The 9th Circle

AUTHOR: Danielle


DISCLAIMER: Everything is Joss Whedon’s

SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel have been best friend’s there whole lives. But after they were separated Angel comes back and finds something about Buffy he doesn’t want to know. But now that there are friends again and she trusts him now more than anything, what will he do when it comes between money or love?

RATING: NC-17, language, gonna be adult situations and its very dark.

DISTRUBTION: Anyone who had my stuff can take it otherwise ask. I swear not to say no.

FEEDBACK: Please, I really want to know what you guys think of this fic because when I was writing it I was loving it so much, its really dark and here there isn’t so much dialogue but I love it so much. SO please FEEDBACK!!!


He never really cared for anyone but himself. It was sort of just an instinct to him. When something went wrong he looked out for him and no one else. There could have been a fire going on in a building and if he it was between him and child he would save himself.

He was selfish, rude, cruel, spoiled and many other things in that category. This man though, he was one of the most richly, more famous people alive. And he lived for those pleasures. He loved wasting his ‘well earned’ money on expensive clothes, new houses and apartments. He lived for it. He would swim in his money if he got the chance to. Dive and laugh in it, brag to the whole world that he was the rich one and everyone else could go to hell.

He was Liam, Angelus O’Roake and he was one big son of a bitch.


“What!” Angelus roared as someone came into his office.

He worked in a law firm. A very well, very rich, and very nasty law firm. One that had spread around the world in a matter of years too much success. It was Wolfram and Hart and Angelus, much to his own happiness, was the owner of the whole thing.

His secretary looked up at him, scared. Pure fear of him. “I-It’s you’re uh mother sir.” She said quietly looking at the floor.

Angelus nodded his head and picked up the phone, “Hello?”

“Hello deary…” the person on the other line said.

“What the fuck do you want?” Angelus yelled as he looked as he looked at a file.

“Really, is that a way to talk to your mother?”

“If you’re my mother than I’m the queen of the world.” He snarled in the phone.

“You’re the king. Big fucken difference.”

Angel growled slightly. “It’s not my fault that my fucking secretary doesn’t know the fucking difference between a male and a female voice,” Angelus said sarcastically.

“It sort of hurt my feelings…” the voice on the other line said.

“More like your ego. What the hell do you want anyways, expect to waste my time,” Angelus snarled into the phone.

“Your precious time. What do you do with your time anyways?”

“Not that it is any of you business but… Actually it isn’t so don’t plan on me telling you shit.”

“That’s so nice of you, buddy.”

“Spike! What the fuck do you want!” Angel once again yelled at the phone.

“Oh. Alright then, I’ll surrendered to your commands,” he heard his best friend growl again and laughed. “You’re bloody mad you know that. Growling like that. Might give a person a heart attack.”

“Eat shit, Spike. I thought you were going to tell me why you’re calling me at,” he looked at his watch, “Three thirty at night.”

Spike suddenly got serious, “Its Buffy.”

Angelus’s eyes shut tightly. “What. NOW!” he roared in the phone.

Spike shifted in the chair he was sitting in. No, Angelus really was going to like this. “She called me downtown, she needs a ride home. And I thought ‘cause you’re closer you could take her.”

“Fine. What street?” he said quietly.

“See when it comes to Buffy you always give up easily. Why don’t you give up easily for me?” Spike said into the phone, a huge smirk lighting his face.

“SPIKE! The street. Please,” he said exasperated into the phone.


“What the fuck is she doing on Tuckerman,” he said getting up and putting on his duster.

“What do you think she is doing down there.”

Angelus was quiet. “I don’t know if I’ll be back in the office tonight so if you need anything call the cell.”

Spike was quiet for second. “See, why aren’t you that nice to me?”

“Fuck you.”

“You did that already, remember.”


“BUFFY!” Angelus yelled as he pulled up on the curve of the street.

Buffy looked inside the car and her eyes widened. “I didn’t call you.”

“Like you ever do. Get in the car.”

She shook her head. Tears already forming in her eyes. Why did he have to come?

“Please Buffy. It’s late and I know we’re both tired. So just get in.”

She looked around and her shoulders slumped. She didn’t call him for a reason. Why is fuck did Spike have to call him? Why him? She would rather have anyone but him. Even Oz. She opened the door to his Lexus and slide in the passenger seat without looking at him.

He looked at her profile for a second before tuning the engine on. She brought her legs up on top of the seat, not caring about the leather. She held herself tightly. She knew what would happen now. Whenever he picked her up it would always come. The Speech, as she would call it. She saw him open his mouth and she smiled a little.

“You know Buffy, we care for you. Everyone. Why did you have to come here? You could have came to the office. I can get you a job there. Spike can get you job at his place. Willow can, even hell Cordelia could. But why do you have to do this. I mean you’re so much better than this shit. And you know it,” he said as gently as possible.

They were speeding down the highway as she looked out the window. “I don’t want anyone’s charity. And anyways Faith needs the job more than me.”

“Baby, you know it’s not charity. We love ya and want the best for you. And being a… prostitute, love isn’t what we all had in mind for you.”

She was quiet before turning around in her chair and facing him. “Being a sinful bastard wasn’t what I had in mind for you.”

This time it was him who was quite. “Look, I’ll take you home. But please try to find a job.”

“Fuck you Angel. You think I want to do this shit! You think I like giving my body to countless of men every night!” she looked away when she felt the tears welling. Why did she always cry when he was around?

He pulled over and slipped her seat belt off bring her on his lap. “Buffy…”

She looked at him but said nothing. He pushed at her shoulders and she looked up. She rolled her eyes at him as he started to unbutton her shirt. “You’re getting a hard on in the middle of the conversation?”

“Don’t I always.” He said as he played with her nipple.

She smiled at him at him as she unzipped his pants and pulled his member out. She put her hands over his, and slowly they pulled down her g-string.

“Condom…” she whispered as he kissed her shoulder.

“Pocket,” he said as he started sucking roughly on her neck.

She moaned out and reached for the condom. “Normal men have them in their wallets, nope not Angel. He has them in his pocket.”

“What can say, you never know who you might run into these days.” He smirked as she ripped open the condom and roughly shoved it on him.

He took hold of her hips and brought him on his shaft slowly. She let out a slow, shuddered moan. He started moving in and out slowly, happy to hear her breathy moans coming out of her. She might as well enjoy it with him for free then have to do it with the high men she usually did it with. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he took this as a sign and started to move more forcefully up her as her hips moved faster down his.

“Angel,” she sighed as he started pushing in her faster. “Almost… Oh God, almost there. Harder… harder,” she whispered in ear.

Angel suddenly pushed her down on the passenger seat with him on top and started shoving in her harder. She moaned loudly as he groaned feeling himself ready to come. She yelled once more before climaxing, pushing on his shoulders, making marks on his back and wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. He came with a groan and shuddered for a second before getting up and pulling the condom off of him. He threw it in the back seat, lying with all the others.

He looked down and saw Buffy lying still with her eyes closed and a satisfied smiled on her face. He kissed her forehead and sat her up in the passenger seat, closed his pants, buttoned her shirt, pulled her so called underwear back up and lay in the seat for a second. He breathed slowly before turning the car on and heading towards her apartment.


He opened her door with his key, carrying her in his arms. He shut the door with his leg and went inside her bedroom. She had a crappy house on the bad part of town. He more then once offered her a room in his house but she always refused. He stripped her of her clothes and took off his shirt and slid it on her.

Every time he would tuck her in he would do the same thing. Ever since they were younger. He would carry her to bed, slip his shirt off and put it on her gently. Ever since she had made the comment when she was eight and he was nine.

[i]"I like your shirts. There always pretty."[/i]

He laughed now, since then he would give her his shirt and she never offered them back. It became a sort of a habit that he didn’t mind. And a collection that she had a full drawer of.

He crunched down next to her bed and wiped the hairs out of her face. They all changed so much. They were all best friends. Him, Spike, Buffy, Faith, Xander, Willow, Cordy and Doyle. Since they had been born and when they lived in Sunnydale. They all did everything together. They all learned how to ride bikes together, swim, do math. They smoked their first cigarette together. They got drunk together, had their hangovers together. They smoked dope together. They all lost their virginity on the same night. Him and Buffy, Spike and Faith, Willow and Xander, and Cordy and Doyle. Then they all traded partners the next night. They all must have done each other at least once or twenty times. They did there first three- some together, and four- some and five some together.

They all went to UC Sunnydale and had their first class together. Got drunk at the first frat party together. But all of it changed when Angel got expected to Harvard for Law School three years later. He left everyone, and everyone was sad to see him go. Especially Buffy. She was always closer to him then anyone else and felt not hurt but betrayed when he left. He swore he would come back to her but she turned away and he left that day with Buffy feeling lost and angry.

Eventually they thought if Angel could leave so could they. Spike went off to England. Cordelia went to LA to become an actress. Xander went to a building school in San Francisco. Faith went to New York to ‘find’ herself. Eventually she applied to NYC for Graduate school and got in. Willow applied to Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Brown and Oxford. She got into all of them and decided to go to Brown. And Doyle decided to go with his parents to Ireland. So Buffy was in Sunnydale, by herself, not being able to go anywhere, because she couldn’t afford it and her mom was too sick to be left alone.

On the day of Buffy’s mom’s funeral, she had sent Willow an email about it hoping she would tell everyone else what had happened. Buffy not being in the right sat of mind to tell everyone herself. So after the funeral Buffy waited for her friends to show up. Non of them did. After everything her mom did for them they didn’t come. That next day no one in the small town of Sunnydale knew were Buffy Summers had disappeared too.

After three years of Law School and one as a leader in a firm, Liam Angelus O’Connor got offered a partner ship at one of the best firms in world. Wolfram and Hart. That’s were he had met Lindsey. He moved to LA and found a big apartment near the building. He and Lindsey made a great group, and won every single case they got. The whole place was scared of them and eventually they got promoted to the highest place that could be, the owners. That’s when they started to get rich. And they were. They got mean and rude and disliked everyone but themselves.

Spike came to LA getting a very well off position in the World Bank. Willow came back to LA because the people at Microsoft positioned her there. That’s were she met Oz and they had been dating ever since. Doyle came back to LA ‘cause as he told his parents, “You people are driving me into a mad person. I’m leaving!” And he did and he found a small motel to live in until he found his own apartment. Cordelia had found her own fame in acting and had won two Golden Globes for her TV Show Timeless on HBO. Xander had moved to LA because his girlfriend of two years, Anya, told him she didn’t want to be in a long distant relationship anymore and if he didn’t move to LA then they would be over. So he packed his bags and moved in with her. Faith had returned in hopes of finding some of her friends she had left back in Sunnydale.

