Arms Of The Angel

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard atthe endof the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

Faith moved around the small motel room like a caged animal. This was not what she had wanted to happen. She had come to LA for freedom from Sunnydale. Only to find him. She had been hired to kill him. She had thought that would be easy enough. Hell, she'd almost done it one other time. But, he wasn't what she expected. When she had appeared on his doorstep, expecting a fight, he'd simply smiled and asked her to come inside. She didn't like that. He was suppose to be mad. She could kill him if he went after her. But, he was being nice. Trying to help...saying he understood. Hell, he'd been Angelus. He'd killed one of the fucking scooby gang and they had accepted him back. She hadn't killed any of them yet they all acted like she was scum. She let her eyes fall to the picture on her dresser. Well, not all of them.

Faith sighed, wondering what was happening to her. She'd loved being bad. The mayor had cared for her. No one else had...except for her. Faith had lost her when she had gone to fight with the mayor. She knew she'd never get her back. That was the reason she had run from Sunnydale. To see the sadness in those green eyes everytime they met on the street. It killed her more each time. She had let Red down. She had taken the girl's love and thrown it away for a chance to rule Sunnydale with the mayor. She had always loved Red, even telling the mayor that the girl was hers and off limits. It didn't matter now. She'd never get her back.

She wondered what Red would say about her present situation. She had to kill Angel for those damn lawyers or they'd kill her. The ironic thing was that she strangely felt a kinship for Angel. He too had done something he hadn't really wanted to. They were alike in many ways. They had even both run away from the one that loved them...that might have been able to help make their lives bareable...they both ran from happiness. She had just done it with a bang.

Memory seeps from my veins

let me be empty and weightless

and maybe i'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

Faith stood again and went back to pacing. She picked up the photograph of Willow, letting her mind go back to those sweet nights with her lover. Before the mayor. Before she had tried to kill them all. She let her eyes fall to the piece of paper from that bitch lawyer. Angel's address and phone number. She should have killed him already. She'd planned to go in and do it. Simple and easy. She hadn't counted on so many things. She knew Willow wouldn't understand her killing Angel. So far, Faith hadn't really killed anyone that they knew. She'd tried. Damn, had she tried. It had never worked. She always saw Willow's green eyes...the disappointment and sadness in them.

Faith cursed, throwing the paper from the lawyers on the floor. She looked it, knowing it was an easy choice. Angel's life or her own. She was a survivor. She knew what she would do. She moved to the dresser, finding a pen and paper. She wrote a brief note to Willow, explaining it all. She wanted the redhead to know why she had had to do it when she got the news. She knew Willow well enough to know she'd blame herself...thinking she could have done something. In a way, Faith wanted Buffy to know that she hadn't been given a choice. That this time it wasn't about their petty rivalry. This time, it was about her.

So tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lies

that you make up for all that you lack

it doesn't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe

in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness

that brings me to my knees

Faith let her eyes fall on the picture on Willow. Her Red. Their secret. No one had known. She hadn't wanted to share Red with the group. She knew Angel was close. She could feel him. She gripped the blade tight in her hand, never taking her eyes from Willow's face. This time there wouldn't be disappointment in those green eyes. Faith had grown up. She knew she couldn't kill Angel. He'd been nice and tried to help. But, she knew she died if she didn't. So, fuck it. She'd die her way. She grimaced as the blade entered her wrist. She thought of Willow and smiled as she drew the blade up her arm, slicing the vein open. She moved the blade to her other hand, repeating the action.

Angel smelled the blood as he stood outside the motel room. He opened the door, his eyes widening as he saw Faith standing by the bureau. He saw the blade as she dropped it. The blood was flowing heavily. He moved quickly, taking her falling body into his arms. Surprised, he saw that she was smiling. It was the first real smile he'd ever seen on her face. He brushed her hair from her face, anguish crossing his face. He hadn't reached her. He had done nothing.

"Hey Fang" Faith said, her voice weak. She could feel her life as it drained. She looked at Angel.

"Why?" he asked, wondering if there was time to get her to the hospital. He saw the depth of the cuts and knew it was hopeless. She'd known what she was doing.

"Couldn't kill ya" she said.

"What?" he asked, confused.

She smiled, "Red wouldn't want me to kill you...I hurt her so often...couldn't do it again. Couldn't let them kill me. If I'm going to go, I'm doing it myself. Too strong to let them get me. Tell her I thought about her, K?"

"Red?" Angel said, his eyes falling to the picture she held tightly. "Willow?"

"Tell her I did love her....always will..wrote her a letter...has some answers...don't want her to worry about me..." Faith said, closing her eyes. She felt his arms pull her body into his chest. She sighed, feeling safe. "Be careful, Fang. They'll find someone else to come for you...."

Angel didn't say anything, just held her as she slowly died. He was surprised to find wetness on his cheeks. He looked down at her beautiful face wondering what had gone so wrong for her...wishing he could have helped her. He watched as her breathing weakned even more. Her hand still held the picture of Willow close to her heart. He sighed when the picture fell to the floor, her lifeless hand following it. Faith was dead.

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

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