with what you've done, but I'm not going to turn my back on you."

Xander let out a sigh of relief.  "Thank you.  That means a lot to me."  Xander slipped the book into the pocket of his jacket and glanced at the clock.  "Buffy and Willow will be here soon," he said, the nervousness in his voice apparent.

"Do you want me to talk to them for you, Xander?  I know this is going to be hard for you."

"No.  Thanks, Giles, but I've got to face them, tell them myself.  I'm just not sure how to raise the subject, that's all."

"I don't think that'll be a problem, Xander," said Giles dryly.  "Didn't Spike tell you that Buffy will know as soon as she sees you?"

"Oh, yeah.  Forgot."  Xander swallowed against his suddenly dry throat.  He jumped up and started pacing around the living room.  Giles stood up and clasped Xander's arms, stopping the restless pacing.  "Come into the kitchen, we can get some snacks ready for when they get here.  Give you something to do instead of sitting here worrying."

*****

Xander had just gone to the bathroom when the apartment door flew open as Buffy and Willow bounced through the door.  They had only taken two or three steps into the apartment when Buffy suddenly stopped, glanced around quickly, then thrust her hand into her bag.  Drawing out a stake, she threw the bag to the floor and, looking warily at Willow, she tucked the stake into the back pocket of her jeans.  Giles walked out of the kitchen to see Buffy looking alert in the middle of the living room. 

"Have you got the bleached menace back again, Giles?"

"No.  It's not that..."

"Oh, then Angel's here?" asked Buffy, sounding much more enthusiastic.

"No, neither of them are here, Buffy.  Please sit down, I need to..."

"There's a vamp here, Giles.  I can feel it," she hissed at him.  She raised her head as though sniffing the air, and then took off in the direction of the bathroom.

"No, Buffy, wait.  I have to tell you something..."

Meanwhile, Xander was standing shaking in the bathroom.  He was tingling all over, his blood screaming 'Slayer: danger' at him while his brain forcibly over-ruled the primitive fight-or-flight reflex.  Let's get this over with, he thought, and he walked out of the bathroom to find himself slammed against the wall with a stake pressed to his chest two seconds later. 

"Missed you, too, Buff," he said, through too-dry lips.  Buffy stared at him in shock.  "Xander?"

"Buffy, what are you doing?" screamed Willow, dropping her book bag to the floor and rushing up behind Buffy, grabbing her arm and trying to pull the stake away from Xander's chest.

"Well, that's the pleasantries taken care of," said Giles, "so, shall we all sit down?"

*****

As the stressed out bundle of sorrow and gloom that was his mate came through the apartment door, Spike gathered him into his arms.  Xander buried his head into Spike's neck as harsh, gut-wrenching sobs tore from his throat.  Spike held him tightly, rubbing his back, making small 'shushing' noises and pouring love down the bond.  As the sobbing abated, Spike led Xander into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed.  Taking his jacket from him, he poured him a brandy and pressed the glass into his hand.  "Just take a few sips, Xan, help you to calm down a bit."  Xander took a swallow, and shuddered.  "Do you want to talk about it, pet?"  Xander shook his head mutely.  Spike took the glass from Xander and finished the brandy himself.  He then pulled back the covers on the bed, undressed his mate and put him into bed.  Spike stripped quickly and crawled in beside him, gathering Xander into his arms again.

Spike felt as though his unbeating heart would break at the misery he felt pouring from Xander.  Xander would need to talk about this, but right at this moment he needed to feel loved.  And he needed to know just how good it could be with the bond in place.  Spike began kissing Xander, slowly and as tenderly as he could, stroking his mate, whispering words of endearment to him.  Gradually, he felt Xander begin to respond, the misery abating as arousal took its place.  Spike peppered Xander with kisses, along his jawline, down the long column of his throat, licking and nipping at his claim mark until Xander was groaning and thrusting up against him.  He rolled and pinched one dusky nipple as this lips and teeth worked the other into a hard point.  But he wasn't going to tease, not today.  He kissed his way down to Xander's cock, and began to lick and suck the fiery hardness while his hands fumbled under the pillow for the lube.  He quickly and thoroughly prepared his mate, slicked himself up, and entered Xander in one, smooth thrust. 

Spike stopped, buried in the silken softness, and stared deeply into the beautiful, dark velvet eyes of his lover.  "You are my world, Xander, and I adore you.  Open yourself to me," he said, before claiming the swollen, red lips in a searing kiss.  Xander groaned and bucked against him.  Feeling the swirl of Spike's emotions in his head, Xander opened himself up.  And gasped as Spike began moving, thrusting into him again and again.  Sensations overwhelmed Xander. He felt himself thrusting into liquid heat; he felt himself impaled on cool hardness; he felt the delicious tightness and friction on his cool shaft; he felt the delicious tingling sparks run through him as the small bundle of nerves was hit again and again; he felt his fangs elongate and his face shift; he felt his mouth open wider as he gasped for air; he felt sharp fangs slice through heated skin; he felt blunt teeth tear into cool flesh; and blood exploded through him, filling him as he arched and thrust and cried out into the bright white oblivion of orgasm.





Part Eight ~ Secrets and Confessions Part 2



Xander woke slowly.  He was lying almost completely on top of Spike, his face nuzzled into the vampire's slender neck, with Spike's arms wrapped loosely around him.  Xander was rapidly becoming used to this -  this feeling of being safe, of being loved.  Things he'd never been able to take for granted before.  Being loved.  Thoughts of their lovemaking drifted through his mind and he shivered.  He'd never experienced anything like that...he'd been inside Spike's head, felt the passion, the desire for him that burned through the vampire.  It had been awe inspiring.  He felt Spike's arms tighten slightly.  Xander smiled and kissed Spike, who laughed softly when Xander's stomach rumbled loudly.

"Wow, I'm starving.  What time is it?"

"Around midnight, love.  You were exhausted, and needed to sleep."

And then it all flooded back, and Xander felt his stomach drop.  "Oh God," he moaned as it hit him, as he remembered the horrible scene in Giles' apartment.  Spike tightened his grip.  "You are going to come and have something to eat, pet.  Don't make me do the fuzzy Xander thing to calm you down."  Xander grinned despite himself at Spike's use of the peculiarly Xander-ish phrase.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing his stomach to settle down.  "You're right.  If I'm going to wallow, I might as well do it on a full stomach."

"That's the spirit," said a determinedly cheerful Spike as he released Xander, threw back the covers and turned up the lights.  And that was when Xander noticed the angry-looking bite mark on Spike's throat.  He reached out and touched it, surprised to feel pride and satisfaction at having done it as something inside him roared, 'Mine'.  "Shit, Spike, I remember *needing* to do that.  I'm sorry, I..."  Spike cut him off.  "Don't be sorry, pet.  You've marked me as yours.  And you *will* do it again, because the demon will demand it.  Are you sorry that you did it?"

"Um, actually no.  I just want to touch it, and I want it to always be there."

"It'll heal, Xan.  But it will scar eventually if you keep opening it up."

"Oh, yeah," groaned Xander, pulling Spike towards him and nibbling on his claim mark.  Spike pressed himself against Xander, and then pulled away.  "Later, Xan.  Shower and food now, sex later, OK?"  Xander shook his head to try and clear the fog of lust that had risen within him since thinking about his claiming of Spike. 

"Right, yeah.  Let's do it."

*****

Spike pulled a couple of beers from the fridge and put a frozen pizza in the oven.  Comfort food for his mate.  Spike had set up a portable tv in the kitchen, and when Xander wandered in after his shower he switched it on, though if anyone had asked he wouldn't have been able to say what he watched while Spike dished up the pizza.  After they'd eaten, Xander helped Spike to clear up, and then followed him into the living room.  Spike dimmed the lights, put on some soft music, and then sat at one end of the couch, swinging his legs up so he lay propped up.  Xander sat between his legs, his back propped against Spike.  Having created a suitably calm and peaceful atmosphere, Spike wrapped his arms around his mate and said, "Tell me."

"I... I got to Giles' apartment early.  I didn't know how to tell him, Spike.  But between my babbling and him being good at puzzles we worked it out in the end.  He... He wasn't happy about it, but he understood, y'know? And... and he said I was welcome there, that he'd never turn his back on me."  Xander stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath.  "He gave me a book.  There's some stuff in there that I want to ask you about, OK?"

"Yeah, 'course.  So what happened next?"  said Spike, mentally shifting the Watcher from the 'kill as soon as the chip comes out' category to the 'protect for the boy's sake' category.  He'd hated the way the Watcher had treated him when he went to him for help, but the grateful note in the boy's voice as he spoke about the older man couldn't be ignored.

Xander sighed, and Spike clearly felt the shudder that ran through the boy.  "I was in the bathroom when Buffy and Willow turned up."  Spike stroked Xander's hair and tried to soothe him as his breath began to hitch.  Xander took a couple of deep breaths, letting them out slowly, trying to calm himself.

"I knew the second Buffy walked through the door, Spike.  Everything in me was screaming 'danger' and trying to get me to run.  Anyway, I ignored it and walked out of the bathroom.  The next thing I know Buffy'd slammed me against the wall and there was a stake at my chest.  Willow was screaming at her and trying to pull her off me..."  Xander could feel the growl that started in Spike's chest.  "It's OK, Spike.  I'm here, I'm fine."  Another deep breath, slow exhale.  "So, Giles was all calm, y'know, the way he is, and he managed to get the stake away from Buffy and got her and Willow and me sitting down.  And not long after that the yelling started."  Xander closed his eyes, narrating the scene that replayed vividly in his head.

*****

"What do you mean he's not a vamp, Giles?  He *feels* like a vamp to me, and I should know."

Giles handed Xander a cross and a bottle of holy water, which Xander poured onto his own  hand.  "I can send him out to sit in the sun, if you want?" he said at the end of the demonstration, exasperation clear in his voice.

"Well, what's happened to him then?" asked Willow.

"Um, sitting right here," said Xander.  As three pairs of eyes swivelled towards him, Xander wondered whether he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut.

"Would you like to explain it to them, Xander?" asked Giles.  Not really, thought Xander.  OK, the beating around the bush thing with Giles really hadn't worked all that well, so he had practiced what he was going to say while he puttered in the kitchen, waiting for the girls to arrive.  He took a deep breath and said, "I'm living with Spike.  I love him, he loves me.  We're mated.  It's his demon you can feel in me, Buffy.  I know you're not going to be very happy about this, but I hope you can understand and accept it.  I don't want to lose your friendship.  I love you guys, I still want to be your friend, and I still want to help you."  A shocked silence greeted Xander's words, and he sat and waited for the axe to fall.  He didn't have to wait long.

"You're what!  That's *it*.  That undead, bleached freak is so *dusted*," shouted Buffy as she jumped up and grabbed her bag.  "You're not gay, Xander, and you hate Spike!  He's done something to you.  But don't worry, I'll dust him, end of problem."  She headed to the front door, then turned.  "Where is he, Xander?"  Giles walked over to Buffy and said, "Buffy, sit down.  You can't dust Spike.  If you do, you'll kill Xander as well."  This piece of information seemed to snap Willow out of her shocked silence.

"What?" Willow whispered.  She was hugging the bookbag that was resting on her knees, and rocking forwards and backwards as she shook her head.  "No.  No, how can dusting Spike hurt Xander?"  She looked across at him. "Xander, please?  This isn't you.  Like Buffy said, Spike's done something to you."  Xander walked over to her chair and crouched down in front of her as Buffy stormed into the kitchen, having been ordered there by Giles.  He could hear Giles trying to explain things to her as Buffy slammed the cupboard doors. 

"Wills, I'm in love with him.  I've wanted him for a long time.  Just in some serious denial, that's all.  This is what I want, Willow.  Please try to understand."  Willow's eyes seemed like huge pools in her pale face, and tears began to run down her cheeks as she shook her head.  "No.  I don't know you, Xander.  I don't know you at all," she whispered.  "How could you be in love with him?  He's a vampire - you hate vampires.  And he tried to kill us - he tried to bite me not long ago.  And the gay thing, I mean, you've never... Cordy and...  You kissed me..." her voice trailed off.

"I still don't understand, Giles.  How can ridding the world of that pain in the ass hurt Xander?"  said Buffy as she marched back into the living room with a can of soda.  All eyes turned to Giles as he followed her out of the kitchen.  He removed his glasses and began vigorously polishing them again.  "Xander is mated to Spike.  They have shared blood.  Xander needs Spike's blood now.  If anything were to happen to him, Xander would die.  It is well documented in several Watcher's Journals..."

"I don't think they need the references, Giles," said Xander.

"Giles, how the hell can you be so calm about this?  And there must be a way to fix it, so fix it, now!  There's got to be something in all these books..."

"Buffy, there is no way to 'fix' this.  And even if there were, I doubt that Xander wants it 'fixing'."

"Why, 'cos Spike's messed with his head or something?  Jeez, Giles, there must be something we can do."

"Buffy, you're not listening!  Xander has been here for an hour or so, and we've talked about this.  A vampire cannot take a human consort without the human involved giving their consent.  If Xander didn't want this, Spike couldn't force him, particularly given his chipped condition."

As the realisation finally sunk in, Buffy turned on Xander.  "You *wanted* this?  How the hell could *want* to... with Spike?  He's an evil, bloodsucking... thing!  And, hello, he's a guy!  Since when have you been into guys, Xander?"  Xander stood up and walked towards Buffy.

"Does the fact that I'm in love with a guy bother you, Buffy?"

"Yes... no... I don't know.  Maybe it'd be ok if it wasn't Spike.  He's a vampire!"

"One word, Buffy.  Angel."

"That's different.  Angel's got a soul!  And you've got no right to bring up Angel after everything you said about him."

"Sometimes," shot back Xander. "Sometimes he has a soul, and we all remember how much fun Angelus was, don't we?"

"Don't you dare, Xander.  That wasn't Angel's fault.  And anyway, Spike doesn't love you, he can't.  He's just using you to hurt us, that's all."

"What?  Have you heard a word I said?  He..."  Willow jumped up, her bag falling to the floor as she put her hands over her ears and shouted, "Stop it.  Stop it now."  Tears were pouring down her cheeks.  "Just stop it.  I can't stand it."  She bent over and scooped up her bag as she headed to the front door.

"Wills, please."  Xander started walking towards her, but she put her hand out and he stopped in his tracks.

"No.  I have to think.  I can't talk to you now, Xander.  I have to go now."  She spun around and headed out the door.

"Wills!"  Xander made to go after her, but Giles caught his arm and held him in place.  "Just give her some time.  You've given her a shock, Xander.  Once she's sorted things out in her head, she'll want to talk to you."

"I'll go after her, make sure she gets home OK.  And I *will* be back, I haven't finished with you," said Buffy, grabbing her bag and heading out the door after the retreating figure.

Giles sighed deeply.  "I think it might be best if you head off home, Xander.  I'll talk to Buffy.  She'll calm down."

Xander sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to ease the tension headache making itself at home in his head.  "Yeah, sure, Giles.  I'm not living in the basement anymore.  I'll leave you my new number.  Can you give me a call..."

"Of course.  I'm sorry, Xander, but this sort of reaction was to be expected, you know.  And starting an argument about Angel didn't help.  Just give them some time."

"Yeah.  Thanks, Giles.  Tell Buffy... tell her I'm sorry for what I said.  And give Wills my love."  Xander slipped on his jacket, making sure the book was still in the pocket, wrote his number on a slip of paper for Giles, and headed home.

*****

Spike hugged Xander tightly as he finally stopped speaking.  "Willow's been your best friend forever, Xan.  She'll come round, I'm sure.  And as for the Slayer, well, bringing up the poof probably wasn't the cleverest thing you could have done.  But the Watcher'll sort her out.  I never thought I'd say this, but I've got to give the man credit.  Like he says, love, just give them some time."

"You didn't see the way they looked at me, Spike.  Willow was horrified, and Buffy just look disgusted.  I've lost my best friends, haven't I?"

"No, pet.  I think you're underestimating how much they care about you.  Just wait, you'll see," said Spike, sounding far more optimistic than he felt.

They lay there quietly for a while, and when Spike felt Xander had settled down a little, he decided to cheer his pet up a bit, and he had the perfect distraction.  He picked up the remote from the arm of the couch and turned on the TV.

"I've got a video I think you'll enjoy, love," he said as he pressed play.

"Not really in the mood at the moment, Spike," said Xander.

"Oh, I think you'll enjoy this one," said Spike, as he turned the volume up and prodded Xander to look at the large screen.  Still leaning with his back against Spike's chest, Xander turned to the side slightly to see what was on the TV.  His mouth fell open and he gasped in shock.  "Spike, how the hell..."

"Surveillance camera, love.  Thought you'd like to see how beautiful you look," said Spike.

Xander couldn't believe what he was seeing.  He watched himself being chained up by Spike and groaned as he remembered the feeling of the cuffs around his wrists.  He felt Spike unzip him and slip his hand in, wrapping his hand around the half hard cock.  He watched himself moan and throw his head back as Spike tightened the nipple clamps.  Then jumped as Spike pinched his nipple.  "Interactive viewing, Spike?" he asked, in a hoarse voice.  "Just watch, pet.  Don't take your eyes off the screen," said Spike.  So Xander watched himself getting royally fucked while Spike stroked him gently.  Far too gently for Xander's taste, but Spike firmly resisted all efforts on Xander's part to get him to speed up or add enough pressure for Xander to come.  As the tape hissed static, Spike hit the off button on the remote and tilted Xander's head to the side to claim his mouth in a bruising kiss.  He slowly broke the kiss, but held Xander's head so their lips were still touching.  "That's how I want you, pet.  Naked and in chains, ready for me."  "God, yeah," breathed Xander.  "Come on then, pet, let's go play for a little while," said Spike.  They got up from the couch and Spike led Xander to the dungeon.

*****

Xander stripped as soon as they stepped through the dungeon door, and headed to the bathroom at the back.  Spike took off his shirt and socks, leaving just his jeans on.  He headed to the bathroom after Xander, and waited until he'd finished cleaning himself.  Xander reached for the lube but Spike stopped him.  "Not this time, pet.  Just put on the wrist cuffs."  When Xander was ready, Spike took him by the hand and led him to the bed.  Xander looked confused.  "Don't you want me to kneel over there?"  he asked.  "Not now, pet.  Just wanna play.  I want our next session to be after next weekend."  Xander looked puzzled for a second, and then the realisation struck.  After the chip comes out.  Oh, Ok...

"Kneel in the middle of the bed, pet," continued Spike, as he picked up a large, heavily padded round pillow - a bolster, Xander thought it was called.  Spike placed the bolster on the bed in front of Xander and pushed him until he was kneeling forward, his chest resting on it.  He then attached Xander's wrist cuffs to chains at opposite corners of the top of the bed.  Spike smiled to himself as he heard Xander's heartbeat speed up as he was restrained.  "Comfy, pet?"  "Um, yeah," said Xander.  He tugged at the chains a bit, but they were firmly attached.  "Good.  Now just relax and enjoy youself," said Spike.  He stripped off his jeans and climbed onto the bed behind Xander.  Kneeling behind him, he draped himself over Xander's back, and began nibbling at his neck.  He then raised himself a little and ghosted his fingers over the expanse of flesh, tracing the muscles, then leaning forward to trace them again with his tongue.  Xander shivered as Spike slowly kissed his way down the boy's spine, swirling his tongue in the hollow at the base.  Spike lifted Xander's hips and nudged at his knees.  Xander shuffled them apart as far as he could get them, feeling vaguely ridiculous, kneeling there with his ass in the air, his cock and balls just dangling in the breeze...until the swirling tongue began to move from the base of his spine.  Began to move down.

The cool tongue was...  Oh, god, yeah.  Spike was licking over his entrance, the rough tongue swiping at him felt...fuck!  Unbelievably good.  Down lower now, the cool tongue licking his balls and...oooh, sucking them into his mouth.  Xander desperately wanted some attention lavished on his cock, but it was studiously ignored.  His balls were sucked and licked until he thought he'd go crazy, then Spike released them and Xander felt him lick his way up again.  Cool hands spread his ass cheeks and Xander felt lips against his entrance.  Then the tongue again, but pointed, hard this time.  The tip was pushed against his anus, teasingly, pressing against it in short, fast jabs.  He tried to push back, but the chains held him firmly in place.  Xander felt the little puffs of breath as Spike laughed at his futile attempts.  "Jeez, Spike, please..." begged Xander.  He felt a gentle nip at his ass cheek, then Spike said, "I'm playing, Xan.  You're lying there and taking it."

Xander stilled his movements, and a few moments later was rewarded by the lips back at his entrance, and then the tongue again.  But after a few jabs, the slippery muscle was pushing into him, just a little, and then slipping out again.  Each time, Spike pushed a little further in.  The sensations were incredible, the slippery tongue going deeper and deeper.  Then Spike wiggled his tongue inside him, and Xander bucked and groaned.  Spike began fucking Xander with his tongue, pulling out to lick around his entrance or stopping to wriggle it inside him so that Xander was soon moaning and begging continuously.  His cock was dripping, and Xander was pleading for something, anything.  He desperately wanted to come, but Spike refused to touch his cock or allow him to lean forward to thrust against the bolster.  Then the tongue was removed to be replaced by two wet fingers that reached around until...'fuck, Spike'!  Xander hadn't even realised that he'd shouted aloud he was so far gone.

Spike smiled.  He was enjoying himself.  His pet was almost out of his mind with the need to come.  And he would, soon.  Spike thoroughly wet three fingers and thrust them into Xander, crooking them until he hit the little nub that had Xander thrashing about so prettily.  Spike then massaged the spot.  Xander was now jerking and moaning continually, alternately begging and cursing the vampire.  Spike removed his fingers, spread saliva and precum over his cock, then positioned himself and slammed into Xander.  Spike knew he was pretty close himself - watching the surveillance video and then working his pet had pushed him pretty close to the edge, and it didn't take long before he was flooding his mate's heat with his cool come.   Xander was gasping, now. "Please, Spike.  Need to come, now, please..."  Spike pulled out and flipped onto his back, his head between Xander's knees.  He then shimmied up a little further, rested his head against the bolster and pulled Xander's hips towards him.  He swiped his tongue over the head of the dripping cock, and the heartfelt groan of, "fuck, Spike," made him smile again.  He angled his head and sucked the cock down his throat, swallowing around it as he thrust three fingers back into the loosened hole.  Spike sucked hard, and Xander cried out hoarsely and emptied himself into the cool mouth.  As Xander's spasms quieted, Spike licked him clean and released him gently, shimmying back out between his legs and getting up to release his wrists from the chains.  Xander flopped onto his back and lay there, breathlessly panting.  Spike shoved the bolster out of the way and lay next to his mate, pulling him into his arms, kissing him.   Xander mumbled something into Spike's neck.  "What was that, pet?"  "I said, I hope you remembered to replace the tape in the surveillance camera," said Xander, blushing a little.  Spike hugged him tight as he burst out laughing.

*****

Giles phoned every afternoon for the following few days, letting Xander know how the girls were.  Buffy was still ranting, but Willow seemed to have calmed down a little, and had asked Giles if he had any idea of how she could contact Xander.  Giles had given her the phone number, and told Xander to expect a call from her in the next couple of days.  Xander was almost bouncing when he hung up and walked into the bedroom to share the news with Spike.  "Giles said that he gave Willow my number today, Spike.  She wants to talk to me."

"That's good, pet.  Told you she'd come around.  How's the Slayer?  Still snotty about it?"

"Yeah, still ranting a bit, according to Giles.  But she'll calm down, I'm sure, once Willow is talking to me again."

"Yeah, well, just make sure you've got the phone with you when we go out tomorrow, then, in case she calls, all right?"

"Out?  Where are we going?"

"Saturday tomorrow, pet.  We've got an appointment, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, of course.  Just losing track of the days a bit, that's all," said Xander, feeling his heart sink a little.  He wanted Spike to get the chip out, or deactivated, or whatever.  He really did.  Just...

"You OK, Xan?"

"Yeah, fine."  Xander picked up his jacket from where it had fallen behind the chair, and the book Giles had lent him fell to the floor.  "Hey, I wondered where this had got to.  Giles lent me a book, Spike, all about claiming and consorts and stuff.  I read it at his place, but there are things in there I want to ask you about."  He held the book up to show Spike.  Noting the scowl on the vampire's face, he said, "What, isn't it any good?  Giles said it was 'reliable'."

"No, no, love.  It's actually written by a vampire, a couple of hundred years ago.  He got it into his head the the Lore should be written down.  Dozy sod.  Like you've got any chance of forgetting it.  Here, love.  Let's go sit down and have a beer."  Xander followed Spike out to the kitchen.  "So what did you want to ask about?"  said Spike, as he opened the fridge and got out two beers.

Xander sat at the table and opened the book to the section on the claiming of Consorts.  "OK, Spike.  Can I just go through this and ask questions as I come to things?"

"Sure.  Fire away, love." said Spike, as he pulled up a chair next to Xander.

"Um, it says about the first claiming - we had to share blood.  But you didn't feed me any.  Did you?"

"When I kissed you after I'd claimed you, Xan, I cut my tongue with my fang.  You didn't notice?"

"I noticed blood, but I just thought it was mine."

"Well, yeah, some of it was.  But you didn't need to take much.  A couple of drops was enough to start with."