One day to some twist of fate they all ran into each other at the mall. They decided that they should meet up at a local restaurant and have a few drinks. The laughed and teased each other as they remembered there old days.

Then Cordelia had said, “To bad Buffy couldn’t be here, maybe we should have called her or something.”

Everyone became quiet, “Has anyone heard from her?” Spike said quietly, suddenly feeling guilty for leaving all those years ago, knowing that they had all left Buffy behind with her sick mother.

There were a bunch of quiet “No”s’ and one squeak of “Yes.”

Everyone had turned his or her head towards Willow who looked down. “What she say?” Faith asked.

“Well I didn’t really talk to her, I got an email.” Everyone looked at her expecting an explanation. “Her mother died and I only read it a week later because I was busy and when I tried to call her but she didn’t answer. I called a few people in Sunnydale and said she had disappeared a few days later.”

Everyone was quiet, especially Angelus. His cold heart started to warm up at the mention of Buffy’s name. The fact that she was lost to world made his guilt for leaving in the first place become much bigger.

They decided to meet tomorrow at a bar downtown. When they met outside they heard loud music and screaming outside, they all turned to Faith before shaking their heads, who shrugged her shoulders at them. When they entered, the smell of alcohol reached their noses. They sat down at booth near the end. They order a round of beers.

When everyone finished there first one they heard a muffled cry and they all looked back to where the sign for the bathroom stood. They ignored it until they heard a crushing sound and a louder yell. They all got up and rushed down the hallway. There they saw a man beating a small girl.

“So you got me all worked up and now you ain’t givin’ me any, huh, is that what you think, you lil’ whore,” he said as he kicked her in the ribs.

Spike and Angel rushed forward and pulled the man back and threw him out of the way. Willow, Faith and Cordelia ran towards the girl who was lying face down on the ground sobbing. When they tried to touch her she flinched. Angel and Spike came back into the small hallway and saw them trying to get the girl off the ground. She had blonde hair and short legs.

Suddenly someone down the hall yelled out, “Buffy! You got clients in here waiting for you and they keep beating at each other to get you first. Do something!”

She moaned a little and got up suddenly looking around frantically. The whole group was looked at her in amazment. The blonde looked around at the people who stood in a circle around her, her eyes wide. Everyone else in the group let out a small gasp.

“Buffy…” Angelus whispered.

They all looked at her. She looked different, with her dark make up and barely there clothes, Angelus was the first to figure out what her job was. “Buffy…” he said quietly again. But this time she had tears welling up in her eyes, she tried to go down the hall but Angelus caught up with her. “What are you doing?” he asked gently.

She looked at him before turning away but Angelus grabbed her arm and she winced. “Sorry but I have to go.” She whimpered to him. But he grabbed her more forcefully and she tried to not cry from the pain or the situation. She wasn’t exactly sure.

“You’re not going anywhere but to my house Buffy,” he had snarled at her.

He had taken her home, with everyone else following and at that moment when they were sitting around Angelus’s living room they all told each other what was happing in there lives. After that day everything was just like it used to be. But they were older now, with different situations. Doyle who everyone could tell was turning into an alcoholic, Faith who was unemployed and of course Buffy who hated her job more than anything. But they all still seemed to get along. And was there for each other.

Angel shook his head from the fogging memory and got up but Buffy’s hand reached for his arm.

She looked up at him with big eyes, “Stay, please.”

Angel’s cold heart once again filled with love for his best friend. His cold heart always seemed to feel with love for his best friends. “You know I will.”

He lay gently down and kissed her forehead before falling into a fitful sleep. His whole world seemed to be coming apart but at the same time coming together.

Part 1

Angelus sat in his chair at the office looking through a file. He heard a knock on the door before Lindsey walked in, smirking happily. Angelus scowled at him as he sat in the chair before his desk. Lindsey put his legs on the desk, smiling wickedly at him. Angelus looked over at him. His partner’s happy mood was pissing him off. Angelus got up from his chair and before Lindsay had any idea what was happing to him, he found himself pinned to the wall but Angelus’s hands. He choked on the little air he was receiving.

Angelus glared at him. “What the fuck do you want?”

Lindsay pulled at his partner’s shirt. Angelus glared at his hands. Lindsay then figured out that he wasn’t going to be let to the floor anytime soon.

“I didn’t hear you, Lindsay,” Angelus said, making his grip on his friend’s neck a light harder.

There was a knock on the door and Angelus was about to kill the person that would enter right at this second but he saw it was only Xander with his girlfriend so he let go off Lindsay’s throat not wanting to scare the lady. Lindsay fell on a heap on the floor, clouting at his throat.

Xander raised his eyebrows at the scene in front of him but decided not to say anything and clamped a hand over Anya’s mouth so she wouldn’t say anything either. Lindsay got up and glared at Angelus.

“Xander,” Angelus said shortly, walking back to his desk.

Xander nodded his head at his friend and looked at Lindsay. He had finger marks all over his throat. Lindsay looked at Angelus, “I came here to inform you that the new lawyer, the one you insisted on hiring, Charlie or something, just lost his first case.”

Angelus looked up at him for a second before looking back to the file. “I remember a certain lawyer losing his first case to a community service lawyer.”

Lindsay glared at him for a second before snarling, “Why the fuck did we hire him again?”

Angelus looked at him again, “What the fuck do you want, Lindsay? You think just because Charles Gunn lost his first case that I’m going to fire him. He can lose all the cases we give him and I won’t fire him.”

“What happened to the friend that I knew in law school, the one that would have fired that black boy in a second? He is trash, and he doesn’t belong here! He belongs back on the streets with the other Niger’s!”

Lindsay found himself thrown out of Angelus’s office, “You learn how to call people correct names before you come into the office again!”

“I’m your partner, I can do whatever the hell I want!”

Angelus just smirked at him before closing the door in his face. He turned back to his friends who were shaking their heads at him. “I’ll be ready in a second.” He said as he headed towards his make shift room in his office.

Ten minutes later, Angelus came out wearing jeans and a white shirt. He cleaned his desk and grabbed his wallet, stuffing it in his right pocket. He looked up at Anya and Xander who where sitting on his couch, both with smug looks on there faces. Angelus scowled at them before going towards the door.

“You guys coming are you going to sit in the office and look like idiots all day?”

“With the words Angelus,” Xander said smiling at him, putting a hand over his heart.

“Because they effect you so much,” he said.

They walked out, “Bye Mr. O’Roake,” His secretary said.

“Bye Melody.” Angelus said.


He looked at her for a second, a confused look on his face, “What’s harmony?”

“That’s my uh, never mind sir.”

Angelus looked at her funny before turning away. As they walked out of the office and down the street he noticed Xander had an amused smile on his face. “What is so funny?”

“Oh it’s just that you know your secretary, *Harmony*, She went to school with us.”

“She did?” Clearly not remembering the annoying blonde.

“Yes. You even nailed her,” Xander said, his amusement increasing.

Angelus had a dubious look on his face. “Really?”

“Yup. Buffy caught you guys. Remember she didn’t talk to you for a really long time after that.” Xander said, reminiscing in the high school memories.

“That was the girl?” Angelus asked stupidly.

“Yes, I think I would remember the name and face that Buffy had cursed for those three months.”

Angelus was quite for a second before looking at Xander and Anya seriously. “Don’t tell her who my secretary is.”

Xander rolled his eyes at him as they entered the bar where they were meeting everyone else. The waved at them seeing them at a booth at the end of the bar. They went over to the bar ordered the drinks and then went over to their friends.

“Get the fuck up, Spike.” Angelus snarled at his friend who had his hand down Buffy’s skirt. Spike smirked at him before he got up and let him in. Angelus sat down next to Buffy and pulled her towards him. Buffy looked at him, smiling shyly at him. He played with her hair and kissed her lightly.

“You know, if I didn’t know better I would think you’re a couple,” Doyle said as he gulped his beer.

Buffy looked at Doyle before putting her head in between his shoulder and arm. She smiled. If only…

Angelus just rolled his eyes at him and held Buffy closer to him. He kissed the top of her head as he drank his beer. “That’s nuts and you fucken know it.”

Buffy’s smile wiped from her face and let go of Angelus. She glared at him and gulped her whole drink down. Angelus looked at her confused not sure what to say. Did she want to be with him? Or was she just upset that he wouldn’t want to if he had the chance? “Angelus almost killed someone today,” Xander said, smiling happily at his best friend. By the glare on his face, suddenly Xander became very scared for his own safety.

“You almost killed someone, Angel?” Buffy asked quietly.

At the look of alarm on her face he looked away. Why did he always disappoint her? He was about to reply when Spike said:

“He kills someone almost everyday, love. If they bother him, of course. Or lose a case then he just fires them.”

Angelus looked quickly at Buffy. She looked at him blankly. “Why?” before he could answer she answered herself. “Wait, I forgot. You’re an arrogant son of a bitch who thinks of no one but himself.” She quickly got up and pushed her way out of the booth. “You know what guys. I’m just not in the mood right now to get pissed drunk and wake up in the middle of the street. So I’m going to leave.” And she did. In a hurry.

Angelus leaned back against the booth chair and then put his hands in his head. This so wasn’t happing. Suddenly he snapped his head back to the present. He pointed his glare at Xander, before anyone knew what was happing, Xander’s head was against the table with Angelus’s hands on top of it.

Anya was yelling at him, Faith was trying to get hold of his hands, which he pushed of. Cordelia was trying to talk to him. He ignored her. Spike came up to him and took hold of his shoulders. But Angelus turned around and pushed Spike against the bar.

“This is all your fault. If you didn’t open your huge mouth Buffy wouldn’t have to hear any of that shit and the she wouldn’t have to give her god damn fucking body to fucken high people tonight that probably have HIV the next.” He yelled at Xander.

He pushed his head more against the table and they heard Xander making choking noised. Suddenly they stopped. Spike came up to Angelus again and pulled him off successfully. Angelus looked back at Xander who, just like Lindsay was doing earlier that night, holding his throat in his hand. Anya was soothing him while shooting draggers at Angelus.

They all heard a huge noise and looked in the direction of Doyle, who had passed out in the process of everything that had happened. Angelus flung Spike off of him and went to the bar and ordered a beer. After finishing three, he headed out without saying goodbye.

As he walked down the block that lead to Wolfram and Hart he heard a struggling noise in the alley across from him. He looked around and saw no body there. He crossed the street without looking to see if there was a car. He heard more struggling noises and made his pace faster to the alley. If he could hear it across the street… As he neared the struggles he heard them turn into sobs. He saw someone lying down, sobbing like she had just gotten…

He came near the person and saw familiar blonde hair. That’s when his panic quickly went up. At the sound of footsteps the person lying on the floor turned around and looked up at him. She looked horrified to see him. He quickly made his way towards her and pulled her towards his chest.

