They made a mistake letting me live........
loose in my peril, an uttered cry of pain....~
~Tear loose the chains that hold me down.....~
~Captured by questions bearing no answers....~
~Leave me carrying a tune of a painful sound........~
~Lingering behind you, I'll reveal myself again....~
~Shadows are truely the best disquise.......~
~Slice the neck like your lover's meal......~
~Bleed, fall in your greatest demise.......~
~Trapped in forever night.......~
~Crimson sunset mornings......~
~Ignore me and degrade me, I'll delight...~
~For no one takes interest in my warnings...~
~Sealed in scripture, desolate and alone...~
~I'll find you in my solemn boredom....~
~I live to see you die....~
~This time, you'll scream 'why?'........~
~They have no idea, of my tortured soul....~
~Compare me, dare me, failed ignorance.....~
~My words are no longer something to miss.......~
~Being me is painful....~
found herself at a loss for words after Steve Jason left. It was hard
to breathe, hard to think. And there were many reasons why, aside from
the reasons many think. She found it odd that Steve Jason took it upon
himself to fight for her. He was headstrong, and it would ruin him someday.
He was always running on overdrive, before the system could load new
virus software, if you catch my drift. She said exactly what he wanted
to hear, as she realized there was no changing his mind. It struck her,
for a moment, as incredibly odd how he called her a friend, yet it only
seemed like they only saw eachother when they were in dire need of eachother's
help. Kitten had called in a good friend earlier when she arrived, already
bored and antsy to leave. The nurse entered.
"Miss, someone is here to see you."
Kitten grinned, as Black Widow stepped into the room. Her eyes were
full of sorrow, and in ominous worry for her dear friend. Black Widow
carried numerous items in her arms, plopping them down at the foot of
Kitten's bed, nearly hitting Kitten's broken ankle. Kitten winced slightly,
Black Widow hugging her with all of her might. She had changed, Kitten
hadn't seen her in a few months. Kitten advised Black Widow to stear
clear of the XWF until she got John Gambino under control. But.. that
very well couldn't be done in her position in the hospital.
"Oh, Kitten! Oh, no! *GASP* Are you okay?"
Kitten nudged Black Widow away, looking back out the window where she
had been staring for a long period of time. In her hand was a purple
pen, and a notepad she had been writing poetry in. She tossed it aside,
disgusted, and looked to Black Widow, remaining silent.
Kitten again remained silent, as she reached for a large book Black
Widow had brought. It was Kitten's photo album. Kitten collected pictures
over the years, for no apparent reason. She had pictures of objects
that looked tattered and alone, like a bag floating across a gravel
road. Black Widow had took the liberty of looking through the album,
and didn't understand any of it. Kitten, although..... read it like
a book of her own life.
"I brought those
for you... they were at your old office back at the eDwf. That was along
time ago, I know.... but they finally sold the building, and I had to
get everything out of there."
Kitten flipped through the book, pressing her hand over the pictures,
closing her eyes. She had been back tot he eDwf building to use as a
sanctuary when she needed it, a few times allowing Black Widow to reside
there until she found a better..... morguary or warehouse. Pictures
that bled through, or were scratch photos of a finger in the way of
the camera stuck in the folds, sliding into Kitten's lap. Kitten picked
up the load of photos, and thumbed through them as Bianca began to explain
details Kitten really didn't care to hear about her current lifestyle.
Kitten drowned out Bianca's voice, her eyes falling upon one photo she
hadn't seen in almost a year.
A long time ago, Kitten an Bianca had stood in the XWF lounge, that
was jam-packed full of XWF employees. Across the room, she had seen
Steve Jason, and snuck up behind him. It had to be one of the most desperate
and embarrassing moments of Kitten's life, Kitten even blushing at the
thought of it. Bianca, had been lucky enough to capture a photo, of
Steve Jason and Kitten talking, both of them laughing at something.
Kitten touched the picture, her eyebrows rising to the middle, her heart
slowly falling back to remember more innocent days. Days that she could
have changed, to seem so different to a man who must think of her now
as weak, desperate and uncharming.
Kitten was lost in herself, as she looked back out the window. At one
point, Steve Jason had rescued her from a stalker who had caught her
completely by suprise, and tore him to tiny bits with his bare fists.
