~ Lie awake, making pictures out of the ceiling tiles, having ripped my soul from my chest with barbed wire, and a nail file.. ~
Sitting alone, in a darkened room. Elbows resting upon the armrests on the chair, hands to lips.... impatient. Tapping the fingers gently in front of a wide-lipped snarl. Anger no longer a word.. no longer in a dictionary.. Fury.. Wrath.. Carnage and Rage.. just another word flying from an immature, ill-mannered beast called my 'co-workers'.... I don't use them.. because it all has passed me by.. all went flying from the window.
~ Blood flowing from my split lip, my pride in ashes below me... but no tear had graced the eye, as your fate lie before me....~
~...." I don't know how
to describe myself. I wasn't shattered. I don't know how the hell the camera
and the audience could ever percieve that. I was never shattered. I have gone
through a HELL of a lot worse. Shawn Matters was the last of my troubles and
remains the same now. But he crossed a line. I don't care what kind of Satanic
bullshit he is in.... But when it comes to ripping off my clothes to my underwear...
the pervert's got another thing coming. This is MY body... I know people want
it.. Like Clio.. since her body is about the equivilent of a cube of crushed
car in a junkyard... but that is no reason to go all Rated R on a show like
that. There will be no clothes ripped off. But OH, yes... there will be faces
ripped off. And it all starts with the traitor."....~
~Falling, a non-stop ride into insanity, craving for blood and the head of thy enemy upon a pike.. ~
~......"Devastation was an outrage. It was what it was called "Devastating". But not to anyone as much as I... And I am tired of it all. Somehow in the length of a day, the entire world has once again turned it's face... and left me with hell to clean up all over again. But it has been done before... tis nothing to do again."......~
~......"Shawn Matters, you insist on trying to cram my religion into my face. Excuse me, 'ex'-religion. Cramming the waste of time known as "The Order" into my face. That you will take you "Cyren's" girl. Well to inform you better so you quit looking like a fucking MORON, .... My old religion is no more, and it has been that way for a long time. I have relied on faith and hope in my life and finally taht is all ending. That immature stage has passed, and it is of no use to me anymore. In this world, you only have yourself. So now, I worship me. If that makes me some sort of attention queen or bitch from satan or whatever else you throw at me.. then fone. Because in some way, I am still better than you. Your maturity level is beneath me, and my tolerance level. You were the last person I ever expected to show his face in my shadow... I thought you were SMART. But you are just like the rest.. Jem... Jon... Cyren.. you are just like them. Dim-witted and the proud owner of an empty-skull. You are a rediculous mess. But you can be elliminated quickly. The Order was a waste of time, that I had only used to make a return into the XWF. Which now I wonder why I ever came back for such a useless waste of what I have left of my miserable life. I was about to quit, to join in a good friend's federation where I would feel REAL opponents would face me... but now that I see the mess the XWF is in, the big pile of shit you have stepped into.. I find it to entertaining to leave... yet. I want to watch you all squirm. I want to see you all beg for your 'friendships' with me to be re-instated. Walk away with the gold over MY shoulder, grinning with the egos of those who never deserved the belt in the first place. Cyren is of no use to me.. just like you, Shawn. You are nothing impressive to me. Just a fly in my soup.... I've demanded new soup.... and recieved the same yet again.... I'm not a happy Kitten."......~
~ Destined for greatness, fallen from grace... There's a place for everything, and everything in it's place.... Back and forth my mind races, in the same step it paces, wondering why so many laces.. it takes to patch my broken heart ~
~........"Jem Williams your mouth has shot off behind stage way too many times. I don't care who you think you are or how special you think you are because you hold a title... because really, you mean jack shit. You can't even keep your friends. First you ignore the hell out of me.. then you and Steve Jason go neck and neck. You are alone. And no stereo-type bimbo bitch will compensate.".......~
~...."Speaking of overly-painted bimbos from the most diseased side of Whore-town... Gravy and his little "Stain-gels" have made an impression in the cement that will dry there forever..... AT LEAST that's what THEY think. But frankly, I couldn't give a rat's ass who has formed this little alliance... and whether or not they are coming after me. I don't need anyone to show that I have power. I made it to the top before.. ALONE. I will do it again. And I will smash each little stupid fucking bitch and their dog Fido who think they can outrun me. Clio Masters... The psycho-bitch with the worst fucking attitude that matches the pitiful, disgusting aura and 'sex-appeal'.. if that is what you call that ugliness. Tyger Lilly has been by her side in this whole run, ever since they were with Gibson. Gibson has cowarded away ever since I bashed him with a final blow.. just mere words frightened him into submission come the match between he and Nector.. and the bitches they helped conjure into self-guided whore-robots. Where there is a dick.. they will suck it... and as long as they keep on suckin... they'll keep on getting title shots."....~
