slorr... do u know what's the correct
way of applying perfume?"
I shook my head. in fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before,
medicated oil maybe.
"1st u apply some behind ur
ears... then ur neck and wrists...after that spray some onto the air,
then walk through it..."
"sure or not?... in that case this little bottle wont even be able
to last u for 3 days...."
"slorr.. shall we try?..."
"'we'?... u go ahead... I m a MAN..."
She opened up that DOLCE VITA...behind her ears, neck then the wrist she
applied some... and she really did spray some onto the air!!...
WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!... finally
she stretched out her hands... facing up... like enjoying the raindrops
falling on her face...
"hahaha...."
"slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...."
She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness
of her fingers. maybe its the perfume... I guess.
"slorr... get ready... I m
going to spray!!..."
I imitated her.. face up...and walked through my 1st perfume rain.
"slorr...lets have another round!!..."
" WHAT!!... serious?.."
My money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 I can collect the broken pieces
of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more
excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing
butterfly. late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite
now until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA.
"DOLCE VITA is exhausted...
I guess this sweet time shall end now too....slorr.. I’ll go up
now.... tonight 1am. I wont be online, and u r not to do so too..."
"huh?....but why?...."
"go online at 12pm tomorrow.. u will know....remember... only 12pm..."
She turned and walked into the lift... at the same time... I saw an obvious
pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now becos she tied
her hair. I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below,
but it never light up.
I switched off the light in my room...
engulfed in the absolute darkness... 'cos I wished to have the same kind
of feeling as her right now... I realised in complete darkness... the
easiest mood one gets... is loneliness.. she must be lonely rite now...
half asleep..
I almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst the sea
of flame... and that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red...
and then burgundy.. slowly.. it swallowed me.... was it the cause of that
can of beer just now?...
suddenly I felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come
straight from my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential
function of time as it got closer to 1am...
USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!...
checked .. she isn't there.... my heart was beating fast... but the temp
remained below healthy level........
-=~@~=-
Finally its 12 pm, excited as I
was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But
there’s a mail from her......
Dear slorr,
At first I thought it will be easier
for me to settle down in the darkness... recollecting memories we have
shared... but all I felt was loneliness...... can u feel it too?...
I still can't change the habit of
logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR...
u dun blame me right?...:P... u weren’t there... should I feel glad
for ur obedience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish
type...maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to
fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that I
m leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor
told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?...I
still can live like a normal person...
BUT CAN I?..
FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the
1st meeting with u at Mc... I started to realise that u r not only a virtual
being living in the cyberspace... in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive....
I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I
m defeated...
I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren
told me that I look more attractive this way...
I want u to remember my face as
it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't
u ask for my real name? ..that’s why I never asked for urs...
I am a girl mah..... do you realized
how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr...
thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times
are like... but I am really sorry.
??.I just couldn’t bear to
say goodbye.....
Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its
been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long
time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will
end it.
Maybe its what you said... 'Internet
is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts
right away... but not my tears...
It’s about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive
this mail...
I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....
Good Bye
With lotsa love,
FlyNDance
After reading her mail, I felt as
if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed.
She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive.
For a couple of months, I was trying
to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think
about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual
character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world.
I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and
anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture
notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of
missing something in life.
But I failed. I found out that its
not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that
always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind
all the time. Its like I cannot breathe, itfs just that I had forgotten
the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.
I can hold my breath for a while,
but not forever.
I have to find her!
"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance...."
"HUH??..."
'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her.
She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty
too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with
her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her
that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.
Surprisingly when I told her my
disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly
she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.
"You should go and see her.
SGH, Room 3-425."
-=~@~=-
This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital.
It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.
But I don't like the feeling it
gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood
by her, watching.
Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow.
Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine.
And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face
appearing in a shape of a butterfly.
Nevertheless, she was still the
most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen. Her eyelashes twitched slightly,
she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream?
McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking
Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the
clock approaches 6pm.
I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under
the shadow of a patient's room.