"Right.  OK.  And going all  'grrr' the other day - that was the 'formal declaration of the bond', yeah?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"Nothing, just checking you've done it right... ooof!"  Spike lunged at Xander and nipped lightly at his throat.  "Cheeky bastard!"

"Just kidding, Spike!  Um, that's sort of the easy stuff out of the way,"  said Xander, pushing at Spike, who sat back down on his chair again.  "Right, what's next?  Oh, yeah.  It talks about what happens if one of us..."  Xander's voice trailed off.  "It says that Consorts are usually turned."

Spike began speaking. "If I'm dusted, you'll gradually fade away and die.  It will be as though half of you is dead, too, and it just takes a while for the rest of you to catch up.  Taking a human consort is a risky thing for a vampire, too.  The demon quite often goes insane with grief when the human dies, and the vampire ends up sitting at the graveside waiting to greet the dawn."  Spike leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Xander.  "That's why we eventually turn our consorts, Xander.  And that's why the consorts agree to it.  And after a few years the consort is used to sharing the vampire's demon anyway, so very little changes.  But that's not something we have to consider for a long time, Xan.  And it will always be your choice." 

Xander nodded, his head buried in Spike's neck.  He exhaled a long, shaky sigh.  "Yeah, that's pretty much what the book says.  It just didn't really sink in when you tried to tell me before."

"Like I said, pet.  Your choice.  Always," said Spike, staring into Xander's eyes, trying so hard to make Xander believe that.  Because if it came to it, Spike knew he'd turn him and worry about the consequences afterwards.  "So, is that it, or is there anything else you want to ask?" said Spike, knowing full well what the last part of the section of this particular book dealt with, and figuring he might as well get it over with.  He drained his beer and got himself a fresh one.  Xander had only taken a sip of his.

"Um, yeah, hang on," said Xander as he turned another page.  "Oh, right.  Yeah, the last bit talks about the Sire.  And this is something you *really* should have talked to me about, Spike," said Xander, looking up at Spike with a stern expression on his face.  He bent his head back to the book again. "Says your Sire has to give his consent, and perform the Admittance Rite, which makes the union valid in the eyes of the -"

"Oh yeah, that," said Spike, cutting Xander's hesitant reading off.  But Xander wasn't going to be deflected so easily.  "Says our lives are forfeit to the Sire if he witholds consent, and... blah blah blah...  hang on, there's a bit further down...yeah, here it is.  By giving consent, the Sire agrees to assign the same rights, privileges and responsibilities to the Consort as are held by their Childe.  The Consort agrees to submit to the Sire in accordance with their recognised status as Childe."  Xander closed the book and looked up at Spike.

"Now, that's not the easiest thing I've ever had to read, but I think I've agreed to act like a vampire and call Deadboy 'daddy'.  That right?"

"Yeah.  Something like that.  That's something we need to talk about."

"And that, if Deadboy, who hates me by the way, gets snarky and refuses to perform the rite, we're bone - yeah?  Dead.  Deadboy has the right to drain us or something," continued Xander, as though Spike hadn't said a word.

"Well, yeah.  But he can't.  Withold consent, I mean.  He gave you to me, Xander.  He can't refuse under Lore.  And anyway, whatever the soul may think of you, Angelus doesn't hate you."

"What?  The demon likes me?  Look, Spike, the claiming, cool.  The whole blood-sharing, co-dependency thing we've got going, yeah, I get that now.  But the Sire's rights thing I don't understand.  I get that Deadboy has to agree and can't kill us now.  And that he's supposed to perform some sort of ritual, and that I get treated like a Childe, but I don't know what any of that *actually means*, to me."

Spike sighed.  "OK.  Yes, I should have discussed this with you.  But the way things have been just lately there hasn't been a good time, you know?  And knowing how you feel about Angelus, I didn't..."  Spike stopped, took a long swallow of his beer, sighed again and decided to just spit it out.  "Right.  OK, hear me out, no interruptions, questions afterwards, yeah?"  Xander nodded.  "Right then.  Firstly, the admittance ceremony is performed in private.  We all have to...  I mean, we need to...  If Angelus wants to, we..."  Spike faltered again.  His pet was not going to be happy about this.  To tell the truth, Spike wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect either.

Xander burst out laughing.  "Jeez, Spike, just say it already!  The way you're stuttering and stumbling over this, anyone would think that I have to fuck Deadboy..."  At the silence that greeted this statement, Xander felt himself going pale.  "Please, tell me I don't have to fuck Deadboy, Spike.  Spike?"

"No, Xan, you don't fuck Angelus.  He fucks you."

"This isn't funny, Spike," said Xander.

"No, I know it isn't," answered Spike.

"Shit, you're serious!" said Xander in a shocked voice.

"The admittance ceremony is carried out in private for a reason, Xander.  Angelus acknowledges you as his Childe.  It's all about bloodlines.  A Sire has the rights of sex, blood and death over a Childe.  Your Sire made you, and they can destroy you - that's the Lore."

"But you and Angel hate each other, and Angelus..."

"That's different," said Spike.  "The soul fucked everything up, Xan.  That maniac who tried to end the world wasn't Angelus, I don't know what the fuck was going on there.  And I don't owe a damn thing to that ponce, Angel.  Angelus is a different matter."

Xander immediately brightened.  "The soul!  Yeah, with Deadboy having the soul, no one is going to expect him to perform the ceremony thing, right?  So we don't have to worry about it, do we?"  Spike shuffled his chair even closer to Xander's, and took hold of Xander's hands, rubbing the wedding ring with his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully.  He looked up, caught Xander's eyes, and held his gaze.

"Doesn't work that way, Xan.  Angelus already knows.  Whether Angel knows too or not, I don't know.  I still have a blood bond to my Sire, Xander, and me taking a consort is not something that is going to go unnoticed, know what I mean?  If we don't go to him, he *will* come to us, eventually."

"But he might not, if the soul doesn't let him, yeah?"

Spike sighed again.  "I suppose it's possible.  We can leave it for the time being, anyway.  There's no rush.  We have a year to get his approval.  And anyway, Angelus is the one who'd kill us if he doesn't do it, so it'll work out either way, really."

"Yeah," said Xander thoughtfully.  "OK.  Just for argument's sake, suppose he does come here and we have to perform the ceremony and stuff.  What's involved - and tell me all of it, Spike."

"Not much to tell, really.  Basically, we get naked, we share blood, he takes us if he wants to, he says the words, end of story."

"What?  He bites me too!  And I can't refuse?"

"Childer don't refuse their Sires anything, Xan.  Ever."

"What?  He can do it again if he wants?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't usually happen.  It's usually purely ceremonial.  Especially when their Childe is a Master in their own right."

"Oh, I feel so much better now."

"Xander," said Spike in a weary voice.

"What!?  Fuck, Spike.  You're always pulling this shit!  You didn't tell me about the bond until afterwards.  When was I going to find out about this?  When Deadboy bends me over and sticks his fangs in my neck!"

"Fuck, no!  But when was I supposed to talk to you about this, eh?  We've only been living together for just over a week, and it's been one fucking disaster after another.  This is not something that's going to happen tomorrow, Xan.  We've got plenty of time, and I was going to talk to you about it once things had settled down a bit.  Now will you bloody well calm down!  The soul is in control, so the chances of anything more than a little blood sharing happening are pretty small, and even that might not happen."

"Jeez, Spike..."

"Would it have made any difference?  Would you have refused to bond with me if you'd known about this?"  asked Spike.

"What?  Of course not!"  Xander sighed.  Leaned back in his seat, found himself fiddling with his wedding ring.  "Spike, I love you.  I just feel like I should have known this stuff up front."

"Xan, I had every intention of talking to you about all these things.  But it's like I've been ambushed every step of the way.  I haven't deliberately hidden anything from you - it's just that you seem to have stumbled across everything before I managed to tell you.  That's all."

Sitting quietly, drinking his beer, Xander actually had to agree.  It seemed like they were living in one of those dumb sit-coms, where misunderstandings and disasters happen with annoying frequency.

"You're right.  It's quite funny, when you think about it.  But if there's anything else I need to know, can you please tell me, now?"

Spike huffed in frustration.  "Xan, I don't *know* what you need to know.  As things come up, I'll tell you.  That's the best I can do.  There's nothing major that I can think of, but I can't promise that there aren't other things that I don't even know that you don't know."  Xander sat for a moment trying to untangle the sentence, then smiled.  "Ok." 

Spike reached across and grabbed Xander, pulling him into his lap.  "You're my world, pet.  Don't ever forget that.  You're mine, and I love you."





Part Nine ~ Secrets and Confrontations

Saturday night.  10.00pm. Xander sat on the couch watching Spike as he paced back and forth.  He'd checked to see that his cell phone was on and working at least a dozen times in the last half hour, and it was making Xander increasingly edgy.  Spike had been a bundle of nervous energy all day, and Xander knew that without the blood that Spike had fed him regularly, he'd have been as sore as hell.  Spike had seemingly been unable to keep his hands off Xander for longer than half an hour or so, and Xander figured he'd been fucked in just about every conceivable position, and in every possible location in their apartment.  But Xander couldn't feel anything coming from his mate.  It was like Spike had locked the link down, and when Xander had tried, tentatively, to approach his mate's mind, Spike had looked at him with a strange expression that looked almost like regret on his face, and Xander stopped trying.  The whisperings from Spike's blood as he'd swallowed the fiery liquid were nothing but a confused mess of emotions, and Xander found himself growing more and more apprehensive.

Several times Xander had found himself looking at Spike, certain that his mate was about to say something, but the vampire had simply looked away.

Spike had just thrown himself onto the couch next to Xander and reached for him again, when the mobile started tweeting.  He jumped up, grabbed it, and listened for a moment.  "Good, yeah."  More listening.  "Fuck!  Definitely tonight?  Are you sure?" Xander could hear the faint squeaking of the voice on the other end of the phone.  Spike sighed heavily. "He'll have eyes everywhere, Damien.  He'll know as soon as I get there.  Timing is going to be everything.  We can't afford to fuck this up - it's a one shot deal."  Spike ended the call abruptly and flung the phone hard against the wall.

Spike stalked to the bar and poured himself a whiskey, which he downed in one swallow. He stood with his back to Xander and shuddered, as though trying to rein in his anger.  He poured himself another, and then seemed to remember Xander, pouring him one as well.  As he handed Xander his drink, he said, "It's on.  Midnight.  Er, pet?" 

Xander caught - something in Spike's tone, but he wasn't sure what it was.  "Spike, I..." 

"I should leave you here," said Spike, the almost-regret on his face again.

"No!  No, you're not doing this alone, Spike.  What if something goes wrong..." 

"That's what I'm worried about, Xander. There's been a slight change of plan.  There's someone in town that I really need to avoid until this is all over.  It could be dangerous."

Xander took a deep breath.  "Well, you'll need me there then, won't you, to watch your back," he stated.

"No.  Not you.  I won't put you at risk."

"But..."

"Xander, you're my Consort, and I will keep you safe!  Look, this chip isn't common knowledge, pet.  But rumours have circulated, and..."  Spike sighed again.  "There's another Master in town.  He's challenged me before, pet, and he's heard the rumours.  He'll come after me tonight if he can, and if I can't avoid him... it could get nasty.  I have to be able to protect you and my minions, Xander, and if he finds out that I can't even defend myself from a human child, well...  So, I have to get the chip zapped and recover before he finds me."

"What's going to happen tonight, Spike?" asked Xander, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.  "You've avoided the question up till now, but I think the time has come to tell me, don't you?"  Spike nodded slowly.

"We've contacted a demon race, they don't live in this dimension, but they can deactivate the chip.  They've done it successfully a couple of times now.  One of them will come at midnight.  Has to be in a public place, though, they won't come here.  Which would be fine, except for fucking Phillip.  And no, pet," Spike said as Xander opened his mouth to speak, "trying to keep out of his way or running is not an option.  We're not gonna live like that.  This is the only way."  Xander sat and stared into his whiskey.

"Getting the chip zapped, Spike.  Is it... is it dangerous?  Will it injure you?"  At Spike's shrug, Xander felt anger rising.  "Don't shrug at me!  Don't brush me off like that.  You've had the fucking link locked down all day.  Just how dangerous is this?"

"It's never been tried on a vampire before.  There could be some... damage, apparently, although it shouldn't be permanent," said Spike, not meeting Xander's eyes.

"Fuck!" spat Xander.  "Well, that's it, then.  I'm coming with you.  You're not doing this alone, Spike. You'll still need me there - just in case.  And if you don't take me, I'll follow you."  Xander sighed, staring into his whiskey glass, tapping a steady beat on the side of it with his fingers.  "Look, Spike.  This is really hard for me.  There's a part of me that really doesn't want this chip out.  It scares the hell out of me, the thought of living with a vampire with no soul and no chip.  And I'm angry that you're going to risk everything to do it."  Xander slammed back the whiskey, and sighed again.  "But it's only a little part, like a little voice in the background.  The rest of me knows why you're doing this, why you have to do this, and is cheering you on.  So I'm upset, and confused, and angry, and if you think you're gonna just leave me here to sit and worry on top of all that, you're wrong." 

And the link suddenly snapped open and Xander was overwhelmed with emotions even as Spike hauled him to his feet and pillaged his mouth.  After a moment or two they parted, both panting hard, one unnecessarily.

"Thank you for telling me, love.  You have absolutely nothing to be afraid of - living with me, chip or no chip, I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy.  And I could never harm you, pet, ever.  I love you, Xander.  And I want you with me tonight.  It wouldn't have been a problem before this.  Fucking Phillip."  Spike sat on the couch, pulling Xander with him.  "OK, Xan, if you're coming with me, there're some things I need to tell you, and you need to remember them, OK?  I need to be sure you're safe." 

Spike reached across and kissed him gently, then gave his hand a squeeze.  "We're going to a demon club, and there won't be many humans there.  You'll be safe, though, don't worry.  No one will dare touch you.  First and most important, you stay with me at all times.  You don't talk to anyone else unless I say you can, and they will ask my permission before speaking to you.  No one touches you, and you touch no one - I'd hate to have to kill someone for laying hands on my Consort, but I will if I have to.  And pet, you do exactly as I say, when I say, OK?  If Phillip shows up, I may need to prove..."  Spike's voice trailed off, and he rubbed his hands over his face.  "Look, no matter what happens, you don't do anything, and you don't say anything.  If you're not sure you can do this for me, trust me that much, then you really shouldn't come."

Xander nodded.  He felt as though he wanted to throw up, but willed his stomach to back off.  He had a really bad feeling about this.  But if it all went wrong, he had to be there, not sitting at home, waiting, wondering.

"Spike, I'm worried about you.  Suppose it doesn't work.  What happens..."

But Spike silenced him by placing his lips against Xander's and kissing him deeply.  "Hush, pet.  Everything will be alright, I promise.  Come on, let's get ready." 

*****

Spike looked unbelievable tonight.  Black leather and red silk.  Xander felt himself growing hard just looking at him.  He drank in every detail, burning it into his memory.  Spike had dressed Xander in black leather too, but with a cream silk shirt which that showed off his golden skin and dark good looks to perfection.  They both wore black leather dusters, and Xander couldn't believe how different he looked.  There was nothing of the Zeppo here.  The donut boy could never look this dangerous. 

Spike poured himself a whiskey and sipped it thoughtfully as he looked at Xander admiring himself in the mirror.  The ache in his chest grew.  This had to work.  "Xander, if it all goes wrong tonight, take the car and drive straight to LA.  Go to Angelus.  He's your only chance, OK?"

Xander turned stricken eyes on Spike.  "Spike, please, can't we just..."

"No, pet.  Promise me.  Angelus is my blood.  He'll be able to take care of you.  I don't want you to die, if...  Promise me."

"Yeah, ok, I promise," sighed Xander, as the nausea started rising again.

Spike drained his glass, grabbed his car keys and said, "Let's go."
 

*****

The club was in the middle of the warehouse district.  Spike rang a bell on a nondescript door, which was opened by something that looked vaguely like a troll.  Spike sounded as though he was gargling, then Xander realised he was talking to the creature.  Spike put his hand on Xander's back and said, "C'mon, pet.  We're here."  He led Xander down a long flight of poorly lit stairs to another heavy, wooden door.  As Spike opened it a wall of sound hit Xander, almost knocking him backwards.  Goth music, he thought to himself, should have guessed.  There was something primal about the heavy, driving beat that ran down his spine and straight to his cock.  He followed as Spike made a bee-line for the bar and bought them both drinks.  Then they made their way deeper into the club, and entered an alcove off to one side, where the volume of the music dropped considerably.  They sat on a couch placed against the back wall, and Xander turned to Spike and said, "So what happens now?"

"Now, pet, we wait."

They'd only taken a sip of their drinks when a woman walked into the alcove.  Vampire, not human, corrected Xander, surprised that he somehow knew what she was without thinking.  She walked up to Spike, and dropped to her knees, taking his hand and kissing it.  "Master Spike, we have made the preparations.  Master Phillip's minions were seen leaving a moment ago.  He will probably arrive shortly.  If you and your Consort would please follow me."  Xander's eyebrows had crawled up almost to his hairline, and he gave Spike an amazed look.  What the hell?  "Thank you, Lydia, my dear.  You have served your Master well."  "Thank you, Master Spike," she said as she rose from her knees and gestured for Spike to follow her.  Xander was bursting to ask Spike what was going on, but a quelling glance from Spike ensured that he saved his questions for later.

Spike took Xander's hand, and they ventured even further into the club, down a corridor, until Lydia stopped at a closed door.  She knocked and then entered.  "Master Spike," she announced, and then stepped aside for Spike to enter, towing Xander after him.  Lydia took their dusters and hung them near the door, and Xander took the opportunity to look around the room. 

There were two male vampires and a small, blue-skinned demon standing in the sumptuously furnished room.  The vampires bowed to Spike, but the demon just stood there, smiling brightly.  Xander noticed that it - she had scales rather than skin, but otherwise looked quite, well, human.  She had long, silver hair and golden eyes, and was quite pretty, really.  "Hello, I'm Amaria, and you must be the vampire with the small electrical problem," she said, in a voice that sounded like a flute playing.  Xander noticed the other vampires flinching at the demon's words, and none of them lifted their eyes from the ground.  The tension in the room was palpable.  Spike, however, burst out laughing, and suddenly everybody seemed to relax.  "Yeah, you could say that," he said.  "Seems to be a lot of it happening around the Hellmouth," the demon said.  "Well, sit down here and I'll see what I can do."  Spike sat in the chair which had been placed in the centre of the room, and Xander moved to stand next to him.  Spike caught his eye, and Xander slipped to his knees at Spike's side, knowing that this was what was expected of him.  Spike smiled at him and patted his shoulder.  He then turned his attention back to Amaria.  "OK," he said, "I'm ready."

The blue skinned demon stood behind Spike, and placed her hands on his head.  She then started to move them around, pressing with her fingertips here and there, until... "Aha, yes, here it is.  Now just hold still a moment..."  Suddenly, Xander felt all the hair on his body stand up as a massive static charge seemed to build in the room.  Then there was a deafening crack and the strong smell of ozone.  Spike toppled forward off the chair and Xander lunged forward to catch him.  "Spike, Spike, you OK?" cried Xander, frantically.  Spike looked even paler than usual, and there was a trickle of blood coming from his ears. The blue-skinned demon walked around and squatted down next to them.  "He'll be fine.  Just lay him down on the couch over there - he'll come round in a few minutes.  There will be no irreversible damage to him, I assure you."  Xander caught the demon's eye.  "The chip, is it...?"  "Permanently disabled.  Totally fused into a small lump of silicon, actually, and its nasty little tendrils have been vaporised.  No way it can be reactivated, if that's what you're wondering?"  Xander nodded, a strange mixture of fear and relief flooding through him as he picked Spike up and laid him carefully on the couch.  He turned to look at the demon again.  "Is there anything... I mean, do we need to pay..."  "Oh,  goodness, no.  We're only too happy to assist in the disabling of these torture devices," she replied.  She waved, and then seemed to - fade into thin air.  Xander snapped his mouth shut as one of the vampires who had been hanging back walked up to him.  His attention was drawn back to the couch, however, as Spike gave a groan and raised his hands to his head.  Xander knelt down and brushed his hand over Spike's forehead.

"Fuck. Me.  What the hell hit me?" ground out Spike through gritted teeth.  The vampire who was hovering behind Xander gave a sigh of relief.  "Master Spike, you're all right?" he asked.  "Yeah, Damien, I'm fine.  Did it have to hurt so fucking much, though?"  "I'm sorry, Master, it was the most efficient method, and time was of the essence..."  "It's not a criticism, simply an observation," said Spike, sounding very tired. 

There was a knock at the door, and the vampire Spike had been speaking to walked over and opened it.  After speaking briefly to whoever had knocked, he came back to the couch and said, "Master Spike.  Master Phillip has arrived.  He demands to see you now."

"Let him wait.  I need to heal first, Damien.  I can't let that fucker see me like this."

"Yes, of course.  You need to feed, Master." 

"Yeah.  Bring us some drinks, oh, and some orange juice," said Spike.

Xander felt himself grow cold.  He stared into glittering, blue eyes that suddenly seemed predatory.  Spike had never fed from him like this before.  Biting during sex, yeah, but not as - food.  "Spike?"

"I need fresh blood, Xan.  Not too much, but enough to repair the damage that's been done.  I'm not gonna drain you, pet.  You know that.  But I need to heal before I face the wolves."

Xander took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then nodded, acutely aware of the other vampires in the room, watching.  He wondered briefly why Spike hadn't sent them away, and then realised that they, too, needed to see Spike feed.  Spike sat up, moving so that Xander was kneeling between his legs, then reached over and kissed him.  He then began to unbutton Xander's shirt and slipped it back off his shoulders.  "Thank you," he said as he morphed into game face.  Spike nuzzled at Xander's neck and licked along his throat, before sucking and licking at his claim mark.  Xander could feel his heart racing.  It's no big deal, he told himself.  Spike needs this, and it's not like he hasn't fed before.  But not like this, muttered a treacherous voice in the back of his mind.  Before, Xander had to want it, or the chip would go off.  Now it didn't matter; the chip was gone.  Spike's arms tightened around Xander, and then he felt a searing pain as the sharp fangs split the (his) skin and sank into his throat.  Xander struggled for a second as some primal survival instinct kicked in, and then groaned as an incredible bolt of arousal shot through him, making him hard in an instant.  Spike slipped off the couch onto his knees in front of Xander and began unzipping them both, releasing their erections, only to wrap his fist around them both and begin pumping in rhythm with his sucking at Xander's throat.  Xander didn't care that they were being watched.  Right at this moment Spike could have fucked him in the middle of the dance floor, and he'd have begged for more.

It seemed to last for ever, and Xander felt himself grow light-headed and dizzy even as his orgasm hit.  He must have blacked out for a minute or two.  He awoke to find himself lying on the couch with Spike's torn wrist pressed to his mouth.  Before he even thought about it, he was suckling at the wrist wound, swallowing mouthful after mouthful of the intoxicating fluid, feeling Spike's thoughts and emotions flood through him as the blood pooled inside him.  The wrist was gently drawn from his mouth, and Spike kissed away the excess from Xander's lips.  Xander opened his eyes and looked down to find that he'd been dressed again.  He looked up to find Spike's blue gaze lovingly searching his face, making sure he was all right.  Xander sighed to himself.  It was worth it, wasn't it, to be loved and desired and possessed this way.  It was worth it, right? 

As Spike helped Xander to sit up, he noticed there were two large glasses of juice and a bottle of whiskey and some glasses sitting on a tray on the side table.  Spike picked up one of the glasses of juice and gave it to Xander.  "Drink up, pet.  Need to make up your fluids."  As Xander finished the glass, Spike took it and gave him the second one, watching him carefully as he drank it all.  "Good," said Spike as he took the second glass away.  He placed them both on a tray on the side table, and then poured them both a stiff whiskey.  "Go and see if you can find some pizza in this dump, Damien.  My Consort needs to eat," he ordered.  The vampire bowed his head in agreement and left.

Xander just sat there, feeling dazed.  He still felt a bit light-headed and shocky - Spike must have taken quite a lot of blood, he thought idly.  "You feeling OK, pet?" asked Spike, sitting next to Xander.  He passed him his drink and swallowed a good half of his own.

"Um, yeah, I think so.  Just a bit dizzy is all.  How are you, Spike, are you OK?"

"Fighting fit, thanks to you.  Didn't realise I'd need that much blood, pet.  Just sit there, have something to eat, you'll feel fine in a little while," Spike assured him, a grin on his face.  "Let that bastard come, Xan, we've got nothing to worry about now."  Xander nodded absently.  Something inside him was screaming, even while he could feel the demon roaring in triumph at the newly unchipped state of his mate.  And the chip was most definitely gone.  Xander had struggled, had desperately not wanted Spike to feed for a moment.  And Spike had felt it too.  Proving himself to Phillip was now a mere formality.

A pizza appeared, and Xander ate it mechanically, trying not to think about anything at all.  Spike pressed another full glass of whiskey into his hand, and he drank it without seeming to notice.  By the time he'd finished the pizza and his fourth glass of whisky, he was feeling a lot better, physically at any rate.  Mentally was a different story, though the whiskey seemed to have dulled most of his conflicted thoughts to a vaguely fluffy confusion.  Something was tugging at him... driving somewhere.  Wasn't he supposed to drive somewhere?  LA?  Visit deadboy?  Oh, right, not an issue any more.  Forgot.  Spike seemed happy with his mate's drunken state, and that confused him even more.  Xander noticed that there suddenly seemed to be a lot more vampires in the room, but he couldn't be certain when they'd appeared, or even if it only seemed that many because he was seeing double.  He giggled.