~...."Nicole Kinneck for some reason followed in the same footsteps, along with Vampira. And for all I care every little psycho bitch on the entire roster can yell and scream at me because they have concluded the entire point I have been trying to make about the women's division... they are a bunch of whiny little babies with a SEVERE idenity issue. I know why Masters hates me so much.. it is because I'M on top. Because I'VE won the gold, a place where she could nevere be. I heard ehr crying in the back about how she never gets "Quote of the Moment"... and frankly to do her some good.. someone should go up and slap some talent into her. Because maybe then.. not only would she be an actual match for someone like... MUNGBEAN... but she would also have a SLIGHT chance like a cold day in hell to be on the front page... besides a reason that she was killed by my bare hands. These women are stupid. And I am bored with it all. Shawn Matters and Gravy follow right in their footsteps. But the great thing is.. they think they all hurt me... they think they actually put a dent in my 'ego'... But they have no idea how long I have played this game.. how many people I have made quit. I start shit in the back, yeah. Why?.. Because it works. They get upset, just like the little children they are. They don't deserve to be holding ANY gold. They deserve to hold a gun to their head, and pull the trigger. Because that is what they mean to me. I've got my daughter to return home to.. and what do they got?.. A piece of meaningless metal and their oversized egos weighing their heads to the ground. They are a rediculous waste of my time.. and I have thrown away about a whole hour thinking about it all."....~
~ Cut the wrists, bleed me dry.... walk the cliff, hope to fly... Breathe in blood, choke and fall... the fate of the world, falling two inches un-tall....~
~........"But still... the event is coming.. where I take the first name off the list. I will annihalate Shawn Matters. All his redundant babble used to be entertaining.. though I really never payed attention to him anyway before.. expecially since he means jack shit to me, if not this federation. The fly in the soup got away.. and now the hungry predator searches... I've smelled your blood, Shawn Matters. I can smell the sweet fragrance of your death from here...".......~
A gruesome smile, twisted with the pain of the last two event's attacks crossed my face, pearly-white teeth behind crimson lips, glowing. My eyes still jutted from under my brow, my hand still at my chin...... Impatient.... I'm getting ready to hunt.
A stale, cold murmer came from my lips. I was hardly in the mood to be bothered. Bianca stood over me, waving her hand. She looked unhappy.
"I want to go to him."
I eyed Bianca, her long ebony hair flowing down one side of her face, cascading down her right side. Her eyes looked glossy, as if she had been crying.
"I've never kept you from him...."
It was sad how her life had become. Her inevitable fate, over and over and over. Every single time she seemed to 'die', she only came back close to one week afterward. She barely had a memory, but it came to her slowly. I looked behind Bianca, Wannabe's latest flashing a third time on the TV. I shook my head slightly, looking up to her eyes.
"Do you need something of me?"
".... I don't know the way."
I smiled a little, trying to reach past my own afflictions to care for my dear friend.
"..We'll take you to him tomorrow."
Bianca smiled a rosey smile at me, and turned. I watched as she dissapeared
behind the curtain that took her to her room. She was humming a tune softly,
the one I recalled from her Valentine's Date with Wannabe... the loving music
from my best friend, to her love. I was in envy as she left me, wondering
how such a weird-ass creature has found something so genuine. I hung my head
low, thinking of all the times I had been hurt. I shook my head violently.
I didn't want to hear or think of that bullshit. I already had enough problems.
Hell no one fucking cared if I lived or died anyhow.. If I died... at least
Gabriel would still have Bianca.. and at least Bianca would still have w-ait.
Does anyone know Wannabe's real name anyhow?..
I shrugged to myself, reaching beside where I sat, to the cold coffee mug on the floor. The liquid sloshed down my dry, parched throat, lubricating my aching tonsils with the metallic taste of old sugary coffee. I leaned my head against the wall, murmuring slightly. I was in a mess. I felt so good before... Maybe it is because I have to do something that no one knows about yet... The gnawing, chew of the job I have yet to carry out. I looked up from my misery to Gabriel, who had approached the tv, flicking it to Cartoon Network. She laughed at Space Ghosts' sarcastic humor, quieting down at her violent little programs started. She was my precious baby. Just when I think I can live without her.. or die, for that matter... I see her smile.
And then it hit me... This is going ot be a lot easier than I thought.