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.................."Yes, Dr. Ray Castillo, for Steve Jason? ..........I understand that, ma'am, but I must get through to him. I did not call long distance to Los Angeles with vital information to have you tell me he is rejecting any calls regarding his co-workers. You can either patch me through to his most available phone and save me a lot of trouble, or I could take even more dramatic measures to getting this message to him.....yes..... thanks."

A phone call. A phone call completely out of the ordinary for Dr. Castillo. But he had made a breakthrough. After examining case file after case file, and hoarding through every inch of Lillith Rosemary Groves, he had found her big secret. One he understood she never wanted to let out. One that many should have figured out before. He knew it may not have mattered to Steve Jason in the end, especially after 'Kitten's' attack on his friends and life in general. He only hoped in sake of his most complicated patient, he would find some understanding in what was happening. And if not try and help her, then.....

"'Ello, you've reached my answering machine. Sorry I'm not available to take your call. Please leave a brief message after the beep, and I will get back to you as soon as I can......BEEP"

The saliva left Dr. Castillo's mouth, drying up as quick as the 'beep' sounded. He cleared his throat quickly, hoping to find some composure, trying to keep from yelling into the receiver for this strange man to help his patient. He knew nothing about Steve Jason... only of his encounters with Lillith, her 'obsession' with him.... and his hatred to her now, thanks to an orderly who was absolutely obsessed with wrestling, and kept him up to date on the latest 'promos' from the XWF.

"....Mr. Jason. I am Dr. Rey Castillo of the Shady Oaks Asylum. I thought it may be important to let you know, that Lillith Groves has escaped. But it's not that I am worried she will be going after anyone. I know your concerns well enough from the television. It may be advisable that you keep your loved ones under protection, but as I said, I don't think that will be the problem. You know if Lillith wants to get them, she can. But I called to tell you something important.... something about Lillith that may help her fight... whatever is wrong with her. You know she is ill, and more violence to her psyche would cause her to fall only deeper into herself. What - what I am trying to say is, Mr. Jason..... she is about to implode. And it isn't exactly all her fault for her actions. She has... lapses into these things. And it can't be controlled. She's.... got some secrets about her. Some I feel I have unmasked for what they already are. I could elaborate, but these messages can't last long. All I will say, is that she has a severe problem with male ... especially those in authority, or with superiority to her. I think this is why she had her first instinct to come to you in the first place. And sometimes, just as any heart does, it will reach out. Especially hers, who hasn't been able to have a male be a positive attribute in her life. I'm guessing, with your rejections, something inside her got out of control..... I wish I could explain more. If you dare to hear her case, for what ever purpose you desire, you have my name and my place of work. Give me a call...."

Before much more could escape his lips, the message machine beeped. Castillo hung the phone up reluctantly, hanging his head. He placed one aged hand against his troubled, aching head......

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Late afternoon light filled the hotel room, as Lillith awoke in a mild daze in the arms of 504 Boy. At first, she had no idea where the hell she was. She almost jerked out of bed when she saw a male hand draped over her side, but then it hit her.... and she needed to escape again. As she looked around, she was stunned to see the many red roses that were about the room, arranged and organized. They were beautiful. Beside her, lay a small black kitten, wrapped up in a ball, purring. She smiled, almost disbelieving that 504 Boy had done this for her. She slipped quietly and almost soundlessly from the grasp of 504 Boy, tip-toeing to a small red duffel bag 504 Boy had set on a chair beside the small table by the door. She unzipped it slowly, so no noise would reach 504 Boy's ears. She saw a pair of tear-away pants, and an old sweater. Beside his bag, Kitten noticed a small crate-box beside it. Curiosity caught her, as she opened the box slowly. Inside, by coincidence, were her items from her box back at Shady Oaks. Apparently, when 504 Boy found her whereabouts, he came, took her and her things, and vanished into thin air. She reached inside, and pulled out her few necklaces, putting her skull ring on her middle finger. She clipped two ball earrings into her lobes, watching 504 Boy sleep soundly. He hadn't stirred since she left his side, even as the floor squeaked lightly under her tip-toes. She even had a few messages. Two phone numbers scribbled on a piece of paper, a small black kiss on the corner. Bianca had come to see her, leaving her something she knew she'd need eventually. Black Widow always knows, and Lillith's deep bond with her had a special code.... they knew what they were thinking, without even thinking it. At the bottom of the box, lay a letter. Lillith picked it up, and examined it closely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You know who it's from."
"Actually I have no idea."
"Ha, ha, ha. Don't play games with me. You know that I sent him a letter before we ended up... HERE. It is only common courteousy to reply..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lillith shoved the paper angrily into the pocket of her sweater, and grabbed up the few other items. She tip-toed again to the door..... placing a note on the table beside the bed before her leave....