There was a knock at the door.  Spike rose from the couch and then squatted in front of Xander, pulling him forwards to look deeply into his eyes, and said, "Xander, listen to me.  I may have to feed from someone else - I'll try not to kill them, I promise.  Now, this is very important, pet.  Stay on the couch.  Do nothing.  Say nothing.  I love you."  Soft lips pressed against Xander's and then they and the hands were gone.  As Xander fell back against the cushions, he suddenly understood why Spike had got him drunk.  Xander swallowed hard, trying to gather his ragged thoughts.  OK, Xan-man - here it is - crunch time.  If you can't do this, you might as well walk away now.  You told Spike you could live with this.  Time to put your money where your mouth is.

Spike strode over and picked up his duster, slipped it on, then walked back until he was standing in the centre of the room.  "It's showtime, boys and girls," Spike announced to the room.  Then he called, "Enter."

Damien, Lydia, and the other vampires flanked Spike as three men entered the room and stood in front of him.  They were vampires too, Spike's demon whispered to Xander, and they were enemies.  Xander noticed that, as they all took their positions in the room, they changed to game face.

"Master Spike.  We heard you had been indisposed, so we came to check for ourselves."

"Master Phillip.  Your concern is touching.  I'm quite fine, as you can plainly see."

"You won't mind if we check that for ourselves, of course?"  Xander could almost see the sparks flying as the two master vampires glared at each other.  The demon he shared with Spike was howling for the other's blood, and Xander was surprised Spike could stand there and appear so calm.

"Show and tell?  I thought you were a little old for that sort of kindergarten activity, Phillip?" drawled Spike, as another vampire entered the room dragging a struggling man with him.  The man looked wildly around the room, and probably would have screamed when he saw the demons, except that he was gagged.  His eyes fell on Xander, the only other human face in the room, and he looked pleadingly at him.  Xander felt a rush of shame, and tore his eyes away, focussing on Spike instead.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Spike.  I simply thought it good manners to bring a gift.  And I'm sure you wouldn't be discourteous enough to refuse it, would you?"  The threat implicit in the softly spoken words echoed around the room.

"Of course not.  Damien, if you would be so kind..."  Damien walked up to the man, took his wrist and slit it with a fang.  He smelled and tasted the blood, and then nodded at Spike.  Phillip glared at both of them.

"These humans take all sort of drugs, you really need to be careful these days, Phillip," said Spike.  "This one is nice and healthy, though, apparently."

"Of course.  And now, if you wouldn't mind?"  At Phillip's gesture, the vampire holding the terrified human tore off his gag and thrust him toward Spike.

Xander forced himself to watch as Spike caught the man easily and sank his fangs into his throat.  Forced down the panic that rose at the man's scream.  Forced himself to remain seated as the man's struggles grew weaker.  Forced himself not to rush forward as the body was casually dropped to the floor.

"Anything else?" asked Spike. 

"You didn't drain him, Spike.  He's still alive.  I want him dead."

"You want? I'm not a fledge who kills through ineptitude, Phillip.  Corpses are messy, particularly with a Slayer sniffing around.  And I'm not turning someone one your say-so."

Phillip glared at him, spun on his heel and stalked out of the room, followed by his minions.  Once they'd gone, Spike turned and addressed two of the waiting vampires at his side.  "Take him out to the club and bring him round. He only fainted.  Give him something to drink, OK?  I'm feeling generous tonight.  And if Phillip wanted him dead, I want him to live."  The explanation seemed to please Spike's retinue, who laughed and smiled while making derogatory remarks about the other Master vampire.  Two of them hauled the man to his feet and dragged him out of the room.

Spike looked across at the pale, shaking human sitting on the couch.  "I'm taking my Consort home, Damien.  We need to do some celebrating in private," said Spike, smirking at the other vampires.

"Of course, Master Spike.  Can we expect the pleasure of your company again soon?"

"Count on it.  You have done well, you have my gratitude.  Go, enjoy yourselves."  The grinning vampires left, and Spike immediately went to Xander.  He gently pulled him from the couch and helped him on with his duster.  "C'mon, pet.  I'm taking you home.  I'm so proud of you, Xander." 

"It... it's over, Spike?"

"Yeah, it's over, pet.  The human will be fine - I didn't take much, I think he just fainted with shock.  Rather ruined Phillip's night, that.  What a shame," laughed Spike.

"That's good," mumbled Xander as he stumbled after Spike.  The vampire virtually carried him to the car, and by the time they'd got back to the apartment, Xander was fast asleep.

*****

"Wha..."  Xander lifted his head and opened bleary eyes, wondering what the hell that annoying noise was.  The phone!  He stumbled out of bed and grabbed his duster up from the floor, rummaging through the pockets until he found the small cell phone.  "Hello," he croaked into it.

//Um, Xander?//

"Willow?  Hey, Willow, how are you?" grinned Xander as he made his way out to the kitchen and opened the fridge, desperately hoping to find some chilled orange juice.  Yes!!  He grabbed the jug and dumped it on the counter top.

//I'm fine, Xander.  Um, how are you?//

"Good.  Great.  Just, er... hang on a sec, Wills," said Xander as he fumbled with the phone, jug and glass.  He put the phone down and poured himself some juice, drained the glass and poured another one.  He picked up the phone and his juice, and then sat down at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, great.  Just a bit of a late night last night, still not quite awake yet.  What time is it?"

//It's 11.30.  I was just calling to see if you wanted to come to Giles' place for some lunch and a... a chat.  I'd like to talk to you, Xander, and I don't really want to do it over the phone.//

"Er, yeah.  Yeah, sure.  I'll be there soon."

//OK, see you then.  Bye.// Xander heard her hang up before he switched the phone off.  He walked back into the bedroom, and wasn't surprised to find Spike half awake, watching him.  "So, she wants to talk to you?"

"Yeah, meeting at Giles' for lunch," said Xander.

"I'm glad, pet.  How are you feeling this morning?"

"Surprisingly good, actually, considering somebody tipped half a bottle of whiskey down my throat last night," said Xander, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Sorry, pet, but I figured it might be easier for you if you were too drunk to react, and it worked, didn't it?  And you were never in danger.  Phillip's a tosser - knew he wouldn't challenge me.  HHe only tried it cos he thought I couldn't bite.  Fucking coward.  Anyway, I'm going back to sleep - nocturnal creature here," Spike said, grinning.  "You'd better go and get ready.  I hope it goes well, Xan," said Spike, before pulling the covers up over his head and falling instantly back to sleep.





Part Ten ~ Secrets and Disappointments



Xander's heart was pounding as he stood in front of the door to Giles' apartment.  Willow had sounded - cool, over the phone, and Xander really hoped this wasn't a face-to-face goodbye from his best friend.

As he reached up to knock, the door was flung open.  "Come in, Xander, for goodness sake.  I thought you were going to take root out here," said Giles, smiling at the startled look on the boy's face.

"Is..."

"Willow's here.  Come in, and I'll see to lunch," said Giles kindly, taking in Xander's pale face.

Xander walked in, feeling the flock of butterflies rising up from his stomach floor again.  He smiled when he saw Willow sitting on the couch reading a book.  She looked up and stared at him steadily for a second, and then a shaky smile crossed her face as she put the book down and stood up.  In two seconds Xander had crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her.  He nuzzled the top of her head, dropping kisses on it here and there.  He pulled away slightly, and saw tears on her cheeks.

"God, Wills, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to upset you.  I've missed you so much this past week," he said.  Willow scrubbed her face with a tissue and blew her nose.  "I'm fine, Xan, I just missed you too," she said, as she moved the book out of the way and sat down on the couch again, pulling Xander down next to her.  She sat looking at Xander for a moment, seeming to search his face for something.  "Are you happy, Xander?  Does he make you happy?"

"Yeah.  Yeah, I'm really happy, Wills.  This is what I've wanted for a long time.  I'm happy," said Xander, smiling softly at her.

"Good.  I... I'm glad," said Willow.  And then she punched Xander in the arm, hard.

"Ow!  Wills?  What was that for?"

"For not telling me you were into guys, Xander.  And for going off with... with Spike and doing... stuff and not telling me.  God, Xander, you got married, in a vampirey sort of way, and you didn't tell me!  We're best friends.  I thought we could tell each other anything.  I thought you trusted me.  I hope your arm hurts, you deserve it."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Willow.  I didn't mean to," said Xander.

"I know.  And I'm sorry too.  I shouldn't have freaked on you like I did, Xander.  I mean, we've been friends for our whole lives, nearly, you know?  It's just that...  I just felt like there was this whole part of you that you'd hidden from me.  It hurt that you hadn't trusted me enough to tell me.  About the gay thing, I mean.  I'm still working on the whole Spike and you being well, married thing.  And the biting and stuff - I'm just not thinking about that at all, except to be very grateful that Spike is chipped, so I know he can't do anything that you don't want him to do."  Xander flushed and dipped his head, unable to look her in the eye.

"Wills, it wasn't that I didn't trust you.  It was just... hell, I didn't even want to admit to myself that I was gay, never mind telling anybody else."

"Yeah, I get that now, Xander, but lots of people are gay.  It's nothing to hide, you know.  I wouldn't have hated you for it or anything, you know that."

"It wasn't that simple, Wills.  If I'd liked a human guy, maybe...  But I wanted Spike.  Can you imagine how I felt, Wills?  Every time I saw him it just got worse.  I just wanted him to grab him and rip his clothes off and..."

"TMI, Xan, really.  Don't need the details," cut in Willow, her eyes wide with surprise.  Xander blushed again.  "Sorry.  Just haven't been able to talk about this with anyone, and I guess it just all wants to come out."  He looked up as he heard throat clearing.  "Xander, if you want to stay and talk to me after lunch, you're very welcome.  I understand what it's like to have no one you can confide in," said Giles, a small smile on his lips.  Xander smiled back.  "Actually, I just might do that, if you really don't mind?" said Xander, surprising himself at his reply; he'd meant to say thanks, but no thanks.  I must really need to talk, he thought to himself.

Giles brought out plates of sandwiches, snacks and drinks, and the chatter was relaxed and comfortable.  Xander talked about the big TV and the Playstation games at the apartment, and Willow talked of how college was going.  No one mentioned Spike or Buffy, and Xander thought it best to leave it for the time being.  Willow was talking to him again, and that was enough for now.

Xander and Willow helped Giles to clear up after lunch, and as they trooped back into the living room, Willow caught sight of the clock.

"Oh, it's 2.30 already.  I have to run, I've got to go and see Buffy..."  her voice trailed off.

"Hey, it's OK, Wills," said Xander, trying not to let his face show the hurt he was feeling that Buffy hadn't wanted to be there.

"Xan, she's... she's still upset about the whole Spike thing.  But I think she's coming round, slowly.  And with me and Giles talking to her about it, I'm sure she'll want to see you soon," said Willow, wrapping her arm around Xander's waist and giving him a hug.

"Yeah, sure she will," said Xander, forcing a smile onto his face.

"OK, then, I'd better scoot," said Willow, as she grabbed her bag and headed for the door.  She turned at the door, ran back to Xander and threw her arms around him.  "I'm so glad to see you, Xan," she said.  She dropped a quick kiss on his lips and then headed to the door again.  "Bye, Giles.  Thanks for lunch.  See you later," she called as she left.

"Yes, see you later, Willow," replied Giles.  As the door banged shut, he headed over to his bookcase and removed the bottle of whiskey he had hidden there.  He placed it on the coffee table and then got two glasses and some ice from the kitchen.  He came back into the living room, sat on the couch next to Xander, and poured them both a whiskey.  Noticing the shocked look he was getting from Xander, he handed him one of the drinks and turned on the couch, slightly, so he was looking at the boy.  "What?" he asked, a smile on his face.

"You're giving me alcohol?" said Xander in surprise.  "Aren't you worried about corrupting me or something?"

"Well, I imagine you've already been corrupted, Xander," said Giles, "so a drink to relax us both shouldn't be too much of an issue.  And I'm sure you've had whiskey before."  Xander felt his face going red again, but Giles smiled kindly at him, and he smiled back.

"Did you have a chance to ask Spike about the book I lent you?  I must confess to being curious about it myself, and a chance to find out first hand, well..." said Giles.

"Yeah, I did.  Yeah, thanks for that, Giles.  I brought it back with me," said Xander.  Retrieving the book from his jacket pocket, he gave it to Giles, then sat back down on the couch.  He took a sip of his drink and waited for the questions to come.

"Did Spike answer all of your questions, Xander?  Is there anything you want me to clarify, or discuss with me?"  Xander smiled as he remembered his full and frank discussion with Spike.  "Yeah, we can talk about it if you want.  And yeah, he did, eventually," said Xander.  At Giles' raised eyebrow, he continued. "He didn't really want to tell me about the Sire's Rights thing, figuring I'd freak.  And he was right, I did.  But with the whole Deadboy/soul thing, I'm hoping it's not gonna be an issue, y'know?" 

Giles sighed.  "It's not that simple, Xander," he said.

"Yeah, that's what Spike said," said Xander wryly.  "But I'm not gonna worry about it, G-man."  Giles smiled at that.  "I've asked you not to call me that, Xander," he said, with a grin.

"Yeah, I know.  But secretly you quite like it, don't you?"

"You know, I think I do," said Giles.

"I can understand that.  Makes you one of the gang, rather than being the responsible adult all the time.  Must be hard," said Xander.  Giles was taken aback by the perceptive words.  "Yes, actually, it is.  Continually being cast as the authority figure gets rather tiring at times," he said.  He took a drink of his whiskey. 

"Well, I'm seeing you as a friend right now," said Xander, as he smiled warmly at the older man.  "Giles, can I ask you something?  When I was trying to talk to you about Spike, before, and I told you I thought I was gay.  You didn't seem surprised."

"No.  I'd suspected it, Xander, possibly before you did, judging by your comments to Willow about being in denial.  When you were conscious of being watched, you always made sure to look at any pretty women who happened to be around.  But if you thought you were unobserved, or if your mind was elsewhere, it was men that you looked at appreciatively.  You probably didn't even realise you were doing it.  Your spectacularly unsuccessful choice of female partners wasn't an accident, I'm sure.  And of late, your reactions to the proximity of a certain vampire were very noticeable, to me anyway.  He showed no interest in you whatsoever, though, and I'd rather hoped that having him foisted on you, snarking and irritable as he was, would dispel any budding attraction.  Obviously I was totally wrong."  Giles finished his whiskey and poured himself another, topping up Xander's at the same time.  "I made a gross error in judgement, I'm afraid, so I rather feel responsible for your situation," continued Giles.

"Oh, so you feel guilty.  That's why you're being understanding and stuff.  I see," said Xander, the disappointment he felt clear in his voice.

"No.  No, that's not it at all, Xander.  You're obviously happy with the situation, so my guilt is neither wanted nor warranted.  I'm being understanding and stuff, as you put it, because I know what it's like... to want what you shouldn't, and to have it, even if only for a brief time, in my case, anyway.  It's hard to live with that sort of disapproval, and I don't want you to feel abandoned and friendless, and to feel that there is no one you can turn to or talk to."

"Like you did," said Xander, suddenly understanding Giles a whole lot better than he had before.

"Indeed, as I did," Giles said.

"Ethan Rayne?"  asked Xander, suddenly putting two and two together.  Giles nodded.  "And one or two others," he added.  "But Ethan in particular.  The fact that he was male was the least of the charges against him, in the eyes of my family and friends, at least..."  His voice trailed off as he seemed to become lost in his thoughts for a moment.  Then Giles shook his head slightly, and took another drink.

"Anyway, enough of my maundering.  You're probably dying to tell someone about Spike.  So tell me, Xander.  I'm listening."  And suddenly Xander found himself at a loss.  It was difficult to talk about his relationship with Spike without talking about - certain things.  "Well, we, um... that is, he..."

"Spike is a rather dominant personality, isn't he?  And being an old vampire, a Master, probably makes him even more so, I imagine.  And I think you've always looked for that sort of - guidance from someone," said Giles.  Xander looked up from contemplating his drink, his shocked eyes meeting Giles' understanding look.

"You.. you knew?" he stuttered.

"I'm assuming, knowing you both as I do.  It's perfectly normal to live in that sort of relationship, Xander, as long as it's completely consensual, and you've both talked about it..." Giles' voice held the unspoken question.

"Oh, yeah.  Yeah, we talked and stuff.  I'm not doing anything I don't want to, Giles.  And it's not like I'm a slave or anything, we're not into that."

"I'm pleased to hear that, Xander.  I don't think that would suit you for very long," said Giles.

"No, doesn't do much for me.  It's just - Spike looks after me, y'know.  And he loves me so much, Giles.  It's really something special.  Most of the time it's just two guys, y'know, hanging and stuff - well apart from all the se..."  Xander managed to stop speaking as his brain caught up with his mouth, and he turned red again.  Giles looked at him, a grin on his face.  "Just two guys hanging, except you're in love and can't keep your hands off each other, that sort of thing?" he said.  Xander laughed.  "Yeah, that sort of thing.  And it's good, Giles, really good, y'know? but sometimes I need..." Xander flushed again, and took a gulp of his whiskey, coughing as it burnt on the way down.

"Sometimes you need more.  I know, Xander.  And you always have the chip as a safety net, don't you?  Sort of your own built in safe word," said Giles.  Xander nodded vaguely, prolonging the coughing fit to cover his embarrassment.  He really didn't want to lie to Giles, but he couldn't tell him about the chip.  Not now, anyway.  Giles seemed to pick up on Xander's embarrassment, and turned the conversation to more innocuous subjects.

Xander was thoroughly enjoying himself, talking with Giles.  He'd never realised how interesting the man was.  He was as guilty as the others of simply casting him in the authority figure role and dismissing him.  But Giles was smart, and funny, and wonderful company.  As the afternoon wore on, Giles had brought out snacks and drinks, and Xander was beginning to feel like he was really getting to know the Watcher.  He was halfway through a story that had Xander in fits of laughter when there was a banging at the front door.

"I wonder who that can be," said Giles.  Looking out the window, Xander realised that it was dark, and that Giles had turned on the lights at some point.  He hadn't even noticed.  He became aware of a clamouring at the edges of his mind.  "It's Spike, Giles.  I hadn't realised it had gotten so late.  He's come to find me," said Xander.  Giles opened the front door to find an irate vampire glaring at him.

"Watcher," acknowledged Spike, then he looked over Giles' shoulder.  "Xander, I was worried.  You should have phoned me."

"Come in, Spike," said Giles, and stepped aside to allow the vampire to enter his home.

"Spike, I'm sorry.  I was talking and lost track of time."  Xander looked stricken, and Spike gave him an odd look that Xander couldn't interpret.  "It's OK, pet.  I knew you were safe.  Just didn't want you coming home on your own in the dark.  Streets aren't safe," he said, glancing at the Watcher who was watching this exchange with a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah, should be going.  Thanks for everything, Giles," said Xander as he shrugged on his jacket.

"You're welcome, Xander.  Please feel free to drop in and see me any time.  You can bring Spike with you if you want."  Spike turned surprised eyes on Giles.  As Xander stepped out of the apartment, Spike turned to Giles and said, "I appreciate what you're doing for the boy, Watcher.  Means a lot to him.  And me. Thank you."  Without waiting for a reply, Spike spun on his heel and followed Xander into the night.

*****

Spike hadn't said a word on the way back to the apartment, ignoring Xander's attempts at conversation, and Xander's tentative nudges at the link had been rebuffed.  Spike was obviously angry with him.  Xander knew he had been worried, but come on; he was an adult, for God's sake!  He could take care of himself.  And he said so as they walked into their bedroom, shrugging off his jacket.  Spike whirled around and glared at him.

"I'm not angry, Xander.  I'm very disappointed.  Do you know why?" demanded Spike in a cold voice that sent a shudder through Xander.  Xander stepped back in shock.

"You left here this morning to meet your friends for lunch.  It is now 9 pm.  You didn't take your cell phone with you.  You didn't call me.  I tried to open the link, but you ignored it.  Several times," said Spike.  "You forgot yourself, pet," he added in a silky voice that made Xander go cold.

"I..."

"Did I say you could speak?" interrupted Spike, cocking an eyebrow at Xander.  The nervous boy shook his head.

"Who are you, Xander?  Answer me."

"I... I'm yours," Xander answered in a shaky voice.  Spike nodded.

"That's right.  You're mine, Xander.  You *belong* to me.  And I think you've forgotten that."

"No!  No, Spike, please - I'm sorry, I didn't think, I just...."

"And again you disobey me.  Did I tell you to speak?" Spike's voice cut across Xander again.  Xander paled and shook his head.

"Dungeon.  Now.  Prepare yourself."  At Xander's shocked look and pleading eyes, Spike said, "I'm not angry, Xander.  This isn't about punishment.  If I were angry with you, the last place we would be going is the dungeon. I told you, pet.  I'm very disappointed.  I've obviously been lax in my duties as a good master, and I think we need to remedy that.  Now.  I'll be in presently.  The things you'll need are laid out in the bathroom."  Spike turned and walked out of the bedroom.  Then Xander heard the back door slam.  Gone to have a cigarette, he thought idly.  Xander knew why Spike had left.  He was deliberately leaving Xander to make the choice.  He sighed.  It would be so much easier if Spike just dragged him there and made him do it.  But Spike would never do that.  Didn't want that.  He wanted Xander to choose to submit to him, willingly.  Every single time.  He sighed again and left the bedroom.

*****

Spike walked into the dungeon to find Xander kneeling submissively in the centre of the room, head bowed, wrists crossed behind his back, waiting.  Spike walked up and stood directly in front of the boy, who leant forward and kissed his boots.  He visually surveyed Xander.  Collar and cuffs on, cockring loosely in place.  Good.  "Stand and follow me," he said.  He led Xander over to what looked like a vaulting horse, and gestured at Xander to stand in front of it.  "Bend over the horse and place your arms in front of you," he said.  Xander flashed a nervous look at Spike, but did as he was told.  Spike attached the wrist cuffs to clips set in the legs of the horse, then walked back behind the boy.  He kicked his legs wider apart, and then attached the ankle cuffs to chains set in the front legs.  Xander was now immobilised.  Spike saw him tug at his bonds, and smelt the stab of arousal, mixed with a healthy dose of fear.  Good, the boy was getting it.  Spike draped himself over Xander's back and whispered in his ear, "Mine.  To do anything I want with.  There will be no safe word, Xander, ever.  I do as I choose with my belongings."  Spike had to fight not to come there and then at the sweet, heady flood of pheromones and terror that poured off the boy. 

Spike straightened up and peeled off his t-shirt, throwing it to the floor as he walked over to the cabinets containing the toys.  He selected a large, pear shaped butt plug and a tube of lube, and a riding crop.  He walked back and placed them on a low table set off to one side of the horse, where Xander could see them easily.  A spike of fear this time.  Good.  He crouched down in front of Xander, tilting his head so he could look him in the eye.

"Why are we doing this, Xander?" asked Spike softly.

"To... to remind me that I b-belong to you, Master."

"That's right, Xander.  You forgot that, today.  It won't happen again, will it?"

"No, Master."

"You have made an error, pet, and are in need of correction.  Tell me you want this, Xander."  Xander looked at Spike for a moment, and then closed his eyes and nodded.  "I..." he swallowed hard.  "I want this.  Master." 

"Good boy," said Spike, then he leaned closer and kissed Xander gently.  "You can make as much noise as you like, pet."  Then he stood up and walked behind Xander again.  He reached down and found that Xander's erection had softened slightly.  Spike pumped him several times, and when Xander was completely hard again, Spike fully tightened the cock ring, and Xander groaned at the sensation.  "You will be allowed to come today, Xander, you're not being punished," repeated Spike, then he ran his hands soothingly over the boy's back and flanks.  He knew the boy was nervous, and not a little afraid of what was going to happen.  While this was exactly what Spike wanted, he also needed Xander to be certain in his own mind that this was a lesson in ownership, and not any sort of punishment.

Spike slipped one hand down the crack between his pet's buttocks and slipped a finger into his opening.  It went in easily.  Good, the boy had prepared himself properly.  He soon had 3 fingers pumping in and out, and Xander was groaning.  Spike removed his hand and picked up the butt plug.  It was bigger than three fingers, but he wanted Xander to get used to being stretched wide.  Spike squirted out a good dollop of lube and smeared it over the plug.  He pressed the tapered end against the loosened hole and said, "Pet, take a deep breath and breathe out slowly."  He then began to push the plug, slowly and steadily, into Xander.  He felt the boy begin to tremble as he was stretched wider and wider.  Xander started to wriggle, pushing himself forward as though trying to escape the increasing burn of straining muscle.  He gave a guttural cry and began to pant as Spike pushed in the widest part of the plug.  Once the plug was fully inserted, Spike wiped his hands on a towel hanging from the end of the horse and then rubbed them soothingly over his shaking pet's back again.  "There, that's not so bad, is it," he said.  "I'm going to start stretching you out every day, pet.  I want you to be able to take my hand, and I know that's something you want, too, isn't it?"

