2001-09-06 08:09:47
I can't live like this anymore. I'm lost past being in denial. I know I have problems, I know I need help but treatement and medication take money that I don't have. And even if I had insurance most insurance will only pay for a few weeks of treament if at all. I just feel at such a loss on what to do."
2001-09-19 08:45:51
How do you learn to not to let people walk all over you. Why can't I tell people who do me wrong how I really feel. People screw me over time and time again and I just play all nice about it. When am I ever going learn to stand up for myself.
2001-09-27 01:58:51
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I find someone to love me? I'm not asking for the moon, just a kind decent person. I look around and all I see is love and I don't understand why I'm alone. Sure I my SAD dosen't make me highly outgoing but I don't think it can all be blamed on my SAD. Why can't someone find me. I long to feel loved again. I long to walk in a room with the man I love and show him off. I long for the day I can say to my family I'm getting married
Am I desperate? In a sense yeah. I mean I'm 32 years old, come on when is the love of my life going to happen. I'm 32 years old I want children. At the rate I'm going my biological clock will run out.
It's sad, that's what it is. I'm a wonderful, beautiful person and the only people who try and pick me up are creeps only interested in sex or men twice my age.
I can remember as far back as Junior High saying to myself. If I could see into my future and I knew their would no husband, no children that I would end my life right then. I know that sounds absurd, crazy etc... but I'm one of those people who has always known that's what I wanted more than anything.
Their are many people who never want kids, have no desire to get married. To me it seems weird but that's what's right for them. I can't convince anyone what they are missing out on.
You know our local radio station every few years puts out a call for someone who's looking to get married. They have them on the show, then they have guys call in who would be interested in marrying her. They spend several days interviewing her on the air, interviewing the guys. Then at the end of the week they let her pick the man she wants to marry. They arrange everything, big wedding, nice honeymoon and they play the ceremony live on air. It sounds utterly crazy to most people but I love the idea. I almost thought of getting together with some friends and doing the same thing on my site. But I thought God, people are really going to think I'm a pathetic looser.
But hey, theirs a woman who runs a large on-line dating company, very successfull and she put up a contest on the site advertising for marriage. Her family screened all the letters and narrowed it down to 5 for her. I didn't ever hear who she choose but it was basically the same concept as the radio deal.
Sadly I don't think I even have enough friends to care that I even exist anymore so I'd probably be on my own if I went for it."