Do Over!
I keep thinking that it is Sunday but it is only Saturday night. That means I have all day tomorrow to hang out with my sweete baboo. YAY! Snuggle time.
But we are also going to hit the gym. I think tomorrow will be 1 hour of cardio and a trip to the hot tub. Monday will be an Aquafit class... URG! I know I have to get back to that class because it is so hard for me and hard means it is working.

A new day
Well today was a new and better day. I feel like I ate really well today plus I drank 2 full liters of water and went for a really good walk. Man there are a LOT of hills in my neighbourhood.
Tomorrow is swimming and bbq at Gil's bosses house and as long as I don't over do it I feel confidant that I can leave not feeling like a failure.
Also my friend Karen who has lost some weight on the weight watchers has offered me her books so I can maybe try it on my own from home without having to shell out all that cash.
I have been doing a lot of reading about PCOS and and about weight loss and I have been reading a lot of the same thing, it is hard, bacl slides happen.
Yes today I feel better and there will be days where I feel worse but Ihave to stick with it because my health is worth it and my future children are worth it.

Frustration
I am having a frustating day. I feel like I am never going to shed any weight, I feel like I am going to continue to be a failure and as a result I am not going to have a baby. I am tired and I want to find a program I can stick with, I want to have enough money to eat well and I don't want to be hungry all the time. I am addicted to food and I know it. I don't know why, I don't know why I love junk food so danm much. I don't know what I am getting out of it, I don't know why I can't make myself DO better. I feel like I have no self control and I need to find a way to get it under control.
I know right now I am tired and frustrated and my period is fuzzing my brain up but right now I just feel despair. I feel like my life is never going to come together.
ACK! I am going to stop now, maybe a good nights sleep will make me feel better.

Where have I been?
Man I have been so slack lately! I had a very busy few months at work. Being the boss is not as easy as it seems. However since it was only seasonal work I am now unemployed and bored to tears. I have been putting my weight loss goals on the back burner but it is time to get back on track. I am looking forward to getting back to they gym and strongly considering joining weight watchers. I am feeling really driven at the moment and intend to take advantage of that and that means bloging again too. It really helps me too work through what I am thinking and feeling when I write it down this way.

Back from vacation
Well my batteries are feeling a little recharged. It is so nice to get away sometimes but next time I hope it is longer. I have to say I did not eat very healthy while we were away but it was SO good. Gil's dad is the best cook and he fed us SO well. I did throw in a good walk everyday to try and balance it out but I know I am a long way off.
I have to get back to the gym, back to the veggies and back to the water. I need to recommit to this thing.
HELP! I want to do better but my motivation is in peril!

Back from vacation
Well my batteries are feeling a little recharged. It is so nice to get away sometimes but next time I hope it is longer. I have to say I did not eat very healthy while we were away but it was SO good. Gil's dad is the best cook and he fed us SO well. I did throw in a good walk everyday to try and balance it out but I know I am a long way off.
I have to get back to the gym, back to the veggies and back to the water. I need to recommit to this thing.
HELP! I want to do better but my motivation is in peril!

Getting back on the horse...
Well the cough is pretty much gone so I started back to the gym. Yesterday I went to Aquafit and today I feel like death, I ache all over. I have been trying to eat better, but I have a LONG way to go. We are going away to visit Gil's folks this weekend and I already know that I am going to be eating badly, well I say badly I will be eating like a Queen but it won't be that good for me. I am going to try and walk for half an hour a day while I am there to make up for not going to the gym. Big dreams!
Anyway nothing new or exciting, sorry I am so boring.
:)

Bump....Bump...thud! The fall off the wagon
oh my how quick we fall! last monday I was down again almost 8 pounds. I knew part of that loss was the flu/cold I had been suffering with but I was excited nonetheless. So how did I reward myself? LOTS AND LOTS of junk food! Oh yeah baby burgers, fries, non-diet coke.
I know that I eat to make myself feel better and the last little while I have felt like crap, between the cold/flu and the new job anxiety I just want a burger to sooth my ruffled feathers. I know that it is not the way to handle my stress but it is just such a habit.

The Chest Full of Goo!
Sorry I have been absent so long, life happened. At the moment diet and excersise are not going all that well but primarily because I have had a very bad chest cold for just over a week. I can't work out at all (since I han hardly breath) and despite some good efforts my need for "comfort food" has pretty much out weighed any diet. However I have been good with juice and fruit and veggies but not enough to counter act the chips and the lack of exercise. The real good news is that I really miss working out so I know that as soon as my lungs are up to it I am heading right back to the gym. I love our home but I am so tired of looking at these walls. I want to get out and move my body, I want to sweat and feel the satifaction of a job well done. My first step is to get this house out of sicky mode, I am tired of the mess. I can work in short bouts then rest in between, messy house equals messy brain and I hate it when my brain is a mess.

"You did what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better."
--Maya Angelou

It would be pretty easy to blame this god forsaken PMS, which I think might be killing me, but I know that last night's binge was my own doing. I knew better and I did not care. The worst part is the stuff that I was binging on was all stuff that in moderation would have been very good for me. I didn't go buy burgers and fries. No I had whole grain rolls, chicken, salad, and some dips (guacamole and some kind of artichoke thing) but I ate SO much of it, not to mention those 3 caramel filled mini coffee cakes and several glasses of diet pop. I couldn't even sleep last night, I had (and still have) a terrible headache which I am certain is part food-hangover. I slept about an hour total through the night and when I did I dreamed terrible dreams of being beaten or in a crash of some kind because my body ached SO much. I ended up calling sick this morning because my head hurt so much I was sure I was going to vomit (would that be SUCH a bad thing?) and I knew I could not make it through the day on that little sleep. A few hours later I woke up with my head still smashing but with a distinct growl in the pit of my stomach, my evil body was hungry and I knew I could not starve myself because ... well because it is bad for some reason. I shouldn't punish my body because I am so weak.
I know I am feeling all extreme and stuff to day because of the killer PMS and soon I will read back and think "oh Meghan you drama queen" but today feels like the end of the world. I think I will just take my sorry, tired ass back to bed for a while and tonight I will throw myself at the mercy of the elliptical trainer.
End Rant.