![]() (Note: This
takes place just hours after MNM #3)
I had been trying to sleep for hours now, to no avail of course. I had too much on my mind, and it was all going to end up giving me another sleepless night. I have had plenty of those lately. I set up on the couch, and began to rub my eyes. I was beyond tired at this point, I just wanted to pass out and if I never woke up again, I'm not sure if it would be all that bad. I decided, since I couldn't sleep, I was going to go out for a few hours. It was only 2:00am, so I knew there had to be a bar somewhere around here that was still open. I quickly got dressed, and then headed out to the car. I pulled out of Keiths driveway, and then began my search. I had a Motley Crue cd in, and as the song "Looks that Kill" came on, I turned the volume up, really loud. I was speeding down the suburban roads, heading to a place I had seen on the way in here, hopefully it was still open. Sure enough, it was. The name of the place was Good Times. I knew it was a strip bar, because they were advertising the appearance of some former penthouse model. Tonight, I didn't care about looking at girls deprive themselves of their dignity though, I just wanted a few drinks, and maybe a bullet to the head. I parked my car about 50 feet from the door. It was the closest space available. This place must be banging tonight I thought. I got out, and headed in. Once inside, I I was surprised to see that the place was very classy, at least, as classy as a strip club can be. Everything was painted white, and looked clean. There was a nice blue carpet running through the back end of the bar, and a black marble dance floor. There were three stages for the girls to dance on. One large on in the center of the room, directly in front of the dance floor, and then two smaller ones to either side. This wasn't your typical mens club. It was more of a Dance adult hybrid. I slowly made my was towards one of the two bars I noticed. I took a seat on the stool and ordered a Rum and Coke. Nothing fancy tonight, I just wanted to get drunk. I turned around, and began looking out at the dance floor. Allot of people were out there, enjoying life. It made me sick to see so many happy people, while my life was falling apart. The whole thing with Destiny, I still couldn't get that off my mind. Then there was my brother, Sean. I couldn't stop thinking about him, I wanted to, God knows I wanted to. But it seemed like every time I thought he was left in the past, he would just pop into my head again. I was beginning to realize that I had made mistakes in my life. Not only with my ex, Destiny, but also with Sean. They say that you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Whoever "they" are, they're right. When Sean was alive, I hated him, I hated everything about him, and I wanted nothing more then to see his end. Now, that he is gone, lost to me. I realize that I lost something that I can never replace. I lost my only surviving family member. Sean was my brother, not just another guy. He was the only brother I had, or will ever have, and now he was dead. It really makes you think. The past comes back to you over and over again. You repeat every little mistake you ever made, and then you wish you could travel back in time and correct them. something else that they always say is to not regret your mistakes, because without them, you would never learn how to make things right. Well, though that may hold true in most cases, in mine, it doesn't. Sure, I've learned from my mistakes, I realize that I should have met my brother with open arms, not a baseball bat. I realize that I should have tried to build a trusting relationship with my brother, much like the one I have built with Keith, but I don't get to make things right, do I? I mean, Sean is dead. How can I make things right with a person who no longer exists? Maybe with Keith, I was trying to make up for the time lost with my brother. Maybe that is why Sean continues to invade my thoughts? At this point, I'm not sure about much. I feel like a lost little puppy, trying to find his way home. I really would like to make things right, really, I would. But I fear that I am in too deep to turn back now. I don't see how I could possibly fix everything I have broken over the last year. I let out a deep sigh, and turned back around to the bar. I had finished off my drink, not really even noticing that I had done so. I set the glass on the bar, and decided that maybe I should just go back to Keiths and try to get some sleep. Before I could get up though, an old mans voice spoke out to me. I looked to my left, and there was a man, who had to be somewhere in his mid to late 50's. I looked at the man, wondering what he wanted. Now that he had my attention, he continued. Drunk I thought you were dead? Micheal Graves What? Drunk I remember then report like it was yesterday. It was on the news that a professional wrestler had died in a car accident, and they showed your picture, Sean Graves. The man was mistaking me for my brother Sean. It was understandable, he had been drinking, and me and Sean were twins after all. Micheal Graves No pops, your thinking of my brother Sean. He died a few months ago. Drunk Oh, that's right, I forgot that they said he was survived by a twin brother. Umm.. Michael right? Micheal Graves No, Micheal. Drunk Micheal? What kind of a name is that french? Spanish? Micheal Graves It's just what I was named. Drunk Oh, the girls are pretty here huh? Micheal Graves Yes, very delightful, if you will excuse me... Drunk I would like to get one of these young gals on Ma's side of the bed. The old man began to laugh, I on the other had was just getting annoyed, and disgusted. I stood up and began to walk away. As if I didn't have Sean on my mind enough, I thought. I went outside to my car. I was going to head back to Keiths, and hopefully, get some sleep. ![]() ![]() Everything seen here was created by me unless otherwise noted. Music (c) Rammstein 2004. Site design and banners (c) Spilt Blood Productions (me) |
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