“Oh God Buffy,” he whispered as she cried into his shirt. “What happened baby?” he asked as he stroke her hair. She looked away and down at her legs that where twined with Angel’s. “Baby, don’t hide from me. Tell me.”

She looked at his eyes and fresh tears came to the surface of her green eyes. She pulled her arms around his neck and hugged him to her, while crying like a mad person. He pulled her closer and whispered to her that everything was going to be okay but her sobs didn’t subside at all.

He picked her up and carried her quickly towards the law firm in a brisk pace. He really didn’t want to think about what happened to her. When he finally got into the elevator and into his private room, he lay her down on his bed and covered her in his blanket. Her sobs becoming quieter as he time passed by. He sat down next to her, her eyes huge, innocent looking. He smoothed her hair and once again he met her huge eyes.

“I’m cold,” she whispered as he cupped her cheek.

“Did you want another blanket?” he asked.

She shook her head, “Can I… I wanna get rid of…” her eyes filled with new tears, and he wiped them away with his thumb.

He looked her over at her, “You want to take a shower?”

She nodded her head. He picked her up slowly and walked over to his overly sized bathroom. He placed her gently on the edge of the bathtub and kneeled in front of her. She took his hands and twined it with her own.

“Wanna take a shower or a bath?” He asked gently.


He nodded his head. He went over to the huge bathtub and turned on the hot water knob. He waited a few minutes for it to fill. And every few seconds he would look over at Buffy and make sure she was still there. Intact.

He picked her up and undressed her slowly, taking time to admire each and every one of her curves. He picked her up and slowly and gently placed her in the tub. When he was about to leave she whimpered.

He came to her immediately, kneeled in front of her, smoothing her hair. “What’s wrong, sweetheart.”

She didn’t answer instead pulled her towards her. He understood her need and gently unfastened his hand from hers. On the sadness on her face he replied, “I’m just getting rid of the clothes.”

Once he was done he went in and climbed behind her, holding onto her tightly. He cleaned her body, with so much love that it scared him to the core of his bone. When she looked back at him, her eyes once again full of tears he turned her around. She looked at him and hugged him to her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“For what, love?” He said gently.

“For me. For being a whore.”

He was quiet, she never had said that before. He didn’t understand why should would now. “What happened, Buffy?”

She looked at him before turning away, “I- um uh Angel…” her eyes desperate.

He held her tighter to him, telling her it was okay, that she was okay. “Buffy, love I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

She looked away, “You won’t like me anymore.”

“That’s impossible.”

She looked up at him shaking her head like a mad person, “You’re just going to leave me again. You won’t want to spend time with me anymore.”

He felt his heart clench at her words and if possible held her tighter. “I’m never going to leave you again.”

She was quiet.

“What happened?” He said more forcefully.

“Angel, I uh I was just walking down the street when this guy just grabbed a hold of me and…” Angel clenched her to him. “It hurt, a lot.”

Angel looked down at her. She was acting like it was an everyday thing. He looked at her, his eyes masked in thought. She took his hand but he snapped it away from her. Hurt crossed her face but he didn’t seem to notice. She waited a second, and when he didn’t say anything she got up and climbed out of the bath and grabbed hold of a towel and ran out of the bathroom. Angel sat in the bath looking out after her.

He got up slowly. He took his time knowing that she would still be there even if she would dressed. She liked to have the last word. He pulled a towel around his waist and looked down at Buffy’s scattered clothes on the floor. He picked one up; it was her shirt. It was ripped in the middle. He let it drop, not wanting to hold the item anymore. He looked around and finally noticed all the rips and scrapes in her clothes. He put his hand through his hair as he walked silently out of the bathroom.

He saw her lying on his bed eyes closed. He put on a pair of boxers and pants and a button up shirt. He looked over at Buffy who was now watching him. He came over and when he tried to touch her she flinched, her eyes angry.

“Why can’t you be considerate for me for at least a night,” she snapped at him.

“How many times?” Angelus asked, looking at her.

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked panicked.

“How many times, Buffy? How many times have you been raped damnit!” He grabbed hold of her shoulders and she winced but he didn’t seem to care.

“None of your business!” she spat at him.

“It is my god fucking business when the most important person alive to me gets raped more than once and she never tells anyone about it!” He yelled at her, getting up and looking down at her, his eyes blazing with anger.

This time when tears formed in her eyes he didn’t wipe them away. He turned around and glared at the wall like it would fix things. “Tell me.”

She was quiet, not looking at him. She started to play with the end of the blanket she was sitting on. She looked at his back and answered, “I’m not sure maybe, ten, fifteen.”

He spun around and fixed his stare on her, trying not to make it so obvious how hurt he was by the information. He didn’t succeed. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked hurt.

“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to be angry with me,” she said as she buried her head in his pillow.

Angel was quiet for a second. He came closer to his bed and gathered her up in his arms. “Why would I be mad at you?” He whispered.

She looked away from him, ashamed. “Because of what I am, who I am.”

“What you are is a great person, who loves everyone. She’s gorgeous and beautiful, and full of love. And as for what you do… Buffy, I don’t like it, at all. Actually, pretty much hate. I won’t pretend that I like it, either. The fact that you would willing give your body to men for money. I wish that you would let me give you a job and money and a place to stay. But I can’t force you to do that. You’re a big girl and you’ll do what you want. But as a long as you are Buffy. My Buffy, I don’t care.” He was quiet for a moment before adding, “And maybe one day you’ll tell me why you do it.”

She looked at him for a second, once again with tears coming down her eyes, “You know if I didn’t know better I would say you were my boyfriend. That you loved me.” She chuckled lightly and snuggled into his lap.

After she fell asleep he covered her up just like he did last night. Only this time he sat on his chair and watched as she took her every breath. She was the most stunning thing he had ever seen in his life.

He watched as she took one breath at a time. Inhaling and exhaling. Angelus always loved it when she slept. She was always so happy, so content and like him, she knew that in her sleep nothing could ever bother her. He smiled at her form wrapped around his white sheets. He moved his fingers against her cheek and sighed. He watched as her chest rise and fell and felt a clenching feeling grabbing at his heart. He loved her. Deeply, madly, *insanely*. And he knew it. Painfully. Anyone who watched them together knew it. But he knew he couldn’t be with her. Not now, not yet and probably not ever. He wouldn’t, not until she told him why she did what she did. Not until she told him what happened to the years after they all left and she ran away to LA and became a prostitute. He didn’t know; no one knew. And whenever they did talk about it she never offered the information. And no one asked for it. Not that they weren’t curious.

He looked over at his clock on the wooden nightstand and sighed. The lights flashed in big red lights that it was two am. He knew we would have to talk to her eventually on what happened tonight and every other time it happened. But he wanted to sleep and not think about Buffy getting rapped. He shuddered.

He got up and got into his bed and he wrapped a sheet around him. The second he was relaxed he felt Buffy turn around and face him, snuggling her way into his chest. He sighed as he pulled her closer to him. This really wasn’t good for him or his sanity. Or hers.

Part 2

Buffy walked slowly down the street, her body still stinging from what had happened yesterday. She looked back at the huge office building she had slept in and moved her head away from it. She was glad when she woke up that Angel hadn’t woken up yet. She knew that he would force her to explain what had happened last night. How it happened. And when it had happened before. And as much as she wanted to share that with someone she knew that she couldn’t do it with Angel.

It was no secret to her that Angel loved her. She wasn’t that dense. He had loved her for a very long time, since maybe they where four years old. So if he never told her, he knew that she knew to. She had known the second she was old of to remember who Angel was and what he meant to her. Though she had always felt close to everyone in the group, it was Angel who always took care of her. Angel who checked up on her. Angel who drove her around when she needed to go somewhere. The person she had run to when she got her first period, though now it seemed sort of weird, then it seemed like the right thing to do. Because Angel always knew what to do.

But he wasn’t here in four years she had needed him most. He wasn’t here when Ford happened, or Darla, Penn, Drusilla, Parker or Riley and his gang of losers. He wasn’t there holding her hand when her Mom had died. He wasn’t there when she had to pay bills. He wasn’t there when she got fired from every job she had applied for. And of course the most important thing he wasn’t there for her when she found out she was pregnant. When she had her miscarriage a month later. And he didn’t hold her hand in the hospital as she cried for her lost baby. And he didn’t hold her after the funeral when she mourned there lost child.

Buffy closed her eyes tight. No, she really wasn’t going to think about it. She walked down the street. She wasn’t sure where she should go. She couldn’t go to any of her friends places, that was for sure. But she didn’t want to go to her apartment and watch Soap Operas all day. And anyway, she didn’t want to be alone, not now. She figured she might as well go to the bar near where she lived.

As she entered her face turned white. Please, please, please NO!!!, she kept yelling in her head. But before she turned away they saw her and suddenly she was wishing that she had stayed with Angel. He would be worried. Great, an excuse.

“Buffy,” Darla said as she walked over and placed her hand on her shoulder. “We haven’t seen you in so long. Where have you been?”

Buffy looked liked a deer caught in headlights. She couldn’t tell them about her friends, but then again Darla would know if she were lying or not. But white lie. Darla would suspect but not know exactly she was lying.

“I’ve had clients, the good ones,” she said as she pushed Darla’s hand away from her and walked confidently towards her other friends.

“We started to get worried, Buff,” Penn said as out a hand around her and kissed her neck. Buffy tried not to flinch.

She felt someone’s gaze looking at her and she looked up to see Ford with a huge smirk on his face looking at her. She tried not shrink in her seat. If there was one person that she was scared to death of, it was him. She remembered when she first met Darla and they when she introduced her to Ford, he was of course kind and wonderful, but the first time she had looked at him she knew something was deeply wrong with him. She never dated him, not really. A few dates here and there. She knew he did some messed up stuff because of all the excuses he would give her. But eventully when he pulled her into the world of sex, drugs, smoking and everything else in that world, he thought he had pulled her in. He was very wrong.

“You need something, Ford?” she asked sweetly.

“How about a fuck?”

She smirked at him and gave him a sarcastic smiled, “You’ll have to pay.”

“I never used to,” he said, a glint in his eye.

“Things change,” she said back to him and everyone at the table knew, from the sound of Buffy Summeres voice that she had changed.

They didn’t know how or when. They didn’t know who did it. But they saw it the last couple months she had been more confident, snappier and more independent. Buffy Summeres had also been the shy, naive part of the group, but now with her changes she was changing. And growing. Darla looked at her for a second, her eyes growing suspicious. We’ll have to watch out for her.

