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Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1, of course.

Happy birthday, [info]snowpuppies!






I Don't Know How it Happened


by
Eyezrthewindows





Part One



"Go fuck yourself!"

"I would if that were physically possible," Spike said amiably, eyes crinkled in amusement, stirring his concoction of blood and chocolate syrup with one of Xander's good spoons.

Xander watched, horrified, as the spoon went into the white sink without so much as a rinse off under the faucet, leaving a chocolate, bloody smear that was sure to stain. Disbelief, then anger rippled over his features.

That did it. That was it. He couldn't take it anymore!

He muffled a scream of frustration with the back of one fist, then rounded on Spike, who was staring at him as if he were a fascinating piece of art he was trying to figure out. He shook an extended index finger in the vampire's direction. "That's it, Spike. I can't take it anymore! You're eating me out of house and apartment; more importantly you're ruining chocolate for me and I didn't think that would happen, like, ever."

Spike raised an eyebrow, took a drink of the sickening combination then lowered the mug to waist level. He moved his shoulders slightly. "Have you ever tried chocolate and blood?"

Xander stuttered to a stop, anger disappearing, confusion replacing it. A frown marred his forehead. "What? Yuck. No. Of course I haven't. I'm not a sicko."

The blond rolled his eyes. "Then you've no room to comment, do you? Never had it, so you shouldn't cast stones when you don't know what the ruddy hell you're going on about."

The boy growled, continuing with his rant. "You're messy. You leave wet towels all over the floor, not even just the bathroom. You drip water everywhere. The tub's always a mess. The sink always has mousse slime and hairs in it. The couch has stains from..." he shuddered visibly "...I don't know what, don't really want to know what. You leave wrappers and beer bottles and old newspapers and pizza boxes and fast food bags and containers everywhere. If I don't pick it up it starts to grow new life, Spike, and as much as I'm all for new species and life and stuff...that's gross! Why don't you ever pick up after yourself?"

Spike drank some more. A blood mustache formed at the corner of his mouth. He licked his lips but it stayed there, taunting Xander. He raised his eyebrows. "Why should I have to? You'll do it eventually. Right good little maid, you are."

"If you stay in my house you'll fucking pick up after yourself."

Spike smirked. "Not a house, is it?"

"Technically, no, but I can throw your ass out and you couldn't do a thing about it."

Spike's face lost its superior expression, his gaze narrowing. He set his now empty mug down on the counter and moved a few paces toward Xander. "I'd like to see you try, you great pouf."

Xander laughed. "Try? I wouldn't even have to try, Migraine Boy. One little pinch from you would drop you like a ton of bricks."

Spike rolled his eyes and shouldered -- gently -- past the boy to the living room.

"Where the hell are you going? We're not finished!"

"I think we are. I'm bored with this crap. I'm going to watch some telly."

Spike made to get the remote but Xander latched onto his forearm and jerked him away. "Like hell. We're not finished, fang face. I've gotta bone to pick with you."

The vampire leered and stepped closer, so close their chests brushed. Xander was immediately on guard, intimidated and more than a little disconcerted.

"Got a bloody big bone you could pick right here." Spike thrust his cock into Xander's thigh.

Xander leapt back, letting go of Spike as though he'd just become super hot. Not that Xander thought Spike was hot in any way. "You stay away from me, you undead freak."

Spike snorted. "Baby."

"Don't make with the mooshy names. They won't get you off my shit list."

Blue eyes narrowed. "Right. What'll get me off your 'shit list', then?"

Xander crossed his arms, looking decidedly unnerved. "I don't know. I don't think anything'll get you off that because it's a really bad list. There are people still on there from fifth grade."

Spike blinked at him, smiled, then reached for the remote again.

"Hey! Stop that, you undead moocher!"

"No," Spike said calmly, seating himself on the couch, stretching out, spreading his legs, making himself at home in Xander's home.

Xander growled in frustration and yanked handfuls of hair with both hands, making it stick up all over his head in unruly tufts. "Fuck off, Spike. Go bother someone else for a change. Leave me and my tv alone." He yanked the remote from Spike's hand, the element of surprise in his favour. "Aha! Now," he flipped stations, stopping on SciFi, "that's more like it."

Spike's face twisted and he went to re-take his stolen remote, but failed due to an over-zealous move that caused Xander slight pain. He went down like a felled tree, clutching the side of his head and cursing a blue streak.

Xander smirked, rubbing his wrist. "Oooh, you're the big bad, alright. Big bad puddy tat who can't hurt a fly."

Spike shoved Xander as hard as he was able, squinting through the pain echoing through his skull. "When I get this chip out--"

"Yeah, right. Like that will ever happen. You'll be stuck like this forever. Good old American workmanship at its finest. You'll be depending on us for your blood and other stuff you don't have money to pay for till we're dead and then you'll be screwed. You'll probably end up crawling on your belly to Angel for help since he's, like, your vampire daddy or something."

The blond's eyes widened, narrowed, then widened again in indignation and disbelief. His hand shook as he pointed at the boy. "You bloody take that back! Just because you're useless and your little Scooby pals forget about you all the time doesn't mean you have to take it out on me!"

Nostrils flared. "They don't forget about me...at least I have friends. Unlike someone who will remain nameless." He coughed quickly, muttering the word 'Spike' in between poorly disguised throaty noises.

"I don't need friends if they're like yours. Gits forgot about your birthday--"

"They said they were sorry! I even got a special edition Star Wars collector DVD set out of their guilty-ness!"

"--and when you were sick a fortnight ago they didn't even call when you failed to show up for one of those ruddy boring meetings that are really pointless--"

"They were busy..." Xander even started to doubt himself at this point but couldn't not defend his friends. It was a law or a rule or something.

"--demon bint left you for greener, more rich pastures. Got herself a new boyfriend already, from what I heard. Rich and handsome and willing to give her everything her little greedy heart desires. Been, what, a month at most since she blew town?"

Xander crossed his arms, sulking, lower lip sticking out about a foot. "Shut up."

"Good retaliatory remark, boy. Can see why you're just a big winner these days."

Xander grabbed Spike by his collar and flipped them around, slamming him hard into the wall separating his bedroom from the rest of the apartment. He hissed in Spike's face, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You don't know what you're talking about. It's all hot air out of your dead ass." He grabbed Spike's neck and tightened his hands around it.

"You know," Spike said, voice rasping as his throat was slowly crushed, "That won't kill me. Just piss me off and make it harder for me to talk." He brought his hands up and tried, without hurting the boy, to disengage him.

Xander grinned a frightening grin, hands steadily clenching harder. "I know. It'd make me feel a lot better, though. Shut you up, too."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Can choke me all you like but that won't change what a pathetic excuse for a pouf you've turned out to be with an equally path...etic....crap...life...," the vampire wheezed, eyes watering.

Xander growled, let go of the vampire's neck and rammed his head against the wall a couple of times for good measure but he didn't move from Spike's space. He leaned closer. "You know what, Spike?"

Dilated blue eyes stared into brown. "What, git?"

"I may have a really sad excuse for a life. My friends ignore me, my girlfriend left me because I couldn't satisfy her bank account and be as submissive as she wanted...but I still have one up on you."

Spike scowled and began to struggle to get away. He only succeeded in bringing their bodies even closer together, groins pressed tight, arousal obvious and unable to be hidden now. "You have shit, dopey boy. Let me go before I have to hurt you."

Xander's grin was feral. "See, that's the thing. I can hurt you. I can hurt anyone I want. I can defend myself from humans, Spike. You writhe in agony, chip firing off even if you don't mean to step on someone's toes or knock into them when you're playing pool at the Bronze. Me? I can run into anybody I want, start fights, kick some ass...whatever. I have no pain."

Spike's body went still, face expressionless. If he'd been in his right mind he'd have torn Xander's little speech to shreds but he wasn't at that moment.

"You little bastard! If you had any idea of what I could do to you...I get this chip out there's going to be a confrontation. You can bloody well guarantee it!" Spike snarled, twisting in Xander's grasp.

Xander's eyes slid halfway shut, teeth biting into his bottom lip. He abruptly released Spike, only to force him around so that Spike's face was pressed uncomfortably against the wall and Xander's groin was snugly fitted into the crevice of his ass.

Xander ground the erection he'd been sporting pretty much since they'd begun fighting into Spike's firm ass. He breathed in the vampire's ear, eliciting a full body shudder. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Spike rasped, the fight suddenly leaving him. His head dropped forward against the wall.

Xander must've felt the surrender too, for he let Spike go and stood back a half step, just far enough. Too far, in Spike's opinion, because the vampire turned around, grabbed hold of him and yanked him forcibly back in place.

Blue eyes glittered up at him, lust blatant and shining in their depths. It was only a split second but it was enough.

One minute they were panting and staring each other down, the next Xander had shoved his tongue down Spike's throat and the vampire was making such a sweet whimpering noise in the back of his throat that Xander just had to release his mouth and suck on that supple, pale length.

