Weíre pretty much inseparable except for our classes. We hang out all the time now. She even comes on patrol with me sometimes. I keep her well out of the way of danger, though. Canít let anything hurt my Willow.

My Willow. God, that fucking rocks!

Yeah, sheís my Willow. My girl. I donít think slayers are supposed to be so happy, what with that weight of the world and dying young thing we gotta worry about. But I just canít shake the skip in my step. Yeah, picture it Ė me, Faith, with a fucking skip in her step and a huge ass grin on her face.

Well, she makes me happy, what can I say?

She still tutors me, but Iíd be lying if I said we never cut our study sessions short for a little make-out time. Love making out with my girl! Sheís a great kisser and, ah, man the way her body feels pressed up against mine! The way her hands touch me. She was so shy at first, it was adorable. But itís been weeks now and her hands know where they want to go - and I let them wander where they willÖ well, mostly anyway. Everywhere she touches me just sets me on fire!

We told G-Man. Heís my watcher and I have to tell him everything. He wasnít surprised, though, which surprised the hell out of me Ė him being all British and sounding so damn uptight. He told me that most slayers were at least bisexual. Something about the influence of the primal slayer feminine line. Well, I donít need no primal anything to tell me I like girls! But I was way relieved to find out he was cool with me and Willow hooking up. Took a load off our shoulders.

Itíd be nice to be more out at school, though. But I know this isnít exactly the right atmosphere for that and I donít want Willow to get hassled. And Giles would so not be happy with me getting kicked out on account of bustiní a few skulls. So we just do the friend thing at lunch and when other people are around Ė which isnít that often anyway.

When I get out of class Iím just itchiní to see her. I donít even care about touching her so much as just seeing her face light up with that gorgeous smile of hers.

I live for that.

We do the study thing for a good hour or more. Then I train while she finishes up homework. We head to her house for a little while to doÖ whatever comes to mind. Then I patrol. Sometimes she comes with and then we head to The Bronze afterwards so I can work off some steam. I donít even mind if she doesnít feel like dancing. I like her watching me. I like knowing that those guys are lusting after me and wonít ever get this bod. Itís all for Willow Ė when the time is right.

Some nights I find myself outside her house. She sneaks me into her room after she says goodnight to her folks and we stay up talking and kissing and just enjoying being with each other. Her room is really cool. Lots of glow in the dark stars all over her ceiling. A few tropical fish in a big tank. Some very cool artwork on the walls. Stuffed animals scattered around. It just feels so right to me. Like thatís how a kidís room is supposed to be.

I tell her I donít really feel like a kid. Maybe I never did.

I had a pretty tough time of it back in Boston. Dad gone. Mom never around. You know the story. Kids like us, we grow up pretty fast. You have to when thereís no one there to really look out for you. I donít know, maybe that makes me a better slayer. Street smarts. I mean, Iím not gonna be all down on myself. Iím a slayer, I got a chance to be somebody. A lot of people out there, they donít get shit. I mean, my mom died and I didnít have anyone at all Ė not that she was ever around, but then I found out I was the slayer. The Chosen One and I had all this power. No Superman, but bending steel ainít a problem either.

And I got Willow. Best friend I could ever wish for and my girlfriend on top of it. I got Giles too. I feel like he genuinely cares about me, not just doing some job. Gives me a great place to stay, when the Council wanted to just stick me in some crummy motel on the outside of town Ė not that I wouldnít be used to that. And a little bit of spending money out of his own pocket too Ė now thatís sweet. And Xanderís a pretty cool dude too, once you get past all his lusty looks and dopiness. And I gotta say, he sure looks out for Willow. And anyone who does that is a friend in my book. We told him about us hookiní up too. He didnít take it well at first. I guess he wasnít so cool with his object of lust falling for his best friendÖ but themís the breaks and he seems to be cool with everything now.

Lifeís pretty good. I donít have a reason in the world to complain.