Dear 504,

I don't mean to leave so abruptly, without your knowing. You look beautiful when you sleep. Thank you for caring for me. You will see me soon. I have.... something wrong with me. I am going to go fight it. You can't be involved, I'm afraid I might hurt you. I'm afraid what I will do to anyone in a 5 - mile radius of me. Please understand I'm not wanting to hurt you.

Lillith looked at the paper, a feeling of guilt consuming her body. She didn't want to leave. There was something different about 504 Boy. Something really different. It wasn't at all like anyone else she had ever taken interest in. Her ex fiancé was a power deal. She fell in love with his power, and he forced her to keep on loving it. His manipulations and conniving candor had driven her to the edge..... and she killed his new girlfriend, leveled his federation, and left him in her dust. She had only a couple other interests since then, one was an infatuation, really. IOMAC had been a father to her unborn child before The Criminal, her ex fiancé, threw her over a guardrail 20 feet to her demise. She felt different about IOMAC, but still felt that in the end, it was only an infatuation. An envy, for a man to take away her pain.

...But she realized, the only one to take it away, was herself.

Leon Williams, one called Spike.... was a change into a different territory. He had shown her wonderful things, and treated her like a queen. But in her true times of need and desperation, it was a constant struggle, than a fall into the bed, where afterwards - she always felt incomplete. No one completed her. Some thought she had always screwed around, having intercourse with anything with an appendage. But it was false, and it didn't matter what they thought, but she had only been with three men intimately in her life. One, she was married to, one she was going to marry, and another who she tried to force herself to love, trying to see if forcing herself into happiness would 'take it all away'. She always regretted giving herself up to those men. Every last one. Now that she had finally realized what it was going to take to be happy - and it didn't involve any man. It is something she should have done from the beginning. It was herself that caused it all. Everything. Everything in her life, she could have changed. If she would have listened to her heart. And now, a woman she created in her mind.. one that she thought would never suffer, and bring her the greatest joy.... was torturing her with sadness, the constant reminder of her guilt’s, and all the tremulous past that brought her to the knife, every single time.....

I am so sorry, love. I can't express how sorry I am that you cannot be a part of my life right now. I want you to, god knows I want you to.

Lillith touched a heart-locket she had worn around her neck since her mother had given it to her when she was nine. She unsnapped the back of it with one hand, and laid it on the desk.

You have a part of me.....

And thank you, for the presents. I will be back for the kitty.

Love, Lillith

She looked over to 504 Boy who still slept so soundlessly on the bed they had shared that night. She had figured in her vulnerable state, he would have tried to take advantage of her. But as a pure gentleman, there was only... warmth. A warmth that she could still feel all over her.... unfreezing her heart. It had been broken so many times, that she had put it into permanent cry-freeze, hoping someday she could get to mending it without letting it spoil. But last night, it started patching itself... warming... beating... she picked a full bloomed red rose from a vase, and touched it to her lips. She smelled the beautiful aroma, taking a piece f a petal into her mouth, to suckle on it's beauty for just a moment.. to savor it's beauty. She smiled slightly as she knelt beside the bed, running the petals across 504 Boy's lips. He moved slightly, smiling, as he stretched one hand under the pillow. He yawned slightly, his morning breath catching Lillith off guard. She smiled bigger, laying the flower on his chest. She touched his arms softly, and padded her feet out of the room...

It was time to face her most ultimate enemy......

Herself.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

She had called Bianca. Black Widow was the only one who had helped her, the majority of her sufferings. Black Widow even had some news for her, apparently. She was worried about Lillith, naturally. She had attempted to see her at Shady Oaks, but her appearance had shocked the staff, giving them the excuse that 'her appearance would scare the other patients, and wouldn't be a positive influence on helping Lillith through this 'trying time' '. It was bullshit, and Bianca had gotten wordy with a staff member, forcing her to place the papers she brought into a special 'drop-box' for Lillith. Lillith had drove almost 50 miles out of her way to catch up with Bianca at a small diner, in a hick-town close to San Francisco, California. She needed to get back to her own small place in the San Fernando Valley, located about two miles from downtown Los Angeles. She ached for her home she had purchased from a bargain-based network, where homes taken from the government operated a deal with Lillith for a cute three-story villa on a bluff, overlooking the Los Angeles area. She could see Hollywood in one direction, Venice Beach in another, and the skyscrapers of downtown the other. Boxes still sat in her living room with ceiling high-windows... she had so much unfinished work. But this..... this has been unfinished since the day she could remember walking out of Iowa....