Spike bared his neck willingly, begging silently for more as he clutched at every available piece of the boy he could get his hands on. He ground his cock into Xander's, gasped and panted for more and finally grew weary of Xander's teasing and jerked the hot mouth back to his own.

It was lewd and hot and passionate and very confusing but Xander didn't care. He rotated his hips, ground his erection into Spike's and held the vampire's head still with a handful of gel-stiffened hair that crunched between his fingers.

Spike grabbed Xander's ass, clutching at the clenching muscles, kneading them.

They somehow made it to Xander's bedroom and then got naked. Spike was desperate and volatile and rough and perfect and God, Xander was enjoying this far more than he should have.

Xander fucked Spike deep and hard and fast, then slower, and made it last.

Spike moaned and arched and ground back into each of the brunet's thrusts, fingers buried in a handful of sheets, face smashed into the mattress he was fucked into.

The bed creaked and rocked and bounced and banged against the wall.

Xander pounded himself into the vampire harder and faster and then when he came it was like angels singing and volcanos erupting and the polar ice caps melting. Cool, tight flesh fluttered and grasped his pulsing cock, drawing out his orgasm, and he clenched Spike's hips, leaving fingerprints on perfect, smooth pale flesh.

Spike felt the heat flush into him. It made him gasp and shudder and tense and grind himself on the still hard cock deep inside him. Then he brought his left hand up, stroked himself a few times and came all over Xander's sheets.

Spike collapsed face down in his own cum, panting raggedly, with the boy still intimately attached breathing a similar uneven rhythm.

Eventually, they slept.









They fucked three more times during that night.

Spike rode Xander with wild abandon, whispering lewd things about cowboys and ropes and spurs while he pinched nipples, rolled the boy's balls, massaged his chest, played with himself.

Xander forced the vampire out of his bed and screwed him against a nearby, handy wall, smashing the vampire's face into it with one hand while the other ruthlessly stripped Spike's cock. Pounded into him for what seemed like an eternity, slow and steady and hard; those marathon sessions with Anya had been good for something, after all.

The last time, Xander let Spike fuck him. It went slowly, and there was some pain -- for both of them -- but when Spike was finally able to slide into him it was a revelation. He was being filled and consumed at the same time and as he stared up at Spike while he was fucked he met blue eyes filled with...something that was directed at him and for once it wasn't malice or anger or a well-formed sneer or smirk.

It was want.

Xander's eyes fluttered shut, he arched, grasped onto Spike's biceps and pressed him closer with his heels as he came between them.

Spike gasped, bowed back, tensing as he shot his orgasm inside the brunet. Then he slumped forward.

They panted, they disengaged, they wrapped themselves in each other and they slept the rest of the night.









Xander stared up at his ceiling, a blanket of warm vampire -- he was mooching Xander's body heat now -- covering him from shoulder to toe.

I slept with Spike. Slept with as in fucked and then...cuddled with him afterward.

Am still cuddling with him.

I repeatedly fucked him. Repeatedly.

It was good. I liked it. Enjoyed it even.

Oh, God, I fucked Spike!

What the hell was that? It's like I had no control over myself and...BAM, oh look that's Spike's cock why don't I let it stab me over and over and then cum like explosives were shoved up my ass.

Spike's cock was shoved up my ass! I can't believe I let him stick that there. That's just...

Actually, it was pretty damn nice, pain and soreness aside.

Xander froze as Spike mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'peas and carrots make the marmalade taste more like apricots' and then shifted against him.

Spike's cock rubbed against Xander's hip, hardening more as it came in contact with warm flesh.

Xander bit his lip, trying to make his own prick stay flaccid and where it was. He was not reacting again. That was a brief foray into madness that he wouldn't take again because it was...wrong and...just wrong.

Spike smacked his lips and suddenly opened his eyes, lifting his head to stare blankly down at the brunet. He frowned, then suddenly his eyes widened.

"You and me buggered all night, didn't we?"

Xander swallowed, laughing weakly. "The pain in my ass says yes."

"Pain in my ass says ditto," Spike said bitterly, eyes dropping from Xander's. His gaze rose back to the boy's, suddenly bright and serious and piercing. He jabbed a finger in Xander's chest, hard enough to hurt Xander but not enough to hurt him. "We must never speak of this. No one is to find out. This never happens again. We'll just pretend it never happened, yeah?"

Xander relaxed, sighing as relief washed over him. "Thank God."





Part Two



He stayed away from Spike for a week -- it hadn't really been hard; he hadn't left his apartment and Spike hadn't shown up unexpectedly so he, too, was holding to their tenuous pact of pretending it didn't happen. It was a few days after 'the night' when the others realised he wasn't showing up at Scooby meetings and called him in for one.

He scowled and grumbled and moaned and groaned -- to himself -- before he finally showed up at the Magic Box and slumped into one of the hard wooden chairs. He bit his lip as residual tingling shot through his ass -- he was still feeling Spike there even after so long.

He fought the need to fidget, to cruelly remind himself of the act he should never have committed with such an asshole of a...vampire.

He'd finally calmed himself down by the time the 'meeting' was under way. He was seated 'reading' a book he'd been handed by Giles, though Giles knew he wouldn't actually do any reading and had given him a bemused, knowing look as he'd tossed it to him.

Xander had scowled but taken the book and then remained silent, staring down at words he didn't care to read, most of which he wouldn't have understood anyway.

Buffy and Willow were doing actual research, Buffy skimming through texts about some demon she'd glimpsed last night on patrol, Willow on her trusty computer, surfing websites. Tara was sitting beside the red-head, hair cascading down in front of her to hide her face because that was what she did -- she hid from them all because she was so damned shy. Giles was poring over the contents of his shop's books, despite the fact that he'd specifically called the meeting in the first place.

Xander didn't find that fair. Though, he wasn't doing research of his own and wasn't really expected to...why was he needed to be there again? Did they want to torture him with this crap?

Probably, he thought glumly, falling back from his slump over the table and book he wasn't reading to rest against the hard seat-back of his chair.

He let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling sightlessly. The bell over the door jingled merrily, announcing someone's entrance. He really hoped it was an actual customer but when he raised his head to look...he nearly bit his lip in two, holding back the helpless moan of disappointment that welled up inside him.

Spike. Spike, who was sauntering around the store like he owned it and everyone inside, smoking and looking every inch the beautiful badass that he knew he was.

Xander fought the urge to lean forward and bang his head against the table. He barely contained the whimper dying to escape his throat, forcing his gaze back down to the book he'd been 'studying' earlier. He'd just ignore Spike and Spike would ignore him and that would be that.

It was simple.

He ignored Spike when the vampire slouched dramatically against the counter, legs spread wide, shoulders back, one hand busy with a cigarette and the other resting in a pocket. He ignored the name-calling and the insults thrown back and forth between Buffy and Spike; they were necessary, it allowed them both to blow off steam without either one getting hurt despite the fact Buffy could wipe the floor with Spike and the vampire couldn't do a damn thing about it without tearing pain ripping through his brain in the process.

Giles refereed, Buffy got sulky, pouting with her arms crossed over her breasts because Giles actually took Spike's side on this particular occasion -- and wasn't that a sign that the world was ending? -- while Spike smirked smugly, crushing his smoked cigarette out not on the counter or the floor or one of Giles' important books as he normally would, just to piss him off. Spike rubbed it out on the bottom of his boot, then tossed the butt into the trash behind the counter.

Well. Apparently, if you're nice to Spike he's nice back. Who'd'a thunk it?

Xander continued to ignore everyone and everyone pretty much did the same thing because that was what they always did. He was behind the scenes, in the background, not integral to the cogs and gears of the Slayer machine.

It made him feel sad, bad, other words that rhymed with those two and a lot that didn't but there wasn't much he could do about it because he really wasn't a super hero. He wasn't a witch, he wasn't a watcher, he wasn't a slayer, he wasn't screwing said slayer and he wasn't a vampire.

He pointedly ignored the tiny voice inside him that said he'd screwed a vampire. That didn't count.

He was just Xander Harris, all American normal boy, who'd gotten caught up in the supernatural aspects of living on the hellmouth with super powered friends.

It was daunting sometimes but he plugged through, lending a hand when he was able, but mostly staying out of the way because it really sucked when he got in the way and fucked things up. He got yelled at when that happened.

So he'd just as soon not get in the way unless someone asked. It worked out better for everyone that way.

He was brought out of his ruminations by Willow as she excitedly proclaimed she'd found their man, er, demon.

"Serpential Exploitatus."

"Gezuntheit," Xander said.

Spike snorted, rolling his eyes. "That's the name of the ruddy demon, lack-brain."

"Shut the hell up, Spike. No one asked you."

"Both of you shut up," Giles muttered, shaking his head and rubbing the bridge of his nose after he'd taken his glasses off. He sidled up behind Willow, leaning over her shoulder to peer at the computer screen. "Buffy, is this the one you were referring to?"

