Murder at the Neptune Express

by
Cordelianne

Part Four

“Let me get this straight, and believe me that word choice was ironic, you and your wanna-be punk boyfriend’s big plan to save my sister is to go to the Neptune Express? A martini bar? Could this plan be any gayer?”

“Tell me again why we’re bringing this kid?” Spike glared into the rearview mirror as he lit his cigarette.

“Logan. And so he doesn’t charge me for breaking and entering. Spending the night in jail while I wait for you to call Giles to bail me out? So not my kind of fun.” Xander rubbed Spike’s shoulder for a moment, and then turned around to face Logan. “Trina had a Neptune Express flyer in her room, and it’s where one of the other girls was last seen. It’s our best lead right now.”

“This kind of thing was hotter with Veronica.” Xander heard Logan mutter.

"Hey, buddy, I'll have you know we're plenty hot,” he said. “And who's Veronica?"

“Ex-girlfriend. Bad break-up.”

“Been there. Not fun, but it gets better.” Xander grinned at Spike, who ashed on the dashboard and glanced at Xander before turning his attention back to the road. “And what did you mean by ‘this kind of thing’?”

“Her dad’s a private investigator and she knows all his tricks. She’s good, sometimes too good.”

Logan stared moodily out the window as they lapsed into awkward silence. The kind of silence that stretched out like … something really long. Xander sucked at metaphors, or was that a simile? He breathed a sigh of relief when they pulled into the parking lot under the glittering sign for the Neptune Express.

He had worried about getting Logan in, but it wasn’t a problem. He’d forgotten about fake IDs.

“What now?” Logan scanned the room. It was a Tuesday night and the bar was quiet, with just a few couples at some of the tables.

“I don’t know about you but I’m getting a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.” Xander headed to the bar. Spike shook his head and stalked to the back and through a door into a smoky room.

Xander pretended the bartender hadn’t been rolling his eyes and happily sipped his martini. He was still trying to get fully into the Secret Agent frame of mind when loud voices startled him, causing him to slosh some of his drink.

Drying his hand on his pants and cursing his lack of coolness, he swiveled around on the barstool to see Logan toe-to-toe with a guy with a shaved head and leather jacket, their faces just a few inches apart. He wondered if they were about to fight or kiss. The bouncer obviously wasn't expecting the kissing and shifted on his chair.

Xander rushed over and gently pushed them apart. “Hey, hey. No need to get all excited. There’s plenty of martinis for everyone.”

They both gave him a good imitation of Spike’s You’re an idiot look. But it had worked, so who was calling him an idiot now?

Okay, the shaven headed guy was. “Who’s this idiot?”

“So now you’re asking me questions? I thought your thing was to accuse me of murder and then shoot at my car.” Logan glared at the other guy.

“Sounds like you two have some unresolved issues. I’m sure we can deal with them and the reason we’re here–” Xander gave Logan a pointed look. “– if we all just sit down and have a drink.”

Xander was now questioning his get the enemies drunk plan. They’d been arguing for at least an hour now about a bridge, some guy named Felix, and some weird lingo that involved numbers and letters. Xander was feeling even less cool and very bored.

He stared at the bottom of his second – or was it third? – martini, and returned his attention to the door Spike had disappeared into.

Should he be worried? What if Spike was hurt or in trouble? He totally didn’t blend in in a place like this. And, speaking of, neither did this Weevil guy.

Xander interrupted their back-and-forth. “Why are you here?”

“Yeah, what are you doing in a place like this?” Logan asked.

Weevil sighed. “My cousin’s missing. This is the last place anyone saw her. I’m trying to track her down.”

Xander pulled out a crumpled paper from his pocked and tried to decipher Spike’s handwriting. “Teresa Navarro?”

Weevil yanked the paper from his hand. “How’d you know that? Who the fuck are you?”

“Okay, here’s the thing –”

Spike’s hand clamped down on Xander’s shoulder. “Time to go. Now.”

Xander was already on his feet, letting Spike hurry him out the door. They’d made it to the car before Xander was yanked backwards and knocked to the ground.

“Tell me why –” Spike had Weevil pinned to the car, his arm cutting off Weevil’s sentence. Logan had come running over and was standing nearby surveying the scene.

"I don't have time for you. Just keep your hands off my -- Xander." Spike released his arm from Weevil’s throat.

