From The First Moment By Red Willow



Willow Rosenberg... Willow Rosenberg... Willow.

I can't stop saying her name over and over again in my head. How fucked is that?

And I've always had this habit of giving people nicknames, but I love her name. Willow. It just rolls off my tongue. Willow.

I've had girlfriends before. Many, many girl... friends. But Willow. This chick is pretty cute. No, not cute. Beautiful. And something else. Something else entirely. Something deeper. Something that calls to me and makes my Slayer Sense perk up. Something magical or mystical or... something like that. Something.

Willow.

I haven't been able to wipe the grin off my face since the first moment we met.

Its been... huh. Three days now. Three days of having our first meeting on repeat and surround sound in my head. Three days of whispering her name to myself in the shower with the hugest grin on my face, knowing I would see her at lunch.

We don't have any classes together though. That's a bitch. I hate school and I'll probably start skipping class again, like back in Boston. But if Willow was in the same classes as me, I could sit and listen to teach drone on about Columbus and his three ships all damn day. But I'm a slayer, The Chosen One. What the fuck do I need to know about some guy sailing the seven seas or some shit back in the fifteenth century, who was just trying to make a buck anyway?

But fuck Columbus. I was talking about Willow. Sweet little redheaded, green eyed, cute as a button Willow.

Cute as a button?

Oh, yeah... I'm a goner.

What would Giles think if he knew I patrolled last night with not one thought about vampires or demons? It was all Willow-thought. I walked through cemetery after cemetery, twirling my stake in my hand, thinking of nothing more than how I could run my fingers through that shiny red hair of Willow Rosenberg's and stare into her eyes and maybe... just maybe I could feel those pale pink lips on mine.

Yeah, I know. I've got it bad.

Willow Rosenberg.

I have to laugh at myself, really. I'm all about the chicks. I really am. I'm this big, tough slayer - slayer no one's supposed to know about - but slayer nonetheless, and I get all hormonal over a cute smile and cute babble and cute... did I mention her ears were cute, too?

Her name and number are carefully printed on the back of my class schedule. That schedule is now currently in my hip pocket even though I'd memorized the 6 classes and study hall I have the first day. Her number I'd memorized too, of course, the first ten minutes it was in my possession. But her handwriting; the memory of her pressing lightly onto the paper with blue ink, letters and numbers and an invitation to be a part of her world.

She's going to tutor me, of course.

That's why we met in the first place. Giles suggested she tutor me. Guide me in the right direction, he'd said. Like I'm some delinquent! Can you believe that?

But whatever. How lucky am I to have Willow as part of the Sunnydale package?

Willow.

So yeah, she's going to tutor me. Not like I'm stupid or anything. I mean, Giles arranged for me to take these placement tests and even though I'm supposed to be a junior, I scored so high they upped me a grade. That's a pretty killer incentive for me to keep with the school thing and actually graduate.

Actually, I'm not sure Willow's so much going to tutor me, as make sure I get my butt to class and do my work. On second thought, this might suck. But damn, she fine! Three days of this drooling and repeating her name and dreaming about her - this isn't going to suck. This is going to be torture! She'll want me to be all school geek and I'll just want to kiss her.

And the odds of her even wanting to return that kiss are not looking to be in my favor. She seems pretty straight, what with all the mooning over that Xander dude. Only drawback of spending lunch with her is that Xander's there too - usually completely ignoring the hotness of Willow for someone else.

Someone like me. The boy can't keep his eyes above my cleavage. And Willow knows this. I usually pride myself on gaining attention from drooling males - because its fun when they realize there's no way they're ever gonna get in my pants. But Xander's obvious attention to my assets are hurting Willow. I can't have that. I've known the girl 3 freakin' days, and all I want to do is put my arm around her and show her that someone wants her. Wants her pretty damn bad, at that.

But I don't want to scare the poor girl either.

Speak of the devil.

Willow. Willow Rosenberg.

Ohh... she's wearing overalls today.