Bianca sat across from her, her sparkling engagement ring almost mocking Lillith. She ignored it, looking into Bianca's heavily-make-up-blotched eyes. They were still beautiful underneath the liner and mascara..... the Bianca she always knew, there.... in the glossy black of her pupils.

".....Well.... I can't believe 504 Boy took you out of there."

"I couldn't believe it myself," Lillith said, her eyes fixed now out the window. A pause crossed between Bianca and Lillith, just as it had several times throughout the already hour-long conversation. Bianca extended her hand, taking Lillith's.

"There are things happening.... things you won't like. I understand what you are going through... but ... whatever... it is that is messing with your head... it screwed with a lot of people in the XWF. I didn't know if you wanted to see it...."

"I have to."

Bianca sighed, "Yes. I brought all the tapes. All the ones I knew would matter."

Bianca paced up her bag, bringing out three VHS tapes. All labeled "Steve Jason Promos". Lillith closed her eyes for a moment, taking her gaze away from the rectangular boxes that no doubt had venom sitting in each davit, waiting for Lillith to reach out and touch.. to permanently be drugged with hopeless, crazed sadness. Lillith recalled what had happened last Anarchy. It was something that SHE, would have never done. Yeah, she had liked Steve Jason. Maybe sometimes in her arguments with herself she would do some embarrassing things in front of him trying to get him to even smile..... or even go out for a drink. It wasn't much. She didn't want to 'bone' him. Not at all. She hated sex. She always hated sex since the day her father....

"Lillith? Are you okay?"

Lillith nodded, quickly snapping back into reality. The reality of it was - Steve Jason hated her. Wanted her dead. She knew that even before reviewing the tapes. here was just no way. Lillith could almost feel the hot air of the angry Steve Jason, looming behind her with a sword.. her heart stuck on the end of the searing hot blade.

She hated herself. She wanted to rip herself apart for thinking she had to create a person she was not, to shield her from things she should have to deal with. And now... it has taken over. Almost completely. She knew that RIGHT NOW, Kitten was listening to her thoughts. She knew everything about Lillith. But Lillith, barely knew Kitten anymore.

"Thank you, Bianca. You've been a big help. I'm glad you left me your number, too. I had a feeling it was yours. But I have to go.. I have things to do before I catch a flight."

Lillith stood, grabbing Bianca's load off the table Bianca had given her. Bianca stood, her look in question and wonder.

"Where are you going?"

"Vacation, I suppose."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

She was glad to leave Bianca, without Bianca asking her all kinds of questions as to where she was heading. For Lillith knew, that if Bianca knew..... she would object to it and warn the world before she could step onto the plane. In fact, there were two places. One more important than the other.

Lillith drove to her abode in San Fernando Valley. She played her favorite tunes, trying to enjoy herself, trying to hope that damned voice didn't pop into her head. She was happy it hadn't bothered her since earlier in the day when she left 504 Boy. She wondered what he had thought when he woke up. She wondered if he had read the letter, and understood her reasons entirely. Deep down, she knew he was again looking for her. He was probably in a frantic search. Or he was sitting in his own thoughts, stirring and festering the painful thought of not being able to help her. Maybe he found the rose on his chest, and pressed it to his smiling lips, remembering his night with her....

Or maybe just like Steve Jason with their friendship, crushed her flower and spit on the bed.. cursing hateful words as he threw a fat stack of money to the staff of the hotel, never looking back.

She stuck the key in the lock, coming into her living room. The stack of boxes she had to go through still lay in a corner.... but the arrangement was beautiful. She must have left the window open, for the long, silky drapes swung lightly over the hardwood-planked floor. The breeze caught her with a soft, faint smell of her own perfume.... the same that her mother had worn before she died.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Was murdered, you mean."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Great."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ha ha ha, I was just making sure you knew I was still here."
"Yeah, I knew you would be. Laughing at my day of freedom, loathing my happiness. I knew you'd sit back until I really didn't want to hear from you.. and then you'd come back with your fucking remarks."
"OOooh! Vulgarity. You should learn to watch your mouth. God is listening, you know."
"Buzz off, fucking sleaze. You've ruined enough for me. You're jumping ahead of the fight before the bell has sounded. Plus, I'm not even Christian. I don't give a damn about cussing."
"Yeah... not a Christian. Even more reason to live life to it's fullest before you're condemned to hell. Why don't you just let me take over, and we can get this party started, eh?"
"I don't think so..."
"......ah. I see. You still think you're going to pull me to our birthplace to kill me off for good, huh?"
".........I'm not listening to you anymore."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lillith's mind shut off just then, as she reached into her pocket and found the letter she found back at the hotel. She walked among her tall bookshelves full of her mother's books, setting another handful of papers among the books on the glistening mahogany. She sunk onto her plush, leather couch, laying back against the cushions. She sighed, feeling this comfortable since the hotel a true blessing. Long car rides were really a bitch.