We never go back to her place. Well, Gilesí place really. Iíd like to see her room. Look at all her stuff. She says she doesnít have much to look at, and nothing Iíd be interested in anyway. But it doesnít matter what she has Ė or doesnít have. I just want to see whatís hers, to be more a part of her world than what she tells me in my bed late at night.

Not that I mind that at all.

We hold each other and I ask her to tell me about what she dreams about, or what she thinks about when sheís supposed to be paying attention in her European Studies class Ė a problem we canít seem to break her of. She likes to tell stories. Itís very natural for her and I love to listen. I love her accent. Her rough edged voice. I love the way she gets lost in her own stories. I love the way she sometimes turns to me, all excited and smiling, pulling me closer before she tells me what new things sheís thought of us to do some day.

She has so many plans. I want to do everything with her. Visit all the places she talks about. Do all those crazy things she thinks up. Some of them scare the frilly heck out of me, but I know that if I were with Faith, I would be okay.

But her stories, all this talk about us doing this and that. The snuggles and smoochies. The time spent together almost every afternoon and night Ė itís just not enough.

I need more from her. I need to touch more of her. And I so desperately want her to touch more of me. I need to feel her. My body is screaming for Faith. Every time she crawls into my bed with me and snuggles up close, I feel my body churning, wanting more.

I want to make love with her.

But I donít know how to take the next step. I donít know how to tell her that thatís what I want. I donít know how to explain to her what my body feels, and what I know, to be the right move. I donít know that I can just go for it. And I definitely donít want to push her away. What if I make a move and she freaks out? What if she doesnít want anything more from me than what we have now?

Iím so confused. Since meeting Faith my senses have opened up so much. I can practically feel when sheís training and slaying vampires, even when Iím not with her. I know when sheís aroused just as sure as I know when she knows that I am.

Thatís usually when she decides itís time to say goodbye for the night.

We never talk about it, though. And I really wish we would.

Is she as scared and confused about this next step in our relationship as I am?

On the nights that she doesnít come back to sneak into my room, I call her. We talk for a while about her patrol. About what she and Giles have discussed as far as demons and strategies go. We talk about her progress in school. We cover all the basics.

And then I tell her what Iíve been thinking about while she was out. About how I can sense her when she slays. We havenít figured that one out yet. Itís like my body is starting to become attuned to hersÖ we keep meaning to talk to Giles about it, but I think weíre still too curious to really be concerned.

I tell her about how I missed her. And how I sometimes catch myself thinking about kissing her and touching her when Iím supposed to be doing my homework.

I can hear her breath quicken and I slide my hand over my tummy.

She tells me that she thinks about touching me too. She tells me that when sheís in my bed, under the covers with me, that itís hard not to go any further than we do.

I agree with her and start touching myself.

I tell her Iíve never felt like this before. About anyone. And I tell her I know sheís been with other girls.

She tells me itís never been like this, and her breathing is a just a little deeper when she says it.

My breathing matches hers, I move my fingers faster, and I ask her if she wants to do with me what sheís done with those other girls.

She takes a minute to respond, only offering a whispered gasp and my body shudders as if hit by an electrical charge. It sends me over the edge, causing my back to arch, but I ride out the waves in silence.

When her voice reaches my ear again itís a ragged ďyesĒ and I canít help but smile because I know itís true.


I get off talking to her on the phone.

And I canít be sure, but I think she does too.

This completely sucks!

I mean, no, the phone sex stuff is good. Not that either of us admit weíre doing the phone sex thing, but how come I can double click my mouse while on the phone with her but not make a move when Iím actually in her bed with her? Sheís moaning into my kisses while my hands are going up her nightshirt, and then I stop and pull back and tell her I have to go!

I want more but Iím so scared. I donít want to do anything she regrets in the morning. I donít want to be her big mistake.

Iím trying so hard to be a good girl with her. Not rush anything. Not be demanding. Itís been so hard not taking things further the last couple of nights Iíve been with her. I leave when I feel her legs pressing more firmly against mine, when I feel her kisses become more insistent, when she really starts moaning and I have to ball my hands into fists in order to not touch her anymore. Itís almost painful to pull away from her. Not only because of the massive aching between my legs, but because of the disappointed whimper from her lips and the way her big, round eyes open and look up at me, almost begging me to stay.