Then Spike walked around to the table and slowly picked up the riding crop.  He saw Xander watching him.  His eyes were wide, he was panting and there was sweat on his brow.  Spike grabbed the towel and wiped Xander's face.  He then indicated the riding crop he was holding. "You can take this, for me, can't you?" he said.  Xander shuddered, and then nodded.  "Answer me, pet," said Spike.

"Yes.  Yes, Master," whispered the boy.

Spike nodded in reply, and then walked around behind Xander again.

Spike trailed the crop lightly over Xander's skin, tracing the muscles on this back, along his arms, down his legs.  He then stroked it across his buttocks, and Xander began trembling again.  "How many strokes do you think I should give you, Xander?" asked Spike.

"As... as many as you w-want to, Master," gasped Xander.  Spike smiled.  The boy was learning.  Spike raised his arm and brought the crop down, hard, across Xander's buttocks, delivering six strokes, three on each buttock, in quick succession.  Xander cried out and struggled, pulling desperately against his bonds.  Spike rubbed his free hand over the reddening buttocks, then pulled back and delivered another six.  He could see the red lines criss-crossing the mounds of flesh.  He leaned forward and laid gentle licks and kisses along the lines, blowing on the wetness, making Xander shudder beneath him.  "Mine," he said.

"Yours," came the whispered response. 

Spike took a step back, then raised his arm and began to whip Xander again, but more slowly this time, giving a break between each strike of the crop.  After several blows Xander began to struggle against his bonds, but Spike kept up his steady pace, adding stripe after stripe across Xander's buttocks and down his thighs.  The boy was sobbing now, and crying out each time the crop struck him.  But Spike didn't stop, slowly adding more and more red lines, and gradually Xander stopped struggling to get away from the crop and seemed to be trying to push back, to welcome it.  The sobs had died down to moans and guttural gasps each time the crop hit him, and Spike could see that the boy's cock was now an angry purple, and steadily dripping.  Finally, Spike put the crop down and grasped the end of the butt plug, easing it out of the boy.  Xander gasped and then groaned as his entrance was stretched out by its removal.  Spike placed the plug back on the table and crouched down by Xander's head again, stroking the boy's cheek.  Eyelids fluttered open, showing eyes almost black they were so dilated.  "Would you like to come now, pet?" Spike asked.  It seemed to take Xander several seconds to realise that he'd been asked a question.  He gave several hitching gasps before he managed to breathe out, "Please..."  Spike smiled.  It hadn't taken too much to get Xander high this first time.  His boy was so beautifully responsive.  Xander smiled back at Spike, and then his eyelids fluttered closed again.

Spike laid a light kiss on Xander's lips and then stepped behind him again.  He unzipped himself and shoved down his jeans.  He had to have the boy, now.  He ran his hands over the burningly hot skin and Xander groaned and shuddered.  Bruises were forming already, and Spike couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and tracing the lines with his tongue.  A moan escaped his lips.  To see Xander like this, willingly, for him, was incredibly erotic.  The swelling and bruising meant that this was going to hurt, and Spike wanted to make the pain as pleasurable as possible for his pet.  He positioned himself and slowly pushed into Xander, moving in and out shallowly, gently, shifting slightly each time until Xander bucked under him and Spike knew he'd hit the boy's prostate.   Having found the right angle he withdrew slowly, then slammed back in and began fucking the boy hard.  Xander cried out, pushing back for more but then pulling away at the painful contact, moaning and shuddering as the sensations overwhelmed him once again.  Spike knew he wouldn't last much longer.  He loosened the cock ring and began to pump Xander in rhythm to his thrusting, and the boy came almost immediately, screaming hoarsely as he bucked under Spike, his orgasm pulsing through him like an endless series of electric shocks.  The spasming muscles clamped around Spike, who came hard, roaring his release, flooding the hot body beneath him with his cool essence as Xander's hot come gushed over his hand.

Spike collapsed forward onto Xander's back, and lay there for a few moments.  Once he had recovered, he pulled away and reached for the towel, roughly cleaning himself and pulling his jeans back up.  He then gently wiped Xander's buttocks and released him.  The boy just lay there, panting.  Noting the flinching when Spike had cleaned his bruised buttocks, Spike morphed into game face, tore his wrist open and pressed it against Xander's mouth, urging him to drink.  He let Xander drink for a minute or so, giving him a good amount of blood to help him heal, and then drew his wrist away, licking it himself until the ragged edges closed.  Spike then eased Xander up off the horse carefully.  The boy had well and truly zoned, and was probably still flying, so Spike made sure he had a good hold on him so he didn't fall.  "Who do you belong to, pet?" he asked, staring into brown eyes that were still almost black.  Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's neck and leant his head on the vampire's shoulder.  Spike waited patiently for Xander to process the question.  Finally; "You," Xander whispered.  "I belong to you, Master Spike."

"That's right, you do.  And I won't neglect you again.  We'll do this every day until I'm sure you won't forget.  Now c'mon, pet.  Nice shower and a nap, yeah?"

*****

They were lying in their bed, Xander cuddled up to Spike, feeling safe in the vampire's arms.  "My master," he whispered, and felt Spike's strong arms tighten around him.  Spike was right, he had forgotten.  "And I'm your pet."

"My beloved pet," corrected Spike.  "My beautiful boy, my consort."

"I love you, Spike.  I'm so sorry..."

"Shhh, pet.  My fault.  Not taking care of you properly.  Won't happen again, I promise."

"Do you... do you still love me, Spike?"  Spike was shocked at the question.  He raised himself up, resting on his elbow.  He reached down and ran his fingers through Xander's hair, down his cheek and under his chin, tilting Xander's face so the uncertain brown eyes were captured by his own blue gaze.

"Oh, Xander.  Of course I do.  How could I not?"  He leaned forward and captured the soft lips in an achingly gentle kiss.  Mere love was too small a concept to encompass his feelings for the mortal who shared his life.  He wrapped his arms around the warm body tightly, and felt the boy relax into his embrace.  Xander soon fell asleep, but Spike lay there, holding him, staring sightlessly into the dark.





Part Eleven ~ Secrets and Introspection I



Xander sat bolt upright in bed.  He was gasping for breath, and his heart was pounding.   He reached across for Spike, but his side of the bed was empty.  He fumbled blindly behind him to find the light switch, and breathed a sigh of relief as the gentle glow of the electric candle fixtures softly illuminated the room.  Then he winced as he registered the twinges coming from his butt.

"Spike?" called Xander as he gingerly stood and made his way to the kitchen.  He opened the fridge and poured himself some juice.  "Spike, you want a drink?"  No, his mate wasn't in the apartment, he could feel that now.  He glanced at the digital clock on the microwave - 2:37.  He went back into the bedroom and found Spike's duster and boots were missing.  Xander concentrated on Spike and probed at the link.  A red mist rushed over him as he was hit by a surge of adrenalin.  The demon was howling.  He hauled his thoughts back in and closed himself off from the link.  Okay, well that answered that question.  Spike was... hunting.  Must have been what woke him up.  He closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard, fervently hoping that no fatal 'animal attacks' would be discovered when the sun rose.  Well, going back to sleep wasn't an option now.  Xander felt hyped enough to run a marathon.

At the urging of his bladder, he took himself off to the bathroom.  When he'd finished, he turned to the full length mirror, turned the lights up full and examined his back.  Even with Spike's blood, he'd expected to see a lot of bruising, and was surprised to only find a tinge of redness on the skin, like mild sunburn.  He rubbed his hands over his buttocks; a bit tender, but nothing like they should have been.  He ran his fingers over the skin, trying to see if he could make out any marks from the crop, and felt vaguely disappointed when he couldn't.  He wanted the marks.

Xander abruptly turned and left the bathroom.  He grabbed a blanket from the closet and headed into the living room.  He needed to see...  He rummaged through the tapes, found the surveillance video that Spike had shown him the other night, rammed it into the VCR and hit play.  Xander found the remote and turned on the TV.  Then he wrapped the blanket around himself and lay on the couch, in the dark, watching the flickering images.  He watched Spike on the screen picking up the flogger and closed his eyes, his hand reaching for his cock.  He wrapped his fingers around himself and rolled onto his back.  The groans and cries from the TV thrust his mind into a replay of last evening.  Xander bent his knees, pulled his legs up to his chest, the fingers of his other hand drifting down to his anus.  Remembering Spike stretching him out, "cause he wants to put his hand inside me".  Xander's cock jumped as a gasp escaped him at this thought.  He pushed a dry finger into himself as he sped up his stroking, spreading the precum around the tip of his cock with his thumb.  Spike had tied him down tight, so he could struggle.  Because he needed to struggle.  And then, when Spike'd stretched him wide open, rammed that thing into him, he'd picked up the leather crop and... "Fuck," Xander gasped, as he pulsed his orgasm over his chest and stomach.  He lowered his legs and lay there, panting.

*****

Xander drifted in a haze of lust.  The cool suction on his cock felt wonderful.  He thrust upwards helplessly as cool hands slipped from his hips to cup his ass cheeks and encouraged him to thrust deeper into the delicious wetness.  Xander reached down, tangled his fingers in the soft waves and urged the mouth to swallow him down.  Sudden pressure on the swollen head and Xander was coming... his eyes snapped open and he lifted his head to watch a naked Spike sucking and swallowing as Xander spilled into his mouth.  Xander groaned as his head fell back against the couch cushions.  He felt Spike move and then cool lips captured his, sharing his flavour.  Spike pulled back slightly.  "Morning, beautiful," he said with a leer. 

"Spike!  What... I..."

"Articulate as ever, pet.  I came back to find you lying naked and hard on the couch.  Seemed a shame to waste the opportunity," said Spike.

"Uh, I must have fallen asleep.  I woke up and you were gone, and I could feel..."  He caught Spike's eye.  "Did you - I mean, is..."

"Yeah, I fed.  No, nobody's dead.  Is that what you were asking?" Spike answered tersely.

"Yeah, that's it," said Xander hesitantly, confused at the sudden hostility from Spike.

"Don't question me, pet.  I can think of better things for you to do with that mouth of yours," said Spike.  He stood up and pulled Xander off the couch, pushing him until he was kneeling on the floor.  Xander opened his mouth to ask Spike what his problem was, then felt Spike's hands on his head, pulling him towards his groin.  Xander gave a mental shrug and lowered his head, taking in Spike's erection.  Maybe Spike would be less grouchy once he'd blown him.  He started sucking, holding onto Spike's hips as he bobbed his head up and down.  Then he felt Spike's hands tighten in his hair, and suddenly Spike was fucking his mouth, hard, holding his head still, tipping it back so he could thrust further down his throat.  Xander fought his gag reflex as the cock hit the back of his throat, and swallowed convulsively.  Spike groaned and emptied himself into Xander's mouth.

"Keep sucking," Spike growled.  Xander flicked his eyes up to Spike's face as he began sucking his cock again.  Spike was in game face.  And his cock stayed as hard as a rock.

"Mmm, very nice, pet," groaned Spike.  "Make me nice and wet, cos I want your pretty arse next."

Xander pulled his head back and said, "There's lube in the bedroom, Spike, I can go and get it."  Spike tightened his grip on Xander's head.  "If I'd wanted lube, I'd have gone and got it myself.  Get on all fours, now."  Spike released Xander's head and pushed him forward.

Xander felt himself shaking as he turned around and put his hands on the floor.  This wasn't right.  Spike didn't do this.  Spike's hands were running down his back, over his ass.  A wet finger pushed into him.

"Hmm, still tight, pet.  I'd have thought you'd be a bit looser after last night.  Still a bit slick, though, handy, don't want you too dry."  Hands on his hips.  "Spread your legs wider, pet."  Bluntness at his entrance.  Xander cried out as Spike slammed into him.  "Fuck, Spike, stop..."  Spike slammed in again, pushing Xander forward onto his forearms.  Spike fucked him hard and fast, roaring as he came, the cool come welcome as it washed over the burning heat inside Xander.  Spike pulled straight out.  "Bed, now," he barked as he stood up and pulled Xander up with him.  Xander tried to pull back, but Spike was much stronger, and he found himself being flung unceremoniously onto the bed.

Xander watched the vampire warily.  Spike was still in game face as he knelt over the human.  "Mine," Spike growled as he spread Xander's legs and rammed back into him again.  Xander gasped and cried out, his thoughts scattered as Spike drove into him, shocked at being treated like some sort of fuck toy.  He wanted to say no, and demand to know exactly what Spike thought he was doing, but some sense of self-preservation told him to keep his mouth shut. 

Spike grasped Xander's wrists and pressed them firmly into the mattress above his head.  "Mine," he growled again as he pounded into him.  Fangs sank into Xander's neck as Spike came, but he only took one or two mouthfuls before withdrawing them and licking quickly across the punctures to stem the bleeding.  Spike then rolled away and lay panting for a minute, before ripping into his wrist and thrusting it at Xander.  Xander suckled cautiously for a few seconds, then Spike pulled his arm away, licking the wound to heal it.  He then got off the bed and walked into the bathroom, leaving Xander lying on the bed wondering what the hell had just happened.  Spike had never just - used him - like that before, not caring if he got off, not caring if he wanted it or not.

Xander slowly got off the bed and walked into the bathroom.  Spike was already in the shower, and he pulled open the door.  "You getting in here, pet?" he said.  Xander nodded and stepped into the shower, feeling totally shell-shocked.

By the time they got out of the shower, Xander found that even the slight tenderness from earlier was gone, as was the soreness from when Spike had just slammed into him.  Being bonded was going to cut down on visits to the doctor, anyway.  As though reading his thoughts, Spike ran his eyes over Xander's back, and said, "Feeling ok?  No pain anywhere?"

"Nah, good as new," snapped Xander. 

"What's wrong, pet?" he asked.  "Is there something about what happened yesterday that we need to talk about?"

Xander looked at Spike incredulously.  The vampire seemed to have no idea.  "Yesterday was fine, Spike.  I just want to know what today was all about," said Xander.

"I don't understand, pet.  We fucked.  What's the problem?" said Spike.  Xander's courage failed him.  He was feeling too confused, too fractured...  Spike had never treated him like this before.  Last night had been wonderful, but now he felt - off balance again.  Xander couldn't deal with this, not now.   "Nothing, don't worry about it," he said.  "I'm just a bit tired, that's all."  He avoided catching Spike's eye and walked back into the bedroom, pulling out clothes, not really noticing what he was putting on.

Xander felt a hand on his wrist, and suddenly he was spun around and slammed against the wall.  Golden eyes stared into brown.

"Don't *ever* walk away from me.  I asked you what was wrong," growled the vampire.  Xander felt a shock of fear flood through him.  Tears sprang to his eyes, and then arms were wrapped around him, and Spike, his Spike, was rocking him gently.

"I'm sorry, Xander, I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  Come and sit down, pet."  Xander pulled away from Spike and sat down, inching away from Spike as he sat next to him, feeling as confused as hell.

"Xander, look at me."  As Xander raised his eyes, he could see Spike's eyes flashing from gold to blue and back again. 

*****

"Xander."  Spike sighed.  This was so hard.  All Spike's instincts were screaming at him to just throw the boy on the bed and fuck him again.  Talking was for humans.  Spike forced the demon down hard.  "Xander," he began again.  "Look, pet.  I love you, you know that, yeah?  But I'm a demon, love.  And I think you forget that sometimes.  And that's probably my fault.  I keep myself as human as I can when I'm around you, for you, you know?  But I can't keep it up all the time.  I need to hunt, Xan, I need to be me.  And it's not easy to shove that part of me down again.  The demon's still too close to the surface.  When I come back from hunting, I'm not human.  You need to remember that.  I won't be questioned by you, and I'll take you any way I need to.  That's just the way it is, pet.  And I need you to understand that, and I need you to be okay with that.  Cos that's not gonna change.  But it never, ever means that I don't love you."  Spike sighed again, and ran his hand through his hair.  "I forget how little experience you have.  Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck, yeah?"

"I'm sorry I haven't had a string of meaningless fucks so I could just add this to them, then, Spike," Xander spat out, staring at the floor.   Spike put a hand under Xander's chin and tilted his face up again.

"That's not what I want, and that's not what I meant, Xander."  Spike moved closer to Xander, running a hand through the dark waves and cupping the back of his head.  "Oh, little one, you're so fucking young," he sighed sadly.  "This is too much for you, I can't expect you to deal with this."

"I'm not!  I'm 19, you know.  I'm not a kid, I can handle it," said Xander hotly.

"I'm more than a century older than you, Xander.  The Watcher's still a kid to me," said Spike, suddenly feeling every year of his existence weighing down on him.  Spike put his hand to Xander's cheek, rubbing his thumb gently over his cheekbone as he looked into brown eyes still cloudy with pain.

"Can you really handle this, love?" asked Spike.

Xander just shook his head.  "I'm trying, Spike, but it's hard.  It felt like you were - were raping me."

A look of shock came over Spike's face.  "Shit!  That's not... that's not what it was, Xan.  I can't explain it to you any better."  Fuck this, thought Spike.  Words weren't going to do it.  The boy was too young, and too hurt.  So he opened the link and sent Xander a little of what he'd felt since hunting and feeding earlier.  Xander's head flew back, his eyes wide as he gasped and began panting.  Spike heard Xander's heartrate begin to climb as a rush of pheromones hit him.

"Fuck!  Spike, jeez.  Just... Fuck!" gasped out Xander, then he roughly shoved Spike onto his back, climbed on top of him and began plundering his mouth, grinding his sudden erection against the vampire.  He thrust hard against the body beneath him, and came explosively, sinking his teeth into Spike's neck.  As Xander slumped bonelessly on top of him, Spike wrapped his arms around him and rolled him off to the side slightly.  Still panting, Xander caught Spike's eyes and then flushed.  "Oh God, Spike, I'm so..."

"Xander.  Stop.  Nothing to apologise for.  But you felt how strong it was, didn't you, and I only gave you a tiny glimpse, love.  Do you understand now?" asked Spike.

"God, yeah!  That was... intense," said Xander in a shaky voice.  Spike sat quietly and let Xander sort out his feelings for a moment. The need to claim his mate, to force his submission, would have been overwhelming for him.  The demon had been angry at its mate questioning its right to hunt and kill, and Spike had reined it in hard; he hoped Xander could see that now.   Xander leaned forward and kissed Spike softly.

"I'm fine, Spike, I can do this," said Xander, smiling down at his lover.  The smile looked distinctly wobbly, but Spike felt a spark of hope.  Maybe the boy could cope with this after all.  He raised himself up, and they both moved so they were sitting next to each other again.  Spike took Xander's hand.  There was something else he needed to talk to the boy about, but there'd been enough emotional trauma for one day.  It could wait.

*****

Xander put his dirty dishes in the sink and poured himself another orange juice.  His thoughts were still stuttering over the way Spike had...

'He raped you.'

'No!'

'You said no.  You told him to stop.  He didn't.'

"Shutup shutup shutup!'

That wasn't what it was.  It wasn't.  The feelings that Spike had shared through the link were so overwhelming.  He had to admit to himself that they scared him a little; hell, who was he kidding?  They terrified him.  But Xander told himself that he could live with this.  He could.  It wasn't about being used.  It was about need.  This was something that he could do to show his love for Spike.   He sat at the table, sipping his juice and staring at the tabletop, and looked up as Spike spoke. 

"Do you remember last week when you were surfing the 'net, looking for ideas on what you might like to do with yourself?"

"Uhuh.  Um, yeah, I remember thinking that the woodworking thing looked really cool.  I think I might enjoy making things like that, you know?" said Xander, desperately trying to gather his scattered thoughts, feeling confused at what seemed a total change of subject.

"Yeah, you said. Anyway, I've got a mate who owns a workshop, sort of a co-operative, all sorts of handcrafts, woodwork and metalwork, that sort of thing.  He's agreed to talk to us and see if you'd like to work there for a while.  See if you like it.  He's a master craftsman, love, you'd be learning from the best.  So, what do you think?"

"Yeah, sounds great," said Xander.  And it did.  So he forced his focus onto it.  This could be something he'd enjoy.

"Good.  We're going to see him later today, ok?" said Spike.  "Xan, there's..." his voice was cut off by the ringing of Xander's cell phone.  Xander gave Spike a quick, apologetic grin and went to the bedroom to grab his phone.

"Hey, Giles...  Yeah...  That sounds great, can I call you back in 5?  'K, bye."  Xander ended the call as he walked back into the kitchen and sat down again.  "That was Giles.  He wondered if I wanted to come for lunch.  You, too, if you want?" said Xander.

"I need to get some sleep, Xander.  And we've got an appointment this afternoon," said Spike.  Xander's face fell a little.  "Xander, you can go if you want - I don't expect you keep vampire hours, pet," said Spike.

"No, it's okay, Spike.  I'll just stay here."

Spike sighed.  "Xander, listen to me.  You don't need to stay here while I'm asleep.  And you don't need my permission to go out if you want.  I just want you to remember that you're not on your own any more, and that you need to let me know where you are and when you're coming home, yeah?  Like any couple would."  Xander smiled.  Spike loved him.  Just hang on to that.  "Yeah, married man now, keep forgetting," he said with a grin.  Spike returned the grin.  "So ring him back and say yeah.  Just be home by 3.  We're going out."

"Okay, yeah, cool."

"All right then, love.  I'm hitting the sack, I'm completely shagged out.  Say hello to the Watcher for me.  After we've seen Stan, we'll have dinner and then I'm taking you out.  I know I promised we'd use the dungeon every night this week, but I've got something a little different in mind tonight.  You'll enjoy it, I promise."

"Oh, right," said Xander.

"So, go ring the Watcher back," said Spike, getting up and walking to the sink to rinse out his mug.  Xander walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around the vampire, nuzzling the back of his neck.  "I love you, Spike," he whispered.

"I know, love.  I know."

*****

Xander got back just before 3pm to find Spike dressed and waiting for him.

"Have a nice lunch, love?"

"Yeah.  Giles just wanted to check that I was okay.  He was worried - said you'd seemed a bit angry.  I told him you had every right to be," said Xander, with a shy grin.

"Not angry, pet.  Told you that," said Spike, returning the smile.  Then he picked up the car keys.  "Let's go, then.  You ready?  Need anything?"

"No, I'm good to go," said Xander.  He followed Spike out to the underground car park.  The heavily tinted windows on the car meant Spike was no longer confined to the apartment during the day, provided he could find sheltered parking spots.

*****

The workshop was set up in a converted factory only a five minute drive from the apartment, and Xander could walk there during the day, when Spike wasn't with him, of course.  Spike drove around the back of the factory and hit the horn.  A roller door was raised, and Spike drove in.  Once it was closed again, he got out of the car and was immediately pulled into a bear hug by a giant of a man.

"Spike!  Good ta see ya, me old mucker, how's life?" said the man as he placed Spike back on  his feet again.  Spike shook his head, grinning ruefully.

"Really good, Stan.  How's Marlene and kids?"

"Driving me bloody insane, as usual!  Still, wouldn't be dead for quids, y'know?"  He looked over and saw Xander walking towards them.  "So, this the new trouble and strife, eh?  He's a  looker, c'n see why you grabbed him, mate," he said to Spike, with a wink and a leer.  Xander blushed.  He wasn't entirely sure what Stan was talking about, but he'd ask Spike later.

"Yeah.  Xander, this is Stan.  Master craftsman.  Nothing he doesn't know about working with wood."  Xander put out his hand, but was grabbed into a bear hug by Stan instead.

"Welcome to the family, mate," said Stan.  "C'mon, I'll show you the workshop then you two have to come and have a cuppa with the missus - she'll kill me if she knows Spike's other half was 'ere and I didn't take you to meet 'er," he said.  Spike grinned at Xander's somewhat bewildered expression, and squeezed his hand in reassurance.  "You go with Stan and have a look at everything, love.  I'll wait here for you, okay?"  Xander nodded and followed Stan through the doorway.

The workshop was an enormous, sun-washed space that was filled with the warm, spicy scents of wood resin and varnish.  Stan talked enthusiastically about tools and types of wood, and Xander found himself caught up in it.  He felt excited about this, and was surprised to find that he was really looking forward to starting work here.  Stan finished the tour of the workshop and grinned down at Xander.  "The metalwork stuff's out the back if you want to have a go at that too, later on.  Pete does that, I'll introduce you next week.  So, what d'ya think, lad?  Wanna give it a shot?"

"Yeah, please.  I think I'd really enjoy working here," said Xander.

"Great!  Spike said you could start next Monday.  Be here by 10, okay?" said Stan.  Xander nodded, grinning widely.  "Right, let's go an' meet the missus," Stan said, heading back to where Spike was waiting.

*****

Several hours later an exhausted Spike and Xander collapsed onto the couch in their living room.  They'd been plied with more food than they had seen in a week, and the kids had worn them out.  There seemed to be dozens of them, running around, laughing.  Xander told Spike that it had felt like home.

"So, where do you know Stan from?  He sounds English," said Xander.  "Although I didn't understand half of what he said," he added.  Spike laughed.

"Cockney rhyming slang, love.  I'll explain it to you one day.  Or better yet, ask Stan, he'll enjoy telling you all about it.  Him and me met in London, long time ago now.  They took care of me when I needed it, and I look out for them now.  Him and Marlene are Graffich demons, can pass as human, which is handy."  At Xander's look of surprise, Spike laughed.  "Not all demons are slimy or have horns and claws and plans for world domination, y'know, love.  Some of 'em are just normal, family people who want to get on with their lives, take care of their kids, just be left in peace, you know?"

