The first time for a guy to approach
woman during his life, be it a senseless dare or pure admiration, somehow
or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates
pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her
happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when
you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say
something as retard.
I am in similar hypothetical
situation.
I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something
stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her.
Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my
eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair.
Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my
soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not those drop-dead
gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases
into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma
and the air that saturates around her is angelic and when I am near
her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like
a walking conditioner.
I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality.
If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping
my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect
from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One and
not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist
in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like
years ago?
Today is the last day of school,
which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began.
Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even
stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate.
Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been
going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So
everything needs to be done today!
She is sitting in front of me
and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent
conversation with her. Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set
my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources! The bus slowed down
to a gradually stop and we both board it. I chose a seat near the back
and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of
uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back.
There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against
trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational. Finally
our stop came and we got down. She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning
that I am stalking her
behind. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke
out at strategic part of my forehead. I can't let this final chance
go by!
She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state
of desperation. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.
Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!?
A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. When
I came arm length distance from her, I delivered a light tap onto her
shoulder. She turned around, as if expecting all that would happen and
gave me a curious look.
Hi, I was...was wondering if I...I...could get to know you and be your
friend??
All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted.
My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.
She smiled faintly and gosh, that nearly sweep me off my feet. Five
minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful
mission. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly
local; she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. Her name
is Yukiko, which means snow in Japanese ?like her unblemished skin,
fair and silky-like.
Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her
sweet ones, we parted. I looked back at her for one final time, before
running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. Did I mention
knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it?
It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. Our
relation are like good friends now. Jerry told me to go after her, but
my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. Maybe
because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia
of relationship not lasting behind my head.
I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. Before
I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop, she
sent me a message.
'Cloud, so late still never sleep ar?'
I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background, commanding me to finish
the leftover food in the kitchen. If my mum knew that I ate in school
already, I guess she is gonna skin me alive.
'Just came back from school, you?'
'I waited for you to come online.'
Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. Words
like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. Jerry said
that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic, well. I am none of the
above. But when he stressed his point, I tried learning to be one.
'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!'
I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment, but hey, that's
a good attempt.
'Cloud, I am moody today.'
'Really.? What happen?'
'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today.'
Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends
in matters of love. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their
life and stuff, whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry
with them. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their
personal problem?
'Well.it's getting common isn't
it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then.'
'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months
plus. so long.'
Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester.
Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. I am
a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal
relation problem. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But
when it comes to myself, I am such a dickhead.
'If they were meant to be together well. they will be together right?
Sometimes not being together is a good thing. Couples not suited for
each other being force to be together is a painful thing.'
'Fate.?'
Fate to me is like a legend; everyone talks about it, rant about it,
thank God about it, but when it comes to relation, I have never gotten
myself a girlfriend, so I know nuts about it. Err. you could say that?'
'Then are we fated to know each
other. Cloud.?'
I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither
YES nor NO is the right answer. Just when I am stuck with her questions,
my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door, demanded that
I finish the food left for me.
'Hey, I have go off for now to eat supper. answer you another time.'
'Come on. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.'
'You say wan ar. . I see you tomorrow ok?'
Well, it seemed that the treating trick always works. Hey. it means
that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such
a fast learner.
'Ok! bye bye!'
The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer. Grinning
from ear to ear,
I skip my way to the kitchen.
'Cloud! You are finally here!'
looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. No, I am not late, rather I am
pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room. 'Cloud, my good
friend tried to patch back with her bf today. but he ignore her.'
Well. guys of these days are not
looking for serious relation. People have to get to know and go through
more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for
them what. 'She cried you know. so poor thing. then that guy said that
he likes another girl.'
A Chinese proverb came into my mind - Tian ya he chu wu fang cao.
Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours
in the first place? Human, even though are emotional creatures, after
a period of time, everything will just be a memory of what had taken
place.
'Yah I told her to move on with her life, but she loved him so much
and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. if I am her, I will
also dunno what the do.'
Don't know what to do? Make yourself
happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really
wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a
vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman,
in their first love, love their lovers, in others, they loved love.
Really?.'
All woman loves romance. It is like salt and sugar in cooking.
Without it, whatever relation will be bland.
What about you Cloud?'
Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever
it comes to me in revealing my inner self. It is like exposing yourself
to danger through speaking. People, whom you least expected it, betray
the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series
of utter disappointment and sadness. Ok I admit. I watch TOO much TV.
'Me? What about me?'
'What if something like that happens to you?'
'Er. it won't lar. I don't even have a gf.'
'Why? Go get one?' .'
'y? something is wrong?'
Ok baby, this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.
'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. its meaningless
don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people
just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be alone - they WANT
someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically.
I don't mind being alone - I like it! Until
maybe when the special one comes along, I will try my best to be with
her, doing stuff together and most importantly, grow together.'
There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. My fingers
speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. Oh @$$@!
Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate
with Jerry about my first failure.
You are right Cloud.'
Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen, signalling
to my victory of words.
I want to stay single, until the special one comes along too. .'
Oh wait, how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will
try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one.
She is too cute to stay single.
'You make me blushed. no I am
not cute.'