She placed her heels on the glass coffee table, just before the bowl of fruit made from marble stone. She opened up the letter with a long pinky nail, plucking the letter from the envelope.

No doubt, it was from Steve Jason.


" ... To that annoying, irritating, greasy, slimy, black-eyeliner-wearing backstabbing Lucifer-Astaroth-Hell-Hell-Hell-obsessing psycho, Lillith Groves.

I sincerely doubt this letter will make it past the people at the mental asylum that you're currently at, because they know, just as well as I do, that when you read it, you're gonna start shrieking, gibbering, attacking people with pencils out of rage... while at the same time compulsively... ah... stimulating yourself at the knowledge that Steve Jason actually decided to write to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ha-ha! Oh, the humor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't get too excited, Kitten... and before you ask, let me make it clear for you. NO, for the billionth time, I will not let you ride the Almighty Sting Diesel. Deal with it already.

Lillith was in momentary shock. She didn't know what to think at all. She figured another snappy retort from Kitten would fall into place, but she was amazingly quiet. Lillith fought back the urge to rip up the letter. She couldn't believe Steve Jason had wrote this. For a moment, she thought it was a joke. But she remembered what she did.... what KITTEN did.... to Felicia. How many times Lillith had given into Kitten's desires... letting Kitten take control every once in a while. This was her fault. All her fault. And now, she has to read this letter of hate, for something she felt she had control over.

What I have decided to write to you about is of a different nature. Thanks for the fifteen minutes of uncontrollable laughter your letter gave me. It took me a few minutes to get my head around the whole evil goth-speak crap that was spouting out of your mouth and onto written word. I hope for your sake it was meant to be funny. How about you stop lying, Kitten? All that arrogant punk crap is totally... well, crap. You're pissed off because of one reason and one reason alone. The fact that Steve Jason hasn't laid you, and you can't brag to the known world about it. Because Steve Jason is not your slave, wrapped around your little finger to do your bidding. Simply... because Steve Jason actually has half a braincell in his head and sees you for the seedy bitch you've become...

Lillith cringed. She set the paper on her lap, as she now fought the urge to cry. It hurt to hear this come from a man she had respected, admired..... maybe more. But she hadn't been in thought of him - at least in THAT context - for quite a while..... but as for Kitten.... she was another story.

..... as opposed to the person he was actually remotely interested in a few months back.

OK. I'll give you a few minutes, because I know you're gonna be pleasuring yourself after reading that one.

"What!?"

Anyway. Here we go. Brace yourself, Kitten, and try to keep your hands somewhere non-dodgy, because this gets hot.
Did you know Stinger actually did have something for you? Yep. The Avenger sure as hell doesn't... he wouldn't touch you with a fifty foot pole... but the Stinger did. He had respect for you, he had admiration for the way you fought against the odds yet never turned to the 'dark side'... and then you stabbed him... and me... in the back. You blew it out of the water, you know. A little time, perhaps... perhaps if you'd stopped being impatient and demanding him to knob you every five seconds, you might have got what you wanted. You forget that I was recovering from Felicia at the time. I hate you now... but I'll be man to admit that when I was different, and you still had half a soul left... I did have a soft spot for you. And who knows? Maybe if you'd focused on something else... as opposed to your own thirst for domination, greed and pleasure... you might have got somewhere.

She set down the letter once again, looking to the drapes that waltzed along the floor. She was in a trance. This letter thus far had been the biggest shock in her life. But then again, she hadn't been the person in charge of herself for a long time. Maybe... just maybe.... this was one of those angry letters people tend to regret. But Lillith was already in regret long before she felt Steve Jason could feel regret. How could he have liked her... a 'soft spot' sort of deal? What the hell is he talking about? What kind of game was he trying to play? How come he had to be the ice-queen of the XWF. It wasn't HER.. it was HIM! She would nearly embarrass herself to the point of no return, trying to show a piece of her she didn't think she had to Steve Jason. Of course, with Kitten always in the way with the nasty, greedy little thoughts.. it was no wonder Steve Jason thought of her 'obsession' only as a big, FAT joke.

