2001-08-19 11:46:17 "I went out today to run an errand. Forced myself to eat something. I managed to get through the meal without being sick but that was only because I took two pills for nauseasness and one for my stomach. I can never decide which is worse, eating or not eating. Either way I end up sick." 2001-08-19 19:35:59 I need to find some decent diet pills. All my local stores seem to have are the scores ofthe fat burning, lose weight quick pills. Whatever they claim they are ""not"" diet pills and none of them work. I never bother to waste my money with them. I can find Dexatrim easily but since they went to all herbal I've tried everything to get them down but the smell and the taste is so terrible. Think I'll go in search on-line if I don't find any while I'm out tomorrow." 2001-08-20 09:39:45 I got some diet pills today and some vitamins. Wanted to get a coke but the machine wasn't working so I had to get a Pepsi which has more sugar. Very tired, I'm going to lay down for awhile." 2001-08-20 16:29:19 I watched the E Profile on Tracy Gold last night, it was interesting. She talked about how when she started becoming Anorexic and loosing the weight people would tell her how great she looked which gave her even more of an incentive to loose more weight. She thought if people love me and think I look great now think of how much they would love me if I was thinner. I equate my Anorexia and Bulimia the same way." 2001-08-21 09:24:17 "I ate breakfast, found myself wondering why I ate it. Forget to take my pill for nauseasness (sp?) so I ended up throwing part of it out because I was sick." 2001-08-21 13:40:15,,"Can't seem to get out of my depressive mood today. Finally forced myself to get up and do something, anything other than laying on the couch." 2001-08-22 10:23:37 I'm hungry but I refuse to eat. I wonder if I will ever be happy at any weight. 2001-08-23 06:31:16,,"Yesterday I picked up another bottle of vitamins, Calcium plus vitamin D. The things are as big as a cow. Thankfully they don't smell like one. I've had a hard time swallowing pills my entire life." 2001-08-27 08:51:28 I weighed myself yesterday. The scales showed I didn't loose any pounds the last few days but that's probably just being bloated. Hopefully by the end of the week I can get an accurate reading. 2001-08-30 06:11:24,,"I was supposed to go out today. Do some shopping, have a little fun. Something I don't get to do very often. It's raining though, so I'm expecting a call to say our day has been cancelled. Probably going to be a very depressing day." 2001-08-30 10:32:36 "We ended up heading out but we cut things short due to more expected heavy rain. It's always strange being back in the neighborhood I grew up in. It's strange to see a Walgreens drugstore on the same ground as your house once stood. I miss that house and the people and animals that once lived there. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time but I can't. The people are gone, the animals are gone and the house is no more. All I have left now are the memories."