Buffy looked up as the door opened and she froze. Her eyes growing wide and once again she thought Please, please, please NO!!! But she knew thinking was useless. She had to get out before he saw her with these people.

“I got to go,” she said, trying to act calm.

“So soon?” Penn asked.

“I have work to do,” she said as she slipped from the booth.

Once she was safely out the door of the bar she sighed in relief. That was until the door opened and she noticed the little Irish man that had her so panicked in the first place.

“Buffy,” Doyle said coming towards her, “What were you doing in there with those people?”

“Nothing to worry about, I just know them,” she replied.

“Oh, so you want to join me for a drink?”

“I would,” she said smiling at him, “But you know how Angel doesn’t like it when I do that.”

“Angel doesn’t it like it when you walk down the street by yourself,” Doyle added. “He doesn’t like it when I drink either. But I still do.”

“*I* don’t like it when you drink. I don’t remember the last time you were sober,” she commented.

Doyle put a hand to his heart, “You hurt me, Buffy,” he winked at her.

“That’s what I am here for,” she replied, “Well I got to go, talk to you later,” she said as she walked away.

Once she was out of Doyle’s sight she breathed. That was close. That was very close. She came near an ally and sat inside of it. Put her hands in her face. This wasn’t working. She didn’t want to call her life a double life but she knew it was. She tried to hide her real friends from her work friends. She tried to act normal but knew she wasn’t.

She leaned her head against the wall and held back the tears. She could quit. She knew she could. She could get a job with Angel, Spike, Willow, everyone was offering her a job. And they didn’t understand why she needed to prove to them that she could do it by herself. She was always the innocent, shy, naive girl. Always the one that needed to be rescued and saved. Though this was never what she wanted to do it was better than nothing. And it’s not like she expected them to ever find out what she did.

She got up and walked slowly in the opposite side of the way to her apartment. She knew that if she went to Angel’s apartment she would be forced under his questioning but right now she didn’t care. Right now she wanted to be the princess with no worries and the have her knight and shining armor sweep her off her feet. Right now she just needed to forget, and she was also horny.

She walked into the office and got into the elevator before it closed. The two women inside and the man stared at her. Buffy smiled at them and the women raised their eyebrows at her.

“Are you in the right place, sweetheart?” The man asked.

She glared at him and replied, “I’m not your sweetheart, and I’m here to see Angel!”

The girls laughed at her and one of them said, “Sorry honey, but his name is Angelus, better get it right or he might chop of your head.”

“I can call Angel whatever I damn will please,” she snarled at the woman.

“Fine, will watch you get thrown out of his office. It would be a pleasure,” she said smiling, thinking if she knew better than she did.

“Fine, you’ll see and then you’ll get fired!”

The doors to the elevators opened and Buffy marched right out of them. Angelus looked up when he heard the elevators and saw Buffy come out of them and sighed knowing she was all right. She came right to him and kissed him right in front of everyone, not that he minded. But it was funny how she did it in front of everyone because she had never done it before.

She let go of him and smiled happily at him. She then turned her head and stuck her tongue out at the people who were standing next to the elevator doors. Suddenly he understood and he gave a hard stare at them before he leaned down and kissed Buffy again, before draging her back to his office. Making sure she was in he turned back to everyone in the upper lobby.

“If I hear or find out that anyone is talking rudely or not appropriately about the women that came out of the elevators right now, you won’t only be fired you’ll never have a fucking job in your life again!” And he slammed the door.

He looked at his office and saw Buffy sitting on the desk, smiling at him with the eyes she knew he hated, “We never did do it on the desk before, *Angel*”

He snarled at her before coming before her and pulling her flush against his, “No we never did.”

He ripped at her shirt and cupped her breast, she smiled at him as she wrapped her legs around his waist. His eyes seemed to grow cold for a second before he said smugely, “Were is your underwear?”

She just gave him a smirk of her own as she unbuckled

his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers and pulled his hips closer to her. “I think I left on the street somewhere,” she whispered in his ear.

He growled as he pulled her onto his cock and smiled as she moaned in delight. He kept moving faster and faster until she yelled his name come out at the top of her lungs. He felt himself come and roared her name in pleasure.

When they finally got the energy to reach the bed in to his apartment Buffy snuggled herself against his chest and smiled sleepily.

“Why did you come back?” Angelus whispered as he traced small circle in her back.

“I wanted a break.”

“Break?” he asked confused.

“To forget, I just wanted to be in the arms of my angel,” she whispered as she looked up at him.

He gently swiped hair from her face and traced her face, “Move in with me.”

She looked at him like he lost his mind, “What?”

“You heard me. You live in a fucked up place anyway and I would feel better if I knew where you are and when you came home.”

“You’re nuts,” she said as she lay her head against his.

“Think about it.”


Angel looked down at Buffy and smiled, really smiled. And he never smiled. Never would dream of it. Buffy looked up at him and traced it. She giggled.

"I thought smiling for you was like not aloud," she said.

"Only for you, Buffy. Only for you."

Part 3

He smiled. He knew she was doing this from the start. He always knew she had a past. Always knew she was waiting for something… Though he didn’t know what at the time. He knew what know. He smiled into his beer. Yes. He really did know.

He saw her smile at the man who had his hand around her shoulder and narrowed his eyes at him. He knew him. Everyone is this goddamn town knew who the hell Angelus was. He was the evil bastard from hell that no one messed with. He looked at the rest of the group, no, he really didn’t like them at all.

He watched her get up from the booth and wave goodbye to everyone. He watched as the bastard follow her out and watched through the window as he kissed her.


Buffy put her hands around Angel’s neck and pressed herself against him. She felt his tongue slip into her mouth and she sucked on it. Hard. His grip on her back tightened and she let go a bit when she felt pain on her back. He pulled away from her and glared at her. She just smiled and kissed him one last time and held out his hand and twined them with her own.

“Where are you going?” Angelus asked softly as he pried her closer.

She looked up and then back at him and smiled a little, almost like in a daze, “Work.” She felt him growl and smiled at him, “Don’t pout, I’ll be back in your arms soon, how does that sound?”

He narrowed his eyes at her as she played with his belt. “You’re a bitch.”

“Not as much as you are, sweetheart,” she replied as she moved away, still holding his hand.

“Come home soon,” he said.

She looked at him and smiled as she pulled her hand away and walked down the street. He watched as she walked down the street and sighed, he walked back into the bar.


Buffy walked into Wolfram and Hart and sighed. She hated this place with a wild fury. She stepped out of the elevator and was glad that the whole place was empty. She really didn’t need people staring at her as she walked into the main office. And the few that were there knew exactly who she was and who she was doing. And they knew if you spilled her secret then they were deader then dead.

She walked slowly into the office. She saw him talking on the phone and looked out the window. He looked up at her as she entered and she shuddered. She hated him. And hated that smiled. And hated more what he made her do.

“I’ll call you back, I have a visitor now.” He hung up and looked at her. Her blonde hair flaring on her back and her red dress fitting nicely on her curves. “Nice seeing you, Buffy. Missed you this weekend.”

“I didn’t Lindsey,” she spat.

“Really, I couldn’t tell. But what I got from everyone here, you spent the days with Angelus. What do you see in him Buff? He is just a bastard.”

“Not as big as you are,” she said as calmly as possible. “Can we get this over with?”

“Nice talking to your best client,” he said as he stalked towards her.

She glared at him by didn’t say anything. She looked around, “So… are you just going to stand there all day and look like a moron or are you going to fuck me?”

“I guess will have to fuck then,” he said as he grabbed her hips and Buffy did her best to not flinch.


Spike got up from the booth were all his friends were gathered. He looked at Angelus who was talking to Cordelia but looked at him anyways.

“Sorry to tell everyone this but I’ve got to go,” he said as he pulled his tie up.

Faith looked him, “Where?”

He looked at his group of friends and couldn’t believe he was keeping this from them. Why was he keeping it from them? “I have some work at the office to do.”

He walked quickly from the bar and out the door, he didn’t like doing it but he had to, right? He reached the restaurant right on time. He quickly approached the table were she was sitting. She grinned up at him and he felt his insides melt.

“Spike,” she said, standing up as he approached her.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her best he could, “Dru, I missed you.”


Buffy pushed Lindsey off of her and pulled her dress over her quickly. “Pay!” She demanded.

“I don’t think were done,” he replied sitting in his black leather chair, naked. She shut her eyes tight.

“Well we are and now pay up!”

“If you think that we are done then you won’t get any money,” he replied giving her a sly smiled.

She glared at him. “I have other clients to satisfy Lindsey. And then I have a man to go to later,” she said. And with a smirk she added, “Who actually knows how to lay someone.”

His eyes snapped at her and she just gave him a sweet smile, “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means,” at his confused stare she rolled her eyes, “You suck and your penis is tiny!”

Before she knew what was happing she was up against the wall his forearm at her neck, “Shut up Buffy, or your little boy toy knows what we do every Friday.”

“Your blackmail isn’t going to work, Lindsay. I quit!” she shouted as she pushed him off her.

She stocked quickly out of the office and he just smiled, “Sure Buffy, sure.”


Faith turned on her light to her apartment and fell to her knees. She hated this place. She hated it more than anything. She got up and walked into her kitchen which was really two steps away, she opened the refrigerator and slammed it shut when she saw the croak roach. She walked into her room and arched her back when she felt the stiff mattress under her.

She grabbed her pillow and sighed deeply into it. Why her? Why her?


Buffy slammed her apartment door shut and collapsed on her gray couch. She shriveled into a ball, pulling her arms around her knees which were up on the couch. This wasn’t happing. Why did this have to happen? If Angel ever found out… He would murder Lindsey in the worst possible way and then never speak to her again.

She didn’t mind fucking other men. As long as she didn’t know them, there life back round and who they new. But Lindsay, she knew every goddamn detail about him. And when she first started fucking him, she never thought for a second that he knew Angel. Angel would always mention him as the annoying bastard of a partner. But then one day he said Lindsay and she brushed it off. The next time she panicked. And when she finally came to Angel’s office and saw Lindsay and Angel having a meeting with other people she freaked out. And when she came inside and saw Lindsay smirk at her she felt her world falling a part. But when Angel came to her and put his hand around her and saw Lindsay’s smirk disappear she smiled.

And now she had to fuck that asshole and she didn’t even get paid! It was the worst part of the job. She would have to fuck some mindless guy and he wouldn’t pay and then she would be stuck with some messed up smell on her and no money.