But now that's changed. I am in love... with somebody else now.
Allow me to make it clear to you, Lillith Groves. You are the single most wretched, disgusting creature on the planet now. I have no idea what made you change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ha ha ha! It was MEEEEEE!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kitten sulked farther into the couch, holding her head in one had, the letter in the other. She knew then, that he never got the point. That "Kitten" had pulled the wool right over his eyes, and he fell for all her bullshit. He said 'Lillith Groves". She knew it would take a mind reader to decipher the difference. Because before, she made it a point to try and be Kitten.. the woman everyone wanted.. hated... feared or loved. And then, she lost track of the person she originally was. She doesn't remember how long it has been since she forgot..... but then, Kitten became her. A total turn of the tables she wished she could have stopped. And now, one of the people she's most admired..... was a person she found she should most fear. But just as sure as the events that made her who she was...... she wasn't afraid. She was angry.

In a way, I wish I could have prevented it happening... because honestly, Kitten... if I could have saved you from becoming what you are now... I probably would have done anything to prevent that. But I hate what you are now... more than anything on this world. Somehow, you changed. You became nothing more than a vicious beast, a monster, something that nobody could love. It's a shame, Kitten... because you were nearly there. It takes a lot to unfreeze this ice giant's heart... but ya nearly did it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"OH HAHAHA! Look at your face, Lillith! Look! Oh HAHAHAHA! And to think, it was me who did this all. HAHA. I thought watching Steve Jason fall on his face last Anarchy was satisfaction..... but ruining everything you set out for.... this, is truly a blessing! Now.. on to the newest fling... 504...."
"SHUT THE HELL UP!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why you chose to throw it away and turn to the shallow, fatal path of your own power remains a mystery to me... but I'm lost to you forever. Know that. Now, I despise you, Kitten, and to be honest, hitting you with the S3 is going to be the single greatest victory I've ever had.

The infamous S3. Lillith's eyes opened wide, as she realized that it all finally hit bottom. She had just fallen off the face of the Earth, and dwindled outside the atmosphere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I bet that hurts, don't it? To be in the same category as Cyren? Bigg Rigg? Andrew Gibson? Mike X? HAHA.... is it me? Or did you just see Steve step on your heart?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tears began to steam down her face.

And by God, it's gonna feel so damn good when I finally lift your battered, bloodied, beaten body up onto the top of that turnbuckle, lift you up onto my back, then nail you with the S3. It's gonna be absolute joy to see fear flicker into those crazy eyes of yours, to see sanity fill your diseased brain right before getting completely and utterly head smacked. And man, when I place that boot on your unconscious, defenseless body to get the three-count... geez, it's gonna be sweeter than sculling a pure-syrup Slushee. Because you, Kitten, deserve defeat, you deserve the painful humiliation of crowds laughing at your plans for my defeat falling into flames... you deserve wishing you were anywhere else on the planet but in that ring... more than anybody I know.

The tears didn't stop...... they grew bigger by the droplet.....

Screw Rigg, screw Gibson, screw Mike X. If there's one person who I'm gonna love disemboweling with my bare hands... it's you.

Life just had no meaning. It was it. There was no enemy greater than Kitten to Steve Jason. Lillith felt Kitten laughing. Laughing so hard, she felt her own gut busting. But it wasn't her stomach breaking......

And then there's your little tyranny. Your little inner circle that you form to destroy the true wrestlers of the XWF. 'No Prigg' John Gimpino, Andrew 'The Tool' Gimpson, Jen Skankson-Cortiskankis, and her on-again, off-again husband, the Extreme Wanker. It's nothing, Kitten. None of those guys can last against my squad. My Diamond Era is superior to your tyranny. And I intend on proving that to you once and for all. This is the final confrontation, Kitten. If... when... I defeat you, whatever threat you posed to my locker room comrades are over. Don't think you can't avoid it, either. Each and every one of this team is superior to you. Centurion can mop the damn floor with the Extreme Wanker. Heather Halliwell has already proven that she's a far greater wrestler than Jen Skankson-Cortiskankis... who I'd like to add is nothing more than S3-bait after that pin I pulled over her on Anarchy... and Kitten, you better damn well believe I can beat you. I've pinned your precious lapdog Bigg Rigg... who you have the infamous ability of being unable to beat... eight times. I've beaten Jon Page... who you once again can't beat... three times. You won the Universal title against Jason bloody Cash... and even then it took a hell of a lot of effort. I've beaten Cash with injuries... and I won the Universal title both times in near-unwinnable conditions. And if it weren't for me, Kitten... if it weren't for Shuriken... you wouldn't even be in that position of power you have now. Because Jem would have ripped you limb-from-limb. I just hope Jem can forgive me. Because the man's the best friend I have here in the XWF... and you're nothing but a trashbag skank who lives for her own pleasure.