Buffy dropped the stake she'd been playing with, taunting Spike with really, and got up too. She looked at the picture and the description. "Yep. Big snakey looking thing. Though, the one I saw was wearing leather and lace. It was a fashion nightmare. Its scales clashed with its outfit."

"You're one to talk, Slayer. You've got the fashion sense of a cheap whore."

"And you've got the fashion sense of a dead man from twenty plus years ago. Shut up, Spike!"

"Make me, bint."

Xander's jaw flexed. "Spike, leave her alone. She's trying to do what she does best. Well, the stuff that works up to it, anyway."

"Thank you, Xander." Buffy smiled brightly then returned her gaze to the screen, pointing out things about the serpent demon, talking with Willow and Giles, not ignoring Tara so much as Tara scooting slightly away and letting everything happen around her, as she normally did.

Spike's eyes glowed yellow for a moment. He lit another cigarette and blew the smoke in Xander's direction once he'd removed himself from his position at the counter and walked closer to the boy. Xander coughed, waving a hand in front of his face and Spike licked his lips, smirking.

"Poor little lamb. You've got horrible taste in clothes and you've got no talent at this slaying gig. Why don't you just run along home and cry in your sippy cup. We'll all be better off if you're not around when this thing is," he said, idly pointing his smoking cigarette at the others still gathered around the computer talking, oblivious to Spike and Xander's conversation.

Xander felt a fire build in his belly and scorch outward, encompassing his entire body. His eyes flashed. "I don't need this," he announced, getting up and heading toward the door. When everyone else's eyes followed him, he said, "You guys don't need me for this, right? I gotta get up early for work in the morning anyway. I'll catch you later."

He exited the shop, seething with anger, insides boiling with it. His fists clenched tight, then he drew out a stake in case he happened upon something that needed killing. He almost hoped he would come across something. Something that perhaps wouldn't be so good at the fighting and mayhem.









As it happened, he did find something that needed a good staking. Except. Yeah, there was an except.

Except, it was a vampire who seemed to know Karate and was doing all these cool moves that Xander would've admired had he not been in this situation and the vampire hadn't been a vampire.

He was lying face down on the dirty alley street with the vampire straddling his body, pressing him down, angling his head to the side so it could get a good bite in before he really knew what was happening.

Just as it was about to bite down, "Oi! Wanker!"

Xander never thought he'd be glad to see Spike, not that he actually saw the blond vampire, he just heard him. He slumped with relief and his vampire captor, potential murderer, let him go to step up and take the Spike challenge.

"Hey, you ruined a good meal, man. What's up with that? You're not helping your fellow vampire here. That's kinda rude, actually. Why'd you go and do a dumbass thing like that?"

Spike snorted, reached into his pocket and, as Xander rolled over ready to view the Street Fighter Match of the Century, Spike deftly and easily and very embarrassingly for the Karate expert tossed a stake straight into the vampire's heart.

"Damn," was all the staked vampire said before he turned to dust before Xander's eyes.

Xander collapsed onto the ground, panting, pulse racing, every part of him surging with fear and adrenaline. "I never thought I'd ever say this but...thanks."

Spike waved a hand. "Don't mention it. You needed a good helping, you inept little bastard. If I hadn't followed you, you'd be pushing up daisies by now. Only not so much the pushing as the moving aside and crawling out of your grave."

Xander forgot about his previous life or death situation and shot to his feet, shaking with anger. "Hey! It's not my fault the dude knew Karate. He surprised me. I'd've staked him. Eventually."

"I really doubt that," Spike murmured, lighting a cigarette and savouring a few lungfuls of smoke before lowering his hand and the smoldering butt to his side.

Xander stepped into Spike's personal space, glaring at the blond. "Oh, I do. I know tricks...and stuff. I'd have come out alive in the end. Which is more than I could say for that guy."

Spike snorted derisively, puffed on his smoke and blew it in Xander's face. "If I didn't know how incredibly crappy a fighter you are, I'd almost believe that."

Xander knocked the cigarette from Spike's hand, surprised him by slamming him against the alley wall and crushed his lips to Spike's.

The vampire didn't fight so much as clutch and pull him closer. He opened his mouth, thrust his tongue against Xander's and moaned when the boy shoved a leg between his own.

Xander panted into Spike's mouth, pulled on stiff hair hard so Spike tilted his head to the side and he'd have more access to that deadly, expert mouth as he thrust against him. He worked a hand between their bodies and undid the front of both their pants, pulled their cocks free and began to stroke in time with their thrusting tongues.

Spike moaned, widened his stance and added a hand to the mix, expertly lacing their fingers together to work them both at the same time.

It didn't take long for them to get to the boiling point. They moved together, thrust and moaned and jerked and cried out and then came all over each other and the clothes they were wearing.

Xander's head fell against the wall over Spike's shoulder as he panted, still trembling from his orgasm.

He couldn't believe he'd done it again.

Spike closed his eyes and sighed, smelling the strong remnants of their arousal and climaxes around them.

Bugger.









"We've gotta be strong. We've got to stay away from each other. We've got to not be alone together anymore because that's bad, really, really bad."

"I bloody well agree. All right. So, I'll go off on me own on patrol. You can go with the slayer or something. In the Magic Box we'll stay in opposite corners. No fuss, no muss."

Xander ran a hand through his hair, finished doing up the front of his pants and moved far away from Spike. "Yeah, sounds good."

Spike smoked a cigarette, eyes narrowed through the smoke at Xander. "I don't know what the hell this is but it's probably all your fault."

"Mine?! How is it mine?" Xander exclaimed, eyes wide.

"Oh, it just is. You're a ruddy disaster waiting to happen. You're lucky you haven't gotten dead before now or got your little buddies killed."

Xander snarled. "You bastard."

Spike smirked.

The brunet knocked the cigarette from Spike's hand for the second time that night, stalking forward to crush Spike between the wall and himself.









Xander panted, leaning heavily against one wall of the alley while Spike leaned against the one opposite him. "Okay, we can do this. Just...you stay over there. And don't talk. I'm gonna...go now and we have to abide by the rules we went over before. That was the last time. Really."

Spike stared at him, lips pressed into a tight line but trembling at one corner as they tried to lift with amusement. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything and Xander hurried out of the alley, doing up the front of his pants again.

Yeah, they could do this. They could stay away from each other, ignore the heat and desire and want between them, and it would be okay.









"Spike, you take Xander. I need to go with Willow and Tara because the snakey demon needs magicky stuff to destroy it. If you find it, use the walkie-talkie and we'll come and kill it."

Xander groaned, barely restraining himself from leaping over the table and choking Buffy for her crappy pairing up ability. "Can't I go with you guys?" he whined. "I swear, I'll be really quiet and you won't even know I'm there."

"No, I'm sorry. We need two teams and you're going with Spike. It's only for a few hours. You can go back to your sci-fi marathon afterward, 'k?"

"Yeah, okay," he grumbled, glancing at the vampire out of the corner of his eye.

Spike's body was tense, his expression carefully blank. That boded well.









They remained silent during their patrol. Buffy found the demon, Willow and she and Tara took care of it. Spike and he continued on a regular patrol. Spike killed a few vampires and a pathetic demon who didn't even look as if it could fight, much less defend itself from Spike's attack. Xander felt kind of sorry for it when he watched its eyes tear up, cloud over then lose focus as it died.

"Why did you have to kill it, Spike? It wasn't doing anything to you. It looked sad...kinda human. Except for the horns and scaley skin and stuff, I mean."

Spike snorted, wiping the knife he'd withdrawn from somewhere in the folds of his duster on the demon's hide. He stood up and tucked it away again. "Yeah, well, you don't know shit. We're supposed to take out demons and that's what I just did. Whether they're innocent or not isn't the priority here."

Xander jerked the vampire back as he made to leave. Spike stared down at the hand holding his arm pointedly. Xander didn't move it. "Innocence does matter, Spike. It's wrong if you kill innocent things. If it's demon or not isn't the point. The evilness factor is."

The vampire narrowed his eyes. "I don't give a rat's toss about evil or no. A demon's a demon and since I can't kill humans anymore...they'll do in a bloody pinch. Now, let me go, you ponce."

"No," Xander hissed.

Spike raised his eyebrows, then coyly fluttered his eyelashes. "Want a repeat performance, pet, eh?"

Xander jumped back as if shocked. "What? No! Get away from me."

"Knew that'd do it." Spike turned and walked away, duster flaps fluttering dramatically in the breeze.

Xander tried to calm his racing heart and shallow breathing, then he followed.

It wasn't difficult to stay away from each other this time. They were both too pissed and distant to break past that into sex.









For the next several days, Xander and Spike managed to keep away from each other. They became quiet and withdrawn but then no one really noticed because they didn't seek out Scooby meetings. Xander stayed at his place when he wasn't working and he assumed Spike went out patrolling on his own and lazed around his crypt drinking when he wasn't doing that. He begged off meetings, saying he was work-exhausted.