But since then she was always in a panic for Angel to not find out her and Lindsay. But held onto her pillow tightly. She wished she could stop. She wished she didn’t ever have to see Lindsay McDonald ever again. But he was her highest client and he paid well. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and wished that Angel was there. Her eyes snapped open and she remembered that she was supposed to meet him later. She hugged her pillow tighter to her. She got up slowly and slipped into her bathroom and turned the hot water on. She went inside. This couldn’t be happing. She really wished this wasn’t happing.


Angel looked up as he heard his door open to his apartment. He looked up and scowled when he saw Buffy coming inside. He looked at the clock and saw that it was four thirty. She came into the kitchen and stood beside him. She knew that he was mad at her. And usually she would shrink away from him. But this time she seemed to get as close as possible to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked as he moved away from her and leaned against the counter.

She looked up at him and then looked down at the floor. “I just wanted to see you, you told me to come. Remember?”


She looked at him confused. Then why are you mad at me? She wanted to say, “So…”

“Are you planning to stay?”

Her head snapped up, “What?”

“Are you going to stay? Or are going to leave?” he asked impatiently.

“What are talking about? Leave to where?”

He looked away, “If you leave now, don’t come back.”

Her eyes turned wide. “I don’t get… what are you talking about.”

“Move in with me. ‘Cause I don’t want to stay up till four in the fucking morning for you to get here. I want you here. And I don’t want you to fucking work like… not like, a whore every night to prove something. You’re not dumb and you’re not stupid. And you can get a better job. Why are you doing this! Why?”

The look in his eye scared her. He looked like he just admitted his biggest fears and his worst nightmare… to the women that he loved. She looked down to the white titled floor. He breathed raggedly and she stepped away from him. He came forward and pulled her to him and bet down to kiss her shoulder, “Just stay here Buffy. Just stay with me and promise to try. Just something, okay?” He asked desperately.

She nodded her head and he hugged her tighter. She felt him clinched her up to the counter, and when she looked at his face she felt tears well up in her eyes. She never wanted to hurt him. Never ever. But she always was the only one who ever made him cry. She wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled sadly at him.

He hugged her again and pulled her up to his arms, carrying her to his room. He pulled her closer to him as they lay down. Feeling him spoon against her, she felt the tears coming and she tried so hard for them to not come down. At that moment she never felt so loved.


“Angel!” Buffy yelled as she ran towards him.

Angel smiled as he saw his best friend jump into his arms. He twirled her around and couldn’t help the huge grin that came to his face.

“I missed you, Buffy,” he said as he took her hand.

She laughed happily as she twined there hand. “Really? You didn’t meet some hot European girl in France?”

“I couldn’t.”

Confused she asked, “Why?”

“Cause I was with my parents, I didn’t have the time,” he replied deadpan.

At her smack he laughed and hugged her again. He smiled at her smell. And the feel of her body and way she laughed and smiled and just the way she was Buffy.

“So are you ready for school, you know with all of us being freshman and all?” Buffy said as she and his parents and her mom and Angel walked towards the car.

“I might be the big freshman, but you Buffy are going to be the tiny little girl. They’ll probably ask if you’re in the right school.”

“HA HA, so not funny,” she replied with a glare. “You’ll see, when we are older I’ll be rich and have Luke Perry in my bed while *you*,” she said shoving her finger into Angel’s chest, “well still be a sad little virgin with no friends.”

“Nah, I’ll just steal everything from my best friend and mistress.”

“Mistress? Who in the world would be your mistress?”

“You Buffy, only you,” he winked at her as the parents laughed in the background.

“You wish Angel O’Connor. I’m going to make it and I’ll prove you all wrong.”

“Of course, Buffy, of course,” he said as he put an arm around her.

Part 4

Angelus stared across the conference room at his partner. He had this smirk on him. An annoying, eat shitting smirk on his goddamn face. Angelus took hold of the yellow pad and blue ink pen and tried to listen to Gunn talk about the new case that was supposed to be extremely important. But all he could do was stare at Lindsay.

Lindsay looked over at him and his smirk got even bigger. He narrowed his eyes; something defiantly wasn’t right with the way his associate was staring at him. When Gunn sat down Angelus tried to concentrate on what he himself was saying but that all he could think about was that stupid smirk that Lindsay had on his face.

Suddenly the door to the conference room swung open and Buffy came running in, her hair disheveled, eyes lightened with happiness and her cheeks flushed. Her eyes widened when she noticed that they were having a meeting and she gave him and happy apologetic smile. She twisted her head to the side saying she would be sitting on the chair in the corner. Her eyes still wide with joy.

Everyone looked around the room and saw the way his eyes softened at the site of her and how he had a small smile on his face as she mad her self comfortable on the small chair that she sat on. How his shoulders seemed to relax as she crossed her legs and tried to seem that she knew exactly what they were talking about.

Buffy looked across the room and looked at him and gave him a happy nod as she tried to listen to what they had to say but Angelus knew that she was probably just rolling her eyes in her head. He gave her smirk and she smiled happily at him.

The meeting went on for another half hour and by the time everyone left Buffy was jumping in her seat and once she was sure that everyone was out of the room and out of site she ran over to him and jumped onto him. Angelus’s caught her around the waist but looked at her confused.

“You going to tell me what you are doing here, at the office you hate so much, at three in the afternoon?” he asked.

“Can’t I just come here to be with my best friend?” She asked sweetly, nipping her noise with his.

“Not with that happy smile, sweetheart,” he replied as he sat down on a chair, Buffy safely secured in his lap.

“Guess you’re right. I’m the barer of happy news today,” Buffy said cheerfully.

Angelus raised his eyebrows at her and smiled, “And that would be what?”

She jumped up from his lap and looked over at him and smiled, “Well my lease is up at my apartment and I guess I have no where to live. To bad…” she smiled at him.

Angelus got up and grabbed her hips towards him, “You are going to live with me,” he ordered her as she smiled at happily at him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Of course, you idiot. But there is more!” She said excitedly.

“And what is that?” he asked as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“I got, get this, a *job*!” Buffy said happily as she ran up to him and smiled at him.

He looked down at her and took her hand, “Where?”

“At a fast food restaurant,” she said quietly, looking at the floor, “But it’s better than nothing, right?” She said looking up at him.

He cupped her chin and smiled down at her, “Baby I’m so proud of you,” he whispered as he hugged her to him.

“Even if I’m working at some bad food place?” She asked as she looked innocently up at him.

He chuckled deep in his chest, “As long as it isn’t hooking,” he replied.

“Well, I’m done with it. Over with it,” she smiled gleefully to him. Her eyes got wide for a second, “We have to celebrate!”

Angelus gave her a sly smile, “And how would you like to celebrate?” As he grabbed her hips roughly against his.

She looked up at him when she felt his erection poking at her stomach. “Angel,” she squealed, “Not that way!”

“Then how?” he growled.

“With everyone!” she replied as she pushed away from him and pushed the elevator button that led them towards his apartment at the office. She walked in when they opened and smiled slyly at him. He stood in the middle of the room glaring at her.

“Are you coming big boy?” she said. He stood there still. She rolled her eyes and looked at her wrist, “Okay, I have a *few* minutes before we have to go, but it must be quick!” She said as the elevator closed.

Angelus ran over to the elevator just as Buffy blew him a kiss, “Be down fast!” And the elevator down shut close.


Buffy and Angelus entered the pub, Buffy pulled safely into the arms of Angelus. The group looked at them and shook there heads. They both were such idiots. They remembered the first time it was different between them. It had to be the funniest day, ever. September 4, 1995.

It was the first day of there sophomore year. Nobody had seen Buffy the whole summer. She had gone Hawaii and the only time anyone had talked to her at all was when she sent them a postcard. She had come home yesterday and Willow had gone over to her house and when she came home later she got tons of phone calls from everyone asking how Buffy was. She was quiet. Giving no information. Just that Buffy was alive and healthy, and yes she did get a tan.

They were all in the library, where they always seemed for some strange reason, when the doors swung open and in bounced a more, taller Buffy, fuller Buffy, tanner Buffy, and a more grown up Buffy. Angelus’s mouth fell to the ground. His eyes went wide and he stared in shock as his best friend, little Buffy Summers, was all grown up and smiling as she hugged everyone and when she came to Angelus and he hugged her, his shock turned bigger. Buffy had boobs.

He gave her the best smile he could, but all he could do was seem to melt at her smile, and do anything she told him. Three weeks later, he taught Buffy how to go to second base.

“Hey guys,” Buffy said as Angelus sat down and grabbed hold of her and shoved her down on top of him.

“Someone seems overly cheery,” Xander said as he observed Buffy and Angelus.

Buffy looked at everyone and smiled, “Guess what!”

Willow happy to see her friend so happy, couldn’t help but smile, “What?”

“I got a job!” She said excitedly.

Everyone couldn’t help but feel relief enter into them. Finally. “Where?” Cordelia asked.

Buffy suddenly looked down at her fingers and mumbled something. “Yeah, we could so hear that, Buff,” Spike.

Angelus grabbed hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze, “its okay, love. They won’t care,” he whispered in her ear.

She looked up at all her friends, “At the Doublemeat Palace.”

“Really?” Xander said, “Could you get me free food? It has great food,” he stated.

“Xander! The food is sick there!” Buffy said, shaking her head.

“No really, it’s good,” Xander said looking at Spike for support.

“Nope, I’m to say Buff but Xander is right,” Spike said holding up his hand.

The girls looked at the boys like they were nuts. “You don’t think so, Angelus, right?” Faith asked as she took a sip from her drink, feeling depressed.

“I’ve never been there before,” he said as drank from his beer, still holding onto Buffy.

“Rich people’s life,” Buffy said smiling at Angelus who just scowled at her.

“Well, congratulations Buffster. You deserve it,” he said as he raised his beer.

“To Buffy, “They all said raising there beers and drinking.

“Cheers, oh and don’t get too drunk, we might not be able to get home,” Cordelia added, “We wouldn’t want *that* to happen again.”


Buffy and Angelus walked slowly towards *their* house. Angelus held onto Buffy’s hand and she looked over at him and smiled. He pulled her towards him and kissed her. She stood on her toes trying to reach him and he pulled her off the ground as she wrapped her hands around his neck. The passion flaring between was so wonderful, so peaceful. People on the street even noticed.

He put her down on the ground gently, and wiped her hair that was on her face again. She smiled adoringly at him as he once again took hold of her hand. Once they entered the building they decided take the stairs and smiled happily at each other as they went and climbed on each stare slowly. When they reached his floor he pulled out a key and gave it to Buffy to open the door.