And then it ended. All the hope she had... the hope, that Steve Jason had hope for her. Lillith grew furious with the thought of Kitten allying with two men that had tried to kill her. Andrew Gibson was a nothing. A fat, pathetic, sloppy bastard who didn't deserve to hold the Hart Title. He didn't deserve to even walk in the presence of Lillith, who obviously now was lower than dirt. Bigg Rigg... oh god, how Lillith loathed that man. Nothing but pessimistic bullshit flowing right out his ass. Thinking just because he is forgiven, he's got some bag against the world that would hold up in court. Imagine, Bigg Rigg standing in front of the judge, being tried for murder. "I couldn't help it, Mr. Judge, sir! I was just... ANGRY!" What an idiot. And Extreme Warrior? Jen Jetson? She wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with these people! What the HELL was going on? Why was Kitten dumping all these powerful people and going for low card scum? If Kitten wanted power, she would have stuck with SJ. Lillith knew SJ was powerful. Even these cowards were powerful. So powerful... that she knew wherever SJ was in the city.... he still had his hand wrapped around her heart.... breaking it like a iced-beer bottle on a rock. Frozen.. shattered....dripping with sin. And she had worked for getting in power with the XWF. That was something that she, Lillith R. Groves had set out to do. SHE did it. Not Steve Jason. Lillith couldn't even phathom what SJ COULD have done to get her in that position. She had done it. It awed her to have SJ think he did that. Yes, he had saved her from many other things.. Jerry.. her stalker.. the list goes on. And now, he was blaming her for the corruption in his and Jem's friendship. Jem Williams. Someone she had also trusted and ... nevermind. He .. just up and changed one day. Starting babbling to himself, and then dropped off the face of the Earth. Then Lillith had her own problems, and they just never hit it off again. God, would Jem forgive SJ? No.... NO.... Would Jem ever forgive HER?..... No.... if SJ couldn't... neither could Jem.

She was utterly alone. She thought she had been before, but now.. she truly was.

Alone.

Let me clear something up for you right now, Lillith. Heather never strutted around and was never 'provocative', as I recall. Unlike you, who kept trying to take every moment to jam your fingers in my mouth... not to mention other places... when you weren't begging to take a ride on the Almighty Sting Diesel, of course...

Again, she cringed.

I didn't see her doing anything to beg for my respect, my admiration or my care. See, Kitten, unlike you... she didn't have to try to sleaze onto me. She was just herself.

She was HERSELF. Something Kitten.. Lillith.. knew nothing about. He was right. No wonder they all called her a sleaze.

And I found that not only did she have potential, but that I liked who she was as a person. She's good-looking, she's a fair woman, she has respect, she's someone whose personality I can admire. In short, Kitten... she's every damn thing you ain't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He's right, you know."
"I knew you'd clue in sooner or later."
"Well? You are NOTHING. I am something. Yet you keep denying me, Lillith. There is seriously something wrong. You wouldn't be so alone if you just.. choosed ME."
"I never deny you. Not anymore. I hate you. I hate you so much I can taste what the meaning of hate is. It isn't denial..... it is the blatant truth that I.... or Steve Jason... will see you die."
"If he kill me, he kills you."
"................maybe that's what I want. Killed by a man I care about."
"Oh puh-lease! Don't tell me you'd rather be in his arms.. come on.. tell me the truth."
"......the truth is... no. I don't."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lillith remembered 504 Boy, and smiled slightly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"He will get his."
"Not before you get yours."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And if we're going to come down to the romantic question... no, I'm not with her, but I'd take her over you any day of the week.
And so you've joined the bandwagon of psychopathical weirdos who go on and on and on about how Steve Jason will fall and become nothing as the inky shadows of darkness fade over the land and Bill Gates rules over us all with an iron fist, overseeing all of Earth in the name of his lord, Lucifer Beelzebub Shamalama Bing Bong Satan. So what makes you so special, huh? Let me make it clear to you, Kitten. As much as you hype yourself up to be the evil Angel of Death, the one who will finally stop Steve Jason, the one who will kill me and destroy my life and sink me into the pit of eternal hell... I've heard it all before. Your precious boyfriend Cyren said the same thing, and what'd I do? I sent him out of Turning Point with half his brains coming out of his nose. And to be honest, Kitten... you're not that different. You're no more powerful than the other's I've destroyed, you're no more sick, you're no more empowered by some evil being, and you're sure as hell not a better wrestler than the others. The only difference is that you've got boobs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Blah, blah, blah. Cyren was a nothing."
"Yeah, YOU did that."
"You let me."
"HA..... okay. Whatever. Cyren is a loser, and a waste of space and air. He hates life, and he takes it for granted. If it is anyone who should have YOU as a complex, it should be him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kitten, there is no goddamn way on this planet you're going to keep me down. I've worked too goddamn hard at my life to allow a spoilt little gothic S&M bitch to stop me. You might win this match... if you cheat enough... and if your precious little lapdog Rigg... ah... survives Massacre... but you will never destroy my spirit. Never. Because you see, Kitten, neither you nor anybody else on this planet controls my destiny. And as I've said... I've weathered a hell of a lot worse than you. You like to imagine you're as unstoppable as anybody on this planet... but for God's sake, you went down to Jon Page. A man I've beaten with both hands tied behind my back. That already seems to demonstrate that I can whip your skinny little luminous backside all over the world.
So go ahead. Try to deploy your vampire bullsh*t on me. Stick your teeth into me and try to suck out my life, my essence, my power and that what makes me tick. I don't think you'll like what you extract, though. Because you won't be getting my essence. Oh no. You'll be getting a few gobfuls of my drive, alright... but that'll be offensive drive, because I'm going to be hitting you with every last damn thing I have. See, Kitten, this is it. This is the battle for independence. I will never bow down to you. Despite how Stinger felt about you in the past, if I need to send you out of that ring paralyzed from the neck down, I will do it. And what's more, I won't give a damn about how much of your life I'll destroy in the process.
Enjoy your demented imaginings while you can, Kitten. Because the countdown is on, and I am coming to destroy you. And you'd better believe that there's not a damn person on this planet, you included, who can stop me. See you in hell, S3-bait.
Your nightmare,
Steve A. Jason ...."