Why does she look so damn good in overalls?

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Faith. Faith. Faith...?

Why didn't I get her last name??

Probably because you were too busy looking at her ass...ets. And stuff.

And what great assets.

Aargh! This sucks so much! I'm not supposed to like girls! I like boys! I'm very with the liking of boys! I like Xander! He's cute and nice and he... we've known each other since we were in diapers! What's wrong with me?

No. I can't like Faith that way. Yeah, she's... sexy. She's all with the leather and the hair and those... lips... and breasts... No! Bad Willow! You're not supposed to notice things like that about girls. And definitely no naughty fantasies about them.

But just thinking about her does get me all tingly and... kinda funny feeling. Like I've just come off the Tilt-A-Whirl. Kind of dizzy and giddy at the same time.

Faith.

Just her name brings a smile to my face.

I'm supposed to be tutoring her. Helping her with school stuff. Giles wants her to be able to focus more on the slaying. He thinks if she has less outside interference and stress, that she'll do better as a slayer than the last two he's had in his charge. I only really got to know Buffy. I guess I was still grieving over her and a little resentful to get to know Kendra very well. But I didn't have the same feeling about them that I do for Faith.

I can't figure her out. And I know it's only been a few days. But she seems so much older. Giles told me she's 16, but she seems older than that. More worldly. Like she's seen and been through so much more than little ol' me.

Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her. It's more than her looks. It's... something deeper. I can't really explain it. I just know that I want... need to find out more about her. About Faith.

Starting with her last name.

I'm just nervous about seeing her again. What if I act like a total dork?! Just because her watcher wants me to tutor her doesn't mean she has to like me.

Faith. Faith. Faith! Why can't I just stop thinking about her for a second? This is getting so hard! I've never thought about anyone - especially not a girl - like I've been thinking about Faith. And frankly, it's a little freaky. What is it about her that has me so... all about her?

Does this make me gay?

Okay, Willow, breathe. Okay... oh!

She's right over there. Looking at me. Smiling... oh, she's smiling. That's good, right?

*********************************************************************************************************************

We act like nothing's wrong of course. Like there isn't this huge, pink elephant in the room with us. Nope. Just going on about our business. Willow acting like she's really involved in showing me this math crap, and me doing an equally terrible job of showing her I know what she's talking about.

Maybe it's me. Maybe she's picking up on my attraction to her and I'm freaking her out.

But something tells me it's more than that. I've been around. I know the game pretty well. She's waiting for me to say something, for me to bring up what we've been avoiding for weeks now.

Like the secret looks at my ass she thinks I don't see. Or the way we catch each other's eye and then she looks away real fast, all blushin' and shit. She's so adorable. Oh, and how sometimes she watches me train, even though we both know she's supposed to be correcting my practice quizzes.

Fuck, I'd wish she'd quiz me on something else!

I try to control myself. I know she doesn't have the same slayer senses that I do. She can't pick up what I can... the way her breathing quickens and her heart rate speeds up just a little bit when I'm close. And once I swore I could smell her. You know, because she was wet. It was faint... and who knows if it was really because of me? If this was anyone besides Willow I might've tried to make it worse, just to see if it really was me she was reacting to.

And because I can be a real bitch and a tease.

But instead I just felt bad. Kinda guilty... because I can also tell she's confused about all this. So I got up to train instead. And I kept catching her watching me. I pretended not to notice, though. I like her watching me.

I guess I should just say something. Ask her out or ask her how she feels about me or if she'd like to jump my bones. I don't know why I'm being such a chicken-shit with her. I guess I really care what she thinks and don't want to ruin anything we have... or might have the potential to have... or something.

I have to do something about this.

********************************************************************************************************************

I know she's not paying attention to me. Well, she is paying attention to me... just not to the algebra problem I'm working in her notebook. I'm not really paying attention to it either. Which is okay because I know this stuff like the back of my hand and could probably work it in my sleep. And if I did make a mistake it's not like she would notice - since she's not paying attention to it.