Buffy walked slowly in and looked around the room. It had wood floors. Marble cabinets, off white walls, leather sofa, a huge TV. She turned back to Angelus. Her best friend. Her solid rock. The love of her life. He came slowly towards her and grabbed her hand and slowly led her towards his room. There room.

She looked around it and smiled. She had seen it so many times. Slept in it so many times before. But now, it seemed different. It was their room now. Her room. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“I love you,” he whispered in her hair.

She turned in her arms and smiled up at him, “I know.”

He kissed her. And when they came back up to breath she had tears in her eyes. He wiped them away and helped her as she started to unbutton his shirt. He shrugged out of it, and pulled at Buffy’s blue sundress. She stood in front of him. White bra and white panties. It was like there first night all over again.

“I think I’m scared,” she whispered as she found herself naked in Angel’s arms, lying on to the bed, him about to enter her.

He smiled at her and grabbed hold of her hand and brought it up to his and twined his finger with his. He slowly entered her and she arched her back and moaned his name. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he kissed her shoulder as he started to move in her.

“Buffy,” he moaned as she circled her legs around his waist. Her breathes seemed to become ragged and he moved more swiftly in her as she pressed her fingers deeper onto his back.

When he looked at her, she felt herself come and she moaned loudly as she felt him come in her. She breathed intensely and looked at him in the eye and he breathed a deep breathe as he looked at his love in her eye. She looked so helpless there. It was his Buffy. The one he hadn’t seen since she he had come to LA and had seen her.




Angelus looked over at Buffy who had the sheet wrapped around her, lying on her back. She hadn’t looked at him since he rolled off her. Did he hurt her? Did she not want to look at him because he was bad? Or did he push he to much? He got off his back and sat up dropping the sheet and looked for his boxers. He found them on the floor and got up and pulled them on.

“Where are you going?” Buffy said as she got, and leaned against the head board and looked over at Angelus. Tears already formed in her eyes. He was leaving her after he just had made love to her. Her first time ever and he wanted to leave her. “Was I bad?”

Angelus came over to Buffy and sat slowly next to her and wiped the tears that formed in her eyes and that fell slowly from her eyes, “Of course not. I could never think that. You were amazing.”

“Then where are you going?” she asked brokenly.

“No where, I’m here. Not going anywhere,” he whispered as he brought her sheet covered body towards his. She looked up at him and kissed his swollen lips.

“I love you, Angel,” she whispered into his chest as she held onto him.

“I know,” he whispered into her hair.

Part 5

“Please!” Buffy pouted at Angelus, “It’s good for you, Angel. I swear.”

He looked down at her with a smirk on his face. “Really?” he asked as he picked up the box of cereal that Buffy had been begging him to get. “Hundred ten calories. Four grams of fat, six percent iron and two percent calcium.”

She glared at him, “Fine, be the party popper,” she said as she grabbed the box from him and stomped back towards the cereal aisle.

With there being no food in the whole kitchen they, being Buffy and Angelus, went to the closet Sutton Place they could find and went food shopping... But they then figured something out, they agreed on nothing. Buffy wanted ice cream, Angelus wanted chocolate. Buffy wanted fruits and Angelus wanted vegetables. Buffy wanted beer, Angelus wanted wine.

As Buffy marched back towards the cereal section something caught her eye and she turned around and came face to face with the last person she ever wanted to see in her life. He smirked at her and Buffy’s breathe hitched, this couldn’t be happing to her. Her life was so perfect now.

“Ford…What are you doing here?” She asked slowly.

He held up his shopping basket, “Food shopping Buffy. Last time I checked it wasn’t illegal.”

She was quite and then looked back into his hard brown eyes. Those evil brown eyes, “Since when could you even afford this place?”

“Maybe I was drawn to this place?” Ford said moving closer to her.

She stepped back and felt her heart clench for a second. He couldn’t try anything. They were in public; Angelus was seconds away from her. All she had to do was yell and he would be there. “Really? Why?”

“Let’s not play games, Buff,” he whispered into her ear. She stood stock still, not moving an inch. How did he get so close? “We, us, we don’t play games. We live in real life.”

She looked up at him and he was to close, “What games?”

He his smirk grew wider and he touched her cheek and then he backed away, “See you around Buff.”

And he was gone.


Angelus looked around him. Buffy had been gone way to long. He started down the aisle he was in and towards where she had gone. He looked down all the lanes to see if she was in any of them.


Angelus swirled around and came face to face with Buffy. He took a deep breathe and smiled at her. “Hey,” he whispered.

She rolled her eyes at him and smiled, “Hey back… so, I have a suggestion.”

“And that would be,” he said putting an arm around her shoulder and going back to their cart.

“We should get chocolate ice cream.”


Faith looked at the mirror, and almost gagged. Not only did she look like shit, there was a huge cockroach on her mirror. She turned away from it; she would deal with it later. She came back into her living room and looked around. She closed her eyes slowly and tried to hold on the tears that were already at the surface. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She was bad ass Faith. She was the one that was strong. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She sank to the floor and took a deep breathe.

She looked at her ugly white walls and glared at them. It wasn’t fair. What did she do? Why… She took another deep breathe. It wasn’t fair, why did people like Willow get goddamn happy lives? Why didn’t people like Cordelia get good things? Why the hell did Buffy get the happy ending? Why the hell couldn’t she a happy ending?


Buffy stood in front of the counter and looked at the boiling water in front of her. She smiled a little when arms wrapped around her body and a chin rested on top of her head. The bubbles in the water started popping and Buffy reached over and swirled the white button on the oven to no heat. Once the oven was off and the water had stopped boiling Buffy turned around and into the arms of an Angel. Her Angel.

“Hey,” she whispered as she hugged him to her.

“Hey,” he whispered into her hair, “What are you thinking about?”

She held onto him tighter and snuggled into his chest deeper, “Nothing,” she mumbled.

“Really?” he whispered, as he stroked her hair.


“Okay,” he said. He pulled her chin up and cupped her cheek in his hand. He kissed her lightly and wrapped her hands around his neck and arched back into him. She was desperate. She needed to make sure he was still there. “Angel…” she whimpered when he let go.

“Come to bed,” he whispered as he pulled her up into his arms, fireman style. She giggled happily at him.

“Angel, I have food!” she said.

“Really?” he whispered into her ear as he carried her into their bedroom.

“Yes,” she said laying her head on his shoulder.

“Then it will just have to wait,” as he kicked open the door and closed it shut. Firmly.


Hours later when they where both rested and living in there little bliss, Buffy looked up at Angel from where she way lying on his body. He looked down at her and smiled. Fully. She smiled back and she couldn’t remember being so happy before.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Buffy said laying her chin on his chest.

Angel remained silent and looked at her. He raised his eyebrows at her.

“Well, I just want to know, like if I ever did anything… well be best friends forever, right?” She said stumbling over her words. God, how much of an idiot was she. She never used to stumble over her words. She was always confident in herself. What changed? Life Buffy, she thought. Life.

Angel looked at her strangely and brought her face closer to his and kissed her forehead, “What’s going through that head of yours Buffy Summers?”

“Nothing, I just want to know, if I ever did anything stupid, or… disapproving, you would still be my best friend, right? You would still love me?” She said, her eyes wide and looking at him, like she was the most innocent person alive.

He wisped away some of the hair in her face and smiled down at his best friend. His love. He knew then that he would never love another, even if he tried. And he had knew that since before he could remember, if thought when he was younger he didn’t know he would even love somehow he just knew. Since he could remember he had always preferred Buffy more than any other girl he was with. She was of course, Buffy, his best friend, through out half of his life. She might not have been his first, but if he would have it his way, she would be his last. His for a lifetime.

“There is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you, Buffy,” he whispered, looking right into those beautiful green eyes that he loved so much.

“How do you know, someday you might hate me?” She whispered resting her head once again on his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he said bringing her up to look at him face to face.

She looked away, “Nothing, I was just wondering. Can’t a person wonder?”

“Don’t get mad but you can’t just expect me not to wonder why one day I might not love you. Buffy let me tell you right now, “he said grabbing hold of her chin and making her stare at his eyes, “There is nothing you can do, to make me not love you. I love you more than anything. Anything.”

Buffy’s eyes started to tear up and she tried to wipe them away, but Angel beat her to it. “Don’t cry, love. There is nothing that you could do. I will always love you, now, forever.”

“How do you know that? What if something happens? What if we just end up hating each other? What if we mess, Angel!” She then started to cry and brought her hands up to his chest, “How do you know,” she choked, “How do you know?” She whispered as Angel brought her as close as humanly possible towards him, without being inside her.

“Buffy look me,” he said as he looked into her eyes, “We belong together, I know that. And I know, if takes eternity, we will be together, I promise you that.”


Spike wondered around his apartment, picking things up as he went along. He looked through some bills when his bedroom door opened and Dru came out holding his blue cotton sheet to her chest. He came over to her and kissed her best he could. She smiled at him and went over to the couch.

“So what’s upsetting you so much?” she said as she picked up a magazine that was on the table.

“What,” he said as he looked over at her. He had to smile at the site. It was like she belonged there. Like she was supposed to be there. He came over from behind her and rubbed her shoulders.

“What’s got you into a mood?” She said looking up at him.

“I’m not in a mood,” he said looking down at her confused.

“Yes you are. Ever since… well you know what, I don’t know, but what I do know is that you are pulling away from me,” she told him bluntly, like she was reading into him. Well she always was the only one who could read him.

He came over to the couch and sat down next to her pulling her into his embrace, “I’m not pulling away from you.”

“Really?” she said leaning onto his chest and with her eyebrows rose, “Because leaving our bed in the morning and never telling me where you are going makes me sort of suspicious.”

He smiled at her, “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, but promise me that if there is anything you want to tell me or need to talk to me about you would you please tell me?” she said.

“Of course,” he said into her hair. They sat like that for a few minutes before the doorbell rang into there silence. “I better get that,” Spike said, not making any move to get it.

“Of course,” Dru said as she snuggled some more into his chest. The bell rang again and Spike groaned, “what do they want from me?’” he mumbled as he got up and Dru chuckled at him.

Spike slowly opened the door and bit his tongue when he found Faith on the other side, “Faith? What are you doing here?” he said, he looked back into the apartment and saw Dru once again reading her magazine. He looked back into the eye of his best friend. She was pale, and tired.

“I was wondering if you wanted to have breakfast. I mean we haven’t had any quality time together in a while so I thought no better time than the morning, right?” She stepped forward and Spike stepped into her path. She looked at him confused. “And what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just think we should do this later,” he said, thinking quickly. She couldn’t see Dru. Then everyone would know that he was keeping his girlfriend a secret and then Dru would know she was a secret.