"Oh.  Just a surprise, that's all.  They're really nice.  And I feel like Marlene's adopted me!"

"Salt of the earth, they are!  And yeah, she's everybody's mum is Marlene.  Lovely, real lady that one.  Most of those kids are adopted or fostered, you know.  They're good people, Xan.  They'll look after you.  You'll be happy working there."

"Yeah, I think I will.  Thanks, Spike," Xander said as he wrapped his arms around his smiling lover.

"I just want you to be happy, love.  That's all," said Spike, dropping a kiss on Xander's neck.  Spike smiled to himself.  He'd definitely made the right choice.  Stan and Marlene had more than enough room in their hearts and their family for Xander.  And Xander so desperately needed to belong.  Spike could cheerfully kill the boy's parents.  Not that they'd intentionally been cruel.  That might have been preferable, in a way.  At least they'd be acknowledging him.  They'd just ignored him.  He'd been in the way, and had been left to fend for himself.  Always knowing that he was unwanted and unloved.  Spike's heart clenched.  Never again.  He felt Xander yawning.

"How about we get some kip for a couple of hours before we go out?  I don't know about you, but those kids wore me out," said Spike. They stretched out on the couch, Xander quickly falling asleep wrapped in Spike's arms.  Spike felt a surge of love for his human consort, and a rush of anger at himself.  He'd hurt the boy.  Hadn't meant to; didn't want to, but it had happened all the same.  And if Spike didn't sort something out, it would happen again.

*****

As they were getting dressed, Spike had told Xander they were going to a club, and Xander had half expected to be returning to the demon club they'd been to before.  Instead, he found himself standing on the steps of large, detached house, a few miles outside Sunnydale.  Spike rang the bell, and the door was answered by a man wearing a dark suit, looking just the way Xander had always imagined a butler would.  "Ah, Master Spike.  Welcome.  We haven't had the pleasure of your company for some time," the man said, standing to one side to allow them to enter.

"Been a bit busy, James.  You know how it is," answered Spike, as the man took his and Xander's coats.  Xander noticed that Spike had taken a small bag out of his pocket.

"Do you have any special requirements this evening, sir?" 

"No.  Not tonight," said Spike.

"Very good.  Have a pleasant evening," said James, as he took the coats away.

"What is this place, Spike?" asked Xander, looking around.  They were standing in what looked like a hotel lobby, complete with couches, tables and a reception desk with room keys behind it.

"Just a private club, pet.  We'll come here from time to time.  But tonight's just for a look around, have a bit of fun, and a small lesson in obedience," said Spike.  He placed his finger on Xander's lips.  "No more questions allowed, pet.  I'll tell you what you need to know.  Come on," he said, and walked towards a door at the far end of the foyer, which led through into a small lounge.  Xander noticed a few people sitting around, with others kneeling or sitting at their feet.  Spike ordered them a drink each and then sat on a chair.  "Kneel, pet," he said, and Xander sank nervously to his knees in between Spike's legs, darting looks around the room.  No one paid him the least bit of attention, and he relaxed slightly.  Spike opened the bag and drew out a leather collar.  He leaned forward and put it around Xander's neck, making sure it wasn't fastened too tightly.  Then he sat back and looked at Xander.  "Beautiful, pet, with my collar around your neck," he said softly.  He'd dressed Xander in a simple, tight white t-shirt and soft, black leather pants.  The black leather collar wasn't too wide, and Spike's claim mark was clear.  "Beautiful," he said again.  Xander flushed, feeling somewhat embarrassed at being like this in public, but finding it oddly arousing.

"There are dungeons here, private and public rooms, and a dance floor.  People come here to show off their pets, Xander, and to relax." said Spike.  "Mainly vamps and demons, though there are some humans here too," he added.  "Probably best if you don't talk to anyone yet, pet.  There's protocols about these things.  I'll explain it to you later.  But for now, finish your drink and we'll have a look around."  Xander finished his drink and rose to his feet, following Spike out of the small lounge.  They headed down a corridor, and Spike stopped at a heavy wooden door at the end of it.

"This is the public dungeon, Xan.  There are smaller, private ones here, too.  But you can come and watch what happens in this one, if you want.  Keep quiet, though, okay?" said Spike, and he pushed the door open.  Xander followed Spike in, and gasped audibly, snapping his mouth shut at Spike's warning look.  It was at least three times as large as their dungeon at home, and there were a number of people in it already.  Xander could feel his eyes widening as he looked around at the various activities.  There were several people watching a leather-clad woman as she ran her hands over the back of a man who was chained, spread-eagled, to some sort of 'x' shaped whipping post.  She must have asked him something, because the man nodded and she kissed his cheek.  She then walked to a small table and picked up a whip with several mid-length tails, with what looked like knots on the end of them.  Xander found himself getting hard, watching as she began to slowly add her marks to the smooth expanse of skin.  Just for a moment he imagined himself there, chained to the post...  He tore his eyes away as he felt a hand on his arm.

"C'mon, pet.  Let's go.  We're just having a look around tonight.  We can stay and watch another time."

Xander turned to follow Spike back out of the dungeon, but his attention was caught by a couple on the other side of the room.  The man in the sling was moaning, Xander could hear it quite clearly.  He stopped and watched as the man standing next to him added more lube to his hand and started to push his fingers back into the waiting hole.  They'd obviously been working at this for a while, because Xander could see the hand slowly sinking in.  Xander felt his breath hitch.  Spike turned to Xander and smiled, and then gestured for them to leave.  Outside, in the corridor, Spike pushed Xander against the wall and kissed him roughly.  Xander groaned and ground himself against his lover.  Spike broke the kiss and whispered against Xander's lips, "Liked seeing that, didn't you?  That's what I'm going to be doing to you, very soon.  Did you imagine it was me pushing inside you?  You want that?"  Xander swallowed hard and nodded.  Spike smiled.  "We will, but we've got to work up to it.  Don't want to hurt you."  Then he took Xander's hand and led him back to the lobby.

"Are we leaving, Spike?" asked Xander.

"No, pet.  We're gonna have a bit of fun, now," said Spike, leading Xander through the lobby and through another heavy door, to the dance club.  It took Xander a few seconds to adjust to the gloom.  It was quite dark, though coloured lights throbbed to the beat of the music, which was just loud enough for the dancers to feel comfortable, but not drown out conversation totally.  Couches and low tables were scattered around the edge of the room, with booths and smaller tables set into alcoves.  Xander sat on a couch and Spike went to get them drinks, returning with a beer and a bottle of water for each of them. 

"Dance with me, Xander?" asked Spike.  Xander nodded and they headed into the middle of the dance floor.  There were only 20 or 30 people in the room, so it was comfortable - enough room to dance, but not so quiet that Xander felt embarrassed about dancing.  He knew he wasn't the most graceful dancer in the world, he knew that, but he found himself enjoying moving to the music with Spike.  They ground their bodies together in time to the heavy beat, and Xander found himself getting more and more aroused.  The feel of Spike's body writhing against his, kissing him as they moved together, was driving him crazy.

"Let's get a drink, pet," Spike said into his ear, and they headed back to the table.  Xander was grateful for the water.  It was hot in the room, and he'd worked up a thirst.  Spike stood, leaning casually against the wall, looking around the room.   He reached out and wrapped an arm around Xander's waist, pulling him closer.  He dropped a kiss on Xander's lips then turned him around, pulling him back against his chest.

"Spread your legs, pet," he said into Xander's ear.  Xander moved his legs apart and felt Spike's hardness rubbing against his ass as Spike's hand slipped lower and cupped his own, aching erection.  As Xander felt himself flushing, Spike said, "Look around, pet."  And that's when he noticed that not all the writhing was confined to the dance floor.  Spike smiled at the look of surprise on Xander's face.  "Anything goes, here, Xan.  Much better than groping in the washrooms at the Bronze, yeah?"

"Um, yeah," said Xander, taking another swallow of his water.  Damn, it was getting *really* hot in here now, he thought to himself.  Spike's hand was now kneading Xander's erection, rubbing slickly over the soft leather of his way too tight pants.   Cool lips whispered into his ear, "Suck me, Xan.  I want to see your mouth around me."

"Here?  But everyone will see!"  Xander blushed at the squeak in his voice.

"Yeah, right here," Spike growled.  "Where everyone can see.  I want you to suck me, and then I'm going to fuck you.  Right here." 

"I can't!  Spike, I really can't do this," Xander protested.

"Yes, you can, pet.  You want to please me, don't you?" whispered Spike, as he ran his fingernails over Xander's leather clad erection and then nipped at his claim mark, sucking hard.  Xander felt his knees buckling.  Fuck, that went straight to his cock, every single damn time.  He flushed as he turned in Spike's arms, then dropped to his knees and nuzzled against Spike's groin, concentrating on unbuttoning and unzipping, trying to push away his embarrassment.  As Xander wrapped his lips around the hard cock, Spike ran his fingers through the dark waves, tangling them in the hair as he massaged Xander's scalp.  Xander lost himself in the primal beat of the music and the scent and smell and taste of Spike, forgetting where he was.  He was so lost it took him a few seconds to realise that Spike was tugging his head away.  He let the cock slip from his mouth and looked up.  Spike's eyes were flashing gold as he hauled Xander to his feet and ravaged his mouth.

"Kneel on the couch, hands on the wall, now," gasped Spike.  As Xander hesitantly arranged himself on the couch, darting glances around to see who was watching, he felt Spike press against his back, wrapping his arms around him, nuzzling his neck, pressing his hard length against his butt.  Xander gasped as Spike slipped his hands under this t-shirt, stroking his chest.  He pinched and twisted his nipples, eliciting a groan from Xander, then ran his hands down Xander's stomach, stopping to undo his pants and ease them down to his thighs.   Spike's cock was now nestled in between his ass cheeks as his hands cupped Xander's balls and stroked his cock.  Xander mewled and pushed back, he was so hot, and so hard...  Spike pulled back slightly, and Xander felt wet, slippery fingers enter him, thrusting and stretching.  Xander found himself pushing back onto the fingers and then forwards into Spike's hand in time with the beat of the music that was pulsing through him.   He needed Spike inside him, now; he needed it like he needed air.  The whole fucking club could be watching for all he cared.  The beat changed as one song blended into another.   He felt the bluntness of Spike's cock at his entrance, and the burn as Spike began pushing into him.   Cool lips at his ear, and Xander recognised the words as Spike whispered them as he entered him in one smooth thrust and then held still, holding Xander tightly against him.

You let me violate you. 
You let me desecrate you 
You let me penetrate you. 

Xander groaned as his lover whispered, "You let me take your innocence, and you were so beautiful as I fucked you for the first time."  The hardness inside him and the lust laden voice, harsh with arousal were driving Xander insane with need, and he heard himself whimper as he bucked hard into Spike's hand.  Then Spike began thrusting, slowly and deeply, and Xander became lost in sensation.

I want to fuck you like an animal 
I want to feel you from the inside 
I want to fuck you like an animal 

Xander was going into overload.  Knowing they were being watched as Spike fucked him; hearing Spike whispering the words of the song to him with his own lewd adlibs, and Xander could feel the meltdown coming.

My whole existence is flawed 
You get me closer to god* 

He was spiralling higher and higher, nothing but throbbing desire, want, need, harder, more, just fucking more. "Oh God oh God oh God...oh, fuck, Spike," Xander keened, arched, his head slamming back, his muscles clamping down on Spike's cock as he came, and came and came, shuddering, into Spike's hand.  Spike sank his fangs into Xander's neck as he thrust hard, slamming into Xander, his hold tightening, convulsing as Xander felt his lover's cock pulse inside him as he spent himself.  They stayed locked together, panting, for several minutes.  Spike licked Xander's neck to stem the bleeding, then pulled away gently.  He turned and opened a drawer set into the table, pulling out a couple of small hand towels.  He roughly wiped himself and Xander, and then helped him tuck himself away and zip up, before fixing his own clothing.  Sprawling on the couch, Spike handed Xander his water, noting the goofy grin on his lover's face.  "Enjoy that, did you?" he asked Xander.  Xander blushed, and then turned even redder as he noticed several people still watching them.  They turned away as Spike looked up at them.

"They were watching us, weren't they?" said Xander.

"Yup.  And I'll bet every single one of them wanted to be me," said Spike, pulling Xander in for a quick kiss.  "Ready to go home now, pet?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Xander, yawning.

"C'mon then, sleepyhead.  Let's get you home to bed."  Spike stood and took Xander's hand, hauling him to his feet.  He wrapped his arms around him and kissed him.  "I love you, Xander."





Part Twelve ~ Secrets and Introspection II



Xander sat in the diner, slowly stirring his coffee, his thoughts drifting as he waited for Willow to show.  He was early - almost an hour early.  But he needed to get out of the apartment; needed time to think.  He had been up and dressed when Willow'd phoned him this morning.  Spike had still been asleep in bed.  So he'd simply left a note, grabbed his keys and headed to the diner, knowing that Spike was going to be less than happy with him when he got back.  Actually, he was counting on it.  Maybe, if Spike got angry enough, he'd lose control and give Xander what he needed...  He sighed and took a sip of his coffee and grimaced, more sugar, definitely.  He added another couple of spoonfuls and then spread the local paper over the table.  An advert for a family restaurant caught his eye, and Xander was surprised by the sharp pang he felt at the picture of happy, smiling parents with their happy, shiny children.  He'd never had that - and never would, now.  An unaccountable sense of loss washed over him as he found himself mourning the children he didn't even know he'd wanted.

Xander sighed and turned the page.  Let his eyes lose focus as his thoughts drifted once again.  No point dwelling on it, he berated himself firmly.  His parents were a lost cause, and unless something scarily hellmouth-y happened, he and Spike weren't having kids any time soon.  But he had a family, of sorts.  He had friends, and Spike, and Stan and Marlene, who'd made it clear that he was now one of their extended family, like it or not.  A small smile played over his lips.  Spike knew.  Knew what Xander wanted, and had found a way to give it to him.  He did that a lot.  Well, usually, but the past few days...

Xander looked up at a loud clatter and saw a woman sitting at the next table, glaring at him, then his coffee cup.  He realised he'd been noisily stirring his coffee now for several minutes and guiltily put the spoon down, giving her a small, apologetic smile.

Spike.  He could feel the sleeping vampire's presence in the back of his mind.  How had he become the centre of Xander's world in such a short time?  They'd only been together a few weeks, yet it felt much longer, somehow.  Granted, he'd starred in Xander's fantasies for quite a while.  They'd also done a hell of a lot in those few weeks - maybe that accounted for it.  Xander had done things, and had things done to him, that he'd never have dreamed of before.  Well, okay, not strictly true.  He had dreamed of them.  Just never thought they'd really ever happen.  And tonight, well, hopefully... a shiver of anticipation ran through him.  True to his word, Spike had taken Xander into - that room - every night this week.  Apart from Monday, of course.  Xander felt himself flush as he remembered what he did on Monday night, in front of all those eyes.  But the thing was, once he'd got over the embarrassment, he'd enjoyed himself.  Never knew I was an exhibitionist, he thought wryly.  But after that...  Xander sobered a little.  This was what he'd wanted to have time out to think about.

Spike hadn't been hunting again.  Not since Sunday night, when he'd come back and, well, things had gotten a little weird.  When Giles had invited Xander to lunch on Wednesday, Spike had come up with a plainly trumped up excuse as to why Xander needed to stay in the apartment.  When Xander had called him on it, he simply forbade Xander to leave, hauled him back to bed and kept him there for the rest of the day.  In fact, Spike hadn't let him out of his sight all week.  And since Monday, Spike had been really careful with him.  Xander had enjoyed their nightly sessions, but Spike was treating him as though he were fragile, somehow.  It had been nice the first night.  Ice and candle wax, silk and velvet and feathers.  But then he did it the next night, and the next.  Xander was ready to scream, and not in a good, whip me harder, way.  He sighed again.  Took a mouthful of lukewarm coffee and grimaced.  The waitress came over and took it away, bringing him another cup and filling it with fresh, hot coffee.

"Thanks," said Xander.

"You want something to eat, hon?"

"Um, no thanks.  I'm waiting for someone.  We'll order when she gets here."  

The waitress headed back behind the counter, and Xander started ladling sugar into his cup, relieved to see the woman he'd annoyed earlier had left.  So where was he?  Oh, right.  Spike.  Tonight they were supposed to be using the sling.  Spike had promised.  But the way he was acting at the moment, as though Xander would break - well...  He was gonna have to talk to Spike.  Yeah, okay, he'd freaked when Spike had pretty much treated him like a blow-up doll.  He'd felt hurt, abused.  Xander still couldn't think about what Spike had done without feeling as though he wanted to throw up.  And when Spike had shared a little of what he was feeling through the link...well, that was just plain scary.  Feeling the intense, violently possessive desire for his submission that Spike felt had shaken him.  But he'd cope and deal.  He had to.  Anyway, it was just rough sex, it wouldn't kill him.  It had just been a shock, out of the blue like that.  Stuff like that didn't happen outside the dungeon.  Xander wasn't sure how he felt about this line being crossed.  But he also didn't want Spike to avoid hunting because of what would happen when he came home.  Spike was just totally over-reacting.  He needed to hunt; he needed to let the demon out to play.  And Xander needed...  He needed what had happened that night Spike had come and got him from Giles' place.  When Spike had completely dominated him, had taken all control from him.  Shit, it had hurt at first.  If Xander could have stopped it after the first couple of lashes, he would have.  But he couldn't.  Spike had made it very clear that there was no safeword.  No way out.  And then made him say that he wanted it.  And that had been so fucking hot... Xander needed it again so much it frightened him.  The sensual stuff was great, but that was the sort of stuff they should be doing in the bedroom, not in the dungeon...he needed more, and he had to make Spike understand that.   He could feel it building.  Before, when it got like this, he'd use the knife.  The bright, sharp pain that welled and flowed crimson was enough to stop the burning, for a while.  But he couldn't even do that now.  Xander reached for his coffee and noticed that his hand was shaking slightly.  He took a few deep, slow breaths.  He really needed to talk to Spike.
 

*****

Spike sat at the kitchen table, nursing a glass of JD while a cigarette burned in the ashtray.  He'd turned the extractor on, because the boy didn't like the smell.  The boy.  Xander.  Spike picked up the cigarette, drew deeply on it, blew the smoke towards the fan.  He glanced at the clock on the microwave.  Another hour or so till he was due home.  He had been angry when he'd found Xander missing and a note on the kitchen table, raging in fact.   But he had forced himself to calm down, and now he was glad Xander had gone to meet Willow for lunch and a shopping trip to the Mall.  Gave him time away from the boy to think.  Because something was going drastically wrong here.

Sunday night.  He'd beaten the boy in the dungeon and then, after coming back from hunting, he'd raped him.  He'd tried to tell Xander that that wasn't what it was, but...  Fuck!  Spike ground out the cigarette and lit another one.  Emptied the glass in two swallows and refilled it. He hadn't been able to fight his instincts that night.  Had forced Xander to submit.  He'd managed to keep some small semblance of control; the boy had walked away from it, after all, and he wasn't dead.  But he couldn't allow that to happen again; it should never have happened in the first place, and that was what was troubling Spike.  He was finding himself constantly fighting for control.  He hadn't gone hunting since then.  He wasn't certain that it wouldn't happen again if he did.

He could survive without hunting so often.  And when he had to, well, there were other outlets.  Lydia had always been more than willing in the past, and she would gladly submit in any way he demanded.  Yeah, he could do that.  Make sure he was completely in control before he came home again.  Spike sighed, lit another cigarette from the stub of the almost finished one. 

The boy was so young.  He was only human.  Humans break so easily, and not just physically.  In fact physical damage wasn't the real problem.  His blood could fix that up, and face it; the boy wasn't exactly averse to pain.  But mentally...that was a different story.  He didn't want to end up with another Dru.  The boy needed to feel loved, needed to feel safe and secure.  Needed to know that there were boundaries that applied to both of them, and no matter how much he protested that he could cope, Spike was pretty certain that he couldn't.  Forcing his submission in the dungeon was one thing; that was what they both wanted.  Having it spill over into the rest of their lives was something else entirely.  

And then there was the other thing.  He needed to talk to Xander about that.  The dungeon.  Well, not the dungeon itself, obviously.  What happened in there.  Or rather, what Xander wanted to happen in there and what Spike was trying to avoid.  The night he'd dragged him home from Giles' place and then whipped the boy.  He hadn't meant to go so far.  Thought he'd reined in his instincts harder than that.  Had been shocked at the extent of the bruising, once he was thinking straight, and had fed Xander a lot of blood to make sure he'd heal quickly.  Come to think of it, that's when he'd really noticed his control slipping for the first time. That's why he'd gone hunting once the boy was asleep, to try to give free rein to his instincts somewhere away from his mate.  And look how well *that* turned out, he thought to himself snarkily.   Spike noticed his glass was empty again and poured himself another drink.  Lit a fresh cigarette.  Drew the smoke in deeply and then blew a steady stream through pursed lips towards the extractor.

As Spike contemplated that night in the dungeon, he found himself growing hard.  See, that was the problem - well, one of the problems, anyway.  The human remnants of William, the parts that Spike used to act like a human, and to rein in the demon's excesses around Xander, were telling him that he should be appalled by what had happened.  And since the bonding, he'd found himself sharing a little of Xander's humanity, soul, whatever it was.  Which brought the unwanted sense of guilt that Spike was currently trying to ignore.  Guilt that he'd hurt Xander, both physically and mentally, and guilt that he'd enjoyed every second of it; that it made him hard, and that he wanted to do it again.  He wanted Xander on his knees; he wanted him tied down, screaming and begging...

The thing was, Xander wanted that, too.  Spike had no doubts about that.  He could feel Xander's rising frustration with his careful handling this week.  Xander wanted the whip, not the velvet glove.  Spike had no qualms about doing it - that wasn't the problem.  If Xannder had been a vampire, he'd be in there now, stripping the boy's back bloody, fucking him raw and revelling in it.  But he wasn't.  He was a human.  And they were So. Fucking. Fragile.   Spike simply couldn't risk picking up a crop or a whip in there, because he wasn't sure he could trust himself.  Spike wasn't an amateur - he knew what to do, how to keep control during a scene, well, usually.  But this past week...  He couldn't understand it.  He'd claimed and bonded with the boy, but the demon was demanding more.  Something wasn't right.  He'd racked his brains, but he'd never been good with all this shit - never paid much attention when Angelus and that bitch Darla had tried to teach him the Lore.  He knew the basics, of course, but...   Sometimes Spike really missed his bastard of a Sire.

Spike poured himself another drink.  Sighed deeply.  He'd promised the boy they'd use the sling tonight.  Maybe they could.  Maybe he could do that.  Took a lot of concentration and control to make sure you didn't hurt the receiver though, especially the first time...  No, best not.  Xander wanted, needed, all control taken from him in the dungeon.  Which would be fine if Spike could trust himself to recognise and respect the boy's limits.  But he couldn't, not as things stood, and he wasn't sure if the boy even had any limits when it came to Spike, and wasn't that a thought to give him nightmares?  If his control slipped again...  Denying the boy a safeword, for fuck's sake, what was that about?  Spike shook his head, disgusted that he'd let it get so out of hand.  Xander would have thought that Spike was just setting the scene - Spike had been deadly serious.  He drained his glass again.  Refilled it.  It had never mattered before.  He'd never played these games with a human that he was in love with before. 

"I am one, sorry, fucked up excuse for a vampire," Spike announced to the empty room.  And now I'm fucking talking to myself, too, he thought wryly.  He glanced at the clock again, boy'll be home soon, he thought.  Spike knew he had to come to some sort of decision about what he was going to do.  He really needed to talk to Xander.

*****

Spike felt an enquiring nudge at the link and grinned.  He sent calm and loving feelings to his mate, and waited for Xander to step out of the sunlight and come home.  Two minutes later, Xander was fumbling his way through the door, juggling his key and several shopping bags.

Spike put down the TV remote as Xander flopped onto the couch, dropping the bags at his feet.

"Phew!  Willow was in shopping demon mode.  I feel as though I've walked for miles, and if I never see another shoe store again, it'll be too soon.  Um, how was your day?"  Xander asked hesitantly.

"A lot more restful than yours, by the sounds of it," said Spike.  He smiled at Xander, and saw the boy relax as the tension in his shoulders seemed to flow away.  "So, get anything nice, love?"

"Yeah!  It was really great, being able to just buy what I wanted, without having to worry about whether I could afford it or not.  Thanks, Spike," said Xander, as he leaned over dropped a quick kiss on Spike's lips.  Then he started picking up bags, pulling out his purchases, showing them to Spike and then dropping them to the floor in an untidy heap.  "And I bought you some stuff, too.  Wanna see?"  At Spike's nod, Xander passed a bag over.  Spike opened it and drew out a v-necked cashmere sweater, black, of course.  Xander reached across and stroked his hand over the sweater.

"I thought this would look really good on you, it just feels so soft, and it'll keep you warm."

"Thank you, love.  But I've got you to keep me warm," said Spike, taking hold of Xander's hand.  Xander smiled goofily at him.

"Yeah, I know.  But this might be a bit more practical for walking down the street in, rather than having me draped all over you."

