*RADIO*-Today's tough trivia is, what is the most deadly animal in Africa?
Me and my mom at the same time- A hippo! (which was the right answer)
Sarah- What?
Mom- Yeah, they'll crush you. And they're fast.
Me- It's like that old saying... wait, no that saying doesn't have anything to do with this!

Vernon (Mrs. Vernon, a teacher)- Well I saw you come in and I assumed you were a professional!
Brady-You hired me because I could scream real good and roll across the floor!

*VERY early in the morning at an airport*
Mom- Look at all those air traffic controll guys. I wonder why they all have on those earmuffs?
Me- To block out the loud sounds from the jets. Any idiot in their right mind would know that.

Me- WHO CARE'S IF YOU'RE WHORE #1? I'm WHORE ON WATERFRONT! I OUTRANK YOU! (Inspired by the Interview With the Vampire credits)

Me- Why don't any of these people have guns? Think about it- Would all those people have died in the Scream moviess if they'd had a Magnum? Would the people in I Know What You Did Last Summer have died if they'd had a gun? Would the people in Jurassic Park have died if they'd had a gun? Or a bomb... that's better. Well, actually, they could have avoided that whole mess if they wouldn't have gone to the damn island in the first place! Really, what idiot says, "LOOK! An island filled with dangerous monsters that can kill me! Let's go there!" AND WHY HAVEN'T THEY JUST NUKED THE ISLANDS, ANYWAY? GIT-R-DONE!

Me- So Sirius-
Sarah- You mean Remus.
Me- Same thing.

Me- I'm watching Queen of the Damned. Have you seen it?
Sarah- *rolls eyes* Yeah, but I only like that one guy.
Me-There's like fifty guys in that movie. Which one?
Sarah- I don't remember his name...
Me- What did he look like?
Sarah- I don't remember.
Me-... What did he do?
Sarah- Stuff...
Me-Was it Lestat?
Sarah- I'd remember him!
Me-Louis?
Sarah-No.
Me-Armand?
Sarah-No.
Me- Daniel?
Sarah-Who?
Me-... well was it Marius?
Sarah- THAT'S HIM!

Me- See? Even she says Lauren and Sarah. That just has a better flow than Sarah and Lauren.
Sarah- I guess...
Me- You just have a name that sounds better last.
Sarah- I guess a lot of people think that. Lauren and Sarah, Cynthia and Sarah-
Me- Of course, I always say Sarah and Remus.
Sarah- I guess it's all in alphabetical order.
Me- R COMES BEFORE S!

(From 8th grade)
Me- Um, I'm looking for it, but I can't find water's boiling point.
Miss Roche- Well it's the same as the melting point.
Me- That can't be right.
Miss Roche- ...What?
Me- If you put an ice cube and a cup of water next to each other at 36 degrees, the ice cube wouldn't melt while the water froze. It's impossible.
Miss Roche-....... Just write it down so you get the point.

Me- Well, I finished the next chapter of my story.
Sarah- You put Sirius in this one, right?
Me-Yeah. Well, actually, he's not in it except for the end of the chapter, so it's really more of a brief mention of him.
Sarah- A BRIEF MENTION?
Me- Well, you know... "Look, a tree! Look, another tree! Look, it's Sirius! Look, a tree!"

(I had just recieved my Lestat shirt)
Mom- Hey Lauren... I was thinking...
Me- Yeah?
Mom- Well, when you wear that "Lestat" shirt around... do you think it'll make the wrong crowd want to start hanging out with you?
Me- *Laughs* WHAT?
Mom- Well, I mean there's those wierdos out there that might see that shirt and want you to run around with them late at night and drink blood.
Me- *Laughs because REAL vampires that saw me in that shirt would just assume I was a poser or RPer* That's RIDICULOUS!
Mom- Well, there was that one guy on that show you used to watch that thought he was a vampire... (She's refering to Don on Mad Mad House)
Me- *stops laughing because she said Don THOUGHT he was a vamp* I really really doubt that's going to happen.
Mom- *joking* So now are you going to wear black lipstick and black nailpolish like those wierd goth people?
Me- *Now more than slightly offended* No, mom. And there's nothing wrong with that, either. I know a goth girl who's about the sweetest person I've met.
Mom- Yeah, well... *leavs*

Me- How long until dinner?
Mom- About a half hour.
Me- In that case, Lauren will have a salad to tide her over.
Mom-....Why do you refer to yourself in third-person?
Me- Because The Lauren is just that important that she needs to be spoken about in third-person. Now if you'll excuse her, The Lauren needs to make her salad.

(My mom was wearing a golf shirt and matching beige pants; I was wearing my BRAND NEW Lestat shirt)
Me- *looks at mom* What's with the golf shirt?
Mom-Nothing. I just needed to wear something nice for my interview this morning. *looks at me* What's with your devil shirt?
Me- WHAT?
Mom- Your little Satan-worship shirt there!
Me- Say that again and I'll kick your ass!
Mom-.... SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN! *Runs away*

(Everything after the first sentence was yelled loudly in drama. And no, it wasn't said to me)
Guy- OH MY GOD YOU MADE OUT WITH JOSH FOR TWO HOURS?
Girl- AND YOU DROWNED YOUR LOVE CHILD IN THE RIVER?
GIRL 2- AND YOU ATE OUT MY MOM LAST NIGHT?

Sarah- Come on, the bus is here.
Me- (in the middle of a Yu-Gi-Oh card dule) DAMN! GOD DAMN IT! WHY THE FUCKING HELL CAN I NEVER FUCKING FINISH A GOD DAMN FUCKING GAME OF GOD FUCKING YU-GI-OH? DAMN IT!
Jaron- Jeeze, Lauren, think you can fit some more swear words in that sentence!
Me- BITCH FUCK DAMN CUNT!

Brady- You haven't lived until someone makes you laugh so hard you pee yourself.

Me- Well they're CRAZY HOT! Hot with a capital DO ME!

An internet convo:
Me: Yoda- Train you must
Luke- Nyahaha, you got senile.
Taylor: wurd
Me: Yoda- Cut Yoda's pay the bastards did. Now Yoda doesn't put effort into his acting.
Taylor: did you make that up?
Me: yeah
Me: I amaze myself sometimes.

Taylor- I hate that girl! She's such a.... *looks at me*
Me-...Cunt whore bitch?
Taylor-*laughs* exactly

*I couldn't remeber who Kevin Bacon was, so I looked it up on IMDB*
Me- So... It doesn't really look like he was anything good...
Mom- Really? They say he's been in a lot of good things...
Me- OOH! Wait, he was Balto!
Mom- In?
Me-...Balto.
Mom- That dog movie?
Me- Yeah! Well now that I know he was Balto I like him!

Online Convo:
Taylor: i'm ignoring chappelle right now
Me: Why? BC he's talking about chick's feelings?
Me: Every male comic does that... it's getting annoying...
Me: "blah blah I JUST WANT SEX AND A SANDWHICH blah blah FEELINGS CONFUSE ME blah blah..."

Me- You know what's really wierd to me?
Sarah-What?
Me- Everyone around me's Christian, and everyone believes in the Christian God, and it's just kinda strange for me to have everyone else believe in something different. Did you ever think about that?
Sarah-....No.