I'm such a bad teacher!

I love the way she smells. Her hair and whatever perfumey stuff she puts on. It's kind of musky and suits her really well. Not really light and flowery like a lot of women's perfumes. It's more... earthy. Natural. It smells right. I think it really suits her.

I always have to fight the urge to lean over and press my face into the crook of her neck. Or run my lips and nose across her arm. She's always wearing those tight tank tops, which don't help at all! Every day before we meet I try to give myself a little pep talk about how I'm going to be a good girl and not stare at her or try to smell her. I tell myself I'm going to just tutor her like I'm supposed to and leave it at that. Not watch her train. And certainly not lose myself in lusty fantasies about her and I frolicking through the library... naked.

But I always fail myself. I'm a big, giant, lusty failure!

She walks through those double doors with that confidant slayer swagger, wearing those tight jeans, and then she looks at me and smiles. She smiles when she sees me and the way her face lights up just makes me feel like my whole body is glowing!

And from there on it's all downhill. Dizzy and giddy, remember?

And I'm not stupid. I know I haven't done much in the way of dating... oh, okay I haven't done anything in the way of dating... but I do know that I'm not the only one in this library that has something on her mind. I've caught her looking at me. Sometimes she gets so quiet around me. When we're with other people she has so many stories to tell... she's all animated and kind of loud and she really likes to brag.

She's different around me, though. She actually seems interested in what I have to say. She thanks me for tutoring her, even though we both know she hates school, and wouldn't even be going to Sunnydale High if it weren't for Giles' insistence.

Bottom line, I like her. And I think she likes me.

But what in the world do I do about it?

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So I asked her out. Shocked the hell out of her too! She was so cute, dropping her pencil and then knocking her water bottle off the table trying to catch it. And the stuttering!

I didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly. I was going to work up to it. Ask her if she wanted to see a movie with me, something friends do together. And then from there, well, then maybe I'd ask if she liked me.

So I covered my tracks, told her I'd been itchin' to see this movie and I had no one to go with. I saw that adorable smile falter a little and I couldn't help but kick myself for making it sound like I'd rather go with anyone but her.

She said okay, though. So that was a start. I never said I was suave. I can be one major fuck up where the girls are concerned. I figured I'd make it up to her later, though. Let her know what I really meant and then see where that took us.

And I can't say I wasn't hoping it would take us back to my place... Not that Giles would have been too happy about that, considering I live with him.

Truth be told I don't even remember the damn movie. I mostly paid attention to her out of the corner of my eye the entire time. My senses were on full alert, noting her breathing, her heart rate, her smell and the way she shifted occasionally in her seat. Our knees touched a couple of times. Both of us apologizing and moving away a bit, unable to just let it go.

I wanted to put my arm around her. I wanted to be closer. I wanted to kiss her.

We didn't do any of that, though. This is so unlike me. I'm always First Move Girl. I'm usually all Want. Take. Have. I want Willow and unless I'm being completely misled by her body, she wants me too. So what the fuck is the hold up?

We walked from the Sun Cinema down Main Street toward Willow's house. It's really amazing how small downtown Sunnydale is compared to the rest of the city. I was majorly disappointed that it wasn't bigger than this, coming from Boston and all. There you had a hundred choices of what to do in a night and here... well, there's not much here. Giles says it's an ever-expanding town; something about the rate of development being one of the highest in California, which I find odd considering the demon activity and the freakin' rate of mortality. But, whatever.

Point is, once we got out of the movie I had no clue what to do. I was hoping we could talk on the way back to her house and maybe, if I was lucky, she'd invite me in.

I told her she didn't talk about Xander much anymore. She nodded but didn't say anything else, which meant it would be a lot harder than I thought. I asked her if she still liked Xander. She told me of course she still liked him, just that she realized her feelings weren't what she thought they'd been. I thought that'd give me an opening, so I asked her if there was someone else she liked.

She stopped walking and turned to me. In the moonlight, with a few strands of red hair hanging across her forehead, I never wanted to kiss her more.