"Dunno, that sounds good to me," grinned Spike.  Xander laughed, then picked up another bag.  This one was much smaller, and had the name of a jewellery store on it.   Xander put the bag on his lap, and pulled a small box out of it.  He cleared his throat.

"Spike.  When we bonded, when we…got married, you gave me a ring.  And I want you to have one, too."  He opened the box and took out a plain, silver-coloured ring.  Then he put the bag down on the couch and stood up.  He knelt at Spike's feet, took Spike's left hand, and placed the ring on the third finger.  "With this ring, I thee wed…"  He looked up at Spike, his eyes shining.  "I love you, Spike," he said.

"Oh, Xander," breathed Spike, before leaning forward and touching his lips gently to Xander's.  Xander brought his arms up and wrapped them around Spike, deepening the kiss.  When the kiss finally ended Xander was flushed, and Spike was blinking hard against suspiciously dewy eyes.

"Thank you, pet," he whispered.

"Do you like it?" asked Xander as Spike sat looking at his hand.  "It has an inscription."  Spike slipped off the heavy platinum band and angled it so he could read the engraving on the inner surface.  "Eternally Yours," he read.  He looked at Xander, a question in his eyes as he slipped the ring back onto his finger.

"Well, I figured, what with the whole undead thing, eternity was pretty much a given."

Spike nodded.  "Not letting you leave me, pet.  Ever."

"I know," said Xander, and took a deep breath, "and I want to be with you for eternity, Spike.  Just - not for a while, yeah?"

"We've got all the time in the world, love."  And they did.  So why was Spike feeling edgy all of a sudden about it?  He stomped hard on the 'Mine' that growled through his brain, and ignored the urge to pin Xander to the floor and just *take*...

"Yeah," said Xander, nodding slowly as he gave Spike a slightly shaky smile.  Spike leaned forward and pulled Xander in for another hug, before forcing himself to release him and gently pulling him back up to sit on the couch.  Xander picked up the discarded jewellers bag and pulled out another small box.

"I got one more present, but this one is for both of us, in a way."  He passed the box to Spike, who opened it to find two small, gold rings.

"Nipple rings, Xan?" said Spike, feeling surprised.  The boy wanted him to have nipple rings?

"Yeah, for me, not you," said Xander, smiling at the look of surprise on Spike's face.  The surprised expression melted to one of lust.

"Oh yeah, Xan.  I’d like that a lot," said Spike, his voice suddenly husky.

"And I want you to do it, Spike."  Xander grasped Spike's hands, leaned back and pulled Spike on top of him.  Spike moved so that their groins were aligned, and then ground down, meeting an answering hardness in the body beneath him.  Spike began to nuzzle Xander's neck, finding his claim mark and licking and nibbling on it.   Xander bucked beneath him.  Spike licked up the side of Xander's neck, then nibbled on his earlobe.

"You want me to pierce you, Xan?" he whispered into Xander's ear.  "You want me to tie you down and then use my fangs?"  Spike's hands moved down the body beneath him, tugging the shirt loose, then tearing it open.  He ran his hands over Xander's chest, then started to tease and pinch his nipples.  "I'd have tie you down tight, cos it'll hurt, and you'll struggle, trying to move away."  Xander whimpered and bucked against him again.  
"Is that what you want, Xander?  You like it when it hurts?"

Xander gave a hitching moan.  "Yes, oh fuck, yes, Spike.  Love it.  Please.  So good, so good."  

And suddenly Spike could see it, so clearly.  Xander tied, submissive, begging and pleading for him to hurt him, to make it hurt so good, to take it all away.  A warning flashed.  He felt himself slip into game face; hadn't done so consciously, couldn't seem to return to his human visage, and knew he had to stop now.  Needed to get up and walk away.  Now, do it now, before it's too late… But Xander was squirming underneath him, slipping his hands between them.  Jeans were being pushed down, and his achingly hard flesh was freed.  Mine.  And walking away wasn't going to happen.  They both groaned appreciatively as overheated naked flesh met cool.  As they slowly thrust against each other, Spike returned his attention to Xander's nipples.  They were reddened now, and Xander groaned as Spike pinched and twisted them.  Spike returned his mouth to Xander's ear and began nipping at the lobe with needle-sharp fangs, licking away the small trickles of blood.

"You're mine, Xander."

"Yeah."

"All mine, to do with as I please."

"Oh!  Please…" exhaled on a pained gasp.

"I can do anything I want, can't I?"

"Yeah, oh yeah, anything," Xander gasped out.

"Anything I want.  Everything I want."

"Gah…"  Xander bucked and cried out as Spike dug his razor-sharp nails into the swollen nubs, drawing blood, and warm come pulsed between them as Xander orgasmed.

"I want everything."

Xander cried out as Spike bit down hard, sinking his fangs deep into Xander's throat.  Mine, roared through his head as he drank, and drank.

"… Spike.  Spike, stop, please.  Spike.  No, no, Spike…"  Xander's voice gradually cut through the red mist in Spike's mind.  Shock hit Spike like a bucket of cold water and he abruptly pulled his fangs out of Xander's neck and hauled himself off the couch.  Blood was trickling from the wound, and Spike dropped to his knees and leaned forward to lick gently at the holes to close them.  Xander was pale and shaking.  His eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow and rapid.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.  Spike ripped his wrist open and jammed it against Xander's mouth.  "Drink, pet.  Xan, Xander, drink.  Please, Xan…"  Spike pushed down on Xander's chin, forcing his mouth open.  As the blood trickled into his mouth, Xander swallowed reflexively a couple of times, and then began to suckle at the wound.  Spike sighed with relief.  He let Xander drink for a minute or so, and then gently pulled his wrist away.  He licked the tear closed and stood up, pulling up his jeans and fastening them.  Then he picked up Xander and carried him into the bedroom.  He quickly stripped the boy and put him under the covers, turning on the electric blanket.  Xander was still too pale, clammy, and he was shivering.  Shock, thought Spike.

"Xander?  Can you hear me, pet?"

"Tired," Xander mumbled.

"Sleep, love.  Get some sleep," said Spike, lying down on top of the quilt, next to Xander, and stroking his hair gently.  Xander sighed, and soon his breathing was calm and the shaking had stopped.  His heartbeat was strong and steady.  Once he was certain the boy was safely asleep, Spike lowered the blanket setting, leaving it on low, and walked unsteadily into the kitchen after kissing Xander softly.

He turned the extractor fan on again and lit a cigarette with shaking hands.  He didn't bother with a glass this time, swigging the whiskey straight from the bottle.  The burn helped to steady him a little.  This is not good.  This is not good at all, thought Spike.  I almost fucking drained him.  Okay, something seriously screwy is going on here.  Spike slumped onto a chair, took another long swig from the bottle and placed it on the table with a thump.  He put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on one hand, drawing deeply on the cigarette he held in the other.  Spike felt nothing but a confusing swirl of conflicting thoughts and desires.  He didn't want to turn Xander, not yet.  Wanted to enjoy his human Consort, and only turn him when he had to.  When the time was right.  That's what they both wanted.  And yet…  When Xander had been writhing and begging under him, he'd wanted more.  Needed to take more.  Needed to take everything.

Spike may not have been the smartest vampire that had ever been turned.  But he knew when he was beaten.  And this thing had him beaten.  He had no idea why he was acting like this.  There was only one thing he could do.  He really, really didn't want to do it, but he was left with no choice.  Two more minutes - that's all it would have taken.  Two more minutes and he'd be waiting for Xander to rise, rather than sitting waiting for him to wake up.  Spike stood up carefully, stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the kitchen bench, and made his way into the bedroom to pack.

*****

Xander opened his eyes and groaned, closing them against the glare of the light.  A cool hand brushed his forehead.

"Xan?  Pet, sit up, you need to drink something."

"Spike?  My head hurts," said Xander weakly.

"I know, love.  Sit up and drink this.  I've got some paracetamol here too."  Spike gently pulled Xander up into a sitting position, and Xander groaned as the pounding in his head increased.  He felt a glass pressed against his lips, and swallowed the cool orange juice.  He gingerly cracked his eyes open a little and saw that Spike had dimmed the lights in the bedroom.  He took the two white pills from the outstretched hand and accepted another glass of juice, which he used to wash the pills down with.  Spike gently lowered him back against the pillows, and then took his hand, running his thumb soothingly over the back of it.  Xander closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again, to see Spike's concerned face hovering above him.

"What happened, Spike?  I feel like I was hit by a truck."  The only reaction from Spike was a sudden tightening of his grip, which immediately loosened again.  Spike's eyes flicked away from Xander's face.  "Spike?"

"I almost drained you, Xander."  Shock hit him like a surge of ice water running through his veins that left a buzzy numbness in its wake.  Xander gasped.  Flashes of Spike, biting hard, deeper than usual, and drinking, and not stopping this time… "Oh," said Xander, his face suddenly white.  The buzzing was getting louder, making his ears ring with it and the room grew darker.  He could hear Spike's voice faintly, calling his name, and he struggled to resurface.

"…me, Xander?  Stay with me here, love.  Xan?"

"'m fine, just a bit dizzy.  Your hand's nice, cool."

"Good.  That's good, love," said Spike, as he continued to gently stroke Xander's forehead.

"Spike?  What happened?"

"I told you, I…" Spike stopped, seeming to know that Xander was asking a different question.  "I don't know.  I can't seem to stay in control when I'm with you any more.  It's not right.  It shouldn't be like this, Xander."

Xander closed his eyes.  Tried to gather his scattered thoughts.  The jigsaw puzzle that his life seemed to have become over the past week or so started to resolve into a picture.

"It started when you came back from hunting."

"No, it started before then.  But that's when I realised what was happening."

"That's why you've been so…careful."

"Yeah.  Couldn't risk losing control.  But I did, anyway.  You could have died…"

"But I didn't.  You stopped yourself."

"This time.  Only just, too.  Another minute or two and it would have been too late."

With a curious detachment, Xander realised that he was calmly discussing the fact that a demon had almost murdered him, and would probably be more successful on the next attempt - and that there would, in all probability, be another attempt.  And that, rather than running away, screaming, or reaching for a stake, he was lying here trying to make the demon feel better about the situation.  Clearly he was insane.  Xander snorted, then a hiccuping giggle escaped, and soon he found himself laughing hysterically, tears streaming down his face, as an increasingly concerned demon watched him warily.  Finally, the hysterical laughter gave way to great, heaving sobs.  Xander felt Spike gather him into his arms and rock him gently, rubbing his back and whispering soothing nonsense.  As the storm of emotion gradually abated, Xander could make out Spike's words.  "…sorry, so sorry, baby.  Don't wanna hurt you.  Love you, love you so much.  So sorry…"  A calm resignation settled over Xander.  So, this was it.  He was gonna die.  Well, it was always a possibility, what with the demon slayage and stuff.  At least it would be his lover, and not some random slime monster or a fledge who got lucky.  And hey, it wouldn't be permanent.  Some of him would survive.  Just, he wasn't ready, not yet.

Xander pushed his face into the crook of Spike's neck.  "Don't wanna die, Spike, not yet," he mumbled.  He felt rather than heard the groan that shook Spike.

"Not gonna happen, Xan.  This stops now."

Xander pushed against the arms holding him tightly, pulled his head back to look at Spike.  "Spike?"

"I don't know why this is happening, Xander, and I don't know how to fix it.  I have to go away for a while."

"No!  No, you're not leaving me, Spike.  We'll work it out."  Panic gripped Xander and he tightened his hold on Spike.  Staring into the pained eyes, shaking his head.  "No."

"Xander, I have to.  Just for a few days, that's all.  I need to see someone, get some answers.  I'm coming back, I promise."

"I'm coming with you."

"No.  That's a really bad idea, Xan.  This is going to be hard enough as it is.  I need you to stay here."

Xander's thoughts were racing.  Who could Spike possibly go to for answers about this?  The only one who'd…  Of course.  His Sire.  Deadboy.  Fuck.

"Spike, last time you saw him you tortured him, trying to get that demony ring back.  He'll stake you first and ask questions later."

Spike showed no surprise that Xander had worked it out.  He just sighed and nodded.  "I did say it was going to be hard, didn't I?  Yeah, Angel won't exactly be happy to see me again, but I need to talk to him.  Well, actually, I need to try to talk to Angelus.  Dunno how the fuck I'm gonna do that, but I have to try."

Xander thought for a moment.  "Yeah, okay, I can see that.  But really, y'know, it'd be better if I came with you.  I know Deadboy isn't exactly my number one fan, and that goes both ways, but at least if I'm with you he'll hear us out, and not just try to stake you before you can say anything.  I'm coming with you, Spike.  And if you leave me here, I'll just follow you."

Spike gave a small smile.  "You would, too, wouldn't you?  All right, I know when I'm beaten."  He glanced at the clock.  "It's almost midnight.  You have a shower.  I'll pack a bag for you, then you need to eat something.  How's your head?"

Xander shook his head experimentally.  The headache was almost gone, and there was no dizziness any more, at least as far as he could tell, though he hadn't tried standing up yet.  "I'm fine, Spike," he said, then yawned widely.

"Right then, let's get this show on the road.  You can sleep in the car."  Spike leaned into Xander, gave him a soft kiss.  "We'll work it out, Xan."

"Yeah.  Yeah, we will," said Xander.  He just wished he believed that.





Part Thirteen ~ Secrets and Sacrifices I



It was almost 2 a.m. by the time they finally set off for LA.  Spike had insisted that Xander sit and eat a proper meal while he packed his bag for him.  Then, just as they were heading out the door, Xander decided that he wasn't listening to punk music all the way to LA, and walked back into the loungeroom.  He scooped up a handful of the CDs he'd bought earlier and shoved them into one of the carrier bags that were still lying on the floor by the couch.  Spike had followed him into the loungeroom, and Xander saw him pick up the two small jewellery cases from where they'd fallen on the floor, and place them on the coffee table.  Spike raised his eyes and winced slightly as he caught Xander's gaze.

"Xander, I'm..."

"Sorry.  Yeah, I know.  You said."  Xander watched as Spike's shoulders slumped a little.  He sighed.  Stepped closer to Spike and took his left hand, stroking the wedding ring on Spike's finger with his thumb.  Spike looked at his hand, then lifted his eyes to meet Xander's gaze again.

"Maybe traditional vows would have been more appropriate.  Y'know, for better or worse?  I love you, Spike.  We'll work it out, together, one way or the other.  And anyway, I guess it was my fault, in a way.  I was trying to provoke a reaction from you.  Guess it worked."  He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Spike's lips.  "C'mon, we'd better get going if we want to be in LA before dawn."

*****

"Xander?  Wake up, love, we're here."

"Wha...?"  Xander stifled a yawn and blearily opened his eyes.  Damn, he'd wanted to talk to Spike on the way here.  He'd only meant to rest his eyes for a moment.  Xander gazed out the window at the brightly-lit hotel forecourt.  "Deadboy lives here?"

"No, pet.  It's almost dawn.  We're gonna book into a room here and get some sleep. We'll go see him tonight."

"Oh."  Xander fumbled his way out of the car and followed Spike into the hotel.  He leaned against the reception desk and must have dozed off again, as the next thing he knew he was being steered gently into the lift.  "Sorry, Spike, I just..." he was cut off by a jaw-stretching yawn, and Spike chuckled.  An arm was wrapped around his waist, and Spike half carried him to their room.  Xander vaguely heard voices and felt himself being undressed before he sank back into the warm arms of sleep again.

The next time Xander opened his eyes, he could see slivers of light trying to creep past the edges of the heavy curtains drawn across the windows of the bedroom.  A glance at the clock on the bedside table told him it 12:57 - in the afternoon, presumably.  Xander felt slightly hungover, which seemed a little unfair as he hadn't been drunk.  A disturbing giggle in a corner of his mind pointed out that he actually had been drunk, by Spike.  With the somewhat surreal vision of himself as a bottle of beer floating around in his head, he decided that he really needed a shower and something to eat.  He carefully got out of bed, trying not to disturb Spike, who seemed to be sound asleep, and wandered into the bathroom.  His toothbrush and toiletries were laid out, so Spike had obviously taken the time to unpack a little after putting him to bed.  Xander showered and shaved, and started to feel a little more alive.

Xander got dressed and left the bedroom.  Spike had got them a suite.  Bedroom, ensuite bathroom and lounge area.  Nice.  He just wished he was in the mood to appreciate it.  He felt unsettled, jittery.  He needed to get out, get some fresh air, maybe, clear his head.  Xander found his wallet, watch, keys and a keycard for the hotel room sitting in a pile on the coffee table.  As he picked them up, he saw that the piece of paper they were sitting on was a note from Spike.  The copperplate script informed him that there was a restaurant in the hotel that Xander could use to get lunch, or that he could order room service if he wanted, and that he was loved very much.  Xander smiled, folded the paper carefully and placed it in his wallet.  As he did, he noticed the other piece of paper he'd tucked in there - the one with Angel's address and phone number on it.  He'd spotted this information last time he was at Giles' apartment, and had hastily scribbled it down, not really knowing why he was doing so, but figuring it might come in useful.

Xander wrote a quick note for Spike, saying he was going out to eat and then look around for a couple of hours, grabbed his jacket and left.

*****

After a hastily eaten lunch, Xander left the hotel with the vague idea of possibly going to see Angel, maybe.  The doorman asked if he wanted a cab, and the next thing Xander knew he was on his way to the address on the piece of paper he was still clutching in his hand.

As he paid off the cab, Xander wondered what on earth he was doing there.  He really hadn't thought this through.  He should just go back to the hotel and -

"Xander?  Is that you?"

"Cordy?"  He'd forgotten.  Buffy had told them that Cordelia was working for Angel now.  And some other guy, couldn't remember his name, though.

"What are you doing here?  And, wow, looking so good, too!  Who is she?"

"What?  She?  Who?"

"Your new girlfriend."  Xander stared blankly at Cordelia.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Cordy," said Xander, slowly.  Okay, his headache was coming back again, with a vengeance.  He had no idea why Cordelia was suddenly so interested in his sex life, or even why he was still standing there.  He should hail a cab, get back to the hotel.  

"Oh, please.  You suddenly look like something that stepped out of GQ and you expect me to believe there's not a woman involved in this transformation?"  Cordelia looked him up and down and then suddenly squealed, grabbing hold of his left hand.  "Is that a wedding ring, Xander Harris?"

"Yeah, I..."  Damn.  Wrong answer.  Cordelia dropped his hand and swatted at his arm.

"You got married and didn't tell me!  You are in so much trouble, mister.  Right, inside now.  We can have coffee, and I want to know everything.  I want details."

Cordelia sailed into the building and through the office, towing a reluctant Xander in her wake, and he soon found himself sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

"So, spill.  Who is she?  When did you get married?  Buffy never mentioned it.  Are you living in LA now or just visiting?"

Xander raised his hands in a 'fending off' gesture.  "Cordy, I really can't talk to you about this right now.  It's... it's not what you think.  It's..."  He took a deep breath.  "Cordy, I'm gay.  I'm married to a guy."  Cordelia's mouth dropped open, and for the first time in his life, Xander Harris managed to stun Cordelia Chase into silence.  Xander would have given anything for a camera right at that moment, as Cordelia did a credible impersonation of a goldfish for several seconds.  But it could never be said that Queen C. did not know how to rise to an occasion.  She suddenly flashed him a brilliant smile.  "Well, I suppose that explains the clothes."  At Xander's look of confusion, she continued, "He's obviously got much better dress sense that you."

"Yeah.  Yeah, he does," said Xander, smiling.  Cordelia studied his face for a moment as he thought about Spike.  

"Damn, you're really in love, aren't you?  I'm happy for you, Xander.  Though I shouldn't be surprised you're gay, really.  I mean, I'm a hard act to follow, aren't I?"  Xander snorted at this, and they both burst out laughing.

"You live here?" said Xander, looking around the kitchen, desperately trying to change the subject before the topic of exactly who he was married to could be raised.

"Hell no!  Me living in a basement?  Please.  This is Angel's.  We work out of the office upstairs, but I'm having lunch.  And talking to you.  Anyway, not like we're rushed off our feet.  Wes usually gets the phone if anyone calls while I'm at lunch, but he's off researching something all day, or so he says.  I think he just wanted Saturday off, you know?"

"Wes?"

"Yeah, you know, Watcher guy from Sunnydale?  Took off after the whole 'Mayor tried to eat us all' thing?  Well, he showed up here, and Angel hired him.  We needed the extra help since Doyle..." Her voice trailed off.  At Xander's inquiring look, she explained, "Doyle was working with Angel when I first met them here.  He... he died.  Saving a lot of people.  I miss him."  Xander reached across the table and took Cordelia's hand, squeezing it slightly.  Cordelia seemed to shake herself, then the bright smile was back.  "But hey, anyway, so, husband, huh?  Is that why you're in LA?  Shopping?  Or are you moving here?  And when do I get to meet him?"

"No.  No shopping or anything, Cordy.  Actually, I'm here to um, see De...Angel.  Need to talk to him about something."  The bright smile changed to a look of surprise, which changed to suspicion almost immediately.

"Why?  Is something wrong?  Did Buffy send you?"

"No!  No, nothing like that.  I just need to talk to him."

"You do?  Okay, Xander, what's going on?  You've never just wanted to talk to Angel."  Cordelia leaned back in her chair and folded her arms.  "Okay, mister, spill."

"I can't.  Cordy, this is something..." Xander bit his lip and picked up his coffee mug with both hands to still their fidgeting.  "It's personal.  It's something only he can help me with, okay?  Look, is he around?  I can come back later.  In fact, why don't I just go, and I can call another time -"

"No need.  I'm right here."

Xander froze.  His heart seemed to stop for a second and then start again with a thump that he swore everyone in the room could hear.  He looked over to the doorway to see Angel watching him, his face expressionless. 

"Cordy.  Things are pretty quiet at the moment.  Why don't you take the rest of the day off.  I'm sure you can find something else to do.  There's a sale on at Neiman Marcus, didn't you say?"

As Xander watched Cordelia, he could see her wavering.  Much as she wanted to know what was going on, a Neiman Marcus sale was always going to win, Xander knew her at least that well.  But Angel wasn't going to get rid of her that easily.  Her eyes narrowed as she turned to Angel.

"Yes, and since when did you care about sales?  Anyway, even at sale prices, I can't afford anything decent on the pittance you pay me.  And I still have some things to do around here."  Angel reached into his pocket with a long-suffering air.

"Well, I was going to suggest a small bonus, but if you're too busy..."

She waved her hand at him. "Never mind, I can take a hint.  I'm going.  I know you just want me out of the way.  But I'm going to find out what's going on, you know.  One of you will tell me.  Xander, phone me later.  Angel can give you my number."  With that parting salvo, Cordelia deftly slipped the cash out of Angel's hand and headed back up to the office.  "Lock up on your way out," he called after her as he closed the door and then turned to look at Xander.

"So, it's you.  I should have known.  Where is he?"  There didn't seem to be any need to ask what Angel was talking about.  They both knew.  Something in Xander rebelled, though.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Angel.  I really should go.  Maybe I can check out that sale with Cordy, you know?  Carry her bags or something," said Xander, as he began to stand up.  Angel skewered him with a sharp glance, and Xander found himself dropping back into his seat.  Angel gave him a pitying look.

"Aside from the fact that I can smell him all over you, Xander, I can sense the demon.  Want to try again?"

"Um, he's at the hotel.  He doesn't know I'm here," sighed Xander.  Then his eyes widened.  He could have sworn he saw Angel slip into game face, just for a second... Angel smiled.  Xander felt a shock of recognition run through him for which he had absolutely no rational explanation.  But something in the man standing watching him called to something in Xander.   He began to feel very uncomfortable.  

"I bet he doesn't."  Angel walked towards Xander, then moved behind him, putting his hands on his shoulders, holding him in place when Xander tried to stand.  "No, stay."  Angel bent down, breathed in deeply, then pushed Xander's collar aside.  He ran his fingers over the claim mark, and the fingers of his other hand dug into Xander's shoulder when Xander shuddered and tried to move away.

"So, you came to LA to see me.  Want to tell me why, or shall I guess?"  Angel released Xander's shoulders as he spoke, then sat in the chair that Cordelia had just vacated.

"Spike needs...  We've got a problem."

"Yeah, I imagine you do," Angel said, that uncomfortably scary-looking smile back on his face.  "Spike never was one for paying attention to his lessons.  Taking a human as a Consort isn't something you do without making sure you understand exactly what is involved.  Leave it to Spike to screw it up.  I would say, what was he thinking?  But this is Spike we're talking about - so I don't suppose a lot of thought was involved."

"How did you...?"  

"How did I know?  Blood calls to blood, Xander, he's my Childe.  Of course I knew.  I didn't know who until you walked in here.  I should have guessed, though."

Xander glared at Angel.  "Doesn't matter.  So, what, something went wrong with the bonding?"

"Not as such.  It's just not complete, not until the Admittance ritual is performed by me.  Spike's demon needs its Sire's approval, demands its Sire acknowledge his Consort as Childe, protect you, give you status.  You don't fully belong to him without it.  The ritual should have been done within days of your bonding.  I'm impressed with Spike's self-control.  I'd have expected him to have turned you by now."  

A shudder went through Xander as he remembered what had happened yesterday.  Angel raised an eyebrow.  "I see.  That's what prompted the visit, is it?"

