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Stupid but Funny Text Messages

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience

I asked an angel 2 watch over u, but he back sooner than xpected!i asked y?He said "an angel doesnt need 2 watch over an angel!"

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

I opened my purse and found it empty.i reached in 2 my pocket and found a few coins then i searched my heart and found u!dats wen i realised how rich i am

Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say " are you gonna drink that?"

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane!

if barbie is so popular....then y do u have 2 buy her friends?

I intend to live forever- so far so good

Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!!

Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u!

Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!!

I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

I would stop eating chocolate.. but I'm not a quitter!

uv been called b4 cupids court 4 stealin my heart.trespassin in my dreams & robin me of my senses.uv been sentened 2 a lifetime wiv me- how do u plead?

1st time i saw u i was scared 2 touch u.1st time i touched u i was scared 2 kiss u.1st time i kiss u i was scared to luv u.but now dat i luv u im scared 2 lose u!

To live dis life i need a heartbeat.to have a heartbeat i need a heart.to have heart i need happiness.to have happiness i need u!

i asked God 4 a rose & he gave me a garden.i ask God 4 a drop of water & he gave me an ocean.i asked God 4 an angel &he gave me u!

Why do birds fall from da sky everytime u walk by? why do stars fall from da sky? cause like me they want 2 b near u!

One day u'll ask me: "whats more important to u- me or ur life?" ill say "my life" and u'll go and leave without even knowing that u are my life.

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday!

Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!

Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh fuck im sorry i have the wrong number

Kung akala mo importante ka sa akin, kung akala mo may tiwala ako sayo, kung akalamo namimiss kita at kung akala mo friend kita…Korek ka dyan!

Some people choose friends who are thoughtful n caring. Some prefer those who r smart n good looking. When u choose me, pinakyaw mo na lahat.

(In Filipino) Nagbago ka na! Mayabang ka na talaga! Di na kita maabot! Mataas na lipad mo! Tumawag ako kanina, ang sabi ng sumagot... 'the subscriber CANNOT BE RICH!'

U'll never know who ur friends are… till u stumble n fall. And till u feel his hands on your shoulder as he says, "yan tatanga-tanga kasi".

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... F***IN MOSQUITO

U picked me up.u took me home.u put ur hands around my waist.u took off my top den u put ur lips om mine.THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI.

Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

i shall seek and find you.i shall take u to bed & control u.i will make u ache shake sweat until u grunt and groan.all my love, the flu X

Whats rough and hairy on the outside and soft and wet in the inside starts with C ends in T and has a U & a N in it? .... Answer - a coconut u pervert.

What is 10 inches long- 2inches thick and starts with a p??? A really good crap

It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!

Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?

I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get the f... out my way!

If I could be any letter in the alphabet, I'd choose "V" so I can be next to "U"; if you could be any note, I wished you're "RE" so your always beside "ME"!

If you save this message, it means cute ako. If you edit it, cute pa rin ako. If you delete it, naiinggit ka kasi cute ako. Pero kung ipoforward mo, pinagkakalat mong cute ako.

50 years from now, tanda na ko nun! Di na cute, wala ng appeal, uugud-ugod, nguya nganga, dala baston, ihi sa salawal, ala ngipin. Pero pag uso pa ang text, iti text pa rin kita.

Others say life is unfair. Well, it's true. Others are jealous of you. And they really should be. Wanna know why? Hmmm… coz you have a cute txtm8 like me.

Waking up in a brand new day is already a miracle. What more is to receive a "gud morning" txt from a cute person like me"? Ang suwerte mo!

Pray that God grant you a mind free from worry, a heart free from sadness, a soul free from sin and a body free from unwanted odor. Naligo ka na ba?

Bakit exciting ang text? 1. kc pwedeng magpacute and pangit. 2. pwedeng single ang married 3. sa txt bida ang sinungaling 4. sa text bistado ang kuripot.

People are always looking for cute ones, the perfect ones, the gorgeous ones, the smart ones, the sweet ones. Lagi na lang ako! Ako! Ako!

Our frndship means alot 2 me, dat if we wer d last people on a sinking ship & der s only 1 lyf vest, i'll..uhm.. ah.. eh..I'm gonna mis u 4 sure..!

You're the reason why I have sleepless nights, you are the reason why I tend to hold my pillow tight, I'm thinking of you when I lay down at night, you are the reason why I shout "mommy may mumo!"

Kisses blown are kisses wasted. Kisses aren't kisses unless they are tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So kiss me baby, I'm vaccinated!

Love is not about the melody of violins, it's about the squeaking of bed springs.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

I looked at d sky, d sky is beautiful. I looked at you…..I looked at d sky na lang ulit. Gud A.M.

A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue. So open your mouth and close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise!

A friend is: 1% funny 2% sweet 3% caring 4% loving 90% goodlooking.... Kaya nga friend mo ako e!

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second - umn … I forgot na!

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

You made me smile a thousand times. You filled my heart with joy and happiness. You colored my days with laughter, well you must be a.......... CLOWN!