She looked at him hurt and he couldn’t believe this was happing, he was hurting Faith and she never just came, she always needed a reason behind what she did and all he was doing was blowing her off. What a best friend he was.

“Spike?” Dru’s voice came from the kitchen. Spike whirled around and saw Dru standing behind him. He turned back around and saw the surprise on Faith’s eyes.

“Who’s your friend?” Dru said looking at Faith curiously.

“I’m Faith,” she said slowly looking back at Spike. At the look on his face she knew everything. He had a girlfriend and he told no one. “How long have you to been dating?”

“Almost eight months now, how do you know Spike?” she said looking over the other brunette. The one quite not in the hallway. But when her eyes went wide something was wrong.

“Eight months?!” Faith yelled. She turned to Spike, “Why didn’t you tell us? Me!” She said glaring at her so called best friend.

“Faith…” Spike said slowly.

“Don’t Faith me, who else knows? Does Angelus now?” She said yelling now at the top of her lungs. Her eyes were blazing brown. If her life couldn’t have been anymore fucked up her best friend ever lied to her for eight months. She looked at him.

“No one knows, Faith… let me explain,” he whispered coming towards her, he touched her arm but she flinched.

“You lied to all of us for months! You- You-“But she couldn’t finish all she could do was stare at him. She turned away and sprinted down the hallway.

Spike ran into his apartment and grabbed his jacket and ran back out, “Spike!” Dru yelled, but he was to far down to hear her.

Part 6

Angelus woke up groggily as he heard the loud knocking at the front door. He looked over to his side were he saw Buffy had moved away from him and was wrapped snugly in a white sheet covering her body. The knocking got louder and Angelus closed his eyes tightly before getting out of his bed. He pulled on black boxer shorts and walked slowly towards the door.

Angelus looked through the mirror hole and angrily opened his big wooden door. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Spike shoved his way into Angelus’s apartment and started pacing his wooden floor. “We need to find Faith.”

Angelus stood next to the doorway looking at the man who he wanted to choke at the moments. “Why the fuck in hell do we need to find her?”

Spike looked at his best friend and then at the off white walls. “I don’t know where she is. I’ve searched high and low and she isn’t anywhere.”

Angelus walked towards his leather couch, sat and leaned back against it and popped his legs on the round glass coffee table that was across from the couch. “And why wouldn’t she be ‘anywhere.’ I mean really Spike where in the fucking world does she have to go. Having no fucking friends but us,” Angelus pointed out looking sarcastically at Spike as he came in view of Angelus.

“She saw me in the apartment with someone,” Spike whispered looking at the carpet that was under the couch and coffee table. The dark red carpet.

Spike turned around and looked up and saw his reflection in Angelus’s television. He looked fully up and saw Angelus’s face boring into his own eyes. “What in the fuck is that supposed to mean. She sees you fucking people all the time, why is this any fucking different.”

“Because this one was different,” Spike said, still looking at Angelus through the reflection of the television.

“How so?” Angelus said looking bored out of his mind.

“Cause she meant something and Faith knew that,” Spike said.

“And I’m supposed to care because…” Angelus said dully.

Spike turned around and glared at his long time friend. “Because she is your friend!”

Angelus got up predatorily. “Look Spike, I don’t have time to listen about your personal fuck ups. I want to go back to sleep against Buffy’s naked body and then fuck her in the morning when I wake up. No where in between do I have time to listen to you and hear how you didn’t tell us about some fucking girlfriend. You fucked up, so don’t come fucking running to me.”

“I don’t know what to do, she just ran and I can’t fucking find her.”

Angelus looked over at him and shook his head, “And what the fuck am I supposed to do?”


It’s funny how when she had run away from Spike’s apartment how everything seemed so clear then. She belonged to nothing; there was no one who loved her unconditionally. She remembered a time when everything seemed so right. She leaned against one of the trees she was near and felt the tears well up.

Perfect happiness was something she had wished for. And there was a moment, one single moment when everything seemed perfect. Graduation. Her dad hadn’t come. The only blood related person left in the world to her. Her mom had run when she was born. She didn’t even have a picture. All she knew was that her mom left and she was alone in the world with her abusive father. After the ceremony, when they had already thrown their hats in the air and thanked the Lord that they had finally graduated high school, she had looked around for anyone. She saw parents smiling happily at there kids, dad’s tearing up, brothers and sisters fighting, mothers taking pictures. And she stood there in the middle of the field where they had held the graduation ceremony and felt like everything was collapsing around her like one giant building.

She had spun around when she had heard her name. And saw them all smiling and waving for her to come over to them. Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, Doyle, Angel, Spike and Xander.

“Women why are you standing there like an idiot,” Spike had shouted at her and when she had come running towards them. Buffy had taken pictures of everyone, Cordelia and Xander had bickered like always, Willow and Doyle had hugged and congratulated her and Angel had hugged her by the neck, “Told you could do it.”

Later she had gone home with Buffy to get ready for the after Graduation party at the Bronze. Everyone who was anyone was going. When she and Buffy had arrived their little group had waved at them and they had all celebrated together the end of high school. When she looked at these people she had a saw a family. Her true family.

Everyone in the school had known who she was, who her friends were. It was funny because they might have been the most known people in the school but they never really noticed. People were always afraid to get close enough to the one of her friends, or herself, scared one of the guys, Angelus or Spike, she mused, might kill them. After what happened to Parker in ninth grade, after attempting to try and get Buffy into bed, no one had dared cross paths with them again. The school also hadn’t seen Parker for three months. Spike, Doyle, Xander and Angelus had no comment about it at all. Just Angelus had a really big smirk one his face.

When they had walked down the hallways of the school, younger and older kids would point, stare and whisper always saying the same things, “Oh my God, look at those people. Those people over there, they horrible! And scary. That scary one right there, he almost killed Parker!” They would always roll their eyes at them but always share amused stares later.

It’s funny though how much things had changed since then. Nothing had been the same since they had all left Sunnydale. Sure, now they would meet every other day at the same bar and drink till the bartender had to call a taxi for everyone, but it wasn’t the same. No more secret smiles, no more late night phone calls on how annoying men were, no more climbing the trees to get away from parents. No more… Everything was different and as much as Faith hoped it would be the same again one day nothing seemed the same any longer.

She fell against the grassy ground and closed her eyes tightly as she felt the tears start to come. She didn’t understand how things seemed to be so painful when she was hurting physically at all. Her whole insides were ripping apart and falling miserably into shreds. She just wanted it to go away, needed for it to go away. Everything. She felt a cold chill run through her body and looked around the familiar surroundings.

She was sure Spike had looked around for her in LA. LA was a hideout, not home. She had figured Spike had known that already. She looked into the sky and felt like something was crawling at her skin. She felt like she was in hell. The 9th Circle of hell. She sobbed into the ground and hoped someone would find her in the cold.

There was no point for her to leave. No one cared enough for her and Spike didn’t love her anymore, she didn’t have a job and she couldn’t afford rent and she wasn’t about to ask her friends for pity money.

She looked into the sky, the black, moonlight sky. She had read in ninth grade the book Lord of the Flies and in that book when ever it was dark it always meant darkness was coming, something bad was coming. She closed her eyes tightly and knew what was coming. She looked around Sunnydale one last time before closing her eyes, permanently.


Buffy had woken expecting Angelus to be there holding her but what she had woken up to was an empty bed. She got up quickly and pulled on one of his shirts and sweat pants and walked briskly out of the bedroom. There she had found Spike and Angelus sitting there, across from each other, both had their faces in their hands.

“It looks like someone had died,” she said looking at both of them amusingly.

Spike looked up at Buffy with bloodshot eyes. “Faith is missing.”

Buffy’s eyes scrunched in a frown, “Huh?”

“She disappeared after she had shown up last night in my apartment,” Spike whispered. “It’s my entire fault.”

“Wait… what happened?” Buffy said confused. “Why… what happened, Spike?”

Spike got up and shook his head. “She saw me last night with someone. Someone special and she ran.”

Buffy stared at him and shut her eyes tightly. She looked into the darkness inside her eye lead and then snapped her eyes open. “Then why are we sitting here? Why aren’t we looking for her?”

“We don’t know where she is, Buff,” Angelus said.

“Where could she be?” Buffy said, starting to panic.

“We don’t know.”

“Did you call anyone?” she whispered.

“They don’t know either,” Spike replied. “They’re out searching.”

She looked at them, her eyes shone with dread. “Why aren’t you guys doing anything?” She said wobbly.

“We were waiting for you,” Angelus said.


Buffy felt like everything was starting to fade. Everything around her was a clear dust of mist. Everything seemed to melt into nothingness. She knew she felt something it when everyone had met up at Angelus’s apartment today, she remembered she felt the drops when she had token that to hot of a shower, she remembered when she gotten drunk for the first time, when she had failed her first test, gotten her first kiss, her first toy. But none of it seemed to be real. All of it was just fading. Into nothing.

She was leaning against Angelus’s leather couch, with everyone talking about what they should do. Cordelia and Spike were already on their way to Sunnydale and she knew that Willow had informed the police. But then again it all seemed fake like nothing that was happing was reality.

She felt her cell phone start to vibrate and she slowly picked up her silver cell phone and flipped it open. She didn’t look at the ID. She had a feeling she knew who it was. She looked over at Angelus before answering the call.

“Hello,” she whispered.

“Hey sweetheart,” the voice drawled on the other end.

Buffy bit her lips tightly and shut her eyes. She was so glad no one was paying any attention to her at the moment. “What do you want, Lindesay?”

She heard him chuckle. “Well that’s not so hard to figure out.”

“I don’t do that stuff anymore. I quit. I have a job,” she whispered.

“Now see, darlin’, aren’t you going to make exceptions for your most beloved customer.”

She fumed; this wasn’t happing to her, not now. “No.”

“Don’t make me have to be difficult Buffy, all I’m asking is for a simple fuck,” he whispered softly.


“Well then, do you want me to come up to Angelus’s apartment myself? I don’t think he would be glad to see me very much, knowing what I’m there for and all.”

Buffy felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked up at Angelus who was speaking to Xander. She laughed inwardly, why was it when she found happiness everything always seemed to get ruined. She clicked the phone off and stood up, flattening her pants and skirt.

“I’m going to get some water from the drug store,” she said to no one in particular. They all nodded, dismissing her as she moved slowly towards the door. She opened it with care before slipping out of the apartment. And when she looked behind her it was like they didn’t even care that she was about to get raped, again.


She walked slowly down the streets were Angelus lived and shrieked into a large hand when she felt it cover her mouth. Her eyes locked with crystal blue ones and she felt tears well up in her.