"Um, yeah, but just to ask you what's going on.  Not to do that Sire ritual thing, you know?"  This statement was obviously hilarious, because Angel burst out laughing.

"Well, I'm glad you find it amusing," said Xander coldly.

"Xander, the 'Sire ritual thing', as you so eloquently put it, isn't optional.  I thought I made that clear.  Your bond with my idiot Childe isn't complete without it.  If the ritual isn't performed, soon, Spike will turn you, probably within the next few days.  It's the only other way to complete the bond."

"But... but we read something, in a book, said we had a year, and..."

"Book?  Not Wisthorpe?"  At Xander's hesitant nod, Angel snorted.  "Small blue book, talks about the Lore?  He was an idiot.  Didn't have a clue what he was talking about.  He wrote about what happened between vampires, and assumed it was the same.  The ritual is symbolic between vampires.  That's not the case when a human is involved.  Nobody bothered correcting him, though; the less the Watchers know, the better.  Did Giles give you the book?"  At Xander's nod, he continued, "You told them then, about you and Spike?  Well, you'd have to, wouldn't you?  The Slayer would have sensed it straight away.  You're lucky she didn't try to stake you."

"She did.  Giles and Willow stopped her."

Angel burst out laughing again.  "Doesn't surprise me.  The Slayer's not that bright, though she's easy on the eye, I'll give her that."

Not Buffy. The Slayer.  Shit, shit, shit.

"Angelus?" Xander wished his voice didn't sound so squeaky all of a sudden.  He slowly stood and started backing away from the table, his eyes searching for possible weapons.

"Very good, Xander.  Wondered when you'd get it.  You felt it earlier, didn't you?  But you're not good at reading the demon yet, are you?  Oh, I don't keep sharp, wooden objects in the kitchen, by the way, and there's no possible way you could get to the door before me, so you may as well sit down and get comfortable."

"When did you... I mean, how..."  Xander gave up.  Coherent thought just wasn't winning the battle with the panicky Xander-babble running through his head.  He slumped back down into the chair.  Spike.  He wanted Spike.  He concentrated hard on his mate and felt his concerned presence at the back of his mind.  He'd woken Spike, but... damn - Spike would know he was worried, but not why...  He remembered his cell phone.  Casually slipping his hand into his jacket pocket, he wrapped his fingers around the small phone.  He was just trying to work out how to call Spike without Angelus hearing when the phone started making its merry chirping noise.  Fuck it, Spike got the phone idea first.

"I'll take that."  A strong hand grasped Xander's wrist and slipped the phone from his unresisting fingers.  Angelus pressed a button on the small object and pressed it to his ear.  Xander opened his mouth to protest, but a glare from Angelus had him snapping his mouth shut again huffily.

"No, not Xander.  Hello, Spike.  I seem to have something of yours...again.  Don't seem to be able to hold on to your possessions for very long, do you?  Tsk tsk, very careless, my boy.  Things can get broken that way."  He held the phone away from his ear, and Xander could hear the shouting from where he was sitting.  Angelus grinned at him as he pressed the end call button and put the phone down on the table.  Ten second later the chirping started again.  Xander had counted to 20 before Angelus pressed the answer button.  The shouting was clearly heard again, and Angelus simply left the phone on the table until it stopped.  He then picked it up and put it to his ear again.

"All finished?  You really need to show proper respect when talking to your Sire, boy, or have you forgotten everything I taught you?  No.  Not a word, Spike, or I hang up now."  Xander clearly heard the incredulous 'Angelus?' from Spike as Angelus moved the phone away from his ear.  After a few seconds, Angelus put the phone back to his ear.  "Are you listening?  Good.  I'm at the apartment.  You know where that is, don't you?  In fact I vividly recall your last visit.  Be here at sunset."  Angelus pressed the off button, and then casually flung the phone across the room, where it smashed against the far wall.

"There now, much better.  No more interruptions for a while.  Now, where were we?  Oh, yes, I remember.  We were talking about the ritual.  But you know, I think I've done enough talking for a while.  I think we need to get to know each other in a more...hands on way.  Practical demonstration of Sire's Rights, now that you're family."

Xander jerked to his feet, sending his chair skittering backwards across the floor.

"Um, I, er, need to use the bathroom.  Yeah, the bathroom.  I'll just, er..."  He started backing towards the kitchen door.  A sudden blur of motion and Xander found his back  slammed against the door.  The smile on Angelus' face was predatory, and Xander's stomach dropped.  As Xander tried to push Angelus away, his wrists were grabbed and pinned to the door above his head, Angelus holding them in place easily with one hand. 

"Uh uh, Xander.  You don't move."  Angelus was plastered against Xander, pushing his knee between his legs, forcing them apart.  

"What the fuck... Angel, stop..."

"Angel?  He wouldn't have even started.  Shh, Xander.  Relax, you'll enjoy this.  Trust me."  Panic flooded through Xander.  Oh God, Oh God, Spike, please...

Angelus nuzzled Xander's neck.  Cool lips brushed his ear.  "I can smell him on you, smell his claim.  I felt your bonding, you know.  I wondered how long it would be until you came to... see me."  Xander was feeling light-headed.  The adrenaline that had surged through him had left him feeling buzzy and jittery.  And...and the something inside him that had surged at recognising Angelus suddenly surged forward again, and Xander found himself moaning and pushing into Angelus' touch, needing, wanting the contact with his Sire...  Angelus' fingers were efficiently unbuttoning and unzipping him as his lips returned to Xander's neck, his tongue licking and teasing the claim mark, which had the usual effect on his treacherous cock.

"Sensitive, isn't it.  I'll bet I can make you come just by licking it,"  Angelus said, attempting a practical demonstration.  Xander swallowed hard and tried to stifle the groan as Angelus licked and nibbled on the scar, causing Xander's knees to buckle.  Sire...  Xander shook his head.  What the hell was going on?  He didn't want Deadboy, didn't even like him.  And any second now, he was gonna feel fangs...  So why was he panting like a bitch on heat and hard as rock?  Why did he feel like he belonged here?  He tried to clear his mind, but his body didn't seem to want to co-operate, demanding that the few still-coherent brain cells just give up and go with the flow.

"Please.  Angelus, please..."

"Please what, Xander?  Stop?  Or don't stop," whispered Angelus.  "Or do this..." Angelus wrapped his hand around Xander's cock and started to pump him slowly.  He ran his tongue down the length of Xander's throat, then licked across the scar several times before bringing his lips to the mark and then biting down with blunt teeth.  Xander cried out and thrust into the cool hand as he came, hard.  Angelus released his hold and Xander slid down the door, to slump in a boneless heap on the floor. 

He sat there, eyes closed, panting, trying to steady his breathing as he felt himself flush with embarrassment.  When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Angelus standing over him, and he stared as Angelus brought his hand up to his lips and licked away the semen.  

"You taste good, Xander.  I must be sure to mention that when Spike gets here."

"What?"  Xander turned pale.  Angelus just smirked at him.

"Did you seriously think he wouldn't know?  Leaving aside the fact that he'd smell it, Xander, you're bonded to him.  He knew as soon as you did."

Xander swallowed hard.  "You bastard.  You did this to get at Spike."

"Maybe.  And really, you could be a little more grateful, Xander. I'm wounded, really.  I give you a hand job and that's all the thanks I get?  I could have been much more - demanding.  And you'd have given me anything I wanted, wouldn't you?"

Xander dropped his head, staring at the floor.  He would have.  He'd have done anything Angelus wanted.  "Why?" he whispered.

Angelus sighed.  He reached down and pulled Xander to his feet.  "Bathroom's through there.  Get yourself cleaned up, boy.  I see I need to explain some things to you."

Angelus turned away and headed over to the kitchen counter, getting out two mugs and pouring them both some coffee.  Oh, Spike, I'm so sorry, I should never have come on my own, Xander thought, willing his regret through the link as he headed to the bathroom.  The feelings of reassurance and love that were returned to him were tinged with concern, and Xander swallowed hard to clear the lump that suddenly rose in his throat.

*****

Angelus placed a cup of coffee in front of Xander as he slumped into the kitchen chair.  He'd locked himself in the bathroom, and had only come out when Angelus had threatened to smash the door down and drag him out.  "Here,  drink this."  Angelus sat down and took a sip of his coffee.  Xander ignored his, sitting and staring at the table top instead.  He was totally confused.  Part of him was gibbering that he was sharing coffee with Angelus, for fuck's sake, and that the rest of his life could probably be counted in minutes on the fingers of one hand, while the rest of him was purring happily.  Xander waved a mental white flag and gave up.  No point trying to make sense of anything in his life any more.  He'd just sit there and wait for the axe to fall.

"Xander, do you understand what happened to you when you bonded with Spike?"

Xander raised his eyes and saw Angelus watching him with a look of... concern?  He dropped his eyes to the table top again, picked up a teaspoon lying there and starting fiddling with it nervously.

"Um, Spike said...  I need his blood, and that drinking it would change me.  I'd share his demon.  I'd be stronger, heal faster, age more slowly."  He dropped the spoon with a clatter and picked up the coffee, grimacing as he took a mouthful of the bitter fluid.  Angelus pushed the sugar across to him.  Xander picked up the spoon and heaped sugar into the cup.

"Did he explain what it meant, exactly, to be sharing his demon?"

"Um, no, not really," answered Xander slowly.  Angelus nodded slightly, a wry expression on his face.

"Figures.  He's probably not sure himself.  How are you feeling at the moment?"

"What?"  Xander had no idea how to cope with this new caring, sharing Angelus.  Angelus trying to kill him, yeah, that was normal.  But this?  He shook his head.  "I... I'm scared to death, like you didn't know.  Except, I'm sorta not, really.  Part of me wants to run screaming for the nearest stake, but the other part..." his voice trailed off.  This was just too bizarre.

"The other part wants its Sire," said Angelus.  Xander stared at Angelus in shock.  Yes, it did...  "The other part wants me to touch it, wants me to possess it, wants to be mine, yes?" said Angelus, his voice lowering as he spoke.   Christ, he was doing the voice thing, like Spike did.  "God, yeah," breathed Xander.  Then his eyes widened as he slapped his hand across his mouth.  Xander groaned and dropped his head into his hands.  "Fuck, did I say that out loud?" he said.

"Oh yeah," said Angelus, grinning at him.  "That's the part of Spike that you share, you're feeling the demon's reactions to being with its Sire.  You can't fight it, Xander, and it's a good idea not to try.  You should be learning how to use it.  It's what gives you your strength and agility, and it has a lot of knowledge and experience of the demon world.  It can save your life in a tricky situation.  I can teach you a sort of meditation technique you can use to help you integrate the demon more fully.  You need to learn this.  And the experience will be invaluable when Spike -"  Angelus' paused, and his expression became serious.  "Did he talk to you about being turned?"

Xander nodded.  "Yeah.  Well, he said it was up to me, if he did or not, turn me, y'know, but I kinda figured that it wasn't, not really."  He looked up at Angelus, who was nodding at him.  "That's okay, though.  I've told him yes, just - just not yet, y'know?  I'm not ready, yet.  But...but I will be, one day, yeah..."  Xander's halting words trailed off as he stared at his hands.  He was nervously twisting his wedding ring, pulling it half off his finger and then pushing it back on again.  Angelus sighed.

"Hmm.  Look, you need to come to terms with this, Xander.  Because he will turn you.  But probably not for a long time, yet.  The longer you're human, sharing his demon, the stronger you'll be as a vampire, and the more of yourself you'll retain  You'll be so used to being integrated with a demon that you'll barely notice the difference, or so I've been told."

"You know other people who've done this?"

"A few.  Not many, it's not common.  But given sufficient time before turning, they say they really feel very little difference.  And not one of them has regretted it, Xander."  Xander nodded, then picked up his cup and drained it.  Angelus' voice was so gentle and caring, and it was confusing the hell out of him.  Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "Why are you being like this?  Why are you being nice to me, now?"

Angelus snorted.  He stood up and picked up the coffee cups, refilling them then placing one in front of Xander.  He put his own cup down, tilted Xander's chin up so he could look him in the eyes, then slowly leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his lips.

"Because, even though the bond is still not complete, you are virtually my Childe.  And I do love and care for my Childer... well, when I'm myself, anyway."

"Oh.  Right.  Um, when did you...  I mean, Angel, is he..."  Xander stopped, took a deep breath.  "If the soul's gone, why are we all still alive?" he blurted out.  His common sense was screaming at him to shut up and not draw attention to this fact, but Xander was tired of this.  First Spike, now Angelus.  Enough.

"Who said it had gone?  The soul's still here, Xander.  Contrary to what you humans seem to believe, Angelus hasn't gone anywhere.  Angel isn't somebody different.  He's just me with the soul affecting my behaviour.  It forces me to act as though I were human - no, more than that.  As though I were a 'good' human.  It makes me feel guilty for the things I've done in the past, and forces me to atone.  It makes me hate what I am, and hate those I created..."  Angelus' voice trailed off, and he stared into his coffee.  Xander sat silently, contemplating the plight of the creature before him, feeling a pity he'd never imagined he'd ever feel at the evident self-loathing.

After a minute or so, Angelus sighed, took a sip of his coffee, then began speaking again, almost as though to himself.  "To loathe what you are; to feel you have to apologise for your existence continually; to know you can never, ever atone for your sins but that you are ceaselessly, remorselessly driven to try.  Not something I'd wish on anyone."  Angelus stopped speaking again, then raised his head and looked Xander in the eye.  "The bonding ritual that you and Spike went through, it's ancient, blood magick, Xander.  And its call to my blood is powerful, powerful enough to significantly lessen the influence of the soul on me while you're so close.  Which is fortunate for all of us, I suppose, particularly you."

"Why?  I mean, why me in particular?"

"Because it means I can offer you a choice that I otherwise couldn't. Think very carefully before you answer this question, Xander.  Do you want to be bonded to Spike, permanently, knowing what that means?  Knowing you'll be turned?   Live out the rest of your existence as a soulless demon?"

Xander snorted humourlessly.  "Bit late to be asking me that now.  Not like I've got a choice, is it?  We're mated; I literally can't live without him any more, I know that much."

"That's not strictly true.  That's why I'm asking.  There is one other option, and this really is your last chance to take it.  But whichever way you decide, understand that it's irrevocable, you can't change your mind afterwards."

Xander stared at Angelus, a shocked expression on his face.  "But...but Spike said it was permanent, and the book..."

"Oh, please.  Don't quote that damn book at me again," Angelus said, wearily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I just...  It's a shock, that's all.  I'd sort of settled it in my own mind, y'know?  Thought I'd blown up all my bridges..."  Xander picked up the teaspoon and started to tap it nervously on the table top while his mind raced.  He loved Spike, he wanted to be with him.  But the whole turning thing still scared him.  If there was a way out of that...  No, it couldn't be that easy.  There had to be a catch of some sort.  "If I said no, I don't want to be bonded, could I still stay with Spike?  Even if we weren't mated like that?"

"That wouldn't be possible.  You either have to stay with him as his Consort, with everything that entails, or you have to live without him, Xander."

"Why?  I mean, he probably wouldn't be happy about it at first, but he couldn't stay mad at me for that long, surely?  I mean, he'd get over it, right?"  Xander was rambling, he knew it, but Angelus just stared at him.  There was something in his expression that sent a shiver down Xander's spine.   Xander got the distinct impression he was missing something here.  "Hang on a sec.  You said you could offer me a choice that you otherwise couldn't, right?  Why?"

"Because if I had no soul to stop me, the ritual to complete your bonding would already have taken place.  And if the soul were fully in control, I'd have been planning to dissolve the bond as soon as I discovered that it was a human Spike had bonded with.  My conscience wouldn't allow me to complete the bond that would tie you to a demon and guarantee your death at the hands of that demon.  But as things stand, I'm capable of doing either, and as Spike's Sire, I'm responsible, so I'm gonna have to live with one more death on my conscience, either way."

"Oh."  Xander sat, thinking about Angelus' words for a moment, then said, "What do you mean, one more death either way?  Just exactly how would you dissolve this bond?"

"I'd dust Spike, and then I'd form a blood bond with you.  I'd do my best to keep you alive, and gradually wean you off my blood.  There's a very good chance you'd survive - the secondary bond is one of the reasons for the Admittance ritual."

Xander gasped.  He felt as though he'd been punched in the gut.

"What!  Fuck, no!  You keep away from him, Angelus.  I won't let you anywhere near him, you bastard."  Xander had shot to his feet, and was looming menacingly over Angelus, his fists clenched.  Angelus raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture.

"Xander.  Calm down.  I told you, it's your choice."  Xander's mouth was set in a grim line as he searched Angelus' face, as though looking for clues as to his intentions.  "Xander, sit down," said Angelus softly.  Xander slowly returned to his seat, his eyes never leaving Angelus' face.

"My choice."  Xander spat the words at Angelus.  "What sort of choice is that?"

"The only choice you have.  Whether you were fully aware of the consequences of bonding with a vampire or not, Xander, you did it of your own free will.  Normally that's the end of it.  I'm offering you a final get out of jail free card, and only because the soul is insisting that I do."  Angelus morphed into game face.  "Take a good look, Xander.  I'm a demon.  Spike's a demon.  This will be the face that you won't be able to see when you look in a mirror a few years from now, if we perform the ritual today; or a few days from now if we don't.  You will be a vampire.  Denying, avoiding and sidestepping the issue won't make it go away.  The only way to do that is to dust Spike.  This. Is. Real.  This will happen.  To you.  So choose." 





Part Fourteen ~ Secrets and Sacrifices II



"My choice."  Xander spat the words at Angelus.  "What sort of choice is that?"

"The only choice you have.  Whether you were fully aware of the consequences of bonding with a vampire or not, Xander, you did it of your own free will.  Normally that's the end of it.  I'm offering you a final get out of jail free card, and only because the soul is insisting that I do."  Angelus morphed into game face.  "Take a good look, Xander.  I'm a demon.  Spike's a demon.  This will be the face that you won't be able to see when you look in a mirror a few years from now, if we perform the ritual today; or a few days from now if we don't.  You will be a vampire.  Denying, avoiding and sidestepping the issue won't make it go away.  The only way to do that is to dust Spike.  This. Is. Real.  This will happen.  To you.  So choose," said Angelus, the familiar human features slipping back into place.

There was never really any doubt in either of their minds as to what the decision would be.

*****

Xander had sat, silent, pale and still as a statue, for a good five minutes before he had thrown the coffee mug he was fiddling with across the room.  He then leapt to his feet and began pacing back and forth, ranting at Angelus.  "Wonderful.  Just.  Wonderful.  My life just gets better and better.  You kill Spike, or Spike kills me, or we do the ritual, and...Spike kills me, just not for a while.  But hey, I don't stay dead, and I get a whole new look."

"Xander -"

"No.  No, it's ok.  Just...just trying to sort it out in my head, y'know?  I mean, I know it's gonna happen.  I agreed to it, for God's sake.  It's just that...it didn't seem real, not really, not until...  Not until he nearly did it, and it frightened the crap out of me.  But I need him, and if that's the price, then I'll pay it.  I mean, I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea, you know, but if you seriously believe for one second that I would let you -"

"Xander!"  Angelus grabbed the boy's arm, cutting off the torrent of words as Xander stopped dead in his tracks and glared at him.  "No, I really didn't think you would choose to break your bond with Spike by having him dusted.  But I had to give you the choice.  Now will you shut up and sit down?  We've got a lot to discuss."  Xander nodded jerkily and slumped into the nearest chair.

"Thank you.  I didn't want to have to kill him either, Xander," said Angelus mildly.

Xander looked surprised.  "But you hate each other.  Don't you?"

"The soul hates the fact that I made him, moulded him into what he is.  And Spike hates the fact that I can't, or won't be his Sire any more."  Angelus sighed.  "I can't be what he wants me to be, and it makes him angry, but there's nothing I can do about that."  Angelus stared at his clasped hands for a moment, then raised his eyes to Xander's.  "But I can do this for him - for both of you.  I'll make the ritual as easy as I can for you, Xander."

Angelus got up and walked over to one of the cupboards.  Brought out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, and poured a drink for each of them.  Handing one to Xander, he said, "Here, you look like you could do with this.  I'll assume you know nothing about the ritual, okay?"

Xander nodded.  He wasn't going to argue.  Spike had told him little enough, and Xander had basically discounted it, assuming it was never going to happen.  He should have known better.  He took a mouthful of whiskey, gasping as it burnt on the way down.  Angelus placed the bottle on the table between them and sat down again.  He sipped his whiskey thoughtfully for a few moments, then began to speak.

"While it's not unusual for vampires to take a human as a pet, it's fairly rare that we will take one as a Consort.  Demons are very status conscious, and taking what basically amounts to a food source as a mate isn't something that's done on a whim.  And the vampire's Sire, or an older Master in their place, must be willing to accept the human as their Childe and offer their protection.  Until this is done, the mating bond isn't complete.  Do you understand?"  At Xander's jerky nod, he continued, "And the way we do this is by performing the Admittance Ritual.  At the end of the ritual I will have accepted you as Childe, you will have accepted my authority as your Sire, and you will be part of the Aurelius clan.   The ritual will be as simple as it can be.  You will be naked and your hands will be bound.  Spike will offer you to me, and I will accept you.  I will take you and mark you with my scent.  I will then drink from you, putting my claim mark on you, and you will drink from me, accepting my claim.  I will then give you back to Spike, say the words, and Spike will take you home."

Xander finished his whiskey in one swallow and reached for the bottle, filling his glass again.  He raised the glass to his lips with a shaky hand and took another long swallow.

"When you say, take me, you mean..." his voice trailed off as he bit his bottom lip.

"Has anyone other than Spike ever taken you that way?"

"No."

"Can you do this?"

"Don't have much choice, do I?"

"No, not really.  The ritual demands it.  Xander..."

Xander sighed heavily.  "Yeah.  Yeah, I can do this.  It's just sex and biting, not like I'm not used to it."  Angelus studied Xander's face for a moment.  Xander wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he seemed to find it, because he nodded and relaxed slightly.

"We've got about an hour until sunset, Xander.  You should eat something, then I'll show you that meditation technique.  You'll find it useful."  Xander was feeling a little lightheaded after drinking on an empty stomach, and figured food would be of the good right now.

"Yeah, sure.  You got anything in that fridge that doesn't come from the blood bank?"

"I was going to suggest take out."

"Sounds good to me."

****

Just after sunset, Xander told Angelus that he'd like to wait upstairs in the office so that he could talk to Spike on his own for a bit before bringing him down.  Xander had just unlocked the door and was heading over to grab a magazine when he was spun around and enveloped in a hug.

"Xan, I was so worried about you.  Don't you ever pull shit like this again, you hear me?  What on earth possessed you to come here without me?  What did he do to you?  I'll kill him if he hurt you..."

"Spike.  Listen, shhh, listen," said Xander, rubbing his hand in soothing circles over his mate's back.  "I'm fine.  I'm fine.  I know I shouldn't have come on my own, I'm not sure why I did...but I'm fine, really."  Spike pulled away, held Xander at arm's length, looking him over carefully.

"I can smell him all over you, pet.  I could feel him..."  Spike sighed.  "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing.  Well, nothing much.  It was no big deal, Spike.  And we've been talking, you know.  He's been telling me stuff, about us, and the demon, and Sires and Childer and the ritual...  Spike, what are you doing?"  Spike had taken Xander's arm and was pulling him towards the main entrance.

"I'm taking you back to the hotel, pet."  Xander dug his heels in and pulled Spike back towards him.

"Spike, I can't go back to the hotel yet, and neither can you.  You have to talk to Angelus..."

"Yeah, and I will, once you're safely back in the hotel."

"Spike!  Will you shut up and listen to me?  Please?  We can't leave yet.  We have to stay.  Angelus is...  He's sort of in control at the moment.  The soul's still there, just not in the driving seat.  Something about blood magick, he said.  Because we have to perform the Admittance ritual.  Anyway, that's what's wrong with you."  Spike's hand dropped to his side and he took a step back, staring at Xander in shock.  Then he shook his head.  "Bugger it.  Should have bloody well known..."  He sighed.  Wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled him in for a long, slow kiss.

"I love you, Xander."  Xander's breath hitched and he held onto Spike tightly, nuzzling his neck, breathing in the scent of his mate.

"I'm so sorry, love.  I know you don't want to do this.  I wish there were some way out of it."

"There isn't, Spike," Xander mumbled into his neck. 

"I know.  Right, well.  Better go see him then."  Spike pulled away slightly, kissed Xander again, then stepped back and took his hand.  "Xan, him and me have got some things to say to one another.  Just keep out of it, love, okay?"  At Xander's nod, they headed downstairs.

*****

Spike followed Xander into the kitchen, to find Angelus standing by the kitchen table.  Xander walked over and sat down at the table, and watched Spike and Angelus as they stood, staring at each other.  Angelus walked slowly towards Spike, then suddenly punched him in the stomach, sending Spike flying across the room.  Xander jumped up as Angelus stalked across to Spike and hauled him to his feet, only to sit down again as Angelus wrapped his arms around Spike and hugged him tightly.

"That was for not having the courtesy to torture me yourself. Quite aside from the insult that I felt, never, ever trust someone else to do that sort of thing for you.  I thought I taught you better than that.  You knew the soul would never allow me to return the ring willingly, but you might have done better if you'd done it yourself."  Spike pulled away, walked towards Xander, and then turned back to Angelus.