Lillith set down the note, and sighed. Wasn't this a crock of shit? Jesus Christ. It was like..... moving a Buick with a plastic knife. Lillith knew she wouldn't be able to alter his opinion about her at all, not now. Misery. This.... is misery. Fighting a battle, that if you win, you lose. and if you lose.. everyone loses.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The videotapes proved to be the same, if not worse than the note. Especially the last two promos. It was worse than the letter could ever be. She was not only S3-Bait.... but she was also less than what she thought she was to Steve Jason. Her necklace...something SHE. not KITTEN.... had given to him.. now sat in the bottom of the Indian Ocean. She closed her eyes, and captured every little detail of what happened. The way his hand flew backward, his shirt rippling in the wind.... his hand soaring above his head.... the necklace...... gone. Gone. Gone, gone. Her heart, lay at the bottom of the ocean. And if not the whole organ, than at least the piece of what she had given to Steve Jason. All of her respect. Her devotion. Kitten had nothing for SJ, just her hatred. But Lillith, was so much the opposite. More than the opposite. And now, it didn't matter. Even the little script written on the fasten-buckle that latched both ends of the necklace had meant something. That necklace was of no money to Lillith. Money meant nothing. ....... This item .. a token of her affection and desire..... this priceless necklace....

Gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hahahahaha, oh I'd say tonight has been the most entertaining night since the night you killed your precious daddy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She shut her eyes, and visioned two large hands wrapping around Kitten's throat, choking the life out of her. ...... Not her hands.... Steve Jason's.

She sat up straight on the couch, wiping the mascara off her cheeks. She realized as soon as she wiped them away, her nose began bleeding. She began to sob again, holding the papers of his letter to her nose as she ran into the bathroom. She wretched several times, the blood mingling with the bile in the john. She turned her head, almost retching again by the sight. She stood, wiping the rest of the blood away from her upper lip, and dropped the blood-soaked letter into the toilet. Her lips puckered into a snarl, as she flushed.

She watched it swirl into the drain, a symbol of her tired emotions whirling into chaos.. then disappearing into an oblivion. Gone. Forever. Like the necklace. Something that can never be replaced. Wrong. He could replace the letter with another hateful one. Maybe one was in her mailbox right now. Lillith began to pace, arguing the most obscene words known to herself, hating herself..... she wanted to die. She wanted to more than she ever had. Not because of what Steve Jason did. She will never kill herself over another man. But for what she was doing to herself. She had no one to blame all this pain on. Only herself. She paced to the living room, grabbing the tape with SJ's promo of him tossing her necklace to sea.... and paced back into the bathroom. She paced again, picturing how happy Steve Jason looked as he bound out of the blue water, the beautiful jem in hand.. the one he planned on giving to the woman that was 'everything she ain't'. Lillith stopped, leaning against the buffet bar dividing the kitchen and living room. She screamed loudly, a scream that shook the windows and sent dogs barking for at least a mile radius. She picked up the tape, attempting to snap it in half.. but failed. She stopped her scream, clenching her eyes, as she lost her strength, instead bashing it against the countertop. A few pieces of the tape flew in a few directions, as Lillith lowered herself to the floor. She clutched her legs, crying.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It is too much to say what happened after that moment, for not even HBO would air it. She had stood and walked to the kitchen, pulling a knife from off the cutting board. She examined it closely, nearly taking it to herself, She had slammed it down several times, and paced again. There is more.... but there is just too much.