“No need to be scared,” he whispered into her ear as he pulled her into a dark and muddy ally.

She lay still against the cold, brown bricked wall as Lindesay striped her of her covers and pulled down his own. He slid into her and Buffy shut her eyes tightly as he stared moving in and out of her. She felt him grunt slowly and she once again felt everything fade away into nothing. White strips of hell were taking her into the dark red dungeons, passing all the circles before reaching the worst.

She felt tears prick her eyes as she felt Lindesay’s body lean against her own. She almost reached tightly woven circle of nothingness when she felt Lindesay get thrown off her. She looked up in panic to see the most frightening brown eyes looking brutally at her.


Willow sat on Angelus’s couch and watched as Xander called everyone he knew to see if they found Faith. She looked up at the ceiling in pure exhaustion and almost fell asleep when she felt the phone ring.

She got up answered, “Hello.”

“Hi, may I please speak with Mr. O’Connor?” the person on the other line said.

“He isn’t here, can I leave a message?’ Willow asked as she leaned against his black kitchen table.

“Do you know when he will be back?” the person questioned.

“He just went out to get a friend, should be back in five minutes. Why is it important?”

The person on the other lines hesitated before replying. “Are you a family member of Mr. O’Connor?”

Willow took a deep breath. She was, sort of. “Yeah, I’m his sister.”

“Miss O’Connor, I’m sorry to inform but your friend Allen Francis Doyle has passed away tonight.”

Part 7

Buffy stared in horror as her gaze fell upon Angelus’s brown eyes. He looked at her with such hate she felt her insides melt into emptiness. Tears formed in her eyes and she was forcing her body to move to him, to say something to him but nothing was done. All she did was stand there as he looked on at her with disgust.

His chest was rising up and down as he took each one of his deep breaths. His brain could not seem to form anything expect for the flashing vision of Lindsey entering Buffy. His Buffy. He saw the tears forming in her eyes but he could not seem to find the will to want to help them disappear. He wanted her to be in pain. Like the pain that was coursing through his body.

“Angel,” she whispered in a broken voice but he did not reply. He started to turn around when he saw Lindsey getting up from the ground. His face bloody, were Angelus had thrown him.

Lindsey looked at Angelus’s eyes, and felt a shiver run through him. He wasn’t scared of anyone, but the stare that his business partner gave him chilled him to the bone. Angelus started walking towards Lindsey in what Lindsey felt was slow motion. He watched as he brought his hand up and punched his face, making him once again fall to the ground. He landed hard on the wet ground, his facing making a loud banging noise as his face jumped at the contact of the cement floor.

As Lindesay twisted around to see Angelus coming down to him and hitting him again, with more force each time. He saw as Buffy came over to Angelus and tried to pull him off, pulling at his shoulders. But he ignored her. Finally, when he had enough of her pulling at him, he just shoved her to the floor. She felt with a smack against the wall, but he did not pay any attention.

Finally, when Angelus was done beating Lindsey he looked up at Buffy who was looking at him in horror. She looked up at him, and the gaze she gave him broke his heart. He had loved her so much; he would have done anything for her. She got up from the ground and he saw blood falling at the side of her head.

“Angel,” she said, coming towards him. When she finally did, he flinched out of her touch and looked her in her eyes. “I loved you, Buffy. I would have done anything for you. I stuck up for you through everything that you went through. I LOVE you! Did that mean nothing to you!” Angelus was losing his head, and he knew it but he just could not seem to make the words stay down. He was hurt so much that he all he wanted to do was collapse and cry.

“Angel,” Buffy said, as she once again tried to touch him but did not succeed. “I love you. I do! I swear but-”

“I don’t give a shit about your excuse Buffy!” Angelus cut her off, his anger building by the moment. All he could seem to think about was Buffy, and Lindsey. “Don’t you see, you fucked it up this time! I gave you everything I had! I stood up for you, through everything! When people called you a whore, I STOOD up for you! I did everything for you! Does that mean anything? I LOVED YOU! I LOVED YOU MORE THAN AIR, MORE THAN ANYTHING AND YOU STAND HERE AND SAY THAT YOU LOVED ME! YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME, YOU ONLY LOVE YOUR SELF!” Angelus was panting harder and harder throughout the speech, and his gaze had a mix of rage and passion.

Buffy started to sob so hard she fell to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest, but Angelus did not help her up. He stared down at her as she cried out for him. “Fuck you, Buffy. Fuck you!”

He looked at her once more before leaving her sobbing on the ground.




“I hate you, Angel O’Connor! I never want to see you again!” Fifteen year old Buffy Summers yelled at her best friend.

“Buffy! Come on! It was only one time, it won’t happen again,” Angel said as he followed his best friend down the school hallway.

“You said that last time to! I don’t care about your stupid excuse. If you don’t want to hang out with me anymore than I don’t care. Go and hang out with your stupid girlfriend. I have better things to do!” Buffy said, before storming off.

Angel hit the back of his head against a locker and watched as his best friend walked away from him in a fit of anger. It was not like she did not have an excuse, he did again not show up for their annual Thursday night hangout and not tell her he was not coming. He slouched against the locker and then closed his eyes tightly. He always seemed to disappoint her.




Angelus climbed slowly up the apartment stairs, instead of taking the elevator, and opened his door. He saw Willow with tears on her face and Spike deathly pale. Xander and Cordelia were quiet for a change, but his heart seemed to stop. Everything was perfect, everything was perfect.

Angelus gulped before questioning: “What happened?”

Willow looked up at him, here eyes red. “Doyle, he died.”


Buffy walked down the streets of LA, miserable. She remembered her first time when she had entered the city, poor and broken. It was the day after her mother had left and her friends had once again left her. She remembered walking down the streets when she had entered the wrong kind of pub. It was there she had met Ford and Darla. They seemed to take her in and make sure she got everything. But of course, for a price.

They started to make her hook for them. She remembered the first time she felt like her world was coming apart. All she wanted was her knight and shining armor to come and save her, but he did not. Eventually she got used to it. Though, there was one day stuck in her mind more than the others. The day when she saw Angelus, however he had not seen her. She had walked down the streets of LA and he had run right into her but when she had fell to the ground, hard, he had not even looked at her, but kept on walking.

She remembered coming home and sobbing, thinking everyone had forgotten her. She was convinced they did. When she had finally seen them again, it took months for them to gain her trust again. She had ditched things she was supposed to do; she sometimes did not show up for hangouts. Came late to some dinners and never listened to them. Ever.

Eventually when they had not left yet, she figured it was safe to be around them. They had grown on her, though her other friends hated them, she could just not seem to stay away from them even though they had hurt her more than anything, she wanted to be around them.

Buffy heard lightening in the distance and she looked back to see it cross against the clear midnight sky. Not a star was in sight and Buffy felt a shiver run through her as she looked around her surroundings. She saw the pub in the distance and felt a dread creep into her. She had not been to that pub since Angelus had made her move in with him. Not like he once me back now, she though to herself. I’m just a used up whore.

She entered inside the pub slowly and everyone around it looked up as she entered. She saw Ford sitting on one of the stools, but even though he knew she had entered, he did not turn to face her. She walked slowly over to him and sat on the chair next to his.

“Why Miss Buffy Summers,” he said in a fake southern drawl. “How can I help you?”

She turned to him for a moment, and wondered, what she was doing here. “I’m lost.”

He finally turned to look at her, and stared at her up and down before meeting her eyes. His eyes were dark, and full of hate but Buffy kept her ground. “And how do you think I can help you?”

She kept silent and Buffy was still wondering why she was back here, why did she had came here in the first place. “I don’t know.”

His gaze snapped to hers at her answer and he stood up so quickly that his chair had fallen back. “Your boyfriend find out the real whore you are so you decide to come back to us? Sorry, Buff, it doesn’t work that way.”

Buffy flinched at the closeness of his words. “Oh, did I touch a sore spot?”

Buffy took a deep breath and slowly got up. Everyone in the bar was staring at her. Every glance setting their own opinion about her. She breathed in deeply and slowly got up from her chair. She started to walk towards the door when she heard Fords deep voice stop her.

“Where you going Buff? The party just started.”

“I’m leaving,” Buffy whispered determinedly.

Ford slowly got up and behind her, she felt two bodies grab hold of her arms. She looked up and saw two huge guys holding onto her arms. She looked over in horror at Ford who was slowly coming towards her. He touched her cheek and she flinched but that only made his smirk bigger.

“Why Buff, that sort of hurt my feelings,” he said, touching her cheek again.

“Ford, let me go,” she said.

He put his hand to his chin as if he was thinking about it and then his gaze snapped back to hers. “No.”

Buffy held back a sob as the two guys that were holding her followed Ford into the back of the bar, puling her along.




Buffy sat on the bed that was Angel’s as she read the letter he handed her. Her eyes turned to his and he looked down. But she got up and stood right in front of him.

“Are you going?”

He looked into her bright green eyes and then looked down again. He moved away from her and then finally looked back at her. “I don’t know. I want to go.”

“Then why not?” Buffy said setting aside the letter and turned around from him.

“I don’t to leave you guys.”

Buffy turned around and faced him. “Angel it’s your life, do whatever you want with it. Nobody is going to force you to stay.”

He moved towards her and took her hand in his. “Buffy…” But she would not look at him. When he moved his hand under her chin she finally looked at him. She had a tight smile on her face and he brought her body closer to his. He felt how her body tensed and got frustrated, why did he always ruin everything between them? They were so close to finally being ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ that it killed him that she was reacting this way.

He wanted nothing more than to be with her. And if she did not want him to leave then he would not. “Buffy,” he whispered as he rubbed his face in her hair.

She pulled away from him and finally looked up at him. “I want you to be happy Angel and if going to Harvard gives you some kind of happy then go. I’m not going to stop you.”

He reached for her and she moved away from him. “Buffy, you aren’t happy about this. If you don’t want me to go then I’m not going to go.”

“I want you to go. And you know you want to go. So just do me a favor and save me all the angst, just go,” Buffy said, her eyes in poker face. But as much as she had a good poker face, Angel could see the hurt lying beneath it.

“If I go, will you hate me forever?” he whispered as he stroked her blonde hair.


He made his decision. More than anything he wanted to be a lawyer, and if Buffy might hate him a little in the begging, she just told him she would not hate him forever. “If I only have three months with you then let’s take advantage of those three months then,” he joked but he could tell it did not affect her at all.

She looked at him for a second, and Angelus felt a dread in his stomach. “You know, I think I might just go to bed early. I don’t feel so good.”

He got up after her and watched as she left his apartment. He hit his head against the door and felt the tears that started running down his cheeks, they were done, all because of him and his stupid dream.





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