WillowÖ WillowÖ WillowÖ

I want her so bad. I want to make her feel how good it can be with someone else.

And why shouldnít we have sex?

OrÖ make love.

And thatís what it would be with her, wouldnít it? Making love.

So why shouldnít we? Weíre old enough. It feels right. It feels good with her. And itís not like I can get her pregnant! And, just becauseÖ I think Iím really in love with her Ė and I want a chance to express that to her.

Yeah, sure, I can buy her a card. Flowers. Little trinkets of my affection. But itís not the same for me. I know she likes those things. I know she appreciates the cards and flowers Ė you should really see how her face lights up and she kind of blushes and smiles all at the same timeÖ well, then thereís kissing and lots of giggles.

But Iím a slayer. I have forces working within me that are older than anything I can think of. Instincts to follow like an animal. I smell her. I taste her mouth. I touch her hot little body. I hear her moan and my instincts tell me to go.

Want. Take. Have. Right?

I know itís not that simple. But sometimes my body begs to differ and itís all I can do to find a few vamps to beat the hell out of and stake, just to get out some aggression. That still gets me worked up, though, and I have to go home and take care of myself - not only because of the stupid vamps, but because Iíve got Willow on the brain.

The fact is, sheís a virgin, and I donít want to take that away from her until sheís absolutely sure and ready to give that part of herself to me. Her body may think it knows what it wants, but that doesnít mean her mind is agreeing.

Maybe that doesnít make sense. I keep going Ďround and Ďround in circles here. I want her and Iím pretty damn sure she wants me, and I think itís perfectly normal for us to want to take the next step Ė if I can just convince myself to let go and follow where are bodies are leading us. Iíve never really had a problem with my brain stopping me from doing things before, so why am I now??

I think me and Wills have to talk. Iím not sure how much longer I can take this.

And I know that sounds bad, I know it sounds like Iím just this big, sex-obsessed pervertÖ doesnít it?

If we can just talk about it instead of pulling away and avoiding the subject. If we could just talk about it, maybe Iíd feel better. Maybe I could control myself better, because at this rate Iíll be jumping on her any night now and I really wonít be able to hold back.


I wrote her a note.

A note for crying out loud!! Does that just scream out immature, non-dating person, or what?

I left it in her locker, which I happen to know the combination too. I left it sitting on top of the history paper I retyped and fixed for her. Donít think I do her homework or anything; I made her do all the research and actually do the writing. But Faith is horrible at typing Ė and I get carried away sometimes with the grammar and spelling stuff. Besides, Faith has way too much to worry about fighting the forces of evil to worry about the difference between a C or B paper. The least I can do is help out a little to boost her grade. And if I were really doing the work for her, sheíd get an A.

And if she got an A on a European History paper Giles would know I did the work for her. Faith is smart, but sheís way more serious about being the slayer than focusing on school and putting in the effort to make better grades. She likes to be in the middle of the action, not studying about it. Itís hard enough getting her to concentrate when researching demony stuff, let alone history.

We only have a couple more months left of school anyway. If I can just get her through to graduation, she wonít have to worry about school anymore. Sheís definitely not college material. And again I stress that itís not because sheís not smart, I mean, hello, skipping a grade! Itís just that thereís really no need for her to attend college when sheís already doing what sheís destined to. I donít want anything to distract her from her slaying duties, where she might possibly get hurt, or wind up like Buffy and Kendra.

Except me. Iíll happily distract her from time to time!

Wait. What was I talking about again?

Oh, right. The Note.

I know we have to talk. We keep putting ourselves in the same situation, which continues to leave us both very frustrated. She pulls away from me, scared. I know she thinks sheís pushing me because sheís more experienced than me, but the truth is that I really do want her to keep going. I want more of her. I want to make love, have sex - whatever you want to call it, I want it. And I want it with Faith.