“He’s looking for one of the missing girls.” Xander pushed himself up and looked at Weevil. “The same ones we’re looking for.”

Spike nodded and released his grip on Weevil. “Let’s get a move on before our girls get offered up as dinner.”

“Dinner?” Logan asked. “Now you’re telling me they’ve been kidnapped by cannibals?”

Spike snorted and gave him a scathing look. “No, vampires. Cannibals aren’t real.”

“You must be on some serious drugs, dude.”

“What the hell is going on?” Weevil adjusted his jacket.

“That’s what I’d like to know.”

A figure emerged from the shadows. It was the tiny blonde girl Xander’d talked to outside the Echolls house.

Part Five

“Vampires?”

“Vampires.”

“Vampires?”

“Vampires.” Xander sighed. He wondered how much longer Logan and Weevil were going to keep up this endless back-and-forth.

On the bright side he now knew that the blonde’s name was Veronica Mars. What was with Logan calling her by both first and last name? And he noticed that she wasn’t peppering him with questions. Instead she was watching the increasingly Monty Pythonesque exchange with crossed arms and an unreadable expression.

“Vampires?” Logan asked as if it was the first he’d ever heard of the topic.

“That’s right, vampires.” Xander decided that the real Hell wasn’t under the former Sunnydale High School in the former town of Sunnydale, or in any of those nasty dimensions people were always popping back from. It was right here, right now, answering the same simple question for all eternity.

“Vamp –”

“For fuck’s sake.” Spike dropped his cigarette and ground it with his heel. “Vampires are real. Deal with it.”

He vamped out.

Logan and Weevil yelped and jumped back, banged into each other and hastily moved apart. Spike grinned and lit another cigarette.

Veronica Mars didn't jump or yelp. She didn't so much as flinch. Xander envied her cucumberness, or at least her ability to seem “cool as.” Spike was looking extremely pleased with himself. Xander glared at him. “How exactly does that help us?”

Logan was muttering something about hallucinations, and Weevil was staring intently at Spike’s face. “Where’d those bumps come from?”

“What the hell, man?” Logan’s voice wavered just a bit.

“Don’t make me send you boys to the corner.” Veronica had stepped forward and was giving each of them stern looks. Spike gave Xander a Who does she think she is, Buffy? look, or at least that's what Xander read into the raised eyebrow.

“Okay, so maybe vampires are real. Mark me down as undecided.” Spike shrugged and unvamped. “But either way,” she continued, “right now there are six girls we need to save from a vampire-worshipping cult.”

“And I suppose the great Veronica Mars has a master plan to defeat these movie monsters?” There was no warmth in Logan’s voice. Xander realized he hadn’t been kidding about the bad break-up.

“At least my plan isn’t to stand around in the Neptune Express parking lot all night arguing about vampires.” Veronica pulled a file out her bag and flipped through it. Xander glanced at Spike, who was watching Veronica with interest. He really hoped Spike was over his take-charge blonde girl thing.

“For your information, we have a very clever plan! It’s – uh.” Xander looked at Spike who was unhelpfully leaning against their car, looking amused. “We do have a plan, right?” He tried not to appear startled as a girl with dark, blue-streaked hair stepped out of a nearby car.

“Course we do.” Spike eyed the new addition to their odd group. “We go to the cemetery, stop the ritual sacrifice, save anyone who’s still alive and get out of this crap town.”

“And why would you go to a cemetery?” Veronica asked. “Never mind, I don’t want to hear your old-fashioned, Anne Rice ideas about vampires.”

“Anne Rice?!” Xander gasped in horror.

“Old-fashioned?” Spike frowned at Veronica. “Lots of modern vamps live in cemeteries, I’ll have you know.”

Logan looked confused. Xander could guess how he was feeling and didn’t envy him one bit. Weevil looked like he’d just about had enough.

“Anyway,” Veronica continued, oblivious to their objections, “Mac and I know where the girls are.” Xander decided the new girl must be Mac. His hunch was confirmed when she whipped out an iBook.

“Good. Tell me where so I can go kick their asses…or whatever,” Weevil said. Logan nodded and stepped up beside Weevil, in a ready to fight pose. Spike caught Xander’s eye and nodded towards them, smiling faintly.

“By researching the history of land purchases and cross-referencing that with reports of suspicious activity we narrowed it down…” Mac tucked her hair behind her ear and took a breath. “Can we do introductions? I feel weird explaining this to two strange guys.”