It was a pitiful existence and both hated it but it was something they had to do to get past this little thing between them. No good could come of their union so they would repress it until it disappeared altogether.

That was easier said than done, of course, but they kept at it until after two weeks they could tolerate each other's presence as long as they didn't get too close.

Then, it was back to Scooby meetings and things were back to normal -- mostly.









"Xander, could you go get us some coffee and donuts?"

Xander sighed, snapped the book he'd actually been trying to read shut and stood up with a forced smile. "Sure, Buff. What does everyone want?"

He gathered orders and money and then headed off with a sigh. Sometimes he hated being the donut boy.

He bought a box of donuts, got a carrying case for their coffee and started back.

"Well, well, well, what've we here? It's the donut boy."

Xander sighed, shoulders slumping. He didn't turn. "Spike, you sound drunk. Go away and sleep it off, or whatever it is you do, and leave me alone." He started walking again but was brought up short when Spike grabbed him and pulled him forcibly into an alley.

He quickly put down the donuts and drinks before he spilled them and rounded angrily on Spike. "What the hell is your problem, Spike?"

Spike rocked on his feet, fingers clamping down on Xander's arms. He got in the boy's face. "You. You are my problem. It's all I can bloody think about, dream about; you've cast some spell on me, haven't you, boy? Demon magnet's right. I can't seem to stay away from you...it all comes back to you..." He leaned forward to scent Xander's neck, then licked a line up to the earlobe and began to suck on it.

Xander froze, swallowing hard as Spike nuzzled his neck and all the anger drained from him, replaced with tendrils of arousal. He wasn't going to do this, wasn't going to let Spike do this to him. He pushed the vampire away -- the hardest thing he'd had to do in a long time -- and retrieved his purchases. "Look, Spike, I don't have time for this and we said we'd quit doing...that. I'm not going to do this with you anymore, okay? I can't."

He walked away, leaving a forlorn Spike in the darkness of the alley staring after him.

Xander ignored the tiny voice inside that tried its very best to tell him to go back, that by going back to the vampire he'd get a really good bout of sex.

Sex wasn't always everything.





Part Three



Xander shifted uncomfortably. Sex was everything, dammit. And he knew this because Spike had shown up thirty minutes after he'd gone back to the Magic Box, shockingly sober and going out of his way to fuck with Xander's head -- both of them.

He'd made insinuations, comments laced with innuendo that no one else but Xander understood, and he'd positioned himself just where Xander had to pass by him every time he got up to go to the bathroom and Spike groped his ass every. single. time.

It was daunting and embarrassing and Xander found himself harder than he'd ever been, wishing he'd just stayed home locked in his apartment. He could at least have jerked off there.

Not that he hadn't entertained the idea of beating off in the bathroom...and the more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed to him. So.

He sneaked off to the bathroom, managed to get by Spike with only a brief touch of a molesting hand at his tingling crotch and locked himself inside. He stood over the sink, pulled open his pants and began jerking himself off without ceremony.

It was hard and fast and hot because at any moment he could possibly get caught.

He panted open-mouthed, jaw slack, head back. He heard a sound at the door, stopped in mid-stroke and listened intently, eyes closed, head turned to the side, ears pricked. His grip tightened, drawing a low hiss from his lips but he didn't let go of his desperate cock.

The door opened and closed and his eyes shot open. He tried to stuff his cock back inside, wondering what the hell had happened to the lock when he heard it snick in place and strong arms encircled his torso, a hard, lean body pressed up tight against the back of his own and an aroused groin fit snug against the part in his ass.

"Spike," he hissed, beginning to get angry.

"Been watching you, pet, back there; been smelling you too. You're hard and dripping and you want it. I know you do." A pale, dexterous hand circled his cock and began to pump him gently, lightly. Spike's other arm moved behind Xander and he heard a zipper. Then his own pants were pulled down along with his boxers and he was standing there, bits flapping in the breeze while Spike squirted liquid soap into one palm and shoved some fingers up his ass.

"Oh, God," he moaned, head tilting back, breathing deeply, sharply through his nose.

"Yeah, that's it. Open up for Spike. Gonna fuck you and cum deep inside your tight little ass."

Xander whimpered as the fingers moved inside him, preparing him, slicking him, loosening him for Spike's cock. "We can't. Not here," he whispered half-heartedly, gripping the sink in front of him, wishing he had more willpower.

"Yes, we can," Spike whispered equally softly. "Just have to be quiet and quick about it. Don't think that's going to be a problem, really. Ready to burst, I am."

Then Spike thrust into him and they were fucking in Giles' employee bathroom like they did it every day. Spike fucked him hard and fast and clutched onto his hips with both hands tightly. Soon the pace was desperate, hands clawed at Xander's body, a mouth latched onto the back of his neck and Xander's body trembled and shook with every thrust into his ass.

Xander threw back his head, spread his legs wider and let Spike pound into him. He knew they shouldn't be doing this, especially not where they were doing it, but he couldn't stop; he didn't want to stop.

He gasped unevenly as a hand found his cock and stroked it in time with the increasingly brutal thrusts Spike's hips were making; he was cumming before he even realised, semen shooting out of him into the sink. He panted as Spike continued fucking him, his body banging against cold porcelain.

He looked up into the mirror, a little taken aback by the image of what seemed to be just himself rocking against the sink he gripped tightly. He bit his lip as Spike's emissions bathed his insides as he finally came.

He looked away from his own gaze, unable to bear the sight of himself any longer.

Spike pulled out, Xander wiped himself clean, and they both stood uncertain and silent in the confined bathroom.

"We can't do this again, Spike. You stupid bastard."

Spike rolled his eyes and leaned against the door. "Right. You'll come crawling back for more, pet."

Xander scowled at him, then grinned as he tucked himself away and did up his pants. "Who came crawling this time, asshole? I did lock that door. You picked the lock and came in here and attacked me. You were the weak one, not me. I was doing fine till you went and ruined everything."

Spike growled and grabbed Xander by his shoulders; he pushed the boy into a wall, careful not to create any noise. He breathed along the slightly damp skin of Xander's neck. "Didn't see you protesting too much."

Xander shuddered and tried in vain to make his muscles move to push the vampire away. He only succeeded in grabbing Spike's biceps and holding him there against him. "Yeah, well, you didn't give me a lot of choice. You shoved your cock up my ass before I could really say anything and by then it was too late and the old brain went on a vacation. We have to get out of here, Spike. We've been gone too long and they'll be wondering."

Spike grinned and stepped back. "They left for patrol nearly fifteen minutes ago, boy."

Xander's eyebrows rose, then he pouted. "They left me? How...rude!"

Spike rolled his eyes and unlocked the door. He moved out of the bathroom. "Yeah, like that's what I'd be so concerned about."

"What do you mean?" Xander asked, puzzled.

The vampire waved a hand at him. "You've got spunk all over the front of your shirt."

Xander's eyes dropped, then he groaned as he saw the tell-tale white stain. Great.

"Shit. You bastard."

"Hey, it's not my fault, I wasn't even in front of you."

"It is your fault for fucking me in the first place! If you hadn't followed me in here I'd've just jerked off and been back and we wouldn't be having this stupid conversation! I wouldn't feel like a stake had been shoved up my ass, either! Stupid vampire."

Spike shimmied back into the bathroom and into Xander's personal space. He purred, "Can stake you again, if you want..." He licked Xander's pulse point.

Xander scowled, not swayed by Spike's seduction technique, and shoved the vampire roughly away. "Fuck off, chippy."

Spike's face contorted in anger but he stepped away and left the bathroom without comment.

Xander frantically scrubbed at the evidence of his naughty little secret act from his t-shirt, sighing forlornly as he found out he couldn't wash it off.

"Well, crap."

He went home, went to bed, and certainly didn't dream about a naked Spike or doing naked things with him. He also didn't wake up and jerk off twice during the night, nor did he cry out Spike's name or think about him while he was doing it.

He did think about Spike the next morning when he found his crumpled up, semen stained shirt on the floor where he'd discarded it when he'd given up on trying to get the stain out again.

He balled it up and stuffed it in the garbage.

Then he jerked off in the shower again.









He was watching tv with a beer in one hand, the remote in the other, legs propped up and crossed over his scarred coffee table, form slumped on his sofa when there came a knock at the door. He glanced at it wearily, then shrugged and ignored it. He didn't feel like answering it and if it was anything important like, say, saving the world, Buffy and Willow could deal with it and let him stay holed up in his apartment.

When the knocking finally stopped, he relaxed and went back to watching Stargate: SG-1.

And when the door swung open, Xander shot upright, beer over-turning into his lap, remote falling to the floor. He cursed, stood up and wiped ineffectually at the spreading beer stain working its way down his sweatpant leg.

"Great," he mumbled.