"But it wasn't you, was it?  It hasn't bloody been you for almost a hundred years, Angelus!  And when you actually managed to get rid of the soul, when I actually thought my Sire had come back, you were a fucking psycho!  You made Dru look sane, for fuck's sake.  So don't tell me what I should or shouldn't bloody do!  You're never bloody there when I need you, you wanker."

Angelus took a step towards Spike, then stopped.  "I know.  I'm sorry, Will.  Not like I had a lot of choice.  I've missed you."

Spike sighed, shoved his hands deep into his duster pockets, stared at the floor for a moment then raised his head.  "Yeah.  Yeah, I know."  Sire and Childe just stood, looking at each for long moments.  Then Spike seemed to shake himself out of whatever was holding them frozen.  "Right then.  Xan tells me we've got a ritual that needs performing.  Wanna tell me about it?  You can pour me a glass of that, too, while you're at it," he added, gesturing at the whiskey bottle on the kitchen table.
 

*****

Xander nervously walked into the bedroom, which seemed filled with moving shadows as Angelus silently lit the large red candles set in heavy candlesticks that were placed around the room.  He gave a start as an arm slipped around his waist.  "Only me, pet," whispered Spike.  "You sure you're going to be okay with this, Xander?"

Xander leaned his head back against Spike, closing his eyes for a moment.  "Don't have a lot of choices here, Spike."  Spike nodded in silent agreement.  That was the one thing they were all clear on.  They'd talked with Angelus about the ritual, what was involved, what would happen if they didn't do it, for almost an hour.  Xander had baulked at being given to Angelus like a possession, to be shared, but Angelus had pointed out to him that was exactly what he was, from a vampire point of view.  Spike had to offer his Consort to his Sire, and it would be a grave insult if his Sire refused to take him.  Xander had simply stared at them, shaken his head and slumped further into his seat.  He hadn't said another word.

They stood and watched as Angelus finished lighting the candles, then opened a drawer in the bedside cabinet and took out a length of heavy, red cord, a wicked-looking knife and a tube of lube.  Xander shuddered, and Spike wrapped his arms around him tightly.  Angelus placed the items on top of the cabinet, then turned to address them.

"Ready?" he asked them in a low voice.  At their nods, he continued, "William, you know what this ritual entails?"

"Yes, Sire." 

"Prepare your Consort."  With those words, Angelus left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.  Xander sagged against Spike.  Spike hugged him tightly once more, then gently released him, turning him so that he could see his face.

"C'mon, Xan.  Sooner we start, sooner we get this over with, yeah?"  Xander nodded, closing his eyes again.  Spike began to undress him, neatly folding his clothes and placing them on a chair by the wall.  When he was naked, Xander started to unbutton Spike's shirt, but Spike caught his hands to still them.

"No, love.  Just you for the ritual, remember?  Xander flushed, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable.

"Spike, I..."  Spike hushed him, drawing him into his arms and kissing him gently.

"I know, love.  It'll be okay.  Come and lie down on the bed with me.  I'll make it all better, I promise."  Spike kicked off his shoes, picked up the lube and lay down next to Xander.  As Spike began to kiss and caress Xander, he spoke to him in a low, deep voice, telling him how beautiful he was, and how much he was loved.  Xander found it calming, almost hypnotic, and was surprised when he felt the first finger penetrate him.  He tensed automatically, then felt Spike nuzzle at his neck, nibbling his claim mark, and he began to relax again.  He felt as though he was drifting slowly deeper, warm and safe as Spike surrounded him.  He felt himself gradually drift to the surface as he became aware of what was happening outside his own mind again.

"Time to come back to me, love," said Spike, his voice vibrating through Xander.  He was dimly aware of a panicky, apprehensive feeling somewhere inside him, but it seemed muffled, somehow.  Spike looked at Xander.  He seemed relaxed, his pupils widely dilated.  Spike got off the bed and walked around to Xander's side, helping him to sit.  Xander smiled widely at him, feeling wonderfully floaty and really, really good.  The vague thought that Spike had done something to him to cause this crossed his mind, but he couldn't focus on it, and let it drift away.

"Angelus will come back soon, pet.  Part of you really wants this; wants him.  Think about it, and let that part be strongest inside you.  Can you do that, pet?" the low voice thrummed.  Xander tried to concentrate on the feelings of desire inside him, letting them float to the top, pushing the apprehensive ones further down.  There.  There it was.  It was red, and dark, and it growled; it wanted...  Xander growled, "Mine," grabbed a fistful of Spike's shirt and hauled him down onto the bed, plundering his mouth.  Spike allowed it for a moment, then pulled away.

"Good.  Hang on to that.  Right, time to start, pet," he said.  He pulled Xander up until he was standing next to the bed, and picked up the heavy cord.  "Cross your wrists in front of you, Xan."  He then tied Xander's wrists firmly with the cord.  He led Xander into the middle of the room.  "Kneel here, pet, and raise your arms above your head for me," he said, taking hold of the ends of the cord firmly and pulling Xander's arms back, so that his bound hands rested behind his head.

Xander felt himself floating higher and higher and then, with a sudden jerk, he was back in control of himself again.  He cursed and tried to recapture the earlier feelings, force the demon back to the surface, but he couldn't.  He began to shake, and then the hold on his arms was released and Spike was squatting in front of him.

"Xander, what happened, you okay?"  Xander smiled shakily at him.

"Guess I'm gonna have to do this on my own, Spike, the demon baled on me."

"Fuck!  You're too strong.  Which is a good thing, love," he hastily added, "just coulda done without it right now, you know?  Gonna make it harder for you."

Xander sighed.  "I'm not made of glass, Spike.  I'll cope.  We'll cope," he added, seeing the look of worry in his mate's eyes.  "We're in this together, right?"  Xander just hoped he sounded more confident than he felt.  His stomach was twisting in knots.  Just then, the bedroom door opened and Angelus walked in.  Spike stood, took the ends of the cord and pulled Xander's wrists behind his head again.  Xander looked at the floor, as instructed, and waited.

Angelus crossed the floor and stood in front of Xander.

"William, Childe of Angelus of the House of Aurelius, what do you seek?"

"I seek what is mine by right under Lore.  This human is mine by blood.  I have claimed him as Consort, under Lore.  I demand you acknowledge him as Childe, blood of your blood.  I demand the protection of my Sire, Master of the House of Aurelius, be given to this, my possession.  I offer him to you, Sire, to take, as is your right."

Xander felt his arms being pulled forward as Spike thrust the hand holding the ends of the cord towards Angelus.  He glanced up and noticed that Angelus was in game face.  Angelus reached across and took the cord from Spike, tugging upwards, guiding Xander to his feet.  Xander was relieved to let his arms drop down, they were starting to cramp up a little, though Angelus held on to the cord.

"You do this willingly, little one?" asked Angelus.  Xander swallowed hard, then nodded.  Angelus simply looked at him, until Xander figured he probably needed to speak.

"Yes," he managed to croak out.  Nonononono, run away, run away... An hysterical giggle caught in his throat.  He looked up as a hand stroked his cheek, and saw Angelus smiling gently at him.  "It'll be okay, Xander," he said softly.  "Childe?"

Spike pulled Xander towards him.  "Slip your arms over my head, love.  I've got you," he said.  He wrapped one arm around Xander's waist and held him firmly against him, while his other hand cupped the back of Xander's head as it rested against his upraised arm.  We could be dancing, thought Xander.  Apart from the whole me being naked with two vampires doing the blood and sex ritual thing.  He jerked when he felt hands run over his shoulders, down his sides to his ass, caressing him gently.  Spike tightened his hold.  Suddenly Angelus was pressed against him.  He could feel the slide of the silk shirt against his back, the slight scratch of the woollen pants and the hardness nudging him.  Spike's head tilted forward, and Xander was surprised to see Angelus and Spike kiss across his shoulder.  Angelus pulled away briefly and then he was back, pressed against Xander again, but this time there was no clothing in the way.  Spike's hand was pushing his head now, tilting it further, baring Xander's neck.   He felt kisses on his shoulder, and then the light prickling of fangs as Angelus nibbled along his shoulder to his neck, where he began licking and sucking the skin above the muscle there.  Hands drifted down his sides to his ass again, but this time they stayed here, kneading, pulling the cheeks apart.  He felt Angelus shift behind him, then the familiar bluntness at his entrance.  Xander was panting, and he could feel his heart racing.  No.  No, I don't want this.  I don't want to do this.  But the hand on the back of his head pressed his face into Spike's neck, muffling his words, and Spike was whispering to him, trying to soothe him, calm him down, but Xander could have told him he was wasting his time.

Hands on his hips, now, holding him in place.  Xander braced himself.  He panted, trying to force muscles to relax as they tightened, his body trying to enforce the rejection his mind screamed as he felt himself being breached.  "Fuck," he cried out as Angelus slammed home in one smooth, hard movement.  A bright flash of pain shocked through him.  Angelus thrust a few times, until he was buried as deeply as he could be, Xander's protesting muscles fluttering and spasming around the intrusion, then he stopped, holding Xander firmly against him.  He licked and sucked on Xander's neck a moment longer and then sank his fangs in, sucking hard for several seconds.  Xander groaned at the second shock of pain.  He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, feeling tears forcing their way past his eyelids to run down his cheeks.  A torn wrist was pressed against Xander's mouth and he opened his eyes to see Spike staring at him.  Spike nodded, and Xander sucked at the wound until Angelus pulled his arm away.  Xander felt himself growing hard again.  The erection he'd had from Spike's preparation of him had flagged during the ritual.  It felt wrong, somehow, he shouldn't be getting off on this.  Something of his distress must have shown on his face, because Spike kissed him, then whispered, "It's okay, Xan.  I want you to enjoy this.  I want you to come for me, love."

Xander gasped as Angelus suddenly began thrusting into him.  As he pounded into Xander, he shifted slightly again and suddenly Xander was seeing stars.  He groaned and found himself thrusting back.  A hand was pumping his cock; probably Angelus as Spike was holding him up.  He felt his knees begin to buckle then he was coming, hard, and Angelus was slamming into him until he jerked, slammed home a final time and Xander felt the cool liquid wash inside him.  It seemed to take Angelus a few moments to collect himself, then he tilted Xander's face towards him and kissed him.  When he broke the kiss, he gently pulled out of Xander and wiped them both roughly with a towel.  He slipped on his pants, then lifted Xander's arms over Spike's head, pulling him so he was standing upright.  Angelus picked up the knife, and cut the cord binding Xander's wrists.

"I accept you, Alexander Harris, Consort of William, as Childe, blood of my blood.  You have the protection of Angelus, Master of the House of Aurelius."

Spike took Xander's arm and led him to the bed, sitting him down on the edge, because he looked as though he was about to fall down.  Xander felt... numb, cold.  Drained.  He didn't seem to have the energy or motivation to do anything, so he simply sat.  He watched as Spike and Angelus talked quietly.  He watched as Spike kissed his Sire again, and then tilted his head.  He watched as Angelus drank from Spike for a moment, then offered Spike his wrist.  He watched Spike drink from his Sire.  And he knew that something significant was happening, but he figured he'd wait until brain was working again before he tried to make sense of it all.  Then Spike was next to him again, dressing him.

"Take him home, Spike."

"Angelus?  Thanks.  For everything.  It was good to see you again after so long.  I... I've missed you."

"I'll try to be here if you need me, Will."

"Yeah.  C'mon, pet.  Let's go get some sleep.  Then I'm taking you home."

*****

It didn't take them long to get to the hotel.  Xander hadn't said a word since the ritual, and Spike was giving him increasingly concerned looks.  Spike pulled into the forecourt and opened the car door.

"Spike.  I don't wanna stay here.  I wanna go home," said Xander.  He was shaking, and Spike turned the heater on, hoping the boy was just cold, but worried that it wasn't that simple.

"Okay, love.  You want to come in with me while I get our stuff?"  Xander shook his head, still staring out the side window of the car, avoiding Spike's gaze.  "Right, then.  I'll park up over here.  You wait here for me, I won't be long.  Okay, love?"  Xander nodded.  Spike closed the door again and parked in one of the reserved bays near the entrance.  He left the ignition switched on and the heater running, and slipped in one the CDs that Xander had brought with them, adjusting the volume until the music was a soft, soothing background noise.

Fifteen minutes later, Spike was loading bags into the trunk.  He'd simply grabbed everything and stuffed it into their bags, shoving the overflow into plastic carrier bags.  Obviously, packing things neatly took up a lot less space - either that, or their clothes had spent the night breeding.  When the clerk at reception had started muttering about the computer system being down, Spike had simply growled, thrust his credit card at him and told him to take the number, saying they could send him the damn bill when they got their act together.  He'd then swept out of the lobby on a carpet of profuse apologies.

As he started the engine and drove out of the forecourt, Spike darted a quick glance at Xander.  The boy was still staring out the side window.  The shaking had subsided somewhat, but his eyes seemed unfocussed, as though he were miles away.

"Xan, you okay?  D'you want to stop and get something to eat on the way home?"

"No, I'm fine," he said, his gaze never leaving the distant point that seemed to hold his interest.  Spike sighed.  He tried to reach through the link, but found that Xander had slammed it shut.

"Xan, do you -"  But Xander reached across and turned up the volume on the CD player, drowning out Spike's words.  Fine, ignore me then, thought Spike.  But you will talk to me when we get home, love.

Spike drove as fast as he safely could, bearing in mind his human passenger, and they were pulling into the carpark of their apartment less than 2 hours later.  As Spike switched off the ignition, Xander got out of the car and let himself into the apartment, completely disregarding Spike, who just sat there, staring after him.

"Fuck it," growled Spike, as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut.  He grabbed the bags, slamming the trunk as well, then followed Xander inside.  The boy was bloody well going to talk to him whether he liked it or not.  Spike dumped the bags on the floor in the bedroom and stalked over to the closed bathroom door.  He tried the handle and found it locked.

"Xander?  Xander, open the door, love."  A muffled, "No," floated through the door.  Spike tried the link again, but this time pushed hard, breaking through the inadequate defences that were the best Xander could do.  He gasped at the pain he felt from Xander and he'd broken the lock and was in the bathroom before he even registered that he'd moved.  A strange feeling of deja vu hit him as he saw a dejected Xander sitting on the toilet.  But this time, instead of a confused drunk, he found a boy sobbing his heart out; his face buried in one of the soft bath towels to muffle his crying.

"Xan?"

"It hu...hurts, Spike.  O...other people d...do this stuff all the ti...time, right?" Xander choked out as he sobbed.  "So why do I f...feel like a whore?"

"Oh, fuck.  I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry.  C'mere baby," he said as he fell to his knees in front of the boy and gathered him into his arms.  Xander stiffened for a second, and then crumpled into a sobbing heap in Spike's arms.  Spike swallowed hard to force down the lump that was threatening to choke him.  He rose to his feet easily, picking Xander up and carrying him to their bed.  He laid the boy down gently, efficiently stripped him and slipped him under the covers.  He tore his own clothes off and climbed in quickly, pulling the unresisting body into his embrace.  Xander curled himself tightly around Spike, clinging on like a drowning man to a life raft.  Spike petted, cooed, hushed and soothed until the crying petered out and he sensed Xander's breathing and heart rate were slow and steady enough that the boy had obviously cried himself to sleep.  Only then did he allow his own pain to show.

Spike lay with Xander wrapped around him, still petting the boy absently as he thought about what Angelus had said to him before he'd left LA.  Angelus had warned him that something like this might happen.  That the boy was dangerously close to the edge.  That the only reason he'd agreed to the ritual was that the alternatives scared him even more.  And that Spike had made matters much worse by not really understanding what the hell he was doing before he started all this.

"I'll fix this, Xan.  I'll fix this, love, I promise," Spike whispered into Xander's hair as he dropped kisses on the boy's head.  "I love you.  I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you, I swear.  Whatever it takes."





Part Fifteen ~ Secrets and Sacrifices III



Heat.  Soft, wet heat enveloping him, sucking, swirling.  He throbbed, ached; so hard that just a little more, yeah, like that, just like that...  "Fuck," torn from his throat as his orgasm washed over him, was swallowed up and licked away.

"Xan?"  His voice was creaky, his throat dry and scratchy.  He felt the mattress dip and opened his eyes to see Xander get off the bed and head into the bathroom.

"Xander?"  Spike got out of bed and followed him.  He reached to turn on the lights.

"Don't."  Spike's hand froze at the barked word.  Spike could see clearly in the dim illumination, but Xander would be almost blind.

"You need more light, love.  How about I just turn it up a little?" 

"No.  I don't need it.  You know there's no windows in here?  Anywhere?"

"That's 'cause we're underground, Xander, you know that.  That's why I have all the lights.  We can change the lighting, make it any time of day or night that we want."

"No.  Not day.  Night.  It should be night.  Dark.  I can see quite clearly, Spike.  Just as well as you can.  I'm not really human any more, am I?  I don't belong in the light now."  Xander walked up to Spike, draped his arms over Spike's shoulders, pressed their chests and groins together.  Xander tilted his head.  "Feed from me, Spike."

"Xan, love.  I think you should -"

"Please, Spike."  The ragged whispers sounded as if they'd been ripped from Xander's throat. 

"No, Xan.  I don't think that's really what you want right now.  Please, love, why don't we just -"

"No.  Of course not.  You feed on humans."  Xander's voice was flat as he pulled away from Spike and walked back into the bedroom.  Spike just stood there, his mind racing.  What the hell was going on in the boy's head now?  Feeling like a particularly slow participant in a game of follow the leader, Spike walked back into the bedroom.  Xander was lying on the bed, his hands crossed behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

"Xander.  What's going on, love?  I'm not going to feed from you, you're not food, you're my Consort.  We share blood; you're not my friggin' dinner!"  As Spike stood watching Xander, his words percolated through Spike's brain.  Oh, bugger.

"Xander.  You're human, love.  You belong in the light."  Spike sat on the edge of bed, and tentatively reached towards Xander.  The dark eyes swivelled towards Spike, and the hand was withdrawn.

"No, don't think so.  I'm the possession of William.  I'm the Childe of Angelus.  I'm part of the House of Aurelius.  The Vampire Slayer set off alarm bells in me, and she would have staked me if someone hadn't stopped her.  I need your blood to live.  Doesn't sound very human to me.  What do you think, oh Master of mine?" Spike jerked back as though the acid tones had slapped him across the face.

"That's a load of bollocks, Xander, and you know it."  Spike kept his voice as steady as he could.  Something was badly wrong here.  Angelus' voice drifted through his head, '...things get broken that way...'  "You want me to feed from you, fine.  But you need to eat first." 

"Doesn't count now.  'Cause you know.  You'll do it anyway."

Christ on a crutch.  Right, enough of this crap, thought Spike.  Time to take control.  "Get up, get dressed and go into the kitchen.  I will make you breakfast and you will eat it.  Now," said Spike, putting as much authority as he could muster into the demand without actually using the Voice.  Without any further arguments, Xander got off the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans.  Spike tossed some jeans and a t-shirt on and headed into the kitchen, followed by a bare-chested, barefoot Xander.

Spike quickly cooked up bacon, eggs and toast, poured a large glass of juice, and placed it all in front of Xander, making sure he adjusted the lighting in the apartment to suit the time, almost midday.

Xander ate every scrap, and drank two glasses of juice while Spike heated up a mug of blood and drank it as he watched the boy eating.  Spike's attempts at questioning Xander were ignored, and the boy seemed to be operating on auto-pilot; Spike was worried. 

"Xan, why don't you go and watch TV for a while, I have a few phone calls to make."

Without a word, Xander wandered into the loungeroom, found the remote, flicked the switch and then stared at the TV, idly flipping through channel after channel.  Spike stood watching him for a moment, then went into the study and closed the door.  He threw himself into the chair and sat tapping his fingers on the desktop, trying to gather his thoughts.  Okay, the boy had somehow got it into his head that he wasn't human any more.  Except it wasn't just that, was it?  His mood was all over the place, reminded him of Dru when she... Spike shied away from the thought.  No.  Probably still in shock over what happened yesterday, that's all, be enough to upset anyone.  Spike's gaze wandered aimlessly over the desk, and lit on the calendar.  Bugger it, Sunday.  Supposed to be starting with Stan tomorrow.  He picked up the phone and tapped out a number.

"Stan?  's me."

//Spike!  How's it going, mate?//

"It's been better, to be honest.  Look, Stan, the boy won't be coming in for a few days.  Not gonna cause any problems?"

//Nah.  Got a few bits I can do, no rush jobs or anything.  He can start anytime.  You got problems, Spike?//  Spike sighed deeply.

"Yeah, you could say that.  Had to go see my Sire yesterday, ritual that needed doing.  Boy played a starring role."  The hiss as Stan sucked air through his teeth summed up Spike's thoughts on the whole thing.

//Bugger.  Nasty bastard, that Angelus.  The kid all right?//

"Not really.  Think I'm gonna need a few days to sort him out, you know?"

//Yeah.  Is he hurt bad?//

"No, no, nothing like that.   Angelus's still got the soul in residence, so he says.  Mind you, didn't seem to slow him down that much.  Though he wasn't anywhere near as bad as he could have been."

//Be grateful for small mercies then, mate.  Look, don't worry about him trying to get in this week.  Leave it till he's ready.  Give him some time.  This sort of thing can be hard on humans, y'know?//

"Yeah, you're right.  He's acting really strange this morning, not like him at all.  And he's not with it, you know?"

//Isn't he?  Doesn't sound good.  I mean, you'd expect him to be a bit upset...//

"Yeah.  He was last night, and I expected him to be much the same this morning, but he's not.   Spouting some crap about not being human any more."

//Bugger.  He's only young, mate.  Kids get funny ideas in their heads, you know?  You'll have to talk to him, Spike, sort him out.  Marlene's always here if you need a hand with anything, you know that, right?  She's always been good with kids.//

"Yeah, I know.  Thanks a lot, Stan.  Take it easy, mate.  I'll give you a bell later in the week, let you know how he's doing, okay?"

//No bother, Spike.  Speak to you later then, mate.  Take care of him, eh?  See ya.//

"Yeah, bye."

Spike hung up and stared thoughtfully at the phone for a few moments.  Stan was right, of course.  He needed to talk to Xander.  He'd been so upset last night, and Spike had expected more of the same this morning; expected to have to comfort the boy.  But this...  Spike sighed.  Why didn't anything in his pathetic excuse for an unlife ever go right?  Sitting in the office wasn’t going to do any good, was it?  Resisting the urge to smash something, Spike made his way to the loungeroom.  The TV was playing loudly to itself.  Spike switched it off, and heard the shower running.  He headed towards the bathroom, then stopped, thinking that maybe Xander needed some space.  So he sat in one of the armchairs by the fireplace and waited. 

Xander walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, and headed to the walk in closet, totally ignoring Spike.  Spike sat patiently while Xander dressed, but jumped up from his chair and grabbed Xander by the arm as he saw the boy pick up his jacket.

“Where do you think you’re going, pet?”

“Out.”

“Where out?”

“Just out,” said Xander, pulling his arm free of Spike’s hold.

“No, Xan, you’re not.  Not yet.  We need to talk, pet.”

“Don’t wanna talk, Spike.  Just need to get out for a while, need to think about stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“You.  Me.  What happened yesterday.  Y’know, stuff.”

“I kinda hoped we could talk about that stuff together, Xan.  You’re worrying me.  You’re not acting like yourself at all this morning and…”  Spike’s voice trailed off as Xander began to laugh.  It was a very disturbing sound.

“I’m not?  What a surprise.  Well, maybe that's because I don't feel like myself, Spike."  Xander pulled away and walked towards the bedroom door.  He stopped and spun around, walked back to Spike and jabbed him in the chest with his index finger.

"You.  You knew something like this was gonna happen, didn't you?  When we went to LA?"

"What?  No, I had no idea, Xan, I swear -"

"Bullshit," shouted Xander, jabbing Spike again.  "You said you needed to see Angelus, not Angel, Spike, I remember you saying it."  Xander shoved Spike hard in the chest, pushing him away.  "Fuck, what an idiot I am.  I went to see Angel, thinking I'd have to protect you from him.  What a joke.  You talked about me like I wasn't even there.  You tied me up, you bastard, and gave me to him.  And you kissed him.  You kissed him while I watched and then you held me down while he fucked me.  And you know what's really funny, Spike?  I agreed to do it so I could stay human.  But since I’m not actually human any more, it was pretty much a waste of time, wasn’t it?  Should have just turned me.  Or is this what's supposed to happen to me?  And you don’t seem interested in touching me so far – what, used goods now?  Not what you want any more?  Or is it Angelus that you really want now?  Is that who you rushed off to call?  Well fuck you, Spike,” yelled Xander.  He stormed out of the bedroom and was out of the apartment before Spike could gather his wits.

“What the fuck?” said Spike, though there was no one there to hear him.

*****

Xander angrily swiped the tears from his face as he walked.  He had no idea where he was heading, but somehow he found himself back at the coffee shop where he'd waited for Willow the other day.  He went in, grabbed a copy of the local paper from the counter and sat in a corner booth.  Fortunately the place was almost deserted, and after Xander ordered his coffee he slumped in the corner, staring at the paper.  The waitress gave him a sympathetic smile as she brought his coffee over, and Xander scrabbled in his pocket for some tissues to wipe his face.  He felt Spike delicately probing at the link, and slammed it shut as hard as he could