She is such a poor liar. When you praise a girl pretty, they would tell
you they look ugly. When you say that they look like toilet, he retaliate
and bites back, saying you look worst. such is mentality of a woman.
'I girl mah, that why will also
be like that. '
From a close defeated battle, I have eventually emerge the winner as
I continue to chat with her for the next two hours. Somehow, during
these periods of knowing her, I had never asked about the background
of her family or sort, but we talk everything else. I loved to chat
with her as she is way so different from all the other girls - she is
VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me
to protect her, to guide her along. She showed me the real innocence
of a young lady, untainted and pure. I love the way she is, naturally
cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her - I can't
take advantage of her innocence right?
'Cloud. I have to go already.
its getting late.'
I have to leave too.Oh yeah. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to
leave. HAHAHAHA!'
Why is it that I must laugh every
time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.
'Cloud. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?'
Ok, my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH!
Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?'
Er. ok!'
My mind was cheering and screaming
in rejoice. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity!
Ok. Cloud you log off first, I don't want you to see me go.'
'Aww.ok I count to 3 and leave.'
I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.
'3.2.1.gone!'
I couldn't get to sleep on that
day, totally excited about tomorrow's event. Going out with a girl?
I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely
that nothing will crewed up on that day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was 8.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment
point) - Plaza Singapura, the location we suppose to meet. It is not
polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway. Slipping my
favourite ice blended mocha, I waited. I was daydreaming about today's
soccer match I played and started
pondering over life issues and soccer; Life is like soccer. you never
know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. What load of crap!
As I was trying to entertain myself
to relieve some amount of tension in me, I sense her presence - the
smell, I can never forget. I looked up and saw her smiling and making
her way towards me. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit,
I was stoned watching her coming. White spaghetti straps top with jean
skirts. Woah, I simply love girls wearing skirts. It makes them looked.
more. erm. more female.
'Sorry I am late.'
'Nah, its Ok. I am just early myself.'
'So what movie are we watching?.'
'It's ok, we will check it out later, anyway what matter most is
who I am watching with, not the show.'
She blushed and I nearly died
saying that sentence. Hey. I am pro huh? HAHAHA!
Smiling at my flippant words, I commented on how gorgeous she looked
today. I guess it was just something to start conversation, but hey.
I really meant what I said. She looked really shy and reply with a soft
thanks. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted
the same.
We chatted for a while - Jerry
told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely
be as tense as I am. Gradually, she gain comfort from my company and
from chatting, it grew some laughter in it. Actually at times (lucky
thing it wasn't frequent), I did not understand what she was saying.
Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with
it, was
weird but comprehendible. Nevertheless, she looked so cute, especially
when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek.
After finishing our drinks, we
made our way to the Cinema, after we decide and made purchase for Shallow
Hal. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to
remember a first date. At least she won't be crying while watching a
sad movie and I had to cheer her up later, although horror show seemed
like a whole lot better option to me. Hiak!
The movie is talking about Hal
Larsen, the ultimate shallow guy. He judged woman by appearance and
in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their
character instead of physical beauty. Rosemary, the lead actress came
into the picture and he fell in love with her, without realizing that
she is not what he thinks she looked like.
The story is a mixture of hearts,
laughs and emotions and at the end of the show, I could see watery tears
rimming around Yukiko's eyes. What the hell? Well. at the very least
she understand the story, which was my first fear. We walked out of
the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura, while I tried to reassure her
that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.
'Cloud. do you think there are
people like that?'
Sure. of course. that is the real world.'
'Why must guys like pretty girls?'
I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question. I asked myself and
the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good. 'Because human like
to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys
too right?'
'But good-looking guys don't give me security. That's why I don't
like good-looking guys.'
My heart screamed another point of victory; I am not good looking -
I am decent looking, the second closest to handsome. Even though she
never really answered my question, but I love her reply.
'What about you Cloud? Do you
like pretty girls too?'
THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes, I will appear ****
shallow. If I say no I am lying to myself. Gawd! I need the best of
both world answer.
'Me?'
I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately.
'Well. I think I prefer. cute girls like. you!'
My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go
nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. She blushed
and tapped my head lightly. Oh man, I think I am not gonna wash my hair
today.
'Don't be silly.'
I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment, just like
me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks. I decided to sent her home
by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. We boarded
the bus, the same bus 171 where we always take - We recognized the bus
driver.
'Boy ar. not bad ar. get to know
her liao.last time you both dunno each other wan right?'
It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and
smiled my way through, while she giggled uncontrollably. We choose a
seat at the far back and sat down.
'This driver is always very chatty,
don't bother about him. I always seen him talking to other passengers.'
She shaped a smile from her lips.
Suddenly, she took the bus tickets I was holding.
Look away first!'
I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put
her fist onto my hands. Am I in heaven?
I have nothing to give you, so
I made this two heart myself. One for you, one for me.'
I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I
should do something similar. I appreciate her effort though - I thanked
her.
Finally her stop arrived and she
had to align. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way
till her block. It's ok. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours
with a guy so late at night you know.'
I nodded and finally relented.
Well, every date has to part eventually right?
I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of
her.