"You're avoiding me again," Spike announced, coming into Xander's apartment as if he had a right to. He slammed the door, locked and bolted it, and sauntered over to the couch. He eyed the spreading wet spot on Xander's pants with unrestrained glee. "Piss yourself? Knew you humans were weak but...pissing yourself at the drop of a hat is just...pathetic and sad."

Xander's cheek ticked as anger swelled over his body, a knot of heat coiling in his stomach. He clenched his fists together and stepped back. He knew what Spike was trying to do and he wasn't going to go along with it, no matter what the sexy, alluring, hot, pretty bastard did.

No sirree, Bob.

"Not talking, are we? That's all right, then. You don't need to say a word. I'll talk. See," Spike made himself comfortable on the couch Xander had just been reclined on. "It's like this: I think we should just shag. Shag and shag and shag some more because it's bloody good is what it is. A good thing shouldn't go to waste, right?"

Xander was speechless. Completely without speech. He just stared at Spike, befuddled, bemuddled...be-whatever. "Umm...no? How about you go away and we can put this all behind us. I mean, it's not like we like each other. Why should we keep having sex if we don't like each other?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "What's liking each other got to do with anything? From your past relationships...I wouldn't think this was any different. Cordelia, the bad slayer, demon bint..."

Every part of Xander stiffened in shock and anger and reluctant arousal but he was not going to give into it, dammit.

"Fuck. You. Spike. Get out. I don't want to see your stupid vampire face anymore! I hate you!"

Spike stood up. "Is that all you got, pet? No wonder you're always the submissive one."

Xander's world went red, then white, then red again and he launched himself at the vampire who was smirking at him. A split second before their bodies connected and Xander's squashed Spike's down onto the floor, he saw a spark of what could've been identified as fear, then it disappeared.









Xander ripped their clothes off, spat in his hand, stroked his cock, lined up and just shoved himself inside the ass hole of the asshole underneath him. He fucked Spike hard and deep and brutally pounded the vampire into his carpet.

Spike was folded nearly in two, legs drawn up to his chest, spread wide over Xander's shoulders as his arms drew the boy in even closer for more. Xander plunged his tongue in the vampire's mouth in time with his thrusts.

They moaned. They writhed. They thrust. They touched. They gasped. They panted.

They came.

Spike arched up, his cock pulsing between them, spurting wetness on both of them. Xander slammed into the vampire's body and shot hot cum deep inside him.

They collapsed.

Afterward, they gathered up their clothing, spoke no more about what had happened and went their separate ways.

Xander didn't know what the hell to do. So he pushed it to the back of his mind and went to bed. Alone.









While the rest of the gang were out demon hunting, Xander went to the Bronze on his own. He played pool, made an ass out of himself, lost to a random guy who had taken it upon himself to use the same table because he was there alone too, and drank beer.

He was deliciously buzzed, bent over trying to line up a shot when he felt a hand on his ass. A warm hand.

He'd almost been expecting it to be Spike.

He jerked upright, nearly sending the pool cue flying. He scuttled backward, ass pressing into the table, burning from the guy's touch. "Umm...hands in bad places. Why was your hand on my ass, Mike?"

Mike pressed himself against Xander and kissed him. "Because you have a nice ass, Xander."

Xander blinked. "Oh. That's a...valid reason. I guess. Mike, are you hitting on me?"

The blond grinned and wrapped his arms around Xander's shoulders. He pressed his semi-erect cock into Xander's thigh. "Yep. How's it going? You think I'm gonna get any tonight?"

Xander swallowed hard. This stranger was making him feel nearly as good as Spike made him feel. He was beginning to think the Spike and guy fucking thing wasn't an isolated incident.

The more he stood there allowing Mike to grope and touch and kiss him, the more he thought about...stuff.

Well. It certainly explained some things.

He was kind of gay. Huh.

He was also kind of enjoying what Mike was doing to his ear right out in the middle of the Bronze and he wasn't caring that people might be staring or seeing him like this.

Yeah, definitely gay.

He swallowed hard. "Look, Mike..."

The other man sighed and stepped back. "You're going to tell me to lay off, that you're not gay, that I'm moving too fast...one or all of the above, right?"

Xander grinned slightly and brushed a lock of hair from the other man's cheek. "Actually, I was going to say why don't we move this to a more private location, like one of the secluded couches in the back...we're kinda putting on a show here, Mikey."

Mike smiled brightly, grabbed Xander's hand with one of his own and both their beers in the other, then pulled the boy along behind him to the back of the darkened club.

Xander laughed.









Mike turned out to be a very good kisser and, as Xander lay reclined over most of the little sofa they'd taken for their own beneath Mike's weight, he decided that this wasn't a bad thing at all. Kissing boys was fun, it was exciting, and boys also knew more about his body than girls did because they had all the same parts.

He gasped as Mike's hand tweaked his nipple, then wandered down his stomach to the bulge beneath his jeans. He tensed a little, pulling his mouth away from the other man's.

"Umm..."

Mike smiled wryly. "Too much too soon, right?"

Xander worried his kiss swollen lip. "Little bit, yeah. Making out is good...we just met, we have time to get to know each other, don't we?"

"That we do, Xan. Now...before I went and fucked up...where were we?" Mike straddled one of Xander's legs and lay against him. He settled in, wrapped his arms around Xander's neck and then kissed the corner of his mouth before dipping his tongue inside. "Ah, there we were."

Mike kissed Xander, Xander kissed Mike. It was a beautiful thing.

They were making out, having fun, pleasantly aroused when suddenly Mike disappeared and Xander was left with a whole lot of nothing in his lap and his lips were suddenly cold and alone.

He opened his eyes to see a furious Spike holding onto the back of Mike's jacket, keeping him away from Xander.

The boy swallowed, licked his lips and then got angry. He shifted on the couch, ignoring his erection for now and glared at the vampire holding his make-out buddy. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Spike?"

Spike let go of the scruff of the blond's neck and shoved him away as hard as he could. "Get the fuck out of here, you little ponce. Me and the boy need to have a little talk."

"But--Xander, what's going on? Who is this guy? Is he your boyfriend?"

"God, no, Mike. I'm so sorry. This is Spike, the asshole. He sometimes gets a little carried away. He's...protective. Possessive. Something." Xander shrugged helplessly, eyes pleading for Mike to understand without having to be told too much.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Mike sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and started to walk away. "It was good while it lasted, right, Xan?"

Xander grinned. "Yeah, it was. If I see you..."

Mike smiled. "Anytime, anyplace. Later." The blond's green eyes met Spike's angry blue ones and his smile disappeared. "Umm...bye." He hurried away from the vampire, disappearing into the dancing crowd.

"Spike, you bastard!" Xander growled angrily once Mike had disappeared. "What the hell are you doing here? Why'd you have to spoil a good thing? A really, really good thing!"

Spike snorted, pulled out his pack of cigarettes, his lighter, then lit one and shoved the remaining items back in his duster. He puffed for a moment, then said, "Just protecting what's mine, boy."

"I am not yours, Spike! I was closer to being Mike's than yours. Ugh! I'm so outta here. Don't follow me. Don't come near me. I hate you!" Xander exclaimed angrily, rocketing off the couch and nearly making it to the dance floor before Spike caught him and jerked him back. "Let me go, you insane freak!"

Smoke was heavy in his nose as Spike pressed an erection the size of Texas into the cleft of his ass and rotated it with the slow grind of his hips. Xander bit back a whimper and did not thrust back against Spike.

"No," Spike said easily, dragging Xander up onto the almost-deserted balcony. Xander was taken to a dark, very secluded corner and shoved down on a couch he'd never known was there. Spike plopped down beside him, nearly in his lap and glued himself to his side. "Now, want to tell me what that little...dalliance was about? This Mike git was all over you like a cheap suit."

Xander jerked his face away from Spike's inquisitive gaze and the gentle fingers that caressed his cheek. He tried to get up but the grip of Spike's other fist on his shirt stopped him. He sighed and fell back, resigned. "It's none of your business. I met the guy playing pool. He whipped my ass. I had fun, anyway. He didn't insult me. He didn't fight with me. He was nice. He liked me. He flirted, made a pass, I said yes and then we were making out till you went and stopped it. By the way? Thanks for that, you undead, jealous creep."

Spike growled, tugging the boy closer. He licked Xander's neck, fangs lengthening slightly to scrap against the hot flesh. "If I could I would mark you right here. Would tell everyone whose you were and that you weren't available. You need to learn, pet, that you're not going to stray from me because you're mine and no one else's. Mine to fuck, mine to use, mine to..."

As Spike trailed off to lick his neck again, Xander shuddered, frowned and just lay there and let Spike do what he wanted. Despite the fact that this vampire had an incapacitating handicap shoved in his brain he seemed to get what he wanted anyway. It upset Xander's balance, fucked with his head, and, oh God, that tongue should be outlawed because it did really good things to various parts of his anatomy.