Xander opened his mouth but Veronica beat him to it. Damn, she was fast. “Right. That’s Spike.” Spike nodded, Mac started to smile but it vanished with a quaver. “And that’s Xander.” Xander waved. Mac waved back. “They’re monster hunters or something. They’re looking for the girls too. Now that we’ve gotten the group hug out of the way, can we get back to business?”

“Monster hunters? We’re –”

Veronica silenced Spike with a look and Xander decided that Veronica Mars was by far the scariest person he’d encountered in Neptune. Scary in that super-organized, hyper-efficient, multi-tasking sort of way that Xander always found intimidating.

And kinda hot.

Maybe he still had a thing for take-charge blondes.

And why did his thoughts always turn to sex? Xander bet Veronica didn’t spend hours thinking about whether introducing handcuffs to sex would be a good idea or what new positions she could try with her boyfriend. Not that he was thinking of Spike as his boyfriend. He glanced at Spike, who was leering at him in a way that made him worry that Spike could read his thoughts.

Focus, he must focus. Veronica was saying something about the old bowling alley next door. “What are we waiting for?” he said. “Let’s strike these bad guys out!”

Spike rolled his eyes.

“I’m all for getting these guys, but my research suggests we’re outnumbered ten to one.” Mac did some typing on her computer. “Okay. I have the building layout. So what’s the plan?”

“We need slayers. Damn the Cleveland hellmouth and their stupid apocalypse,” Xander muttered.

“I can take ‘em,” Spike declared. Everyone ignored him.

“What we need is people. People who can fight.” Weevil pulled out a cellphone. It was weird to see a biker with a cellphone. “I’ve got it covered.”

“First vampires, now the PCHers.” Logan heaved a sigh. “My night’s complete.”

Part Six

“This isn’t going to work.”

“Maybe not.” Spike shrugged. “Should be some good violence though.”

Xander followed Logan’s gaze over to Weevil, who was talking to his gang. Or were they his posse? Crew? Whatever they were, these PCHers were scary.

Scary was good considering they’d be facing even scarier things. And he wasn’t sure anyone had taken his how to stake a vampire demonstration seriously.

“It’s going to work.” Mac looked up from her computer but her fingers continued to fly over the keyboard. “Veronica’s good at plans. And I’m not just saying that because I get to stay in the safety of the car while the plan’s enacted.”

Veronica grinned. “Feel free to keep the compliments coming. Does wonders for a girl’s self-esteem.” She adjusted an imaginary tie. “And we don’t want girls with low self-esteem. It just leads to toplessness.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Spike said absently as he adjusted a crossbow. He tossed it to Xander and yanked another one out of their car’s trunk.

“For some reason that makes me nostalgic for Wallace.” Veronica sighed. “Stupid basketball camp.”

“Are we actually going to storm the Winter Palace sometime tonight or just reminisce fondly about our bosom buddies?” Logan asked. He could rival Cordelia for bitter barbs, Xander decided, and that was a scary thought.

“So in this scenario you’re aligning yourself with the workers who overthrow the corrupt and wealthy?” Veronica crossed her arms. “Have you been reading Marx this summer?”

“Have you forgotten that my sister’s in there?” Logan gestured to the bowling alley, his voice rising. “Sure she’s a selfish bitch, but I’d like to have one living unincarcerated family member.”

“Okay, okay.” Xander stepped between them, hands in the air. “We are trying for an element of surprise, here. So I’m thinking – yelling? Probably not gonna help.”

When he was pretty sure the likelihood of being punched was low, he put a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “We’re going to save your sister. I promise.”

Spike gave him a look. And not the Sex now look that made Xander the good kind of weak in the knees. More like You git.

Veronica turned her back on Logan and leaned over Mac’s shoulder. Logan pulled out his cell phone and Xander decided to make his escape. He spent enough time playing dad to the younger slayers, he wasn’t about to take on a teenage lover’s quarrel too.

Ex-lovers. Whatever.

None of his business.

None of these kids were his business so he should just quash the urge to sit Logan and Weevil down and tell them being attracted to another guy wasn’t the end of the world.

He’d seen the end of the world and it had nothing to do with gay sex.

“I know, I know.” Xander pressed against Spike so their sides were touching. “Don’t make promises we can’t keep.”

