Primal Hiding - Getting Away
The slayer was pissed. She was in a blind rage as she beat her fist into the side of the demon’s head. She felt the bone crack and watched blue blood start to pour out. She hit him again and her fist went all the way through and the evil creature fell to the ground, most of its brains spilling out as it did. The slayer screamed and started to run again. She had been doing this for two hours now. Running until she sensed something evil and then hunting it down and beating it very bloody before killing it.
She just didn’t understand. Willow rejected her, why? They’ve always been there for each other, been best friends since high school, and Buffy suspected that Willow wasn’t straight even back then. So when Oz left and Willow started to take interest in this Tara girl Buffy figured that it was a good time to make her move. As far as she knew Willow wasn’t involved with Tara romantically, and the way the redhead witch talked about her gave off every indication that she was batting for the home team now. So why had she rejected Buffy?
She just kept running, Willow’s words playing through her head as she pushed her body to new speeds. She was nothing but a blur to anyone who might be watching. She just couldn’t get the words out of her mind and all of the questions and feelings that came along with them. ~I’m sorry Buffy but we can’t be together. It would never work~ Well why the hell not? Why couldn’t they be together? Buffy didn’t see a problem with it. The slayer side didn’t see any problems. The only things she knew she wanted was to hunt, to kill and Willow.
She wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and tripped over a rock, flying twenty feet forward from the momentum, and landed face first. She slid for about thirty feet, the asphalt scraping and cutting up her skin. She didn’t try to get up or move in anyway. She just sat there, her face in the ground, replaying the event in her head over and over again like some kind of bad movie.
~Buffy paced the dorm room, waiting for Willow to get back. She had been waiting for over half an hour and she was starting to get a little impatient. She had finally worked up the nerve to ask the redhead out on a date and she was afraid that if Willow didn’t get back soon then the courage would fade and she would never be able to do this again. She flipped around when she heard the door open and she smiled when she saw Willow. She’s been in love with her since high school but she had always been afraid to say it out loud and let Willow know because she feared her friend’s rejection. But she was just so sure that Willow felt the same, at least she thought that Willow was into girls now. She wasn’t sure if Willow liked her in that type of way or not, but she was about to find out.
“Hey Will,” she said and stood in the middle of the room. Willow said her greetings and Buffy watched nervously as Willow put her bag away in the little closet and then started to pick out some clothes. Buffy was a little confused but she couldn’t think about that now, she couldn’t get sidetracked or she might not say what she planned on saying that night.
“Um, Willow. I, uh, I need to talk to you about something,” she said and watched as Willow’s face contorted with confusion and then uneasiness. They sat down on Buffy’s bed and the blonde had to fight the urge to hold Willow’s hand. She put her hands in her lap and looked down at them, her fingernails suddenly becoming very interesting.
“What is it Buffy? Is something wrong? You seem pretty nervous,” she heard Willow say but she didn’t look up. She was afraid to look into Willow’s eyes because she knew that she would get lost in them and then no words would come out of her mouth and then it would just create and very awkward situation.
“No, nothing’s wrong, Will. And you’re right about the nervous. I feel like there’s a million jackhammers slugging away at my stomach. I was just wondering if maybe you would want to go out with me this Friday. On, like, a date?” she asked and then paused, waiting for the reaction. She almost found it funny that she can face vampires and demons and countless other evils but when it comes to simply asking out the beautiful redhead she acts all yellow bellied.
“Wow, Buffy….” She trailed off and Buffy looked up at her. She wasn’t sure how she should read the expression on Willow’s face. Sure some of it was shock, that was to be expected, but she wasn’t sure what the rest was. She waited for what seemed like forever before she saw Willow try to speak, and then she had to wait another forever before the vowel sounds and squeaks turned into words.
“Buffy, um, I-I-I don’t know what to say. Uh. I just…well. That’s really, really sweet, and I’m flattered, really. And I think it’s great that you asked me out. I mean, we’ve always known that you’re gay we just didn’t want to say anything, because HELLO how awkward would that conversation be? But I just-I can’t. Buffy, I’m sorry, but no I can’t go out with you, at least not in a dating sort of way,” she ended the babble needing the oxygen that her lungs and brain was currently lacking and she was slightly panting as she waited for the blonde to respond.