She lost it, and kissed him.... and called him her 'warrior'. Though
she felt she could have handled things differently now, one thing still
remained.. he was a warrior. Just not.. 'hers'. And it seemed as though
everytime Steve Jason mentioned her, he made sure to rub it in everyone's
face.. most importantly hers, that she was unworthy of such a
prize as a night out with Stephen Alexander Jason. Some people don't
realize the quality of such a thing, as a friendly 'date'.... expecially
to someone who has been so alone and withdrawn ... for so many years.
But aside from the obvious truths Kitten had to face over and over again
everytime Steve Jason appeared on television, or right on ehr doorstep;
Kitten had her own dillema.
ReVolution had gotten out of hand. Somehow people forgot who was the
General Manager of Anarchy. Somehow people forgot that she EARNED it,
contrary to people's beliefs on how she claimed the Universal Title.
It was mroe than just sitting back, and dishing out orders. It was actually
one of the toughest things she had to do in years. No praise, no real
direction... Jonathyn had been ignoring her calls for his input, probably
too wrapped up in Bigg Rigg's bullshit to really do anything. But somehow
Steve Jason was going to take away everyone's problems. He was going
to rid the XWF of Revan DeCarlo, and put him in the hospital.. and probably
do worse to John "Bigg Rigg' Gambino. Somehow, one man was to take
out every other problem in the XWF.. for what? Justice? What is the
real motivation here?... Kitten couldn't understand. How could Steve
Jason call her his friend when all he did was save her sorry ass?
~*..I did it for him....*~
~*Yeah, so what? He doesn't even think about it
anymore. Whenever he thinks about you, he changes the subject because
he's afraid his mind's version of you will hit on him.*~
~* God damnit, I'm different*~
~*Please. Spare me your contrary attitude to everything
I think. You're just like everybody else.*~
~*Everybody else? What are you talking about? I
AM you. Don't you ever hear of a conscience?*~
~*Aren't consciences supposed to be a good thing?*~
~*Only stating the truth, girlie.*~
~*If you call me girlie one more time... I'm....
~*You'll what? Punch yourself?"
Kitten's eyes opened, falling back out the window. Bianca was STILL
talking, for cryin' out loud. Ah, her choice in friends.
~* YOUR choice in friends? How about Steve's? What
kind of friend are you that you can't deal with your own shit?*~
~*Would you shut up?*~
"I'm reminded of that all the time......"
Bianca looked at Kitten, and stopped.
Kitten looked at Bianca, then back to the window, shaking her head.
Bianca shrugged, and continued on. Kitten smiled a little at her friends'
mind frame that seemed to be stuck at 13 and just had her first kiss.
Ah friends. What are they there for anyway? To make you feel worthless?
No... that's supposed to be what they are there to prevent. But if Steve
Jason was her friend, taht's what he did. Overbearing, one might say.
It was sweet, but that's the kind of things a ... companion would do.
And Kitten realized now, how that played with her mind so terribly back
when Steve Jason 'rescued' her from Jerry, her stalker. But not anymore.
It was too obvious how he seemed to avoid her. If it wasn't for getting
tossed off the rafters, Kitten would still have been the last person
Steve Jason would think about.. ever. Why?
~*Because he thinks you're after his johnson.*~
~*You know.... his pecker.*~
~*Oh fuckin' hell. Shut up~*~
Kitten clenched her teeth, drowning out the voices in her head. Jesus,
even her own mind was thinking jsut like the rest of them. If anyone
thought of Steve Jason and Kitten in the same room, it would probablybe
made into an obscene joke. On the other hand, she understood just why
she was avoided. She had made a fool of herself. First impressions do
count, and "Hey you over there.. come here and lay me." really
isn't the best first impression. True, Kitten never did say anything
of the sort. But deep down somewhere, a subliminal message caught Steve
Jason by the short and curlies and began tying knots. Kitten even remembered
days she spent pondering 'why'... ugly? Useless? Is it my past?
~*Not him, obviously.*~
~*Jesus, now there's two. What do they call you?*~
~* Your wake up call. You going to let him do
all the work for you? You going to sit here like a damn zit on Whorechid's
ass, or are you going to handle your own business? Revan got you into
this, so take his ass out, and walk out of it smelling like roses. Do
it, Kitten. If you ever want anyone to think you can handle your own,
~*Prove to Steve you aren't weak.*~
~*She is weak. She ain't gonna do it.*~
Kitten looked at Bianca.