When she finally pulled herself from her own insanity, she sat back on the couch, with a margarita, a menthol cigarette, and a notepad and pen. She scribbled a small address in the corner for her formal letter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What, no smart-ass remark? Nothing? You aren't going to take me over real quick so you can write Steven a letter of your hatred? So you can screw up more of my life?"
" ..... hahaha. No, dear girl. Your words are so different from mine. If you write him, it will probably infuriate him even more.. or confuse the hell out of him. It is more than I could ever do. It would cause more chaos than I could conjure. You go ahead, love. Make me PROUD."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She nearly threw down the pen, and forgot writing the letter altogether. But it needed to be done. She knew it. She knew without this letter to Steve Jason, he would never know how she planned to die.... not she... but Kitten. And she knew, Steve Jason loved to see her suffer. If not before.. then now he did.

Dearest Steven,

It is me, of course. Not me, but me. I don't know how to even begin. I won't say anything about your last letter, because frankly I have nothing to say. I just want you to know, that I hope you kick my ass. But until the day that I see the S3, I have to live with... myself. And I don't think I can handle it right now. So I have decided to take a little vacation. One, to kill the monster I have become.... and another to drown it out with the essence of happy. I hope you are following me, because I am so confused I don't even know what I'm talking about. In short, Steven, I wanted you to know that I am happy you want to rid the world of something like me. It is perfectly in your nature. It was perfectly in your nature to throw that necklace into the darkness. Or was it? I don't know. It is so weird to come back into my own head to find everything so different. This isn't how I left it. And I never left it willingly.

Ugh, someday you might understand what I mean. Maybe you won't. You won't be able to reach me after this letter, for I am starting vacation NOW. But as I said, I hope you kick my ass this coming Anarchy. I deserve it, just as you wrote. I hope you enjoy your life with Heather, I hope someday you come to the knowledge that all I wanted was for you to be happy. But I am off to fight a demon now, one that you want to take on. But I am sad to say, my dear, that you aren't strong enough to vanquish it. It is me who I have to sacrifice. The only sacrifice of a great proportion, contrary to what you believe on my 'Angel Of Darkness" routine. I don't know, I don't even think I should write to you. But this is crucial, since I will be visiting a place .. I know will make you nervous. Not the first vacation.. but the second part of it. You always seem to find out things about me, whether they be false or true... so someday soon you will know. But I have to go, now. I hope throwing my necklace into the sea meant the best for you, and I hope I am out of your head forever. I know you are smart, and you probably think I am full of my own self-pity. But you'd be surprised how far I've worked things out. I know now, more than I have before. And now, I am off to use that knowledge in the best way I know how. .... Causing pain. And I am going to cause pain, in the demon I know the best.

Your friends are safe. They never interested me no matter what the case. Your girlfriend is safe. The only fight I plan to have with her, is if someday I come back for the Women's Title. That is... if I survive this.

Forever in your debt and forever regretful,

Miss Lillith Rosemary Groves.

She contemplated kissing a red-bud onto the bottom, but felt it as unnecessary. But then again - she may never be able to do it again. She is on a journey now, that may be her last. Lillith folded up the letter, and grabbed onto a big duffel bag she had packed. She grabbed her keys in a rush, looking at her watch.

It's time.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

She had sent the letter reluctantly, thinking how pointless it was to try and redeem herself to Steve Jason. How he too, might bleed and puke all over it, and set it aflame before pissing on it, laughing in great joy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hah, now you're thinkin' like a pro'."
"Drop dead."
"I'm with you, baby."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The airport announcement com popped on, dragging Lillith out of her thoughts.

"Attention, Flight 179 leaving Los Angeles, California to Cedar Rapids, Iowa is now boarding. Attention, Flight 179 from LA to Cedar Rapids is now boarding....."

A few other announcements proceeded, as Lillith grabbed up her bags and headed for the stewardess at the podium in front of the boarding deck. Lillith smiled as she handed the ticket to the woman, though deep inside she was falling apart.

Her last journey. It had to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I knew you'd always die alone."
"I'm not alone. You're still fucking with my head."
"Ahaha, I suppose. We've always got each other."
"PSht, yeah. What a damn joy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If she had been paying attention, she would have realized from the moment she stepped in her door back at San Fernando Valley.... or even as she sat waiting to board the plane she was being watched. She never heard the breathing.... she didn't even suspect the open window as an alarm.

Someone was following her. Sitting not even two rows from her. Someone worse than Steve Jason's wrath.... worse than herself......

"Yes, kiddo. This will be your last journey."