It also made it hard to think because Xander completely forgot what he'd been brooding about and arched into the scorching mouth moving across his skin. When Spike finally kissed him it was nothing like it had been with Mike. It was hotter despite the lack of body heat on the vampire's part; it was better.

What the hell was he going to do about this?

As Spike laid him down and positioned himself between Xander's thighs, grinding their cocks together between layers of clothing, Xander decided that at that moment he didn't really care what he did about it. Right now he was going to enjoy. Later he'd deal with the fall-out.









The inside of the front of his pants was sticky with his release and the outside bore the evidence of Spike's. He scowled and untucked his shirt -- thankfully it was long enough to cover the mess -- and walked home under Spike's possessive arm because the vampire wouldn't allow him to go on his own, no matter how hard he'd fought.

Mike was gone, Xander's night was ruined...well, except for the hot sex with Spike, but that was beside the point. The point was Spike kept distracting him from thinking and doing anything about their little...situation by doing sexy things to his body.

Not that his body protested. It was his mind that had the problem.

He sighed, ducked from beneath Spike's arm once they reached his apartment, then slammed the door in the vampire's smirking face with a glare on his own.

He sagged against the door, somehow knowing, feeling that Spike was still there.

He didn't make a sound, Spike didn't make a sound, and eventually he heard footsteps echoing in the hall announcing the vampire had finally left.

He tore off his clothing, fell face down naked on his bed and passed out.









Xander woke up to the sensation of someone watching him. It prickled along his spine, settled in his bare groin, jolted his cock to awareness more quickly than his brain actually arrived there.

He turned to find a set of bright blue eyes staring into his own from the side of the bed. He gasped, sat up so quickly he fell off the edge of the bed. He hit the floor with a loud thud and a gasp as the air left his body and groaned as his ass and hip bone got the brunt of the fall.

"Ow."

"You all right there, pet?" asked the blond nimrod, who didn't seem to have a problem with the stalking or the breaking into his apartment thing or the watching him sleep naked without his permission thing.

"Oh, I'm fine." He lay there until a blond head peered over at him. He glared up at the seemingly innocent eyes. "What the hell are you doing here? I was sleeping. How'd you get in, anyway? I threw the deadbolt."

"Oh, I have my ways," Spike murmured, eyes taking a leisurely stroll down Xander's reclined, naked form. "Say, why don't you hop back up here and I'll get my kit off. Then we can have some real fun. Been waiting ages for you to wake up. You humans need too much damn sleep."

Xander barked out a slightly hysterical laugh. "Oh, I think not, pal. You're evil. And bad. And...I really don't like you. You ruin everything. Why the hell would I have sex with you again?"

Spike grinned, eyes stopping on Xander's groin. He pointed at the rising flesh. "Because your body knows what it wants even if your mind's a bloody cesspool of confusion and stupidity?"

Xander huffed, crossed his arms and presented his back to Spike.

"Oooh, pet. That's really not going to put me off. Like that view, I do," Spike purred silkily.

Xander heard his mattress springs squeak and his eyes widened. Spike crept up behind him and rubbed his still-clothed body against Xander's.

Xander tensed, moved away, and proceeded to crawl hurriedly, ridiculously naked, sensitive bits flopping, across the bedroom floor.

Spike followed, predatorily stalking after him on his hands and knees and not looking any kind of ridiculous.

Xander didn't know how he did it. Being all sexy like that. Somehow, it wasn't fair.

Xander lurched to his feet and grabbed the only piece of clothing he could find within reach: his bathrobe. He pulled it on, knotted the belt and ran out into the living room, panting, making his way to the other side of the couch to put something between himself and the vampire.

"Why can't you leave me alone? You're stalking me, for Christ's sake! Why can't you get it through your bleached, chipped head that I don't want you?"

Spike rose gracefully, fluidly, to his feet, licked his lips and sauntered over to the other end of the couch. "Because even though you're reluctant to admit it...you really do want me. You crave what I can do to your body. You want me to touch and taste every inch of you. You want me to fuck you stupider than you already are."

Xander swallowed convulsively, hands clenching on the back of the couch. His knees trembled, knocking together. There was an insult in there somewhere but he couldn't think and be seduced at the same time. "I don't know what you're talking about, Spike. You need to leave. Now. I don't want you here. You insulting me does nothing for me. At all."

Spike nodded, clucking his tongue. He put his hands up in the 'I surrender' pose and backed toward the door. "If that's what you really want, pet, I'll leave. But the next time you get an itch, get a yen for my hot, tight and muscular body...you know where to go to get it. I'll be there waiting. It won't be long, I guarantee."

And with that, Spike swept dramatically out of the apartment, door clicking shut firmly behind him. His final words echoed long after he'd gone.

Xander flipped the locks -- as ineffectual as they might be against a master lock-picker -- and went back to bed. He tucked the sheets up under his chin and stared wide-eyed at the ceiling.

Well. This sucked.









Spike was as good as his word -- for once. He stayed away from Xander. He allowed him space. He didn't make innuendos or try to touch him or anything when they went on patrols together. He didn't even come around to Xander's apartment to annoy him.

That really annoyed Xander.

For some stupid reason he missed Spike.

Oh, it was bad. Very, very bad.

He considered, briefly, going to the Bronze and trying to find Mike but gave that idea a miss when all he thought about when thinking about Mike was the night he'd rubbed off with Spike up in the eaves of the club after the whole Mike incident.

He couldn't think about anything mundane without thinking about Spike, either, and it was getting to him much more than anything the vampire could've done.

He was slowly going insane and masturbating himself to death.

He really hadn't known it was possible to do that.





Part Four



The others were deep in Scooby research mode, so he slipped into the practice room with a low sigh. He flopped down on the practice mat and stared up at the ceiling.

He'd really like to talk about his situation with someone but Willow would've drawn it way out of proportion. Buffy would end up staking him, then Spike. Giles would've just lectured the hell out of him and probably yelled about what an idiot he'd been to take up with Spike like that in the first place and cleaned his glasses until the lenses broke.

Though...there was someone that maybe could shed some light on his problem. Tara.









He showed up at Tara's dorm room when he was certain Willow and Buffy both had a class. When she opened the door, shocked and shy but letting him inside anyway despite the surprise visit, he grinned and bounced inside.

"I know we don't know each other very well and you're Willow's girlfriend and don't even like men but...I needed to talk to someone and...I think maybe you could help me."

"O-oh. Um, okay. What c-can I do for you, Xander?" She tucked part of her curtain of hair behind one ear and went to sit down on her neatly made bed.

Xander sat down across from her, bringing one of his legs up so he could face her. "See, it's like this. Umm...I have a thing with someone, but...okay, I need to start over. At the beginning. I think I'm gay. Okay, I'm really sure I'm gay."

Tara's eyes widened. "G-Go on."

"And because of this gayness, I, um, slept with a guy. A guy I don't really like but...we have really hot sex and I can't seem to say no. We've got this...chemistry. This...heat. It's not like anything I've ever felt before. I've only been with two women in my life sexually but, umm, I didn't feel it with either of them. And this one guy..." Xander shuddered, eyes glassing over. "He's...well, he's something else. I just don't know what to do about it. He's possessive and...I say I hate him and that I don't want him around and that I don't like what he does...but I'm so lying. I can't get enough of it...him. I-I just don't know what to do about it. Should I, umm, try to ignore him and hope it'll just go away?"

He stopped and waited expectantly.

Tara played with the hem of her shirt, fingers twitching anxiously. "Umm...before you slept with him, what was your r-relationship like?"

"Oh, we hated each other." Xander snorted. "That's what started it. We hated each other, we fought, and we ended up, umm, fucking. Heat of the moment thing, I guess. It just...keeps happening, though."

"Oh, I see. I th-think that if you really deep down like him then you should go for it. If it's just for sex and neither of you are hurting from it...well, I can only tell you what I f-feel personally. I can't make love to someone I don't really care for. S-sex isn't something that I take l-lightly. I don't know about you but...if I h-had the kind of chemistry you have with this...g-guy I would let it take its course. You never know. This might be 'the one'."

Xander swallowed. "No way. You've gotta be shitting me."

Tara smiled softly. "I shit you not."

His mouth dropped open. "Tara!"

"Sometimes, people surprise you, Xan. You can't always tell who they really are until you dig down deep and get to know their innermost w-workings. To do that...you may have to look deep down inside yourself. At how you are around them. If you're a better person, if you're happier...then I think you've f-found your answer."

Xander suddenly grabbed Tara and hugged her hard. "I so love you. I get the whole Willow liking you thing. If I wasn't gay and you weren't gay..."

Tara giggled, face flushing in embarrassment. Looking up through her lashes as he pulled away, she said, "Y-Yeah. If. Xander?"

Xander stood up, scratching the back of his neck thoughtfully. He looked into Tara's eyes as she stood as well. "Yeah?"

"Is this g-guy...Spike by any chance?"