“Why?” was the only thing that came out of her friend. Buffy couldn’t believe it. Ok, for one thing, how the hell did they know? She thought she was being discreet, she knew that she didn’t let her eyes wonder the bodies of the girls she would check out for too long. She would give them a once over enjoying the view but she made sure that she didn’t spend too much time on it, making it look like she was just checking out the competition like every other girl on earth does.
For the other thing, why didn’t Willow want her? Not being too egotistical, Buffy thinks that she’s a likeable girl. And she isn’t conceded or anything but she knows that she has a good body, she’s been told so by many people, Willow included, but only in a friendly way. So why was Willow rejecting her? *Me want Willow, make Willow ours*, her slayer half said angrily inside of her mind. /Shut up, I’m trying/ Buffy responded and was glad that she was met with silence. She hasn’t told anyone, not wanting to come off as crazy, but she and the slayer part of her often have mental conversations. The slayer in her is not hesitant to voice her opinion, especially when it comes to all things Willow.
“I’m sorry Buffy but we can’t be together. It would never work,” Willow said, sounding sympathetic. Great, so she can get Willow’s sympathy but she can’t get to accept an invitation to go out on a date. The phone started to ring and Willow answered it. Buffy was in a daze. She knew that Willow was gay, she just knew it. Not once in her rejection did she deny it, so there had to be some other reason. She thought for a second that it was because of this Tara person that Willow talks about a lot now these days. But Willow would have told her that was the reason if Tara was the reason. At least Buffy thought she would.
“We need to get over to Giles’, he has some news on that demon that attacked us last night,” she heard Willow say, breaking her out of her daze. Ah, yes, the demon. A very large demon, scaly like a lizard, with blue skin, and had so easily fought Buffy off and gotten away. She couldn’t concentrate on anything after that. She had put her heart out on a limb and she had been rejected. That’s never happened to her before. And she wasn’t even given a reason. She hid from everyone.
She walked into Giles’ house feeling a little numb and she completely gave up. For the very first time she let the slayer take full control while not slaying. When she fights alone she’ll let the slayer out to play, but when she’s with her friends she keeps in limited. But now she just wanted to hide, to get away from these bad feelings, so she gave over the control~
The slayer, the worrier of the people, one of the strongest beings on the planet, and the strongest slayer to ever exist, curled up into a very tight ball in the middle of the alley and she cried. She just didn’t understand. Her Willow didn’t want her, her Willow had rejected her. Why, why had Willow turned her down? Didn’t she know how much she loved her? If it had been up to her she would have claimed Willow as her own years ago, a couple of months after meeting the redhead in fact. But nnnnoooo, the other Buffy just had to keep her mouth shut. The other Buffy had to be afraid, and because of that fear and needing comfort she slept with Angel and that turned out so great, didn’t it?
/I don’t understand, why doesn’t she want me?/ Buffy asked, sounding pathetic. The slayer couldn’t help but outwardly laugh. She didn’t understand either, but she couldn’t help but blame all of this on the human part of her. The part that she had no control of her, the part that kept her in this damn cage day in and day out. She only lets her out when they go hunting and it just isn’t enough. It’s never enough because she doesn’t get to be with Willow. She doesn’t get to talk to Willow, the other Buffy does.
*You stupid. You should have claimed her long time ago. It all your fault!* She screamed and then jumped up off of the ground needing to kill something at that moment. She took off running. Just like before she had no clue where she was going, just putting as much space between her and Giles’ house as possible. She wasn’t running away from the house itself, but of the redhead that is no doubt still inside of it. She found herself in a cemetery and she felt her slayer senses drawing her towards a vampire.
She didn’t even wait to see what it looked like before she attacked. She screamed and punched him in the head, sending him flying forward. He was on the ground, unmoving, probably unconscious, and she attacked. She growled loudly and lunged at him. She hit him on his back, breaking all of the bones. She flipped him over and threw her hand forward, digging into his chest and she pulled out his none beating heart. She threw it aside before she grabbed him by the head and twisted it around so quickly and so strongly that it spun around seven times before his body turned to dust.
She jumped up and she started running again. This time she had a place in mind. During the high school days there weren’t very many things in her life that were stable. She had her friends and it seemed like after graduation all of that changed. Some of them went away, Angel for one, and even though she lives with Willow they’re not as close as they used to be. She needed to see the one person who would be honest with her. She had to get out of Sunnydale, get away from the pain.
Primal Hiding Index