I hope she doesnít read it in class where a teacher might take it from her. That would so not be good! Oh and I signed it, which means that if anyone else reads it theyíll know exactly who wrote it. Itís not like Willow is a very popular name at Sunnydale High.

I adore her for her restraint. I could not ask for a better girlfriend. Someone else might just push until she got what she wanted. I know people look at Faith and they think Ďbad girlí. I see the looks she gets. I see the way guys look at her and sometimes I hear the comments some of the boys here at school say about her, about how they know sheís easy and a great lay. I never have to wonder if sheís really sleeping around with them instead of me, though, because Iím always with her. And, because as much as Faith likes to play up being this tough bad ass, she really is a good person. Sheís honest and compassionate and I know in my heart she wouldnít do that to me.

I also have a good idea of what Faith likes, and those boys arenít it!

If I was a little more in tune with my witchy self I might turn those boys into something really nasty for telling lies about my girlfriend! Something really, really badÖ

I told her I wanted her. I told her I understood why she kept pulling back, but that I felt I was ready to go wherever she wanted to take me. I told her about what I do when weíre on the phone.

Maybe I can get the note back before she gets to her locker. I can just give it to her later. Or better yet, I can actually talk to my girlfriend instead of writing her a note like some geek. Although, admittedly, I donít think Iíll ever be able to say out loud the things I wrote in that note.

Breathe Willow!

Iíll just take the note back and forget I ever wrote it. Iíll try to talk to her tonightÖ just not in as much detail.

But of course, Iím too late. Of course, Faithís found the note and is reading it already! AndÖ oh no. Sheís got that look on her face. That look she gets sometimes when she pulls herself out of my bed and we both know she doesnít want to leave.

Oh, and of course it just wouldnít be my life if she werenít staring right at me!

Oh boy.


She really is adorable, the way she leaves notes in my locker sometimes. Theyíre mostly just little notes of encouragement. Sometimes she reminds me that weíre not far from school being out. Or she tells me she knows Iíll do well on my test, and that I should just take my time or whatever. She tells me sheís thinking about me too, which really helps me through my classes a lot. I donít want to be cooped up indoors, sitting at some stupid desk. I want to be out there doing something.

Willow respects that and says she understands that school isnít my thing; that Iím the slayer and thatís all Iím really meant to be. But she says school is still important. She says that even though Iím the slayer, I canít really tell anyone. And God-forbid I should need to get a job, but if I do, Iíll need to have at least my high school diploma to get a decent paying one, which I guess does make sense.

And I have to admit, itíll be nice to have that little slip of paper saying Iím a high school grad when I know both my parents were drop-outs. I donít really talk about them much, even to Willow, but I think she encourages me because she knows that despite my lack of spirit over school stuff, I do still want to reach that goal. Have that accomplishment under my belt. If it werenít for Willow, Iíd probably fail. I donít think I would have been able to stick school out, Watcher telling me I have to or not.

So youíll understand when I say that surprised doesnít even begin to cover my reaction to her note.

I never knew that sweet little red headed creature could be soÖ dirty! My heart started to really race and I felt like my chest was just, expanding Ė in shock, in arousal, I donít know. I felt flushed, like Iíd been hit with a huge blast of hot air.

I had to read the note twice just to make sure I wasnít dreaming. Hell, to make sure I didnít miss anything!

When Iím with Willow she always makes it known that she wants more. She whimpers when I pull away from her, and when I start kissing her sheís always pulling me closer, grabbing onto me, clinging. I love that feeling, of being wanted so much. Iíve never in my life had anyone hold me like she does.

But she never vocalizes any of her desire. She never tells me to just take her. We donít talk about it. I pull away Ďcause I donít want to push her into anything sheís going to regret later, after she decides that she wasnít ready and I was taking advantage of her in the heat of the moment.

I want her. I want her so bad that even when Iím away from herÖ where I can breath again and Iím not thinking about pushing my fingers into herÖ even then, the physical ache never really goes away. Sheís a virgin and I respect thatÖ God knows I never felt like one.

But in her note she told me everything I feel when Iím with her. She knows that Iím holding back out of respect for her, out of fear too that sheíll think Iím taking advantage of her. She says that she touches herself after I leave her bed and while weíre on the phone.