His brain was static. He had absolutely nothing to say. He couldn't even make his mouth work other than falling open and hanging there trying to catch flies that weren't currently in the room.

She laughed. "Nobody else has noticed, if that's what you're w-wondering. I just have this ability to see auras and stuff. Yours and Spike's aren't clashing against each other a-anymore."

"What? Not clashing? What exactly are they doing?" Xander asked, eyeing her suspiciously. His aura? Spike's? Vampires had auras? What the hell was an aura?

She smiled, leading him to the door. "They've melded. They've started to i-intertwine. They're blending t-together."

"Oh," Xander said softly, stepping out into the hall. "Umm...thanks. And, Tara? Could we keep this between us? I don't think it'd be a good idea for the others to know. At least, not now."

"Sure. I-I can keep a secret."

Xander walked out of the dorm a little numb and a lot confused. Despite what Tara said about their meldy, melty blendy auras...he still didn't know what he was going to do.

So, he went to get a coffee and some donuts. He always thought better on a full stomach.









He stuck his head under the hot shower spray, wetting his hair, his body luxuriating in the heated water beating down on him, melting his troubles away for the moment. He lathered his body, washed his hair, rinsed himself clean and then got down to business.

He jerked off. It was quick and hard and embarrassing exactly how fast he reached climax when he accidentally on purpose thought about Spike.

He dried off, got dressed, plopped down in front of the tv and ate pizza and drank beer. He fell asleep there and woke up with a crick in his neck and a ringing phone that couldn't mean anything good because it was two in the morning.

With a sigh, he answered it.

Ah, good, it was a demon that they actually needed his help with. Oh, the joy.

He got dressed, loaded up some metal spikes designed to take out demons that weren't stakeable by wood like he'd been asked and met Buffy, Willow and Tara at the cemetery.









He was greeted by the sight of Spike bent over, apparently tying one of his boots. But the way the vampire was going about it, lingering and going as slowly as possible without drawing attention, emphasizing his ass underneath the taut material of his leather duster alerted Xander to the fact that Spike hadn't actually needed to tie his shoe. He was trying to entice Xander.

Temptation would not tempt Xander. He could resist. He really could.

He handed out metal spikes, taking care not to touch Spike in any way, looking in the opposite direction when Spike leered and stroked his metal weapon suggestively.

And then they were off. If was messy work. It was hard work. God, Xander was tired by the time he'd made his last demon explode blue slime all over himself.

Pats on the back, jobs well done, and Xander was about to head back to his place after the others left when Spike stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

Spike smiled innocently, blue tinted skin glowing almost prettily under the moon and artificial street lights. "Could I use your shower? Got a bit slimed and you know I don't have one of my own."

Looking into those luminous blue eyes of Spike's, Xander found he couldn't refuse the vampire. With a sigh and a slight nod, he headed home, pretty blue-tinted vampire in tow.









It was his second shower of the night, only this time there was something different. It could've been the late hour, it could've been that he was having difficulty getting the viscous blue slime off his body, or it could've been the naked vampire sneaking into the shower behind him.

He started when he felt the cold draft, knew what was coming when he felt it and froze when Spike actually climbed inside, pulling the shower curtain closed behind him. Cool hands touched his wet body and he shuddered.

"Spike..."

"What is it, pet?"

"I thought you were gonna lay off the touchy touchy stuff."

"Yeah, well, got impatient, I did. Think I'll try a different approach."

Xander sighed, then moaned as Spike's hands started to massage his tensed shoulders, simultaneously relaxing him and removing some of the hard to reach slime from his skin.

"Yeah, well, whatever. I'm too tired to care right now. Oh, keep doing that, it feels good."

Spike grinned as his hands continued to work their magic, then he stopped, smacking the boy lightly on the back. "Shift your ass over. Want to rid myself of this demon sludge."

Xander turned to the side and allowed Spike to move under the shower head. He watched Spike wash himself, lingering over certain areas, hurriedly scrubbing over others and all the while white suds and bubbles meandered soapy paths down Spike's wet body.

He averted his gaze, swallowing hard, then shoved the vampire out of his way to rid himself of the last of his own soapy lather. He finished, tried to ignore the heat the cool body had absorbed and now gave off like a furnace and exited the shower. He toweled off and quickly pulled on some clothes.

When Spike came out, Xander was parked in front of the tv in the living room despite the difficulty he was having keeping his eyes open.

Spike arched an eyebrow and got a beer from the fridge. "Shouldn't you be sleeping the sleep of the exhausted human boy after slaying and a job well done?"

"Yeah, well. You, me and beds don't have a good track record. I'll just...sit here and you can leave after your beer."

"So sure I'm leaving once I finish this, aren't you? Poor, sad little boy. When will you learn?" Spike sat down beside the brunet and watched him, not the tv.

Xander shifted under the uncomfortable scrutiny, one eyelid twitching. His hand clenched around the beer bottle. "Look, Spike, I really don't feel like doing this with you right now, so be a good little biteless vamp and go back to your dank, moldy old crypt and leave me alone, okay?"

Spike snarled, set down his beer, and then put himself in the boy's lap. He got right in Xander's face. "You've got issues you need to work out, yes, but you don't need to take them out on me. I know what I want, despite the fact I didn't think I really wanted it...but, I do...er, want it." Even Spike began to look puzzled at his own phrasing, but he plunged onward. "Anyway, I know you and what you want and you might think you're confused but you're really not. It's very simple. It all boils down to heat and desire and want. You want me. I want you. It's not that bloody difficult a concept to understand."

Xander blinked, fight just not in him at that moment. He stared blankly at the vampire straddling him, then sighed. "Like I said, Spike, I'm not in the mood for this. I'm tired and I really want to go to sleep now. So, if you wouldn't mind getting the hell off me...I want to head to bed. Alone."

When Spike just peered down at him through thick, dark eyelashes and expressive eyes, he shoved Spike off him and stood up. He turned off the tv, put Spike's half drunk beer in the kitchen regardless of whether the vampire might or might not have been finished with it and went to his bedroom.

He stopped on the threshold, looking back at the still silent vampire, who was now sitting in the spot Xander had just vacated. "Look, Spike, I'm just tired. I-I can't take much more of this crap, all right? I don't want to keep dealing with it. And you might be having fun but I'm not. This is confusing the hell out of me and...I've never had to deal with this shit before so it's freaking me out. I just...you just need to get out and leave me alone."

Spike sniffed, got up and stalked to the apartment door. His hand closed around the door knob but he stopped, back straight, shoulders set, face toward the brightly painted door. He pursed his lips. "You just let me know what the ruddy hell you want, boy, because if you think you can't deal with this, well, think about me."

He started to leave and Xander frowned. "You selfish prick. Where do you get off on complaining about you, you, fucking you?! This has more to do with me than with you. You're not changing orientation after twenty years! I never even thought of doing things with guys before you and now? Well...Mike was hot and I'd fuck him but...you're destroying everything I am, Spike. This shit's supposed to be easier, or something, but it's not."

Spike let go of the knob, turned around, nostrils flaring. He pointed angrily at Xander. "Don't make this all about you, it affects me just as much as it does you, you know! I didn't think bloody twice about your soggy ass before Angelus offered you up to me on a platter all tempting and smelling of arousal and chocolate and really not even then did I think about shagging you because not long after that I left and that was that. So I thought. Then, I came back, got the chip, had to live with your sorry hide and then...well, now we're doing something and I don't know what it is. Haven't been this confused since I was just turned and Dru was telling me one thing and Angelus was telling me another just so he could beat and rape me for disobeying him."

Xander screwed up his face. "Eww. That's way too much information that I didn't want to know about Angel."

Spike snarled, "That's not the point, wanker! The point is, is that you know nothing of confusion, of your world turning upside down so you don't know what's what."

As they sparred back and forth, parrying each other's words with more of their own, they moved progressively closer to one other until there was only a foot of air between them.

Spike poked Xander in the chest, Xander grabbed the finger and bent it back hard enough to hurt the vampire.

"Ow! You little shit!" He held his injured finger in his other fist and growled angrily at the boy.

"Stop fucking talking. I don't want to hear it. I just want to go to bed, dammit!"

"Go to bloody sleep then, you little nancy boy!"

"Fine! I will!" Xander turned on his heel and fled the living room. He slammed his bedroom door and crawled into bed, grumbling under his breath all the while about stupid vampires and their big mouths.

The door flew open, Spike stalked inside and was opening said big mouth again. "Don't you bloody walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"

"You told me to go to bed, you contradicting bastard!"

"Well," Spike looked momentarily taken aback, then recovered and continued on, "You didn't have to do what I said, you know. It's not like you regularly listen to me!"

Xander scoffed, leaning back against his pillows and pulling up his bedclothes. He made himself comfortable. "Whatever, Spike. Get the fuck out. I'm going to bed now whether you like it or not."

Spike moved closer to the bed, then, before Xander could blink, he was on all fours above him. "Oh, I don't think so. We need to have this out right now. It'll fester, and boil, and...do all sorts of other nasty stuff if we let it go."