Spike glanced at the seemingly empty bowling alley. “Hope you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Xander slid his hand inside Spike’s duster.

The eyebrow was raised. “That so?”

He felt Spike shift into his touch as he ran his hand along Spike’s side and rested it on the small of his back, his fingers grazing the skin just above the waistband.

“So I’m thinking next vacation? Somewhere less dangerous. Maybe Beirut.” Xander rested his chin on Spike’s shoulder. “Because so far, this has not lived up to the ‘sex-filled’ getaway I lured you away with.”

A wicked grin spread across Spike’s face. “You’ll just have to make it up to me.” Xander’s body tingled as he imagined what Spike was thinking.

“I so don’t want to fight vamps right now,” he murmured into Spike’s neck.

“Right, dust the vamps and save the day, then sex,” Spike said. He straightened up and waved Weevil and the PCHers over.

Xander pushed the sex, sex, sex loop that was running through his brain back into a corner and got Veronica’s attention. “Alright. Let’s get this party started.”

Something got started and it wasn’t a party, except in the Woodstock ’99 sense which was not Xander’s idea of a good time. Neither was fighting off vampires who thought it was funny to throw bowling balls at them. Those wacky vamps.

Xander fired his crossbow, and cursed his eye when he missed the nearest vamp by a foot. He ducked behind a counter and felt around for another weapon. “Bowling shoes!” he yelled.

“The smell of feet?” Spike scoffed. “Gotta do better than that, pet.” Xander peered over the edge of the counter in time to see Spike swivel around, kick an approaching vamp and stake it before it hit the ground. It made Xander want to slam him against a wall and demonstrate how very impressed he was.

“Just throw their balls back at them,” Veronica yelled. She walked towards Xander as if she was planning to rent some shoes and maybe buy a soda. When a vamp dressed like a used car salesman lunged for her, she tasered it and kept moving, the increase in her stride the only sign that she’d just fended off an attack.

Veronica jumped behind the counter and landed beside him. “This is intense.” Her voice lacked the confidence it had earlier. Xander found it oddly reassuring that the unflappable Veronica Mars could be flapped by vampires.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked.

“Backup?”

“Backup.”

Veronica hit speed dial on her phone and the roar of motorcycles sounded from outside. The vampire pummeling Logan paused and looked toward the sound. Logan kneed it in the groin and dove behind the shoe counter.

“Guess I could use a stake,” Logan admitted, holding out his hand.

Xander was still trying to think of a polite way to say Told you so, when the PCHers stormed the building. The vamps circling Spike scattered like ants.

Weevil rode up onto a lane and trapped a vamp against the bowling pins. A couple of the PCHers had succeeded in running over vamps with their bikes, but the rest had been pulled off and were struggling to fend off their attackers.

Clutching his stake, Logan leapt into the fray. Spike was doing a good job of ensuring that the vamps weren’t killing anyone. He was grinning and laughing as he kicked and punched and staked. Oh yeah, sex would be very good tonight, Xander thought.

His smile faded when he saw a vamp surprise Weevil from behind and yank him off his bike. Xander hopped up and aimed his crossbow, then froze.

His crossbow was aimed at Logan Echolls.

Logan pulled the vampire off of Weevil and punched it. Xander really hoped Logan remembered how to use the stake.

More vampires emerged from a door with an “Employees Only” sign and rushed towards the action. Veronica pulled Xander down and gestured to the door.

He nodded and crouched up, concentrating hard as he aimed his crossbow at the remaining vamp standing guard. He punched his arm in the air when the arrow went right through its heart. “Direct hit.”

“Let’s go.” Veronica tugged at his sleeve, her taser out and ready.

“I hope this works.”

“I can’t believe that worked.” Xander gazed at the two unconscious – but thank the gods alive – girls stretched out in their car, and wondered if this was how Bond felt after he’d accomplished a mission

Then he remembered there’d been more missing girls.

He grimaced at the memory of the bloodied corpses. “Well, worked as well as can be expected when dealing with blood-sucking evil things.” He glanced over at Weevil. The boy hadn’t said anything when he saw his dead cousin; he’d just left the room. Now he was just leaning against his bike, staring at the ground.

“They’re dead, we’re all alive,” Spike said in a low voice, “I call that a win.”

Veronica came running up to them. “We’re not all here.”

Xander gripped Spike’s arm. “What?”

“Where’s Logan?”