I knew it!!

She also says that she knows her inexperience worries me, but that she knows more about the female body than I think she does, having explored it plenty on her own!

And she wants to do way more exploring with me!

Holy shit!

I realize Iím breathing kind of heavy, and my heartís racing in my chestÖ and that I must look like an absolute slut standing here in the hallway, nearly humping the lockers!

Yeah, definitely some down low tingles. Many, many tingles.

I gotta say, though, this doesnít make up my mind for me. I know that doesnít make any sense, because duh, sheís telling me right here in this freakiní note that she wants me! She wants to be inside me and taste me. She wants me to do all those nasty things Iíve done with those other girls, just like sheís asked me on the phone.

But I still worry. Iíve never had this problem before, but Ė I mean, this is a good thing, right? This worrying about her feelings and shit?

What do you know, sheís looking at me, or at least in my direction. I bet sheís seen me read her note, seen my reaction to it Ė I know sheís seen this look before.

She doesnít realize Iíve spotted her, though, and while part of me wants to look away in embarrassment, the much prouder, hornier part keeps on staring at her, willing her to look at me. I want her to know I understand. I want her to know I want everything sheís told me in her note.

I want her to know that we still need to talk, though.


I only ever cut class for majorly important, impending apocalypsy doom type stuff.

Or for making out with my girlfriend.

Like after she spotted me in the hallway. I walked over to her, my palms suddenly sweaty, my heart racing. I was a bundle of nerves and I hate how that makes my tummy feel all icky! We didnít even say anything. She tugged on my sleeve and I followed just like I always do. Iíd probably follow Faith anywhere Ė all those psycho things she wants to do, remember?

We talked. It wasÖ nice. I was so nervous, but she put me at ease, explaining why she kept holding back, confirming for me that she was just worried about me and respected me Ė all the things that make me love her that much more.

I reiterated everything I had told her in my note Ė only, with less explicitness. I told her how she made me feel when I was with her Ė like Iím alive! I told her I wanted to strengthen our connection, because even though Iím only beginning my studies in the craft, I know we do really have a connection of some kind. Thereís no other way to explain how I know sheís been training or out slaying. Why, when weíre together, we can finish each otherís sentences and I can feel her heart beating, even though I donít have the same Slayer Sense as she does.

She agreed not to hold back. That the next time sheís in my bed, and things are getting hot ní heavy, sheís just going to keep going as long as it feels right to both of us. If I donít pull away, she wonít either.

This has thrilled me beyond words!

I had to kiss her then, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. Just letting her know how much it meant for her to say that. Maybe itís silly, all this drama over sex, but it was becoming this huge thing we wouldnít talk about Ė and putting a strain on us. Sheís been edgy lately. And training, while it usually de-stresses her, itís been working her up big time!

The heat between us grew quickly, wrapping around us. We couldnít separate. We couldnít breathe or talk, we just wanted to touch and kiss and feel each other. Thatís just how we are together, ever since that first time she kissed me on the street on the way back to my house. Her lips are perfect and they donít belong anywhere but on mine!

WellÖ maybe a few other places.

She had me backed against the door, her strong, thick thigh pressing against my sex, with one hand in my hair and the other on my waist. I was holding onto her with all my strength, my hands running up and down her back, over her firm butt.

Faithís got a great butt.

Her tongue was in my mouth Ė or maybe my tongue was in hers Ė whichever it was we were swapping spit like lunatics, heated and crazed for each other. And I loved it. I loved every naughty bit of it. I was getting so wet. And I told her that too, I broke from our kiss long enough to whisper how wet she was making me.

She groaned and cursed before capturing my lips again and pressing her leg deeper between my legs. I was slowly starting to grind down on it and oh God did that feel good! I didnít think I wanted to get off riding Faithís leg in the janitorís closet at Sunnydale High, but I just couldnít stop moving against her. I wanted her to do me right there!

Unfortunately, Mr. Beagle, the custodian, had other ideas.

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