It's too hot, too long, and so empty sometimes I feel like I'm settling into a stupor. This doesn't really make sense because when I think about it, there HAS been a lot of stuf going on...summer school is keeping me busy, the family (+ extensions) always goes crazy with parties and gatherings every summer, and I've been traveling... but it's nothing. I haven't not felt restless in a long time.

With this absolute lull of activity in my waking life, it's not really surprising that my dreams are trying to make up for it. For the past summer since I got back from NJ I've been batting zero when it comes to getting a good night's sleep. I keep having these strange, vivid as fuck dreams. They bother me because they feel so REAL.

And when you dream that someone's strangling you, realism isn't something you look for.

I dream that someone is strangling me...someone is holding me two or three feet off the ground by my neck...and while I'm asleep I can feel my heart racing and my face flushing red and while I gasp for air I am somehow screaming for R to come help me. R. Only, specifically, R. But does R ever come? (No.)

I wake up when the sound of my heart pounding in my ears overcomes everything else, and I actually can't breathe. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to wake up hyperventilating?

That was the most disturbing one yet, and I'm glad I've only had it once.

The second most vivid and memorable one is where I'm riding shotgun in a black-interiored car. The driver, whoever he is, is speeding along an empty road underneath these big shady trees. I'm sitting with my elbow propped against the door, and my head is resting on my palm while I look out the window. And...the ac is on, cause it's kinda chilly.

Nah, I don't know what that means, either. o_0