"Hey..... can we talk later?"
Bianca stopped talking, looking to Kitten slightly offended.
"I am really sleepy. Why don't you go see
your boyfriend for a while."
"If you can find him. I don't know where
Wannabe is anymore. Tell him I'm sorry for holding you back... but it's
kept you safe."
Without another moment of hesitation, Bianca jumped up, and hugged Kitten
tightly, running out of the room. Kitten's mouth turned up at one corner,
amused with her long-time friend's stupidity, and total infatuation
with a man. Kitten remembered those days well..... but it seems as though
every time it happened, shit hit the fan.... The Criminal... IOMAC......
Cassanova..... Leon Williams..... each love had lead to disaster of
some kind, either by abuse, neglect, running away, or death. And now,
her latest cure of her pain had been the direct cause of more pain.
How ironic. Kitten picked up her pen again, and wrote a note.
~*" To Steve Jason......
Sorry you have this letter, instead of me in a hospital bed. I have
found my place now, and I know now what I didn't know back when....
we... I... did some things that I find highly embarrassing now. I apologize
for my unlevel headedness, if that is a word.... and I hope that someday
you can see me for the woman that I truely am. You shall and forever
will be within my thoughts and my heart, though I remain in clouded
an warped thoughts in the minds of many. I never meant it to come to
this, but it is time I become my own warrior. You don't have to pretend
o be my friend anymore.
Kitten dropped the pen, moisture clouding her vision.
~*Man, this is hard.*~
~*They all go sometime, turns out he was never
~*Leave me alone.*~
~*Nobody cares about you, Kitten. You're just someone
to direct Anarchy.*~
~*Someone's got to do it. Why not take the most
hated bitch out of the spotlight so she can't run her mouth anymore,
and put her behind the scenes?!?*~
~*I love my job!*~
~*Oh please... you're a waste of time and space....
you can't even tell Steve to his face who you really are.*~
~*Because no body cares.*~
~*If people cared, do you think you would have
been attacked? Wouldn't people have remembere Gibson tried to kill you?*~
~*Yeah, wouldn't Steve be after him, instead of
letting him roam around claiming he is running for 'God"?*~
~*It's because he doesn't care. He already has
issues with them. He doesn't care.*~
~*You're wrong. I saved him*~
~*Good. That makes up for all the times you humiliated
him with you whining and bitching for him to be your man.*~
~*WE'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE NOTHING! RIGG, REVAN... THEY'RE
ALL RIGHT! STEVE WANTS TO SAY IT BUT HE CAN'T! IT'S AGAINST HIS 'SUPERIOR
~*STOP IT! STOP IT!*~
Kitten flipped out of her bed, tipping the chair and monitor stand to
the ground. A nurse ran in, as Kitten ripped the IVs from her arms,
and the monitor stickers off ehr chest and temple. Her ankle swelled
with pain, as she gritted her teeth to fight it. Her wrist also ached,
she could barely move the fingers of her left hand.
~*Good thing I'm right-handed*~
~*Only to sign your death wish..*~
"Miss Groves? Are you all right?"
The nurse began to pick up items, checking Kitten's ankle.
"You really shouldn't be on your feet Miss-
The nurse fell back, as Kitten smashed a large book across her head.
The nurse fell onto the bed, unconscious. Kitten looked at the book,
before tossing it aside.
"I knew they kept these bibles in here for
Kitten looked to the nurse, and smiled. She began to remove the clothing
from the nurse, a plan in her demented little mind.....
beautiful woman emerged from Kitten's room, her white nurse uniform
immaculate, matching the white interior of the hospital. She limped
slightly in her high heels, squinting slightly in pain as she made her
way to the elevator. Her red hair was pinned neatly under her cap, her
green eyes and devilish smile the last image seen, before she stepped
into the elevator, and pressed the "B" button to leave the
building at the basement level's parkade. She adjusted her skirt slightly,
smiling again as the doors shut.
~*That's our girl.... take care of it all yourself.*~
~*Who cares, right?.... This is why I put all this
thinking behind me anyhow. So I didn't have to deal with my conscience....es,
I'm not doing this myself. I'm not doing it for anyone. I want blood.*~