She asked me why I was playing 20 Questions. I knew this crap had to stop. So I told her I liked her. I just stepped back, ducked my head and told her that I really liked her and thought... hoped that she liked me too.

She didn't say anything at first and for a minute there I really thought I'd made a huge mistake. And who was I to think this little straight girl would be interested in big, tough-actin' Faith anyway?

Aw, but man was I right!

Not only does she bring her big, round, gorgeous eyes up to mine, but she smiles that little shy, quirky smile that gives me butterflies in my belly every time I see her. And then she nods that she does like me like I thought she did.

I feel like shouting. I feel like jumping. Hell, I feel like staking a few vamps 'cause my adrenaline's pumpin' and I'm so damn happy.

I don't do any of that but I can't help the huge grin from appearing on my face. And I really can't help grabbing her up in my arms and lifting her off the sidewalk.

She giggles and I just die.

Her hands on my shoulders and her hair against my face just feels so right.

*********************************************************************************************************************

We like each other. I like her. Oh, wordy yes, do I like her! And she likes me. She actually likes me! The Slayer! Likes me! Willow!

Oh, but this is so, so, so terribly wrong. We can't like each other! We can't kiss and carry on and just... be happy together.

Can we?

Oh, but her lips... she is such a good kisser! Not that I really know what a good kisser is, but what she does with her lips and her tongue... and oh gosh! What I did with my lips and tongue - wow! I've never experienced anything like that. The way her hand snuck up into my hair and kind of cupped the back of my head and the way her other arm held me against her so tight and just... the way her gorgeous, tasty full lips pressed against mine!

She didn't rush like I thought she would. I was so disappointed when she set me back down on the sidewalk and I just wanted to jump on her, wrap my legs and arms around her and cling to her so tight. But I wasn't disappointed for long. I could tell our bodies were responding to each other, and as she stepped closer to me our eyes locked and my breath caught at what I found there. There was just so much emotion.

Her eyes are so... deep.

No one has ever looked at me like that before. It was like looking into Love itself. And yeah, I know that sounds cheesy and na´ve, but I don't know how else to describe it.

When Faith blinked it was like a mini spell had been cast and then I was in her arms and her lips were against mine and oh, oh did it feel so right! Little tingles made their way up my spine. My palms broke out in a sweat. And then her tongue was pushing against my lips and I opened them. I invited her inside. Wanted to taste her. To know how it felt to be really kissed by someone who liked me, not just a few pecks and fumble over Spin The Bottle like in the 7th grade.

She was so gentle. Her tongue met mine, sliding over and around before retreating slightly. I followed it though, intrigued. I half expected her tongue to be hard and yucky, stabbing at me and making my insides go all woggy. But her tongue was soft and relaxed. It flowed like a tiny wave instead of stabbing like a dart. It massaged mine softly, not expecting or demanding anything. Her lips worked against mine and I leaned into her, pulling her tighter against me.

My insides were going all woggy, all right, but not in a bad way at all. Something inside me was turning and growing and causing every part of my body to wake up. I knew how it felt to become aroused, but this was something altogether different. And wonderful!

I'm not sure how long our kiss lasted. It seemed like an eternity but it was way too short. She stayed close though and planted a few soft kisses on my lips and cheeks before simply holding me and leaning her head against mine.

In the few short weeks that followed, everything I knew about myself changed. I looked at the people around me differently. I felt like I was becoming more aware. Like something inside me was waking up and taking notice. For the first time in my life I felt alive. Really alive. Not even learning about slayers and vampires and being pulled into the fight against evil had made me feel like this. This was so very different.

To be perfectly honest, I was a little scared by these changes in me at first. Scared of my friendship with, and my attraction to, Faith. Scared that there was something wrong with me.

My world had come crashing down around me, but there was Faith with arms held out, waiting for me to fall into them.

She likes me. And I know I definitely like her. And maybe this is okay after all.

It definitely feels okay.


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