But I am worried that her dreams
might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma,
her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away
suddenly.
I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long
time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....
"Slorr, you are here!"
"Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?"
"Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."
SKY VERY CHIO...
I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR
meetings."
But she didn't realize that it's
raining today.
"Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."
Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due
to the several hours of standing.
"Slorr, you lost weight."
ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?
"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's
why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite
ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you.."
"Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"
WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet,
I had nothing to ask her actually.
Because I was there to see her,
not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time
for me to utter some touching lines like what÷Õ in the case
of a movie.
But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...
Movies are fiction.
Life isn't.
-=~@~=-
I just wished that she could leave
this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to
where she belonged. And I promised she won÷Ö be alone anymore,
because I will always be there.
After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly
overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me
of FlyNDance.
"Err, I think i've gotta go
now. Bye bye auntie."
"You....You..."
She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous
shock.
"I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until
you leave this place..."
Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian
Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she
can even swim in it.
I try not to close my eyes that
night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my
room....
"Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time..."
"Had a good night's rest?..."
"Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I
know you won't wake me up when your here."
"Then you should take a rest now."
"Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."
I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the
rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.
I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face.
It was only last night before I
leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS.
What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...
But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely
not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover,
what÷Õ a butterfly if it can't fly?
"Slorr, why are you looking
at me and not talking?"
I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically.
I had a bad feeling about this.
"Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"
I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about
this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend
who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet
when he came back... never to wake up again...
"Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?"
"Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."
MOVIE? LIFE?....
"But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for
you?"
"Ultimate Ice Blended!!"
This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere
on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for
her at that time.
"Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?
"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should
cut down on your intake also, ok?"
I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized
that she÷Õ just trying to tell me not to drink too much
coffee in the future.
My heart seemed to have suffered
from a heavy blow.
This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this
is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front
of her.
I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly
applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets.
"Ok, I promise, I'll try my best."
"And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast..."
"It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes
you look troubled and....."
This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before
she. I can't bear to let her continue.
"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink
right away."
"Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want
it anymore."
From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would
take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus
the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes.
Not very far.
"Quite near."
"Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long...
I hate that feeling."
I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....
*************************
*************************
"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging
at me again.
"Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."
Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.
I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which
was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks
inside, for 10 minutes.
Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but
I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.
Even Tye has given up on me...
"She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"
Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the
corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being
alone.
I still remember there was a heavy
downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly
flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....
After that... I can't remember...
I just knew that I stood at the
bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my
face.
I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been
hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe,
but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the
stars do not twinkle at night...
Basically, I was hoping for something
impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real
life.
Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..
I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the
deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had the
feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will
then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...
So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago.
Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But
I֯e stopped taking coffee and beer.
"Xing ah, is this for you?"
My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.
I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.
That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside,
and another coffee envelope.
Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think
this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your
real name, although we'd met before.
When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with
your name and address already written on it.
So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended
to do.
Best wishes,
Xiao Wen
The letter was sent 3 days ago,
and there was another:
'To:slorr...'
Followed by my home address written
on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words
seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance.
I have no time to figure out how
she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?
I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope.
I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.
Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA
smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing
the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.
Something was written at the back
of it....
Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's
me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee
envelope.... know what I mean?
Seeing me, do you feel like drinking
coffee now? Stop drooling!
FlyNDance
I smiled.... bitterly. The contents
of the blue letter is simple:
If I have one more day to live,
I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day? No. Too bad. I can't
be your girlfriend... not in this life.
If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you.
Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.
If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put
off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn
off? Can.
So yes. I LOVE YOU.
FlyNDance
My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a
long time go in a jiffy.
As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness
that÷Õ on the whole of my face anymore.
She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her...
tears for 2 months....
-=~@~=-
Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar, including best picture.
Yet, Rose wasn't the best actress under that category. So if it's sad
in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. And in reality,
should Jack hold on to Rose and 'Never let go?'
Maybe he shouldn't be worried about this. 'Cos that beautiful coffee butterfly
will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...'
~THE END~