Xander's eyes widened. "Uh..."

Spike licked his lips, suddenly stopping to smell the roses -- Xander's arousal. His smile was wicked and sinister and everything Xander should've been afraid of but really wasn't.

"Well, well, well, what've we here?" Spike asked silkily, grabbing hold of the evidence of the boy's arousal through the bed sheets and giving it a long, rough stroke. "Are you hard for me, pet?"

Brown eyes blinked rapidly up at the vampire. He didn't move a muscle. Other than the one in his shorts which seemed to have a mind of its own. "Umm..."

In the time it took for Xander to stammer and hem and haw, unable to get out a proper sentence, Spike had undressed himself and positioned himself under the covers on top of him. Spike wriggled, straddled Xander's thighs and seated his naked ass down on Xander's cock.

Xander hissed, biting down on his bottom lip as he bucked up. "Spike..."

"You need to be wearing far less clothing, boy."

They got him naked nearly as quickly as Spike had gotten himself nude.

"Where's the lube?"

Xander panted, hands clenched in the bottom sheet on his mattress as Spike's hand clenched around his cock. "D-Drawer," he said, jerking his head to the left toward the night stand at the side of the bed.









Spike rode Xander into oblivion, eyes glued on the boy's, one hand clenching Xander's shoulder, the other wrapped around his own cock.

It didn't last nearly as long as it probably could have or should have but they were both so worked up they couldn't last.

Spike's muscles quivered -- all of his muscles -- and he threw back his head as he jerked his fist and his cock spurted all over Xander's chest. Xander's hands nearly rent the sheets he was clutching as his entire body bowed and tensed as he came.

When it was all over, neither man nor vampire could talk or move any further than a few inches to separate their bodies.

Once again, they slept together, bodies entwined, resting better than they did alone.









It was deja vu all over again. Xander woke up to a vampire blanket again, only this time he wasn't quite as freaked about it. He still had his reservations and issues with everything but...the only thing he had a problem with was the rush into sex. Again.

He sighed softly, careful not to jostle his bed partner. He'd never learn not to jump into sex, would he? It had happened with all of his relationships.

Did that say something about him?

Before he could really get into that thought, Spike stirred against him. "Xander?"

"Umm...yeah?"

"You ever wonder why we always fight and then fuck? It's always like that with us. Big fight, then...well...fucking like nobody'd ever believe."

"Huh." Now that Xander thought back on all of their sexual encounters, he could see what Spike was referring to. They really did argue and then fuck. It was like their formula or something.

That was...odd.

"No idea," he finally said, frowning.

Spike snorted. "Rather spectacular fights, we've had. Explosive, arousing...it's like our version of foreplay."

Xander spluttered, laughing. "It really is. I always get so damn hard when I'm arguing with you. It's fucked up."

"As you say, pet," the vampire murmured, breath cooling a trail across Xander's pectoral.

Xander shivered, then grimaced as his bladder made itself known. "Uh...gotta get up."

Spike snuggled closer. "No," he pouted.

"Spike," Xander laughed, pushing ineffectually at the sullen blond. "I really have to pee."

Spike nearly broke his neck moving away from the boy. "Well, that's different, then. Get the hell away from me before you piss the bed. There's a good boy."

Xander rolled his eyes, amused, as Spike burrowed down into the heat he'd left.









After the almost friendly way they'd ended up, Spike and Xander didn't actually see each other for a few days. Xander didn't know if it was by fate or design but...Spike didn't come to his place or the Magic Box.

Not that he missed the sarcastic bastard, but still...

He was making paper airplanes and shooting them off the balcony to annoy Giles when Spike sauntered in, hips rolling seductively as if they'd been made to fuck. And yeah, they probably had.

Xander certainly noticed the vampire's entrance, swallowing hard and barely restraining the strong desire to go down and tackle the blond to the floor and have his wicked way with him.

But he wasn't going to do that. He was going to play it cool. He wasn't going to act like an idiot.

He could, however, look all he wanted as long as he refrained from drooling a puddle that everyone would be sure to notice.

Spike looked up at him, smirked, and licked his lips.

Xander swallowed hard, before affecting an annoyed expression and rolled his eyes. He shot Spike the finger and went back to his airplane making.

Before long, Xander returned to the lower level. He ate a donut, drank some coffee, went to the bathroom, helped with research and then sat in one of the sturdy, uncomfortable wooden chairs, bored out of his mind once he'd run out of things to keep it occupied.

Then Spike became the focal point of his attention -- as if that was much of a surprise. The vampire was seated in a wanton sprawl on the stairs just a couple of feet from Xander's position at the long table. His legs were spread, his pelvis tilted, his upper body leaned back, propped up on his elbows. His pose made sure his chest was well-defined through the tight t-shirt and tiny nipples were pebbled against the thin material. His whole body was on display.

Xander swallowed, mouth watering. He discreetly shifted and wiped a hand over his mouth to make sure he wasn't drooling and accidentally met Spike's eyes.

He nearly choked at the intensity in them, the desire and the fire in them. It was all directed at him.

Christ, he was so damn hard.

He cupped himself and shifted his swelling package to one side. Spike watched him with barely veiled interest and he decided he had to get the fuck out of there before he did something stupid like strip them both naked and fuck himself on Spike's cock right there in front of everyone.

He stared down at the table, willed his erection down and a mere excruciating twenty minutes later his arousal had dissipated enough that he could stand without it being noticeable.

So, he stood.

"Well, I'm gonna go." He faked a yawn. "Tired. Gotta get up early for work. So..."

Willow looked up, a frown lining her forehead. "But...it's only nine-thirty, Xan. Are you sick? I could brew up a healthy vitamin rich potion for ya that'll boost your energy if you want..."

Xander frantically shook his head. "Nah, that's okay, Will. I just need some good, old-fashioned z's. Thanks for the offer."

"Better escort droopy britches or he'll get himself eaten," Spike announced suddenly, standing. No one noticed the way he pulled his duster around in front of him. No one but Xander.

Xander bit his lip and looked away from the evidence of Spike's arousal. He cleared his throat, then made the effort he knew would be expected from him. He scowled as if put upon. "I don't think so. I don't need your help. I'm not a complete moron. I can get myself home in one piece."

Blue eyes blazed. "Oh, I don't think you can, ponce. You're all helpless and weak. A puny human. Not to mention how crappy a fighter you are."

Xander's pulse raced, sweat prickled and itched as it formed in various spots on his body. He nearly gasped with anticipation. "I'm not helpless and I'm not weak, you undead bastard."

"I can take you home if you don't want the living impaired one to do it, Xan," Buffy suddenly offered, eyes volleying between the two of them thoughtfully.

Xander's eyes widened. "No, that's okay. I know you've got more important stuff to do, unlike this useless asshole here."

Spike's eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring. He started for the door without another word. "C'mon, boy, wanna have a bit of action after I get you squared away at home."

Xander hurried after him, nearly panting with desperate need.









As he lay face down, gasping and moaning and writhing and thrusting back into Spike's frenzied, pounding hips, he spread his legs and took all the vampire gave him because he wanted it.

"Oh, you sweet bastard. God, that's good. Fuck me harder, you prick."

"Yeah," Spike panted, grabbing Xander's hips to steady him as he pumped deep into his ass with hard strokes. "Take it like the little bitch you are."

"Oh, God!" Xander squeezed his eyes shut.









As the days went by, they developed a well-rehearsed routine. They sniped and fought while around everyone else, therefore initiating sex without anyone being the wiser -- all but Tara, anyway, who watched with a sparkle in her eye and a slight smile on her lips. Then they went back to Xander's place or Spike's crypt, or hell, sometimes they didn't even make it to either place, they just went at it in alleys or bathrooms or wherever they stopped when they decided they couldn't take not having one another anymore.

"You bastard," Xander breathed, eyes intent on Spike.

"Oh, I'll, er, kill you dead when I get this ruddy chip out. You're going to wish your mum never spawned you..."

"Um, yeah, I'm scared stiff and you're, umm, really stupid..."

"More stuff about your mum and how lack-brained you are and..." Spike gave up all pretense, whining, "Can we just fuck now?"

"God, yes," Xander panted, stepping closer to bring Spike's body against his own with a tug of his arm. "I think that's enough fighting."

They started to tear at each other's clothing, kissing desperately. Xander led Spike to his bedroom and proceeded to fuck him in his shower, then his bed, then against two of the bedroom walls, then on the floor, face crushed into the carpet, then in the easy chair with Spike riding him.

And then Spike took him and fucked him on the couch in the living room, on the coffee table, on the kitchen table, against a kitchen counter, against the front door of the apartment.

They couldn't get enough of each other and didn't even try to fight it anymore.

"Oh, yeah, you little tosser, take it like a man."

"Fuck, Spike."

Xander, it seemed, could resist everything but temptation.





Here Endeth the Story






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